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has any one else here been told to ''be nice'' when invited to a gathering where there will be new people you have never met, whenever my family/friends have asked me to a social gathering the first words they speak are be nice
i'm always nice as long as some one doesn't piss me off
just don't say anything ultra stupid and you are safe
 

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I tend to be quite nice when around anybody since...well...nobody like a blunt individual even when somebody says something stupid. Tact is especially important when the aforementioned stupid individual might be in a position of power that is advantageous for you.
 
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Recently I told my sister and a friend they were acting like idiots and one person thanked me and the rest laughed.

So maybe just figure out how to say things without upsetting people? Don't ask me how though, I was surprised by the response I got.

In general everyone thinks I'm a nice person though so I don't usually get told that. At least, I'm a very tolerant person. Accepting people is partly my 9ishness and partly a strong Fi value of respecting that other people are different than me and think differently than I do, and its okay.
 

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All the time. Mostly my parents, and its either "Be nice" or "Be on your best behavior". I just make the promise that I will behave as well as anyone else, and within 5 minutes I am free to do as I please. I think this mostly applies because sometimes when I get bored I view people as entertainment and will stir the pot to see what trouble bubbles up. So now I bring a book, and make the situation one where I get to read alone or cause trouble with others. So far no one has opted for the second.
 

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I tell my INTJ friend to be nice, but it's more of a teasing thing.

Oddly enough I get it as well, but for me it's less of a "don't be mean" thing and more of an "at least pretend your enjoying yourself" thing.
 

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No. Quite possibly never.

If people tell me to do anything, it's probably to talk. Or to put my napkin in my lap. Or to say goodbye to people before leaving. :dry: Absolutely hate doing that last one.
 

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I’m usually neutral unless somebody pisses me off or directly affects me. My mother used to have a problem with me not coming out of my room to say hi when family stopped over to visit. Like others have said, I'm pushed more to talk than to play nice.
 

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has any one else here been told to ''be nice'' when invited to a gathering where there will be new people you have never met, whenever my family/friends have asked me to a social gathering the first words they speak are be nice
i'm always nice as long as some one doesn't piss me off
just don't say anything ultra stupid and you are safe
Could just be a habit. I sometimes say stuff like that without even thinking about it, or if I think they actually need reminding because of past behavior, especially with my kids. If it bothers you maybe you should ask them what they mean as in I feel like I'm always nice, can you give me some examples of things I've done in the past that you're concerned about? Very possible there are some things you are doing that you're not even aware of or they may just be saying it out of habit. By asking for clarification and really listening you can probably figure out what they mean by that.
 

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Jaffa Master
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This actually happened to me yesterday. I was like... the fuck?
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Could just be a habit. I sometimes say stuff like that without even thinking about it, or if I think they actually need reminding because of past behavior, especially with my kids. If it bothers you maybe you should ask them what they mean as in I feel like I'm always nice, can you give me some examples of things I've done in the past that you're concerned about? Very possible there are some things you are doing that you're not even aware of or they may just be saying it out of habit. By asking for clarification and really listening you can probably figure out what they mean by that.
i don't ask 'cause i pretty much know why
i.e, at a friends party several years ago
friend of friend- what's up with the ***** [referring to afro-american]
me- HUH? [knowing what he said
him- the *****
me- you referring to al
him- yea the *****
me- the ''*****'' you are referring to is my brother [he is not, me going into dick mode]
me- if you want we can take this outside and i'll have no problem with kicking your white ass to a pulp
he got very quiet quick

i also have this tendency to test people, almost like a lie detector
for some reason strangers try to impress me, i seldom if ever am impressed
 

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At work I used to get moaned at a lot to talk more and smile genuinely. Saying hi and bye to a group is really difficult for me as well, I just don't see the point. If people talk to me I respond unless I'm in a major daydream. Sometimes walking down the street people have said hi and I've ignored them because I've been deep in thought, then a couple of seconds later I turned and thought, "did they just say something? ah well." I never get told to be nice, I think people have just learned over time to have no expectations from me, I imagine most people just think I'm slow.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
At work I used to get moaned at a lot to talk more and smile genuinely. Saying hi and bye to a group is really difficult for me as well, I just don't see the point. If people talk to me I respond unless I'm in a major daydream. Sometimes walking down the street people have said hi and I've ignored them because I've been deep in thought, then a couple of seconds later I turned and thought, "did they just say something? ah well." I never get told to be nice, I think people have just learned over time to have no expectations from me, I imagine most people just think I'm slow.
i can relate, i have the same issues as well
btw my real name is daniel
 

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I find this thread very interesting, because the thing is, my one INTJ friend is like the nicest guy I know (although it's in a detached Te sort of way if that makes any sense at all).
 
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