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I am a male ISFJ, well developed T. But question is, are there a lot of Male ISFJ's out there?! I want to here your stories and what your life is like as an ISFJ!?
 

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I have no idea what society thinks. I would imagine it would vary depending on whom you asked. Just get in where you fit in, and screw the rest. As for your girl, use your own smarts to figure that one out. MB is a very unwieldy tool when making such important decisions. :wink:
 

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many people consider me the nicest guy they know, the friend they turn to talk about problems, etc haha i pretty much fit the stereotypical isfj categories haha
 

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Well, people generally see you one of two ways: Diligent and Trustworthy or Awkward and Weird, and sometimes both. It really depends on your settings and what not.

Statistically, Females are the majority of ISFJ's, and ISFJ's mentality can be seen by some as stereotypical feminine behavior. There are other types out there with similar problems, such as INFPs.

Society generally sees us as needing to be more out going, and more willing to think about ourselves mostly.

I mostly grew up with very few close friends. I was friends with almost everybody, had friends from all the different clicks in school, and everybody knew who I was, but I was not popular. I was simply me, Dependable, Trustworthy, Smart, and Nice. Currently, I am seen as Foolish, Repetitive, Slow, and Distant. Its all about perspective and what environment you are in. First impressions, much to my dismay, are also very important, especially to ISFJ's. Since we generally lack the force of personality to change peoples opinion about us, the way people think we are can become very deep rooted.

All in all though, I like being and ISFJ. The Lord made me as He did for a reason. ^_^
 

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I feel I have a similar childhood. In middle school everyone thought I was weird, and I only have a couple very close friends. In high school I had one, maybe 2 real friends. I did however get along with everyone. All the groups knew who I was and they would chat with me if they felt they had the time of day sort of deal. And the Lord has been working through me a lot lately, glad to see a web page that doesn't shun the Christian male for being who he is meant to be, 'wild at heart' and true to God!=)
 

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many people consider me the nicest guy they know, the friend they turn to talk about problems, etc haha i pretty much fit the stereotypical isfj categories haha
Are ISFJ's the typical male to get caught in the "friend zone?" That has happened to me quite a lot growing up. Being what people call the 'nice guy,' had its rough spots in relationships growing up, but really is blooming for me now that I have found what it is to be a man (which doesn't require me to be a jackass =)) Nice guys really do finish first in the end =)
 

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This is very interesting, because I think that due to the constructs of society, there are usually common differences between the genders of all 16 types. I don't know much about the details of the other types, but I really think there is a difference between male and female ISFJ's in general...at least in how they are perceived, if nothing else.


Well, people generally see you one of two ways: Diligent and Trustworthy or Awkward and Weird, and sometimes both. It really depends on your settings and what not.

Statistically, Females are the majority of ISFJ's, and ISFJ's mentality can be seen by some as stereotypical feminine behavior. There are other types out there with similar problems, such as INFPs.

Society generally sees us as needing to be more out going, and more willing to think about ourselves mostly.
Yet again, Trigun hits the nail on the head. You have a knack for doing that with ISFJ related stuff! You know our type really well, I think.

I'm definitely in the "both" category. Most people usually find me awkward at first, but once they get to know me they view me as diligent and trustworthy, and my employers almost always think that. Of course, when people get to know me really well, they start seeing how truly weird I am. :)

And definitely, ISFJ traits are traditionally/stereotypically feminine. Being quiet, not causing commotion, putting others before yourself...we're almost like early 20th century house-wives. :p

This does present some awkwardness and difficulty for a male ISFJ. I know that I don't expose my full self to people until I really trust them. It's funny, because think ISFJ females are like that too, but I don't think they have to compensate for it as much. For me, I find myself kind of putting on an act more...especially in the E and T categories. A few people have told me they would have thought I'd be a thinker (even my own mom thought that, though she's an ISTJ), even though I view myself as a strong feeler (though I have good logical ability, I think).





It's funny, too...I don't mean to stereotype or bash, but it seems like almost always when another type on PerC complains about an ISFJ, they're usually talking about a female. I think there are some logical reasons for this: (a) there are more female ISFJ's, so they're more likely to encounter them. (b) People may mis-type ISFJ males as being ISTJ's, due to both their perception and due to an ISFJ male hiding his feeling side more. (c) A female ISFJ may feel more comfortable with her traits, so she may not keep them in control or in check as much as an ISFJ male would.


But I just seem to read more problems people have on PerC about ISFJ mothers, girlfriends, and female friends. Of course ISFJ males have most of the same issues, and like I said, the three reasons I listed above point to why you don't hear about issues with ISFJ's males as much. But I find it interesting that I end up giving advice to people about how to deal with an ISFJ female when it's possible that the girl is different than I am in ways I can't even imagine. Of course, when I start reading, I see so much of myself in the person who's being described, so I can't help myself to jump in. Besides, as an ISFJ, I love helping people!




Trigun64 said:
I mostly grew up with very few close friends. I was friends with almost everybody, had friends from all the different clicks in school, and everybody knew who I was, but I was not popular. I was simply me, Dependable, Trustworthy, Smart, and Nice. Currently, I am seen as Foolish, Repetitive, Slow, and Distant. Its all about perspective and what environment you are in. First impressions, much to my dismay, are also very important, especially to ISFJ's. Since we generally lack the force of personality to change peoples opinion about us, the way people think we are can become very deep rooted.

All in all though, I like being and ISFJ. The Lord made me as He did for a reason. ^_^
Yeah, that sounds like me growing up, though I think the first set of descriptions currently fits me much more than the second set. I think the key thing is getting past that first impression. I've also done my best to just try and relax when meeting new people, it's helped a lot. As hard as it is, I try not to care about coming across as goofy or stupid, because I've had tons and tons of people tell me that they viewed me as much more awkward before they got to know me because I never talked. I think when I just let me be my goofy, weird self, people like it a lot more. I just get scared to show that at first because I think people will find me stupid.

But people just view me as a nice guy, even if I'm somewhat quiet and reserved. I get along really easily with most girls, though I usually fall into the friend zone all of the time. I'm cool with that, though...I don't need a relationship right now. But I usually feel like I'm in the little brother role to most of them. :)

It's tougher for me around guys, since I usually have to hide my feeling side more. Of course, if I'm around more feeling type males, it's easier. But around thinking males I usually hide my sensitivity and stick to subjects that are "tougher", like work, sports, or intellectual subjects. Once I get to know a guy a lot more and get to talk individually, I open up about more sensitive type things, and it usually goes pretty well.


So like Trigun said, it can be tough being an ISFJ male, but it's cool...I like being a nice guy, and sometimes you do feel a little more unique. I also like feeling "soft and cuddly" sometimes, though it's much easier on PerC, where I can avoid the consequences of RL. I think being an ISFJ male gives me a decent balance of soft sentimentality and cool logic and defined structure.
 

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I feel I have a similar childhood. In middle school everyone thought I was weird, and I only have a couple very close friends. In high school I had one, maybe 2 real friends. I did however get along with everyone. All the groups knew who I was and they would chat with me if they felt they had the time of day sort of deal. And the Lord has been working through me a lot lately, glad to see a web page that doesn't shun the Christian male for being who he is meant to be, 'wild at heart' and true to God!=)
I'm Christian as well. I think it's very appealing to ISFJ's. I won't go into the details, and I'm sure there are ISFJ's of all religions and backgrounds, but I find that it makes a lot of sense for an ISFJ to be a Christian.


kamuixlegacy said:
Are ISFJ's the typical male to get caught in the "friend zone?" That has happened to me quite a lot growing up. Being what people call the 'nice guy,' had its rough spots in relationships growing up, but really is blooming for me now that I have found what it is to be a man (which doesn't require me to be a jackass =)) Nice guys really do finish first in the end =)
I mentioned this a little in my last post, which I typed before I read this. It can be frustrating at times, and I think it happens to ISFJ guys a lot. But for me, I'm fine without a girlfriend right now, so it doesn't bother me...and sometimes it feels good to be the guy that girls come to when they're tired of dealing with the jackass boyfriend. :)
 
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I mentioned this a little in my last post, which I typed before I read this. It can be frustrating at times, and I think it happens to ISFJ guys a lot. But for me, I'm fine without a girlfriend right now, so it doesn't bother me...and sometimes it feels good to be the guy that girls come to when they're tired of dealing with the jackass boyfriend. :)
Teddy, thanks for the input. I just read a book called wild at heart, I think you would enjoy it a lot. It talks about a mans heart and what it is to be a man, with Gods intentions (Christian book but also good pick me up =)) I am not saying that you need the book, but I feel it really reinforces what you were saying and would enjoy the read =)


Too add a bit, I feel the idea of a 'nice guy' has been warped by society way too much. Society has taken us to being overly sensitive and emotional, as well as dull and boring. They basically are saying that nice guys are not men, we are women in sheep's clothing. I would like to state that I really think the bases to who people are is being hurt by how society as a whole is making them see themselves. We, as males, are made and wired to be wild and scruffy and strong. That does not mean we don't feel, and just because we (ISFJ's) feel more then other guys, does not make us less of Guys! If anything it means we are more connected with ourselves, and know not only how to feel, but how to approach others when they are feeling and unsure how to handle it. We are in this way, I feel, stronger then most men! Now I don't want to imply that we are superior to others, because that would untrue..but our contribution to the male community is very important and needed in society:) God made us the way we are, and knows how to use us as we were meant to be!
 

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Teddy, thanks for the input. I just read a book called wild at heart, I think you would enjoy it a lot. It talks about a mans heart and what it is to be a man, with Gods intentions (Christian book but also good pick me up =)) I am not saying that you need the book, but I feel it really reinforces what you were saying and would enjoy the read =)


Too add a bit, I feel the idea of a 'nice guy' has been warped by society way too much. Society has taken us to being overly sensitive and emotional, as well as dull and boring. They basically are saying that nice guys are not men, we are women in sheep's clothing. I would like to state that I really think the bases to who people are is being hurt by how society as a whole is making them see themselves. We, as males, are made and wired to be wild and scruffy and strong. That does not mean we don't feel, and just because we (ISFJ's) feel more then other guys, does not make us less of Guys! If anything it means we are more connected with ourselves, and know not only how to feel, but how to approach others when they are feeling and unsure how to handle it. We are in this way, I feel, stronger then most men! Now I don't want to imply that we are superior to others, because that would untrue..but our contribution to the male community is very important and needed in society:) God made us the way we are, and knows how to use us as we were meant to be!
I looked at the synopsis of the book on Amazon, as well as a few of the reader comments. I don't know if it would be something for me. I think the main problem is something that one of the user comments pointed out, and that's that the author seems to ignore different temperaments and make it seem like all men should be the same way. And the way described struck me as much more SP-ish, with all of the adventure seeking. I won't go into the huge detailed theological thing here (that would probably be better for a PM conversation), but even in Christianity, I don't feel as though all people, or all men in this case, have to be the same. Each person has been given different talents and strengths, and each can serve a different purpose. That's not to say that people can't work on their weak areas.


I've struggled throughout my life accepting myself for who I am rather than trying to be who others think I should be, and it's only in the last few years or so that I've grown to achieve that, and I'm still working on it. Again, there's nothing wrong with expanding my horizons from time to time, and to improve weak areas of mine, but the key thing is to accept myself for who I am. I believe God makes everyone the way they're meant to be, and the MBTI contributes to that. I don't think there's one set model for everything in a person's life. I feel it's okay for me to be sensitive, it's okay for me to not need to go out and experience these big time adventures like SP's do.

I'm certainly not "wild, scruffy and strong" for the most part. Like one user comment said on the book, the author should keep in mind that not everyone is an "Esau", that there are "Jacob's" too. I don't believe that all men need to be the same way or serve the same role, even if there are some similarities.


So I agree with you in some ways and disagree in others. There's a chance you might even be an ISFP, and you also said you were pretty close along the T and F line. But that's just my take on the whole thing. :happy:
 

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Ahaha yeah, I should have said it is not for everyone. I found in the book, at least for me, that the author really hit home with that being a man is not what society makes us out to be, but what we make ourselves out to be. Now of course he is aiming for a Christian male that seems to be hiding from himself. For me it just helped me realize that a lot of people, especially men, struggle more then they need too because they want to keep up this image they want the world too see them as. Being true too oneself is very important. I only too the test on this sight to see what I am, and a lot of questions I had trouble answering because I didn't have a quick response to them, they are so close and the same to me at times that I didn't see the difference =P. I am a developed T from my father, the F is definitely from my mom. I am pretty neutral on everything else and again, there is only so much that can be said by a test =)!
 

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I had an ISFJ as a group member (we didn't choose groups). He took "command" of the group and would constantly ask me what he should do(he took a folder that was crucial to the project, and he wouldn't hand it over). He didn't know what he was doing, and everything he did was wrong. This folder that he kept was the only reason we needed him in the group.

In the end, my ESFP partner and I decided to blow off the final project. The ISFJ was infuriated after the project and said "I told you guys" and got angry and sat down. The only thing he told us was that he was an arrogant person who wouldn't hand over that dumb folder so we could get everything done with perfect results.
 

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I had an ISFJ as a group member (we didn't choose groups). He took "command" of the group and would constantly ask me what he should do(he took a folder that was crucial to the project, and he wouldn't hand it over). He didn't know what he was doing, and everything he did was wrong. This folder that he kept was the only reason we needed him in the group.

In the end, my ESFP partner and I decided to blow off the final project. The ISFJ was infuriated after the project and said "I told you guys" and got angry and sat down. The only thing he told us was that he was an arrogant person who wouldn't hand over that dumb folder so we could get everything done with perfect results.

What's interesting about this is that this is something I can picture myself doing when I was in elementary school.

It's possible that this has nothing to do with type...there are stubborn and arrogant people of all types. However, for the sake of the conversation, I'll assume that you typed him correctly as an ISFJ and that it is related to that. If that's the case, I have some speculations based on my own past experience, especially because I think ISFJ's are commonly stubborn but rarely truly arrogant.


It sounds like to me that he was someone who was immature, stubborn, inexperienced socially (at least when it comes to working with others), and above anything else, insecure. This is especially a problem when:

Verbrand said:
He didn't know what he was doing, and everything he did was wrong.
That right there is a huge problem for an ISFJ working in a group, I think. Here's the way I picture functioning.

The problem is that when I'm working by myself, I'm completely responsible for my own actions and my own results. I'm a control freak. It's because I feel the need to do work, but I don't want anyone else responsible for my own mistakes or lack of knowledge.

So it's a big problem when working in a group when I don't know what I'm doing. The smart thing to do in that situation is just let someone else take over and do the work, and I can try to help wherever possible. That's what I do now, and generally that works fine.

But here's where your group member was probably unable to handle that: he probably actually felt horrible that he didn't know what he was doing, but was too insecure to show it. If he's like me, he would hate the feeling of being worthless in the group and not being able to help...he wouldn't feel comfortable letting someone else take over because it would mean that he couldn't contribute, therefore letting someone else doing the work and him getting credit for that.

So he probably trying to compensate for his inadequacy by trying to take over...he wanted to feel like he could contribute something. He was probably too afraid to admit he didn't know what he was doing, but stubbornly kept the folder anyway. He was probably determined to fail...if he couldn't contribute something positive, he didn't want to succeed. Hence the "I told you so".


So if he's like me, it's hard to say whether this was true arrogance or not. I think prideful is a better word...he would rather fail than get credit from other people's work. This is why an immature ISFJ can never do well in groupwork. But I don't think he was arrogant in the sense that he felt like he thought he knew everything and therefore wanted to lead the group.

His main problem was that he put his own guilt of getting unearned credit above what was best for the other people in his group....he should has just swallowed his pride, admitted that he was incapable, and just let someone else do work for him. That's something ISFJ's have trouble with...letting other people do things for them.


So anyway, like I said, I may be completely wrong about this person, not all people of one type are the same. But if he does have things in common with typical ISFJ's, then I just wanted to explain what his mentality was and why he acted so irrationally....it was probably more about his own fears of personal inadequacy rather than a feeling of superiority.
 

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I don't post here a lot, but this is a topic I can at least contribute my thoughts to, even if most of them have been said before.

I'm an ISFJ, a male, and a Christian. As others have said, I seem to have a lot of friends, people who will talk to me given the chance, but few people who I consider to have deep friendships with. However, there are friends who feel they have a deep relationship with me, because I'm a good listener, I try to value them for them, and I don't pry for more information than they are willing to share.

I've become better at not being awkward in new social situations lately, mostly because I've become better at reading what's expected of me. I will act as I'm expected to act in new social situations, so people probably see me as nice, but I won't stick in their memory unless I let my quirks show through, which I'm only really comfortable doing once I get to know you. I will go along with their jokes, contribute little of my own, unless I feel my carefully constructed comment would add to the conversation.

Since I also have a habit of listening to several conversations in a room at once, and speaking loudly across the room with some sought after piece of information, I can be seen as very spooky. I don't help that spooky image when I remember the details of something they shared with me weeks ago, or get them something before they know they need it.

In the workplace, I'm the guy that gets turned to to get projects out the door, the efficient one, the one who knows where everything is. Innovation? Not likely. Dependency? Absolutely. You tell me when to be there and what to bring, I'll ask to make sure of what to wear while there.

The bottom line is basically what's been sad before: Quiet, dependable, a nice guy when you don't know me. That, plus quirky, a good listener, thoughtful, caring, efficient, accepting and no-nonsense once you do get to know me.
 

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Since I also have a habit of listening to several conversations in a room at once, and speaking loudly across the room with some sought after piece of information, I can be seen as very spooky. I don't help that spooky image when I remember the details of something they shared with me weeks ago, or get them something before they know they need it.
I am impressed that you are able to pick up on so many conversations. My memory is pretty good with details and such, but I have a hard time listening to many conversations. I am usually the quiet one in large groups because I have nothing to focus my attention on. Happens though! thanks for your input, very interesting/good stuff!
 

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One of the reasons I didn't like working with partners on a project is because I saw them as threats to my own ideas. They usually get sidelined or get deemed unnecessary or not worth the struggle. At the same time, I like to know exactly what I should be doing. Exploring is difficult, but when it comes to creative free writing assignments, I love them because I have in my head an exoskeleton of a story involving objects that I value.

I find it interesting that many ISFJs here have adopted the Christian faith. I asked ages ago "So can I talk to an angel?" The short answer of course was no. Then I concluded that I can't believe in this monotonous religion (OK, it was Catholicism) because there was no proof of God's existence or of his supernatural servants. Such a sensor conclusion in my opinion.

More on track with the topic, I've been told that I fight like a girl and a year ago at one of my jobs, I was told by another employee that I work like one too. Of course, I was offended at the time. I should've responded to either of those situations "Then girls must be pretty smart at what they do."

One of the things that you have to consider though is that the socially acceptable masculine man may use logic and rational reasoning more and less with feelings, but the truth is, all of these men have feelings. ISTJs I think have as many feelings as ISFJs do, but they are all internalized. Hence their tertiary function which is Fi. ISFJs I think are much more expressive about their feelings I think because they are reactive to the harmony originating from the outside world.

Quite honestly, I talk about beating certain people up, fighting back. I even oppose the concept of pacifism, but my own reasoning for that larger concept requires more abstraction. A lot of this aggressive thinking though is due to bringing justice to people that have intentionally tried to hurt others and hurt them for their own selfish reasons. That's why I get upset when customers tell me I shouldn't be at my position in my job because I can't process math problems quick enough in my head. It reminds me of those bad guys putting others down!

I often think my personality would do better in a girl's body. At one point, I must have wished I was a girl...
 

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One of the reasons I didn't like working with partners on a project is because I saw them as threats to my own ideas. They usually get sidelined or get deemed unnecessary or not worth the struggle. At the same time, I like to know exactly what I should be doing. Exploring is difficult, but when it comes to creative free writing assignments, I love them because I have in my head an exoskeleton of a story involving objects that I value.

I find it interesting that many ISFJs here have adopted the Christian faith. I asked ages ago "So can I talk to an angel?" The short answer of course was no. Then I concluded that I can't believe in this monotonous religion (OK, it was Catholicism) because there was no proof of God's existence or of his supernatural servants. Such a sensor conclusion in my opinion.

More on track with the topic, I've been told that I fight like a girl and a year ago at one of my jobs, I was told by another employee that I work like one too. Of course, I was offended at the time. I should've responded to either of those situations "Then girls must be pretty smart at what they do."

One of the things that you have to consider though is that the socially acceptable masculine man may use logic and rational reasoning more and less with feelings, but the truth is, all of these men have feelings. ISTJs I think have as many feelings as ISFJs do, but they are all internalized. Hence their tertiary function which is Fi. ISFJs I think are much more expressive about their feelings I think because they are reactive to the harmony originating from the outside world.

Quite honestly, I talk about beating certain people up, fighting back. I even oppose the concept of pacifism, but my own reasoning for that larger concept requires more abstraction. A lot of this aggressive thinking though is due to bringing justice to people that have intentionally tried to hurt others and hurt them for their own selfish reasons. That's why I get upset when customers tell me I shouldn't be at my position in my job because I can't process math problems quick enough in my head. It reminds me of those bad guys putting others down!

I often think my personality would do better in a girl's body. At one point, I must have wished I was a girl...
Speaking about wishing you were a girl, my xxTJ sister wished she was a boy when she was younger. :tongue:

Also after reading yours and teddy's posts, I feel that I'm most probably not an ISFJ. I think my most instinctual response when in a group project is have someone else be the leader, and I do the work told because I have no idea which way to take the project(or take the part of the group work with the least work). (I'm saying instinctual because this is the way I'm most comfortable not the way I want to be). Of course it may be related to enneagram type too. And, I still have no idea what type I am...

Urgh...I just hijacked your thread haven't I. Sorry.:sad:
 

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Also after reading yours and teddy's posts, I feel that I'm most probably not an ISFJ. I think my most instinctual response when in a group project is have someone else be the leader, and I do the work told because I have no idea which way to take the project(or take the part of the group work with the least work). (I'm saying instinctual because this is the way I'm most comfortable not the way I want to be). Of course it may be related to enneagram type too. And, I still have no idea what type I am...
That actually sounds very ISFJish, it's the way I usually am in a group. If you read my comments about the guy that Verbrand was talking about, the key thing is that this guy sounded very immature. Because he didn't know what he was doing, he felt insecure and took a leadership role he wasn't equipped for, thus hurting the whole group.

ISFJ's are much better at carrying out orders and pleasing authority. It may not sound impressive or glamorous, but it is definitely needed and thankfully sometimes it's very much appreciated.


Besides, constantly apologizing is an ISFJ thing too. :p :p You sound like an ISFJ to me, though that's just my humble opinion.
 
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That actually sounds very ISFJish, it's the way I usually am in a group. If you read my comments about the guy that Verbrand was talking about, the key thing is that this guy sounded very immature. Because he didn't know what he was doing, he felt insecure and took a leadership role he wasn't equipped for, thus hurting the whole group.

ISFJ's are much better at carrying out orders and pleasing authority. It may not sound impressive or glamorous, but it is definitely needed and thankfully sometimes it's very much appreciated.


Besides, constantly apologizing is an ISFJ thing too. :p :p You sound like an ISFJ to me, though that's just my humble opinion.

You're probably right:wink:. But I think for now, I think I am going to place my status as "Unknown." For some reason it's more comfortable to me. I think I'll be putting up more posts in both the ISFJ and ISFP sections (Possibly :tongue:), if you guys don't mind.

And speaking about apologizing, my mother thought it was an accursed Korean influence.:laughing:
 

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You're probably right:wink:. But I think for now, I think I am going to place my status as "Unknown." For some reason it's more comfortable to me. I think I'll be putting up more posts in both the ISFJ and ISFP sections (Possibly :tongue:), if you guys don't mind.

And speaking about apologizing, my mother thought it was an accursed Korean influence.:laughing:
Yeah, I forgot that ISFP's may tend to be even more anti-groupwork than ISFJ's. I just think ISFP's tend to do their own thing more often, whereas ISFJ's look to serve and please other people. So I forgot about that, ISFP might work for you too.

But that's fine, ISFP's are cool! I just don't know any in RL, though I'd like to meet some. :happy:
 
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