Personality Cafe banner
1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
44 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
There's a girl in my writing class who I am pretty sure is INFP. While I am attracted to her, I wouldn't want to rush into a relationship with her, especially after the last time that happened with an INFP (she hurt me real bad). This person seems really nice though, and I like the way she writes. I obliviously missed an opportunity to get coffee with her. At least I think she was shyly been trying to get my attention.

Any tips on approaching her for conversation?

Oh and: When/where do you feel most comfortable around people you're just meeting?

I'm a bit anxious approaching people I've never had a real conversation with.
 
  • Like
Reactions: mrhcmll

·
PerC's 6w6
Joined
·
5,874 Posts
Find what she likes, and talk about that. If nothing else, ask her about her. People like it when others ask about them and take an interest in their lives and goings-on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,962 Posts
I open up more when people don't expect me to act a certain way..

like.. some NTs I knew used to get annoyed, almost offended, by ANYTHING I said.. They told me to think about what I said. They told me that I'm naive. Sometimes I would try to tell them some of the crazy stuff that's happened in my life and one of them had the nerve to speak over me. That was right after he had just spent an hour talking about the crazy stuff that happened in his life.

I never opened up to those people BECAUSE they said hurtful crap like that.. I couldn't trust them because they were too close-minded.
I still considered them friends, though and.. cared about them..

Personally, I'm jumpy about skepticism..
so if I say something that you don't believe in, I would prefer to change the subject than to be told that I'm wrong and maybe start an argument..

I feel extremely uncomfortable going to people's houses and meeting their family members.. I don't have very good manners AND I'm stubborn, so I end up feeling really awkward and out of place.. and overwhelmed by the amount of strangers I'm expected to speak to. @[email protected]

I prefer to be obviously casual with people that I want a casual bond with..
Like aquaintences and friends lite.

If someone wants to bond with me, they can take me to my favorite places/events/play pranks with me/participate in activities with me/watch anime with me.. whatever..
but...
I'm still jumpy about getting too close to people.

so my favorite setting would ideally be a busy game store or hanging out with someone I know casually with a large group of strangers with the same interests.. then I'll associate them as a good friend while I can be as casual or bonded as I want with the rest of the people..
Its like a freedom thing, I guess?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
270 Posts
I generally feel more comfortable getting to know strangers through groups of friends. If I'm surrounded by people I'm comfortable with, I can shy out of my shell and talk to the stranger. :)

If you don't have that option, approach her in a reproachful way. Like you're seated next to each other and you're just introducing yourself type of thing. Casual and no pressure. After that you can segue into similarities, don't do small talk. We generally find it boring. Ask our opinion on something, make it into a conversation.

Good luck :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,481 Posts
Any tips on approaching her for conversation?
"Hello Nia. How are you today? *listen* *make some acceptable reply based on her response*

"I would like to get coffee with you sometime and get to know you better. If you are interested let me know. :)" *act like you have to go somewhere* *go somewhere*

OR

"I would like to get coffee with you sometime. Would you be interested in that? If so here is my number." *give her your number to set up time* - if she likes you, she will contact you.

Oh and: When/where do you feel most comfortable around people you're just meeting?
Really depends on the person. There are some people I feel quite comfortable with after a few meetings and some people I'm never comfortable with and retreat from.

Things that make me retreat: NTs being condescending and pessimistic toward me and behavior that I perceive as controlling from NFJs.

I'm a bit anxious approaching people I've never had a real conversation with.
Yeah, it sucks.

~~~~~

All INFPs are different in what they desire romantically of course, but I really have thing of STJs. They strike a perfect balance of encouragement, optimism, and seriousness, reliability, and pragmatism. I would date any type seriously if they had consciously worked to develop those traits. ISFP men are quite attractive to me, as long as they are dependable.

I need reliability and a guy who has clear intentions toward me and what he wants out of life. I'm also really domestic and want a guy who enjoys domesticity and routines. And would let me spoil him with massages and home cooked meals. I like a guy who has vision and drive, his own hobbies and aspirations, but carves out a predictable time for "us". I don't need a lot of verbal affirmation just touches, presence, and helping actions.

Anyway, I'm an INFP and that's what I want from a man. It's pretty straightforward. :tongue:
 
  • Like
Reactions: BilgePump

·
Registered
Joined
·
350 Posts
Hmmm... I might actually benefit from this thread because female INFPs are going to reply a lot.

Weee...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
44 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
"Hello Nia. How are you today? *listen* *make some acceptable reply based on her response*

"I would like to get coffee with you sometime and get to know you better. If you are interested let me know. :)" *act like you have to go somewhere* *go somewhere*

OR

"I would like to get coffee with you sometime. Would you be interested in that? If so here is my number." *give her your number to set up time* - if she likes you, she will contact you.



Really depends on the person. There are some people I feel quite comfortable with after a few meetings and some people I'm never comfortable with and retreat from.

Things that make me retreat: NTs being condescending and pessimistic toward me and behavior that I perceive as controlling from NFJs.



Yeah, it sucks.

~~~~~

All INFPs are different in what they desire romantically of course, but I really have thing of STJs. They strike a perfect balance of encouragement, optimism, and seriousness, reliability, and pragmatism. I would date any type seriously if they had consciously worked to develop those traits. ISFP men are quite attractive to me, as long as they are dependable.

I need reliability and a guy who has clear intentions toward me and what he wants out of life. I'm also really domestic and want a guy who enjoys domesticity and routines. And would let me spoil him with massages and home cooked meals. I like a guy who has vision and drive, his own hobbies and aspirations, but carves out a predictable time for "us". I don't need a lot of verbal affirmation just touches, presence, and helping actions.

Anyway, I'm an INFP and that's what I want from a man. It's pretty straightforward. :tongue:
Awesome! I am neither controlling nor judgemental (unless you're a complete prick, but she seems pretty nice haha). Hopefully she's interested in knowing me too! I do like a little spontaneity, but I'm mostly a homebody or leisure walker, so we'll see XD.

This was really helpful! I was kinda leaning toward just sitting next to her and asking her to coffee, but like I said, I'm a bit anxious. Thanks for the tips and quick responses!!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sangmu

·
Registered
Joined
·
44 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I generally feel more comfortable getting to know strangers through groups of friends. If I'm surrounded by people I'm comfortable with, I can shy out of my shell and talk to the stranger. :)

If you don't have that option, approach her in a reproachful way. Like you're seated next to each other and you're just introducing yourself type of thing. Casual and no pressure. After that you can segue into similarities, don't do small talk. We generally find it boring. Ask our opinion on something, make it into a conversation.

Good luck :)
Hey you! nice instincts! and thanks for the advice!

And to everyone else, thanks! I'm not too worried about getting offended by what she says. It's pretty hard to do that, unless striking some serious insecurity of mine. :crazy:
 
  • Like
Reactions: mrhcmll

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,744 Posts
I obliviously missed an opportunity to get coffee with her. At least I think she was shyly been trying to get my attention.

1 Any tips on approaching her for conversation?

2 Oh and: When/where do you feel most comfortable around people you're just meeting?
I'm basing my answers on the fact that you think she asked you out -even if it was just a let's be friends thing- and I trust your gut, so...

1. You have green light. She made a move? Then any moment is a good moment, unless she's explicitly isolating herself. A good example is if she's wearing headphones/listening to something, or reading a book. I hate being interrupted when I'm doing things that are visibly and purposefully separating me from the rest of humankind. If her ears and eyes aren't busy, then go :)
Personally, I hate talking about myself to a stranger, it's a turn off. When a guy starts asking me about my life -no matter if it's something seemingly superficial and non-intrusive- it is intrusive for me. I open up at my own pace, choosing what to say and what to keep to myself.
I prefer to talk about the environment: an event that's happened recently or one that is coming in the near future, or classes, or work, or bosses, co-workers, tv shows, movies... anything that isn't about me. The conversation has to be very casual, like ask for a pencil or something and go from there. "Hi my name is Pepe *extends hand*" will make me run away. Too formal. Names should come up in conversation organically after we've been talking for a little while about other things.

2. I'm never comfortable lol. Being aproached is always a struggle, because u know... you have to reply lol, and I might not be in the mood for talking... but for me it's better one-on-one. No groups of people. If I'm standing or sitting alone somewhere, that's a good time. But if I'm with somebody else, or you are with somebody else, not a good time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
756 Posts
Not all, but many INFPs know how awkward it is to make conversation and will help you along if they see you struggle.
Just introduce yourself.
I think it's best if you don't pull your friendship outside of school at first. Talk to her and then make a point of sitting next to her more often or something. Also don't over think it and get to anxious, focus on her feelings if yours are a complete turmoil (usually works for me as a Fi dom).
If you're not going to be honest about your intentions at least be honest about your feelings. She'll probably sniff out something but if you let it out in the open it won't do as much harm. What I'm saying is don't play any hot/cold games in fear of being found out.
Just be a person.

(also it doesn't happen often but extroverted sensors have a higher tendency to do this: No Touchy. At least while she doesn't know you well.)
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top