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I'm a ___ and I've been cheated on # times.

  • Straight Female: 0

    Votes: 11 26.8%
  • Straight Female: 1

    Votes: 2 4.9%
  • Straight Female: 2

    Votes: 3 7.3%
  • Straight Female: 3+

    Votes: 3 7.3%
  • Straight Male: 0

    Votes: 8 19.5%
  • Straight Male: 1

    Votes: 4 9.8%
  • Straight Male: 2

    Votes: 2 4.9%
  • Straight Male: 3+

    Votes: 4 9.8%
  • Lesbian: 0

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Lesbian: 1

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Lesbian: 2

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Lesbian: 3+

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Gay (Male): 0

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Gay (Male): 1

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Gay (Male): 2

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Gay (Male): 3+

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Bisexual: 0

    Votes: 1 2.4%
  • Bisexual: 1

    Votes: 2 4.9%
  • Bisexual: 2

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Bisexual: 3+

    Votes: 1 2.4%

  • Total voters
    41
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Discussion Starter #1
Nearly every woman in my family has been cheated on. My ex-girlfriends too! Luckily I've never experienced it, and I can't even imagine myself ever doing it. This annoys me not only because of the circumstances and the harm it does to loved ones, but it too reflects upon my sex. I get the pigeonhole, along with the other honest men. It's kind of like how I get the label of wanting in someone's pants offering friendship. I understand women cheat too, but in my experiences it's uniquely a male phenomenon. What really blows my mind is a couple commiting to marriage even after that massive breach in loyalty. He got someone else pregnant and she forgives him!? What!? But loyalty!? How!? What!? I guess I'll never understand it. Sigh.

I think I hit all of the major sexualities. I don't want to make the poll ridiculous! Sorry asexuals: only 20 poll spots.
 
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Nope, but my mother has. Many times. Even as I'm writing this, my father's probably living it up with some other lady right now. He hasn't been back home in days, and honestly, I'm happier like this. I've lost all respect for that man anyway. They're still married though. Everytime he comes home, he says he's sorry and everything goes back to "normal". She chooses to ignore it. I don't know why. I think it's just plain disgusting. I'll never understand it either.
 

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... yes. I know of many women who cheat. I know of many men who cheat.

The capacity to hurt another person is not related to gender or sexual orientation. Different people hurt one another in different ways. I can accept polyamory and open relationships under the conditions that they are honest. It's not something I'm particularly comfortable exploring at this stage in my life or whether I'll go for it if given the opportunity. But it's not something that offends me. What bothers me is dishonesty.

It happened once in an official relationship. And a second time when I started seeing this girl and found out she had a long term boyfriend. These things do happen. Unfortunately, most straight men are ashamed to speak of this. We could always factor in other forms of betrayal, think marrying for estate and political influence, but lets leave them outside the scope of this thread.
 
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Think i've been cheated on once.

Depending on definition i've cheated twice. One time wasn't even kissing, the other was everything but PIV. I'm an asshole.
 

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Nearly every woman in my family has been cheated on. My ex-girlfriends too! Luckily I've never experienced it, and I can't even imagine myself ever doing it. This annoys me not only because of the circumstances and the harm it does to loved ones, but it too reflects upon my sex. I get the pigeonhole, along with the other honest men. It's kind of like how I get the label of wanting in someone's pants offering friendship. I understand women cheat too, but in my experiences it's uniquely a male phenomenon. What really blows my mind is a couple commiting to marriage even after that massive breach in loyalty. He got someone else pregnant and she forgives him!? What!? But loyalty!? How!? What!? I guess I'll never understand it. Sigh.
Issues with the bold portion: This isn't true in the slightest. Even though we have actual numbers on the equality of cheating among the sexes (Women Cheating About As Often As Men, Says Study - ABC News http://www.womansavers.com/Cheating-Infidelity-statistics.asp http://www.divinecaroline.com/love-sex/cheating-and-infidelity-statistics-are-men-cheating-more-women http://blog.womenshealthmag.com/scoop/who-cheats-more-women-or-men/) cheating is not a gender dominated factor, but rather a social one. In my own family, the women I'm related to have horrid taste in men, devalue themselves in relationships, place their "men" on pedestals, and end up being cheated on several times only to forgive the man until they cross some boundary that is well below the offense of infidelity in a monogamous relationship. In my social and sex life, I've discovered that women are much more daring than men are, and are more willing to cheat than men because they believe men will be discreet. While men cheat when the opportunity presents itself From observational and collected data, I've figured the biggest difference between cheating among the sexes are as follows: Women are smarter, think about the ramifications of being caught, select the most discreet of sufficiently attractive people in attendance, and cheat with the comfort that their partner won't know. Men, take the opportunity when it presents itself, whether it is someone propositioning them, or a particular partner they've been chasing suddenly becomes receptive.

I for one am really tired of people trying to make cheating a sexually exclusive "crime" when anyone who's ever been to a college party, house party--especially after the invention of the camera cell phone--can witness any number of women openly cheating in the most discreet of ways while men, with girlfriends, engaged or what have you, look for anyone who'll respond to this. Gay men and women fare no better, as they too suffer from the same problems of infidelity.

Personally, I think cheating comes from people who are not monogamous misinterpreting their own intentions, leading them to think "I really like this person for right now" is the same as "I love and am committed to you, and only you." When you don't understand your own intentions and go into something like an exclusive relationship, you will always run into the problem of temptation since it is honestly what you want. As someone who's drifted around a bit between people, I can tell you that without a particular combination of persons and the circumstances to cultivate them, an exclusive relationship simply will not work. I haven't cheated, but I've been cheated on and that is the most comprehensive answer I've come to after an exhaustive search for the reasons behind why people cheat.

Seriously, don't say you're exclusive with someone unless you know yourself well enough to know you mean what you're thinking or feeling. If you know yourself well enough, you can tell the difference. Besides, limiting your commitments to people who matter make them more meaningful than binding yourself to everyone that comes along an running the risk of being a statistic.
 

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Nope, but my mother has. Many times. Even as I'm writing this, my father's probably living it up with some other lady right now. He hasn't been back home in days, and honestly, I'm happier like this. I've lost all respect for that man anyway. They're still married though. Everytime he comes home, he says he's sorry and everything goes back to "normal". She chooses to ignore it. I don't know why. I think it's just plain disgusting. I'll never understand it either.
Your Mother is culpable for tolerating such behavior. She was a victim the first time. She's an enabler now.
 

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How does this poll make any sense? If you've been cheated on, a lot of times, it is not even known. I've known men and women that were unaware they were cheated on at one point in their lives and in the cases where it was past the time during which the cheating occurred, there was no reason to bring it out.

Even some of the most successfully loved and mature people get cheated on and cheat. Their reasons vary across the entire spectrum, but most of it is simple, hideous, and easily changed selfishness.

I don't know for a fact that I was ever cheated on but there is a lot of evidence to say that I was. It would not surprise me at all. I never cheated knowingly myself but some women accused me of it during relationship transitions before there was any commitment. I had to learn the entire scope of what any woman might possibly consider cheating before I could behave that way and keep things non-messy.
 

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I've never been cheated on as far as I know. On the other hand there is a gal out there who would say that I cheated on her. In that case we were sexually intimate, but I never expressed to her that we were committed in any way. Yeah, I boned another chick and she got pissed off. I learned my lesson. Afterwards, I would make it clear to each woman after we fucked a few times that it was casual and nothing serious.
 

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Your Mother is culpable for tolerating such behavior. She was a victim the first time. She's an enabler now.
She refuses to accept that anything is wrong so that we can stay a family. She's like a kid playing pretend house.There's the father, the mother, and the baby. It's pretty sad. I have no say in it because I'm "just a child" according to her. Maybe she'll realize I'm not the baby anymore when I go off to college in the fall.
 

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She refuses to accept that anything is wrong so that we can stay a family. She's like a kid playing pretend house.There's the father, the mother, and the baby. It's pretty sad. I have no say in it because I'm "just a child" according to her. Maybe she'll realize I'm not the baby anymore when I go off to college in the fall.
It's sad indeed. I wish you well. You are a victim in my view to a greater extent than your Mother. Your parents have NOT provided you with a descent example of how a relationship is supposed to be. That is the true shame.

I'll give you a bit of advice (and it's worth just about as much as you paid for it): Don't be afraid of relationships in light of this example and don't let anyone treat you that way. You deserve better.
 

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It's sad indeed. I wish you well. You are a victim in my view to a greater extent than your Mother. Your parents have NOT provided you with a descent example of how a relationship is supposed to be. That is the true shame.

I'll give you a bit of advice (and it's worth just about as much as you paid for it): Don't be afraid of relationships in light of this example and don't let anyone treat you that way. You deserve better.

In some way, I'm like my mother because I refuse to be seen as a victim. That's the only thing I can really relate to her somehow. Yeah, my family hasn't exactly been normal to say the least. Poor me. You should all feel bad for me. NO. It's just one of those what doesn't kill you makes you stronger situations. I personally don't feel as if I've been completely depraved of a good upbringing. It made me who I am today and probably prepared me that much more for the real world seeing as there are such a thing as lying bastards. Not that I am thankful for the things that I have experienced or anything, I only take the lesson I've learned from watching their relationship and find a way to apply it to my life.

I've actually had a relationship before and it worked out fine for awhile so I'm not completely terrified of the idea, and of course I deserve better. Thanks though! :proud:
 

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All of my ex girlfriends except for one have cheated on me. It's not a fun time, although in hindsight I can understand why they did it. The relationship had fizzled out, and we should have just broken up.

And women cheat just as often as men do, they are just better at hiding it usually. But I've seen it on both sides. I've had friends of both sexes who've cheated and been cheated on, and my father cheated on my mom. I think she may have had a brief affair herself.

It happens, and people do it for all sorts of reasons, but if you are on the receiving end of it it fucking sucks. Needless to say I would never cheat because I know first hand how devastating it is.
 

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In some way, I'm like my mother because I refuse to be seen as a victim. That's the only thing I can really relate to her somehow. Yeah, my family hasn't exactly been normal to say the least. Poor me. You should all feel bad for me. NO. It's just one of those what doesn't kill you makes you stronger situations. I personally don't feel as if I've been completely depraved of a good upbringing. It made me who I am today and probably prepared me that much more for the real world seeing as there are such a thing as lying bastards. Not that I am thankful for the things that I have experienced or anything, I only take the lesson I've learned from watching their relationship and find a way to apply it to my life.

I've actually had a relationship before and it worked out fine for awhile so I'm not completely terrified of the idea, and of course I deserve better. Thanks though! :proud:
Great attitude. You're wise beyond your years.
 

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I was cheated on twice (by two partners), but in both cases, we were just dating exclusively, not married. I don 't have a problem with losing interest, finding the grass greener elsewhere. I DO have a problem with cowards who don't cut me free at the first hint of feeling this way. No one enjoys being duped, that I know of.
 

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I used to think "nobody has ever cheated on me, I know" then it happened. ERRR... I knew. I mean, being cheated on involves not only "the happening" but being aware of it. Since then I say "I only know about one time", while talking to friends they say "never" ha ha, see what I mean? then I ask them: are-you-sure? or "not that you know so far?"

Yes I'm been loyal, it sucks, one thinks if you do it it will happen to you, if you don't do it chances are less probable... ha, it sucks. So for now I only know about one relationship where she cheated on me. At times you remember and say "never saw it coming", other times it seems like... predictable.


What really blows my mind is a couple commiting to marriage even after that massive breach in loyalty. He got someone else pregnant and she forgives him!? What!? But loyalty!? How!? What!? I guess I'll never understand it. Sigh.
Yeah I don't understand that. I never got back with the woman who cheated on me, and I loved her, I loved her lots of months beyond the betrayal, just couldn't afford the risk so we broke up. You ask why some people forgive...

Forgiving is acceptable, it's a choice.
Staying with that person is something different, you can forgive and walk away, or stay.

I've seen a lot of cases and I believe from what I've seen there is a lot of "need" some can't carry on by themselves (money, house, etc), so that's one answer. I know some who can carry on by themselves but said "I don't feel like starting over again, there is so much invested..." I forgave my ex, we are friends now and we talk from time to time, she has a child, we are fine or so it seems, but there was never a come back.

It's complicated... I wanted to try but didn't. I guess some can give a second chance and it's fine, it's not wrong, it's a risk that's for sure. Some decide to trust again the same person, I rather trust someone new.

What really blows my mind is a couple commiting to marriage even after that massive breach in loyalty. He got someone else pregnant and she forgives him!? What!? But loyalty!? How!? What!? I guess I'll never understand it. Sigh.
 

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You are a victim in my view to a greater extent than your Mother. Your parents have NOT provided you with a descent example of how a relationship is supposed to be. That is the true shame.
It's not her parents' job to "provide" her with an example of what a relationship is supposed to be. Believe it or not, parents are human beings too, and are allowed to have their own relationships and their own lives independent of their childrens' desires or needs.
 

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This question is complicated for me because my ex and I were "together but not officially together" for most of our relationship (his idea) and we both slept with other people during the times when we weren't officially "together" even though we were seeing each other regularly. Of course, being the manipulative, pathologically lying, and probably borderline person he was, he saw it as cheating when I did it, but not as cheating when he did it. I would not be at all surprised to find out that he cheated on me when we actually were officially together, since he was a total scumbag, lol.

Luckily, that relationship was a great example of what NOT to look for in a partner. I'm currently engaged, but in any case I would never put up with that kind of crap from anyone in the future. My fiance is about as monogamous as it gets though.
 

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It's not her parents' job to "provide" her with an example of what a relationship is supposed to be. Believe it or not, parents are human beings too, and are allowed to have their own relationships and their own lives independent of their childrens' desires or needs.
Whether or not it's their "job" is a matter of opinion, but I for one would not want a kid to grow up in the same situation that I did. It sucks. It might not be their "job", but aren't parents supposed to provide the best for the child in mind? Sure they can have their own lives, but that doesn't mean to forget about the kid all together. It is an issue that needs to be addressed with the child or they might have the wrong idea of what a parental relationship is. Parents are the first and most important role models kids look up to anyway.
 

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Whether or not it's their "job" is a matter of opinion, but I for one would not want a kid to grow up in the same situation that I did. It sucks. It might not be their "job", but aren't parents supposed to provide the best for the child in mind? Sure they can have their own lives, but that doesn't mean to forget about the kid all together. It is an issue that needs to be addressed with the child or they might have the wrong idea of what a parental relationship is. Parents are the first and most important role models kids look up to anyway.
I agree that there should be some degree of moderation in between caring for your children and doing what you want, but it seems like WillyT (along with a lot of people in modern society for some reason) believes that parents should turn their entire lives into a good example for their children, even if it makes them miserable. And that's completely ridiculous. Besides, life isn't perfect, and every parent and upbringing is going to have flaws.

So you believe that parents aren't human beings with equal rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness as their child? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life.

Sorry for the thread derail. I'm just tired of this crazy trip that Western society is on where after you have kids, you automatically have no right to be a human being unless your actions as a human being benefit your children. This is how we get a society where you can call child services on someone anonymously and make up a reason and they still have to come and investigate, where everyone blames their parents for "fucking them up" even if their parents tried their best, and where parents are incessantly judged and criticized for how they choose to raise their children no matter what they do. Parents are expected to be inhumanly perfect and completely selfless. It's way out of hand.
 
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