[jadedtortoise]

I think there is something so sweet and romantic about being someones first. I don't mean in a 'before marriage' way. I know a lot of women find virgin men a turn-off but I'm always intrigued as to why X person is reserving themselves. Its like an enigma I must unravel, delicately of course since largely these men are insecure and are intimidated.

Any other INFJs feel like they are sort of a spiritual/sexual/intimacy mentor? If not, how do you feel about the idea of someone guiding you through?

 

[yentipeee]

haha, knock-knock... the last virgin here, catch it before it's escargone:tongue:

 

[jadedtortoise]

Way to derail with a knock knock joke! I can tell you are an ENTP :crazy:

 

[odysseus]

I definitely think there is a real spiritual connection. I happen to be a Christian so that plays a large part in it, but I think that I would wait even if I wasn't. I feel like that's one of the best ways to show someone that you love them more than anything.

 

[MewMeu]

Most of my female friends don't know I'm a virgin, let alone never kissed a girl ; however, I'm often sought out for relationship/spiritual advice. Indirectly, that means I end up walking people through sexual relationships. My main guide line for different people is to figure out what they define as love and making sure that they are doing what they can to create or promote that environment in a healthy way.

The differences being, that some people want to love while others want to be loved, often to some degree in between. For those who want to love, it's fairly self explanatory and they get and create the environment they should have, to get what they want. Contrarily, those who want to be loved tend to create an environment where they are attracting people who also only want to love. Or in other words, those who want a true relationship, end up having sex to soon making the other person love them for how they make them feel instead of who they are.

This is relevant because those who are attracted to virgins are going to be the same kind of people who have realized that they want to be loved as well and/or rather than fall in love with how someone else makes them feel.

The only time I could ever allow someone to " guide me through " is if they were also the type of people who wanted the same type of relationship I do. To the point where that, even if they have strong sexual desires that they would be willing to wait till I was ready. In other words, no one would really be guiding me, I would be guiding them. This also relates to what was said before hand, because I don't want someone falling in love with how I make them feel and taking advantage of me, rather, I'm a hopeless romantic who wants to love and be loved, with the same level of intimacy, compassion, unconditional regard, devotion as I would indefinitely give to them.

 

[Emerald Legend]

Some are not reserving themselves at all. Some are just too awkward to be intimately involved with women

 

[Cthulhu And Coffee]

I would like to be someone's first and vice versa. But hopefully I'd be attracted to them as a person - not just their virginity.

 

[Sara Torailles]

I think there is something so sweet and romantic about being someones first. I don't mean in a 'before marriage' way. I know a lot of women find virgin men a turn-off but I'm always intrigued as to why X person is reserving themselves. Its like an enigma I must unravel, delicately of course since largely these men are insecure and are intimidated.

Some of us never really had the chance to lose it.

 

[F.F.S.]

Who cares? As long as they aren't bragging about past partners' bedside competence or using you as a social security check for their three kids from deadbeat dads, experienced partners are awesome. That goes for way more than just sex, by the way. Sooo done with dating the "inexperienced" young adults who've never made it past a first date, if they've dated at all...

 

[Valnadis]

I don't think or care about if they've been with someone before or not.
I wouldn't mind "guiding" someone through, but I'm not sure how that would even
go. I'll just think of it as working through it together, not 1 person telling how it should be.

 

[Coburn]

Its like an enigma I must unravel, delicately of course since largely these women are insecure and are intimidated.

Does this idea still sound cute once you switch pronouns? My guess is no.

 

[jadedtortoise]

Well the thing is, is that I am experienced but have come to understand how important it is for another person to want to develop that strong connection before sharing intimacy. I often feel attracted to men that aren't overly confident, its intriguing to me to see what I can do to help. I'm not necessarily suggesting I have sex with them, I'm merely interested in boosting confidence so that they can at least be proud instead of ashamed of the virginity.

I went to a Catholic school for much of my youth despite being secular, and I definitely rebelled against the notion of chastity. Many of my female friends at the time decided for various reasons to be chaste til marriage, love, the right moment, etc. I politely accepted this, but always knew I wanted experience. So I did, and full circle the chaste had it right. From my experience, all I have to speak for are the shallow positions I gained, but very little true genuine intimacy til I met my husband. Great sex leaves you glowing, feeling loved, self confident, and that your partner feels the same way because you can communicate it freely with out fear of rejection, or ridicule.

 

[jadedtortoise]

Does this idea still sound cute once you switch pronouns? My guess is no.

Wow, thank you for pointing that out! Obviously a mistype, or maybe a Freudian who knows

 

[tobbe628]

I still have mine for the same reason.

When i am ready, ill give it to the person i trust most in the world!

 

[g_w]

Well the thing is, is that I am experienced but have come to understand how important it is for another person to want to develop that strong connection before sharing intimacy. I often feel attracted to men that aren't overly confident, its intriguing to me to see what I can do to help. I'm not necessarily suggesting I have sex with them, I'm merely interested in boosting confidence so that they can at least be proud instead of ashamed of the virginity.

I went to a Catholic school for much of my youth despite being secular, and I definitely rebelled against the notion of chastity. Many of my female friends at the time decided for various reasons to be chaste til marriage, love, the right moment, etc. I politely accepted this, but always knew I wanted experience. So I did, and full circle the chaste had it right. From my experience, all I have to speak for are the shallow positions I gained, but very little true genuine intimacy til I met my husband. Great sex leaves you glowing, feeling loved, self confident, and that your partner feels the same way because you can communicate it freely with out fear of rejection, or ridicule.

Rather ironic choice of words there, don't you think? :laughing:

 

[lblouin1]

Aye

 

[Devrim]

I don't care either way,
Even though I slightly prefer men who are more skilled than I,
And have something to teach me

 

[Maka]

I definitely think there is a real spiritual connection. I happen to be a Christian so that plays a large part in it, but I think that I would wait even if I wasn't. I feel like that's one of the best ways to show someone that you love them more than anything.

^ this

 

[jadedtortoise]

Its interesting to hear all the difference perspectives on this. To clarify though, i'm not actually directly attracted to virginity exactly I just seem to like the kind of men who have the conviction to be patient. I feel love is extremely important but not essential part of the mix. Being comfortable, respectful with each as a good friend can often be enough.

Perhaps my experience puts me in a unique position, but I have a very open-minded approach to intimacy and love.

 

[Emerald Legend]

Its interesting to hear all the difference perspectives on this. To clarify though, i'm not actually directly attracted to virginity exactly I just seem to like the kind of men who have the conviction to be patient. I feel love is extremely important but not essential part of the mix. Being comfortable, respectful with each as a good friend can often be enough.

Perhaps my experience puts me in a unique position, but I have a very open-minded approach to intimacy and love.

Love needn't be a precondition to sex. Humans are sexual and it's only natural to enjoy/explore that part. Now if you're scared of labels you're not a human but a puppet.