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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey everyone,

I'm an INFJ. I adore INFP's but mostly from afar because I feel like we're too similar. Both types tend not to initiate anything and they take a while to come out of their shells. My question is, how do I know if an INFP likes me as a friend/is open to being my friend? Is there a right way to approach them and try to make a more meaningful friendship?

I have one good friend who's an INFP but that took years and years to develop. We went to the same high school and college. Otherwise it probably wouldn't have happened lol. My little sister is an INFP and we get along great, but obviously that's a different situation. The only other INFP's I know are acquaintances who I have huge "friend crushes" on but never know how they feel about me.

There's a guy I sit next to in class who's definitely an INFP. To be honest, I did have a crush on him for five seconds, but I got over it quickly after finding out he has a girlfriend. I've also decided INFP's are really not my type :tongue: I think he might have picked up on the crush which was awkward, but I basically have zero romantic feelings for him now and just want a friendship... There's something so unapproachable about INFP's!! :confused: But I'm so curious about them :confused: Thoughts?
 

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My question is, how do I know if an INFP likes me as a friend/is open to being my friend?

http://personalitycafe.com/infp-forum-idealists/35774-signs-infp-likes-you.html

Is there a right way to approach them and try to make a more meaningful friendship?

Sincerity is the key.

There's something so unapproachable about INFP's! But I'm so curious about them. Thoughts?

Of course, you'll get intimidated by the person who can see your soul. Some people are uncomfortable talking to me because they can see the reaction on my face when I detected that they were insincere. But I also wish that I could not see insincerity in an approach 'cause it will only drive people away.
 

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First to get your foot in the door smiling and positive vibe/aura is important, then if you approach just be kind, polite and genuine. Compliments about our uniqueness or our mysterious nature or little things you appreciate about us that most others miss should be well received. Don't come on too strong, don't ask real personal questions, don't ask for phone numbers, email addresses or if we want to get together, make sure they know you got your own thing going on and your not going to be constantly approaching them and getting in their business. If you get one to talk to you make sure they know you are listening and not waiting to talk. Also no bitching, gossip or negative talk about others, not interested.
 

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from my own experience, I appreciate it when a friend makes the first move when it comes to spending time together. I may show interest and approach them to talk but I'm sensitive about asking people for their time. I often WILL NOT ask first because I need to know it's what you want.

Because of that I love it when someone suggests getting coffee or going on a walk - after the first time or so I become comfortable in initiating.

I like it when people notice things about me and remember things (as a few other people have said above!) - as long as it's not too personal at first. I loove personal but it makes me nervous to go deep too fast. Just have genuine sincere intentions and we will pick up on it.
I'm comfortable bonding over similar interests like movies, books, shows...and letting the conversation flow from there.

On kind of a tangent I have a friend who is very sensitive about not pressuring too much, or invading my space. She'll literally ask "do you want to hang out or is that too much?" At first it annoyed me slightly, but I really came to value her respect for my personality.
 

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I am also an INFJ trying to befriend an INFP. I have been at it for three years!

He is a former professor of mine, so that complicated matters for a while until we got rid of the student/teacher baggage. He hasn't let me get super close, but he talks about his family and his life a bit and I will not underestimate how revealing that is for him. He is usually pretty tight-lipped about anything personal, even common things people might normally talk about casually.

Since he has office hours, I just show up once in a while, since I know he will be mentally prepared to deal with people. We usually talk about an hour. I have been tempted to ask him to take a walk around with me, but am not sure if I should. Any opinions?
 

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I think making friends is pretty much the same, no matter what type someone is. You kind of just have to swallow any anxiety and start talking to people. It's similar to dating. Some people have friend chemistry with you, while others don't. Look for common interests and ways to make them laugh. If you have things to talk about and can share a sense of humor, you're friends.

Don't be concerned about him thinking you have (or did have) a crush. In time, he'll see there's no romance vibe.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Omg so I ran into him in the library today and we had a conversation! :happy: I tried to follow everyone's advice and work on that "sincere vibe." I think it went well. I asked him what's up and he actually started talking a lot about classes and stuff, so much that I could barely get a word in lol. That actually happens a lot with my INFP friend. Sometimes she just talks and talks and talks and I end up interrupting because I feel like I'll get lost if I don't at least say a word or two. And then it feels awkward to me because neither of us wants to interrupt the other, we both want to listen, but at the same time we both loveee to talk :laughing: It's such a struggle.

I started the conversation asking him a bunch of random questions about classes and whatnot, but by the end of the conversation, he was doing all the asking and I was answering. And I was like "wtf, how did this happen." Freaking INFP's! Lol. But I love you guys. That encounter made my day :kitteh:
 

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INFP personalities are quite difficult to get to know. Even their closest friends may often find it tricky to convince the INFP to open up and reveal their feelings; casual acquaintances will not get anywhere close to their inner self. People with this personality type do not care much about how many friends they have; the quality of those friendships is far more important.

INFP friends are exceptionally loyal and supportive. They are also good at recognizing other people’s emotional states and feelings, and this trait allows INFPs to be very sensitive and insightful. That being said, people with this personality type are likely to be quite private when it comes to their own feelings. Again, INFPs do not feel comfortable revealing their sensitive inner core to people they do not know well.

INFP friends are likely to be intense, passionate and idealistic individuals, but the quiet and relaxed exterior of an INFP can be deceiving. On the other hand, most INFPs need a lot of “alone time” as well, and this enigmatic trait can sometimes confuse even their closest friends.

INFPs are usually very good at reading other people’s motives and have no difficulties filtering out the suspicious individuals. However, if the INFP friend decides to open up and start trusting the other person, they will be able to form a very strong and stable relationship. It should also be noted that INFPs feel great respect for people with similar principles and values; these notions are extremely dear to people with this personality type.
 

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my 2 cents is that infps are really awkward turtle in first interacting with new people. You gotta fight through the awk. Expect it and just do your best to present sincerity and the awkwardness will become understandable when they finally are able to be themselves around you. Granted, to any other person, they still may seem awkward, but to you, their new friend, it just makes sense to you now ˚¬˚

sincerity really is key with us infps. And sticking to us. We like it when people come to us ˚¬˚

˚¬˚
 

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I think the same advice would apply when it comes to making friends with INFJs as well. Just be yourself, open and honest as it is very easy to pick up on things that don't feel right. ;)
 
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I am also an INFJ trying to befriend an INFP. I have been at it for three years!

He is a former professor of mine, so that complicated matters for a while until we got rid of the student/teacher baggage. He hasn't let me get super close, but he talks about his family and his life a bit and I will not underestimate how revealing that is for him. He is usually pretty tight-lipped about anything personal, even common things people might normally talk about casually.

Since he has office hours, I just show up once in a while, since I know he will be mentally prepared to deal with people. We usually talk about an hour. I have been tempted to ask him to take a walk around with me, but am not sure if I should. Any opinions?
Well, tbh, 3 years is a looooong time. If he hasn't let you in yet, I say he has no interest in becoming friends. It might not be anything personal, it smells like he's unavailable for friendships. Maybe he already has close friends and has no intention of expanding his circle. There's only so many people we're able to juggle. Personally, I never have more than 2-3 bffs, and everyone else is relatively unimportant, simply because my plate is full with 2 people.
On the other hand, he could be going through a solitary phase (and it's not weird that a phase like this should take a few years, I've done it myself).

I wonder how much time you spend together. Personally, quantity of time is as crucial as quality time when forging a friendship. There's no way I will feel like someone is my friend if we only hang out 2-3 times a month. To me, they're acquaintances, even if our conversations are deep. I need time together to get a feeling of true camaraderie. That's why making friends at school or at work is much easier, because you are forced to spend many hours a day with the same people. It is said "friendship just happens" but the trick is that it doesn't "just" happen, as if it is magic, the truth is A LOT of time and energy gets invested in settings like school or work. There's real work there, it doesn't 'just happen'; it feels effortless because you're forced to be there to do specific tasks and the relationships aren't your focus. Just because you're not focusing on forging them, it doesn't mean you're not investing a lot of yourself in them unconsciously. So it's tricky when you try to make friends with another person when you have no specific place or arrangement that forces you to invest time and energy into each other. You must create that yourselves.

I think you should totally propose a plan or something. Get him to spend more time with you, so he gets used to you even more. Does he never propose anything to you? I wonder why. 3 years is enough of eggshell-walking & allowing him to get comfy with you, this needs to be taken a tiny step further now.
 
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