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So we've all had bad days. I'm having one today. and yesterday. I feel like crap. There, I said it.
Today in particular......I am feeling a lot of emotions of self-loathing. I just feel pissed off at myself, because lately I have not been as DISCIPLINED as I usually am. That won't be a problem after today, since I just spent the last 4 hours optimizing my routines, todo lists and schedules. I've also been crossing lines and boundaries i should not be - i bought a gift for a professor who wrote me a rec. letter and i apparently went beyond the boundaries as a student, and now that prof. treats me like i'm some low life student. Then, I made it obvious that I like someone I am supposed to keep a professional boundary with. He probably thinks I'm a creeper. and now I'm beating myself up over these mistakes. i'm always good with keeping the boundaries, but lately i can't help but feel that these social taboos and whatnot are just so stifling and suffocating.
I don't know why this pisses me off, but today, some people in my class told me they 'worshiped me' for my success in school, and i just felt pissed off at myself more. i felt like i didn't really deserve that praise especially because i haven't been being disciplined lately and i've been making mistakes left and right. I wasn't even flattered when they said this, but I was just ashamed of myself because i feel like such an idiot today. UGH. And I am running on a few hours of sleep for the entire damn week. I just feel really crappy right now.
Today in particular......I am feeling a lot of emotions of self-loathing. I just feel pissed off at myself, because lately I have not been as DISCIPLINED as I usually am. That won't be a problem after today, since I just spent the last 4 hours optimizing my routines, todo lists and schedules. I've also been crossing lines and boundaries i should not be - i bought a gift for a professor who wrote me a rec. letter and i apparently went beyond the boundaries as a student, and now that prof. treats me like i'm some low life student. Then, I made it obvious that I like someone I am supposed to keep a professional boundary with. He probably thinks I'm a creeper. and now I'm beating myself up over these mistakes. i'm always good with keeping the boundaries, but lately i can't help but feel that these social taboos and whatnot are just so stifling and suffocating.
I don't know why this pisses me off, but today, some people in my class told me they 'worshiped me' for my success in school, and i just felt pissed off at myself more. i felt like i didn't really deserve that praise especially because i haven't been being disciplined lately and i've been making mistakes left and right. I wasn't even flattered when they said this, but I was just ashamed of myself because i feel like such an idiot today. UGH. And I am running on a few hours of sleep for the entire damn week. I just feel really crappy right now.
I think you just need sleep and some relaxation to sort things out with
