Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 42 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
669 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
As a ISTP I'm pretty good at noticing what the person feels or his intentions when he says something. Problem is once I know this info, I fail to handle it for my advantage.

Example:

Scenario: Drinking alcohol at a house party with 15 people, and you can clearly notice some girls attracted to me.

X: bro why dont you drink alcohol?
Me: because I'm on diet, you know this muscles don't come without sacrifice.
X: You are a pussy!


Ok. So it's pretty much clear that the guy has a inferiority complex and specially when around girls, guys tend to alpha male other guys and tease more often. Specially if they are jealous or intimidated by your presence.

Problem is that I fail to handle this situations even though I know HIS intentions and end up being quiet which makes me feel like shit. And I really envy people how are quick and witty with comebacks and leave this guy in a bad place with a simple comeback.


Whats the best mentality or way to deal with this as a ISTP?

Ignoring is not the solution, tested first hand experience because they take you for granted and keep comming at you. And it sucks to know WHY they do it and not be able to handle and shut down the situation.

Cheers
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
669 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Another example:

Scenario: You go alone to the cinema, which society think is awkward, but you dont give a shit. And a known person comes up

X: Hey, how is it going blabalabalablaa...are you alone?
Me: Yep.
X: hahahah what? dont you have friends? hahahaha

You can clearly notice that the guy is jealous because you have the balls to do things that he cant do. But still I don't know how to put him in his place. I end up giving a poker face and being quiet, which makes me feel bad. I feel the need of facing him and make him feel like he is the inferior guy and not me. But I fail to do so.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,263 Posts
Scenario: Drinking alcohol at a house party with 15 people, and you can clearly notice some girls attracted to me.

X: bro why dont you drink alcohol?
Me: because I'm on diet, you know this muscles don't come without sacrifice.
X: You are a pussy!
X: bro why dont you drink alcohol?
Me: because I'd hate trying to pick up these hot women with your body.
X: (Grumbles, walks away)

Scenario: You go alone to the cinema, which society think is awkward, but you dont give a shit. And a known person comes up

X: Hey, how is it going blabalabalablaa...are you alone?
Me: Yep.
X: hahahah what? dont you have friends? hahahaha
X: Hey, how is it going blabalabalablaa...are you alone?
Me: Yep.
X: hahahah what? dont you have friends? hahahaha
Me: Yeah, they pissed me off, so now they're in my freezer. (ISTP death stare.)
X: (Wanders off, thinking you're a (potential) serial killer.)

Alternatively:

X: Hey, how is it going blabalabalablaa...are you alone?
Me: Yep.
X: hahahah what? dont you have friends? hahahaha
Me: Nah, I just enjoy watching movies without mouthy [choice expletives] them up for me. (ISTP death stare.)
X: (Realizes how little you think of him, wanders off.)

Or finally, just give him a casual death stare, and hold it. He'll feel uncomfortable, and either apologize, or find somewhere else to be.

By letting him complete his loaded "questions/jokes", you're tacitly consenting to his behavior. Assuming pounding him into mush isn't an option, hit back with a pointed "joke" targeting his ego, or give him the thousand-yard stare that shows him how little you think of his behavior.

What's happening is he sees you as a challenger to his social status, so he's trying to make himself feel better by dominating you using bad jokes and embarrassment. Challenge him back in subtle ways, and he'll back off, because subconsciously he knows you're more capable than him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
669 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
@JB Nobody

I envy you, because in the moment I cannot think of those witty comebacks. The death stare is awesome, tried it, but I've forgot it for years. Will re-apply it for sure, since it comes natural to me.

Tips for developing a good skill at making pointed jokes targeting his ego?

Also, what do you mean by challenging him in subtle ways? Any example?

Finally giving him a thousand yard stare (which would be similar to death stare I suppose) and showing him how little you think about his behaviour isn't a paradox? Because if you wouldn't care about him, why look him?

Thanks again
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
851 Posts
Ignoring usually works fine for me. My advice, stop caring. They probably keep coming at you because they can tell its bugging you.

Some random dude calls you a name or gives you some crap, so what? You know why youre not drinking. And if that isnt enough by itself, you know its just a gimmick. He doesnt know anything about you and you know that isnt true anyways.

Takes 2 to tango dude.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,421 Posts
As a ISTP I'm pretty good at noticing what the person feels or his intentions when he says something. Problem is once I know this info, I fail to handle it for my advantage.

I am not trying to be a dick... But actually it took me along time to see that 'we' actually fail to understand much of this....
Inferior Fe and Deceptive Ne are two things striking against us. Usually Ne and Fe higher in stacking helping that.

I think our Se helps us adapt and find awareness in some of what you say. I was trying to explain that what your struggling with is because we can dilute ourselves to thinking we understand and grasp things that really are not in our ball park or specialty naturally. Which is probably why when we or if we over analyze an environment wrong we can end up not reacting appropriate.

The scenario you discussed even sounds like something I would have come to the same conclusion as well about the person and then I can go from either being quiet examining the person or I can end up exploding if I have a lot of rage calling them out.

Here is the thing tho is that in some cases we do take things wrong or misunderstand peoples communication, just as blunt as we can be and sound like asshole to people, well passive aggressive people can sound like major assholes to us.

I am not defending assholes or saying its all in your head or your imagining it I was trying to point out that some of that is behavior or communication differences as much as we sound like assholes when we say something coldly and are not always trying to other people sometimes do not realize how much they sound like assholes with passive aggressive comments or like you talk about.

I would love to tell you a great solution I would say with age its a bit better for me to try and remember the perception I have of something in my head and someones intentions is not always correct, and has allowed me to pause a bit more before I let something get to me, but it still is something I struggle with so I do understand. I am usually able to tune out most strangers or loosely associated people and take things with a grain of salt.

I will say where I get lost on response is with someone who knows me very well and knows how I receive information and exactly how their delivery comes across and they use passive aggressive tactic. I am saying like my mom or bestfriend of 15 years. They both have major Fi and I feel like I get cut with a knife with some of their tactic and am usually dumbfounded as that's like a sneak lurch attack on their part to be rude or hurtful and they know I am somewhat defenseless in such situations as I hide in my head or freak the fuck out.

I wouldn't necessarily call it ignoring just because you give your time and don't react right away. I prefer to leave people to their passive aggressive comments even if momentarily they get one up on me, because I hate when the beast in me comes out. It can be very useful in tactical situations, but usually situations like what we are talking about it is not useful. Why because I am like a dog I like to either lick a face or bite it. And I would rather not bite anyones face just because they are a rude careless dick. Even if it means I look like a pussy momentairily. If the beast gets unleashed in such situations then after its like damn why did you make me do that. Our bite is not nearly as calculating so there for rude or premeditated then some others, but our bite goes for blood when it does. That's what some other types do not understand for them passive aggressive things are like fun games.

Its the difference between a cat fight vs a dog fight. We are the dogs.They just playfully like to claw, and us dogs are sitting there like why the fuck did you just claw at me out of no where. We don't tend to know how to just claw back, we can either bite their head off or go hide lol.

You either gotta learn a few petty passive aggressive jabs to shut them the fuck up, ignore, or explode and teach them to STFU.

I recommend ignore or learning a few jabs that match their insult. Lol passive aggressive types are usually the best at starting shit and not being able to take it. I would be careful tho those types are often very into premeditating insult or injury or hurt if they feel inferior. So that's why a lot of times as well I think its better to ignore. They never know when to drop something as far as their ego goes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,263 Posts
@JB Nobody

I envy you, because in the moment I cannot think of those witty comebacks. The death stare is awesome, tried it, but I've forgot it for years. Will re-apply it for sure, since it comes natural to me.
Usually people like that repeat their same lame jokes over and over, so it's only a matter of time before you can use them again. Also, slow things down to your speed. He'll prefer making the jokes rapidly, so if you pause before you respond, and take a moment to remember not to play by his rules, it'll buy you the time to think of things to say back to him.

Tips for developing a good skill at making pointed jokes targeting his ego?
Depends on the person and the moment, but usually social situations are fairly repetitive, so think of a few now (what you would have said), and save them for later. Usually it's best to avoid anything fight-worthy (so you don't wind up looking like the asshole), with the aim of making people around you laugh at his expense. People like that are tremendously self-conscious, so ask him if he bought his clothes at a cheap store, point out a flaw in his haircut, the crappy drink he's drinking, etc. Basically, turn around his digs and put him in the uncomfortable spotlight.

Also, what do you mean by challenging him in subtle ways? Any example?
Treat him with all the respect of a scrap of crumpled up paper. The most effective is to talk to him like he's the least important thing you're dealing with at the moment, while simultaneously unnerving him by invading his personal space.

When he gets in your face with a dumb joke, pretend you're looking at something in the distance, and use the back of your hand to brush him aside. Reach through his space to grab a handful of snack food. Tell (don't ask) him to grab you a refill, then set it aside, to show him how little you think of his effort. Make sure it's clear you're imposing on him, not being flirting or friendly, and he'll want to back off to defend the integrity of his own space.

Finally giving him a thousand yard stare (which would be similar to death stare I suppose) and showing him how little you think about his behavior isn't a paradox? Because if you wouldn't care about him, why look him?

Thanks again
No paradox at all. Death stare is, "Are you dead yet? Do you want me to build you a coffin so you can go lie down?", while a thousand-yard stare is, "I'm dealing with important things right now, and you aren't one of them." You aren't looking at him, you're looking through him. Amplify the thousand-yard effect by focusing on something relatively trivial, like watching a raccoon dig through a dumpster.

More importantly, as others have said, keep those interactions with him in perspective. He'll be all but forgotten in five years, so don't let his attempts at screwing with you last longer than the interaction itself. He's the one seeking attention, so if you don't give him the satisfaction, he'll wander off to find another victim.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
242 Posts
Rephrashed:

X: bro why dont you drink alcohol?
You: I'm on a diet, bro
X: You are a pussy!
You: Shoulder tap + Change your attention.

--

Rephrased:

X: Hey, how is it going blabalabalablaa...are you alone?
You: Yep.
X: hahahah what? dont you have friends? hahahaha
You:
*pause, while you turn your torso away from X*
*eyecontact 1.5 secs, a slight sigh/yawn then say "I do"*
*walk away*

:D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
No paradox at all. Death stare is, "Are you dead yet? Do you want me to build you a coffin so you can go lie down?", while a thousand-yard stare is, "I'm dealing with important things right now, and you aren't one of them." You aren't looking at him, you're looking through him. Amplify the thousand-yard effect by focusing on something relatively trivial, like watching a raccoon dig through a dumpster.
When I'm unable to come up with a cutting rejoinder on the spot, my go to response is essentially the middle ground here. It's basically the "you just drooled all over yourself look" where you look at them, consider them, and dismiss them as an idiot all in one look.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
203 Posts
As a ISTP I'm pretty good at noticing what the person feels or his intentions when he says something. Problem is once I know this info, I fail to handle it for my advantage.

Example:

Scenario: Drinking alcohol at a house party with 15 people, and you can clearly notice some girls attracted to me.

X: bro why dont you drink alcohol?
Me: because I'm on diet, you know this muscles don't come without sacrifice.
X: You are a pussy!


Ok. So it's pretty much clear that the guy has a inferiority complex and specially when around girls, guys tend to alpha male other guys and tease more often. Specially if they are jealous or intimidated by your presence.

Problem is that I fail to handle this situations even though I know HIS intentions and end up being quiet which makes me feel like shit. And I really envy people how are quick and witty with comebacks and leave this guy in a bad place with a simple comeback.


Whats the best mentality or way to deal with this as a ISTP?

Ignoring is not the solution, tested first hand experience because they take you for granted and keep comming at you. And it sucks to know WHY they do it and not be able to handle and shut down the situation.

Cheers
haha "Fuck off" would be my response.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
203 Posts
Another example:

Scenario: You go alone to the cinema, which society think is awkward, but you dont give a shit. And a known person comes up

X: Hey, how is it going blabalabalablaa...are you alone?
Me: Yep.
X: hahahah what? dont you have friends? hahahaha

You can clearly notice that the guy is jealous because you have the balls to do things that he cant do. But still I don't know how to put him in his place. I end up giving a poker face and being quiet, which makes me feel bad. I feel the need of facing him and make him feel like he is the inferior guy and not me. But I fail to do so.
My response - "Well, I wasn't supposed to say anything, but I'm waiting for your mom, she just went to the washroom"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
307 Posts
X: Hey, how is it going blabalabalablaa...are you alone?
Me: Yep.
X: hahahah what? dont you have friends? hahahaha
Me: Do you have any friends? (make a really concerned expression, then smirk)


X: bro why dont you drink alcohol?
Me: because I'm on diet, you know this muscles don't come without sacrifice.
X: You are a pussy!
Me: You are what you eat.
(yeah but the joke doesn't make as much sense because you're on a diet....)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
137 Posts
I think this is more enneagram 6 than ISTP.

X: Hey, how is it going blabalabalablaa...are you alone?
Me: Yep.
X: hahahah what? dont you have friends? hahahaha
Me: Are you a fucking retard? or just looking at him as if he's a stupid fucktard.

X: bro why dont you drink alcohol?
Me: because I'm on diet, you know this muscles don't come without sacrifice.
X: You are a pussy!
Me: Why would you want to send me naked pictures of your mother?

Just change the 'rules' of the discussion and steer it your way. Own it and own him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25,985 Posts
X: bro why dont you drink alcohol?
Me: because I'm on diet, you know this muscles don't come without sacrifice.
X: You are a pussy!

Whats the best mentality or way to deal with this as a ISTP?
I'm not sure what the best mentality for an ISTP is to have but I'd probably just say something like,

x: bro why dont you drink alcohol?
me: I don't drink because I keep track of my carbs/I don't want to.
x: You're a pussy!
me: Agreed.

Scenario: You go alone to the cinema, which society think is awkward, but you dont give a shit. And a known person comes up

X: Hey, how is it going blabalabalablaa...are you alone?
Me: Yep.
X: hahahah what? dont you have friends? hahahaha

You can clearly notice that the guy is jealous because you have the balls to do things that he cant do. But still I don't know how to put him in his place. I end up giving a poker face and being quiet, which makes me feel bad. I feel the need of facing him and make him feel like he is the inferior guy and not me. But I fail to do so.
I go to the cinema alone all the time and I actually don't give a shit.

Why do you feel the need to put him in his place? Just don't give a shit like you say you don't. It seems like you are the one with a complex(es).

Also, it doesn't even sound like the guy is being a dick. He's just making conversation with you and a lighthearted joke. If anything he probably feels bad for you.

I think you're distorting things out of your own insecurities... :rolleyes:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
545 Posts
If they say something funny I just laugh, sometimes people are just slagging you and its not supposed to be serious. If they are trying to provoke me I just look at them like the piece of shit that they are. Just rise above the situation, its all so childish anyway.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,958 Posts
Whats the best mentality or way to deal with this as a ISTP?

Ignoring is not the solution, tested first hand experience because they take you for granted and keep comming at you. And it sucks to know WHY they do it and not be able to handle and shut down the situation.
Ignoring is only the result of the real solution. Ignoring it alone won't provide you with any benefit.

You need to be Apathetic.

If someone wants to be an asshole, let them. Who gives a shit? You need to not care. Learn how to use your "care" instead of just always feeling compelled to say or do something to anyone and everyone. If someone is an asshole don't waste your breath, your thoughts or your voice on them. They don't matter. Spend your "care" on the people who do matter.

It's almost never worth it. Confrontation just makes you out to be something you don't want to appear to be and ultimately comes off as a challenge or ironically as weakness in the form of defensiveness and passive aggressiveness.

Don't pay attention to them. Don't even look at them. Just act like they are worthless and irrelevant, because they are.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
535 Posts
Ignoring is only the result of the real solution. Ignoring it alone won't provide you with any benefit.

You need to be Apathetic.

If someone wants to be an asshole, let them. Who gives a shit? You need to not care. Learn how to use your "care" instead of just always feeling compelled to say or do something to anyone and everyone. If someone is an asshole don't waste your breath, your thoughts or your voice on them. They don't matter. Spend your "care" on the people who do matter.

It's almost never worth it. Confrontation just makes you out to be something you don't want to appear to be and ultimately comes off as a challenge or ironically as weakness in the form of defensiveness and passive aggressiveness.

Don't pay attention to them. Don't even look at them. Just act like they are worthless and irrelevant, because they are.
Just think of dinner! Think of the delicious food that you might/might not have for dinner.
Or you could reply getting whatever dinner you think of getting as though it is trivial fact and leave him confused.

That or I just like to mindfuck assholes for fun.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
242 Posts
As a ISTP I'm pretty good at noticing what the person feels or his intentions when he says something. Problem is once I know this info, I fail to handle it for my advantage.

Whats the best mentality or way to deal with this as a ISTP?

Ignoring is not the solution, tested first hand experience because they take you for granted and keep coming at you. And it sucks to know WHY they do it and not be able to handle and shut down the situation.

Cheers

Let me at them, I've been told I'm sharp and fast with the comebacks :)

But in all honesty, I'd just pretend that they didn't even exist, like just walking away to get a drink of water etc.

People are only worth the time and energy you give them...if there's a hot chick checking you out, why on earth are you still talking to some no-brainer idiot..? smile at the girl, get some eye contact going and walk in to the kitchen, she'll probably follow you there and then the idiot guy who called you a pussy will soon realise (without words) that he isn't an alpha male.
 
1 - 20 of 42 Posts
Top