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MOTM Feb 2011
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I met my wife in a bar, and I occasionally still go to strip clubs. Maybe once a year or so.

She just comes with me.

Eeewww, I am so glad that my husband isn't into stripclubs. That would be a point of arguments for me. Neither am I interested in them. Why would I need to anyway when I get the odd striptease at home from him.:wink:
 

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I can at least agree that if I did a strip tease, it would be odd. :)
Oh it's funny to watch but I also get to look at his best assets while I laugh at his moves.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Strategies change as one gets older or as contexts shift. People flirt and approach one another very differently in mid-life when children have already been raised and resources are not the same kind of question. For the most part however these are not conscious strategies. They are mostly subconscious motivators which we have inherited from generations of humans before us who were successful at getting their groove on with a compatible mate.
This is true. I remember in my 20s I was looking for a husband and the father of my child. Now, the criteria is for him to be hot and fuckable. My standard went way up.
 

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Nice and fuckable? No offence, but that just sounds weird, like you're objectifying yourself.
Naw. It's about me now. I want someone who I'm attracted to. I don't see how that is objectifying myself. That 's what I want. It really does change things. I like being hot for a person.

I hear many women are actually objectifying men by searching for a potential "husband" and a role fulfiller.
 
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Actually, I think she is objectifying the man... which most men could care less about.
Thanks, I misread her post. I disagree that most men would not care about being objectified. I would say most mature men who don't allow themselves to be totally brainwashed by societal standards and gender roles would care.
 

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Naw. It's about me now. I want someone who I'm attracted to. I don't see how that is objectifying myself. That 's what I want. It really does change things. I like being hot for a person.
Nothing wrong with that.

I hear many women are actually objectifying men by searching for a potential "husband" and a role fulfiller.
I agree.
 

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KrystRay, you're really full of yourself. Probably giving men the impression you're an intimidating b*tch. No offense.

I've always found guys are much more attractive when they're very simple, and modest. Be yourself and don't go to bars thinking you're the hottest girl around. Too much confidence can be very ugly!
 

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Whenever I go out either by myself or with some of my friends, guys never hit on me. I mean, they'll stare at me and the stupid Alpha males will punch each other and grunt to get my attention, but normal guys never talk to me!

So I was talking to some of my friends last night and one of the guy's friends commented that he would never approach a girl like me. A friend of his agreed. This morning I asked another guy friend- a good looking doctor, and he said that he wouldn't either. These are all really good looking, successful guys!

My question is, WHY??? Honestly, rejection is a part of life, but certainly nothing to fear! What's the worst that someone can say to you? No? If you get rejected, who cares? There are like six billion people in the world. Not all of them are going to be into you and THAT'S OK!

Every person has their ideal "type" of girl/guy that they want, but why not go for what you want? Why is it that guys settle for the girl who didn't dress up to go out rather than those of us who put effort into looking good? We are people too!

But back to ideals. If you like model type, 5'11 size 0 women, why not approach them? If you like girls with huge boobs and pretty faces, why not approach them? Does beauty really intimidate people to that extent? Does it not hurt your pride as much if an average girl rejects you? I don't understand it!
sorry to be judgmental but the bolded parts sound really snobby:sad:. snobby people made fun of me in school and university for being "weird" T_T. i hope ur not one of those >.<
don't give up though, it is possible that you may find the right person some day. different people like different things.
 

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It's a sad fact.

Happens in strip clubs too. The prettiest strippers never make as much as the middle of the pack girls.

Most men don't rank women on a scale of one to ten. It's more of a binary "would you do her yes/no?"

Then in a place like a bar, most men would probably weed out the top 10% as low yield vs the effort and skip you all together.
yep and then one day one there will be a guy who will figure it out and use it to his advantage - he'll know that other guys in the room are like sheep, all thinking the same thing, and he will make his move

and this is how population IQ keeps slowly growing generation after generation :tongue:
 

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Discussion Starter · #53 ·
I'm not just talking about bars. I mean, if I go to Barnes and Noble or to the grocery store, the library... Just about anywhere. The guys were saying that if they had seen me in a bar, that they wouldn't approach me. That's why I used that location.

Yeah, I am a bit stuck up, but I am very kind to anyone who is respectful to me. And I do smile- I'm a happy person.

I don't know. Just wanted some third party opinions on my theories.
 

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I agree with people who are saying you must be projecting wrong body language to guys somehow. People actually pick up a lot of information through just looking at each other. You may be kind, but if you move around in this defensive/aggressive way, that's not a good first mental impression guys will form about you.

As for sizing up accessibility - yeah according to the ladder theory this also rings true. See that portion of graph that is colored as "estimating chances she'll put out quickly"? A bit crude but it has merit - you are basically losing out on this portion of the graph compared to other girls by projecting the image of being difficult to attain.
 

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I have a friend who is absolutely stunning and she gets approached ALL. OF. THE. TIME. Not just at bars but everywhere, even in the street. Pretty sure she's an ESFP. She looks happy, confident and smiles a lot.
I hardly ever get approached by guys, but they will usually hit on me if we do end up talking. I've heard guys say that they were intimidated by my cold body language. But meh. I already have a man, what do I care? :tongue:
 

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Why must the onus of first contact be on the man? What happened to gender equality?

Seriously, go after what you want. If you're as good looking as you think you are, then next time you're at a bar buy a guy a drink. Ask for his number. We won't expect it, and it will probably work all the time. Maybe not so much for a relationship, but since it's attention you crave, that'll work.
 

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Have you ever considered that maybe those guys don't find you attractive? I mean, to each their own.. There are many guys that my friends find hot and that I think are really bad looking. It's all up to personal taste. But the way you act around guys in general definitely comes into play. I've seen your photos, and you seem very very confident, with you chest pushed forward and your shirts half unbuttoned.

And the way you formulate your "questions" makes you look like you're desperately fishing for compliments.
 

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KrystRay said:
Every person has their ideal "type" of girl/guy that they want, but why not go for what you want? Why is it that guys settle for the girl who didn't dress up to go out rather than those of us who put effort into looking good? We are people too!
Pardon me, "settle?" Really? Do you think that women who are not so concerned about their clothes and make-up are of lower quality than yourself? I am offended.

Actually, not.

Maybe your problem is your attitude.
 

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Pardon me, "settle?" Really? Do you think that women who are not so concerned about their clothes and make-up are of lower quality than yourself? I am offended.

Actually, not.

Maybe your problem is your attitude.
KrystRay, to each her own. Some people could care less about what image they present towards the world.
Nitou, she didn't say that they were of lower quality...right?
 

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KrystRay, to each her own. Some people could care less about what image they present towards the world.
Nitou, she didn't say that they were of lower quality...right?
The word "settle" implies so. But I mean, anyone would be inferior to KrystRay. She's so great and beautiful.
 
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