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Regardless of your physical age, if you are currently wallowing in self-pity because nobody understands you, you are still a kid. If you are in the “I’m unique” phase- which I skipped- you are still a kid. All the praise that you read about INFJs getting from the MBTI does not apply to the INFJ kids. An INFJ pretty much has to be an adult and self-actualized in order to be worth anything, but once they reach this point, they can accomplish wonderful things.

Ok, let me talk about how my life has been going recently. To the layperson, it would appear that I have converted from introvert to extrovert, but I have not. I am the same temperament. I just understand it better, and I am confident. If anything, I feel more like an ambivert. I can communicate with the average joe just as easily as I can communicate with you “deep” people.

I can communicate with ANYBODY very easily. I can practically read everyone’s mind. So I use this to my advantage to use the thoughts in my head to try to resolve conflicts peacefully. This is exactly what I am trying to do on this forum. I am a harmony-seeking idealist. I am a humanitarian. I have read some posts that some of you have written saying that I can’t fix all of you. You’re right. It’s all up to you. But I wish you would heed my words, because I really think you would be a happier and more rounded MAN OR WOMAN if you did.

It energizes me to make people happy. When there is no conflict going on, I will often turn into sort of an offbeat and quirky comedian. You might see some traces of that in some of my posts. If you read something I write and go “WTF”- that was meant to be humorous. It makes me laugh just to know that I will get that response.

No doubt some of you THINK that you are not a humanitarian. You are. You’re just unbalanced and immature. Many of you enjoy writing. I would ask you to think about the stuff that you write. Is there a “message” for people to think over? When you go off into your own world, are you thinking about how other people have or will react to your thoughts? If so, you are an INFJ. You need to find a way to make your goals a REALITY. This means you must find a realistic outlet to ACT. Too many of you are being a slave to Ni. By not grounding yourself in reality, you are floating away in the clouds. And you are making yourself miserable, because you are neglecting your Fe. You will continue to be a miserable and ultimately worthless person until you do something with your life. Your life MUST have a REALISTIC humanitarian purpose. I have read something on the internet that suggests that INFJs find a JOB in which they can use their insight. This is what I am going to do. I am going to go back to school to become a psychologist.

This may sound weird to some people, but I think that “maturity” for an INFJ is to learn to be LESS reserved. I know that many reserved people believe that they are more mature than free-spirited people, but they are not. Like I said in an earlier post, you are not “internally reserved” or “internally shy”, so even if you are mistaken for an extrovert for being free-spirited, you would still be an INFJ. Your “shell” exists because you are SHY- not because you are an introvert. Admit it to yourself.

Ok, one last point I want to cover…

You don’t need to try to be a T. They are not superior to you. I am confident enough now to believe that I can WIN an argument with a T. They don’t think this is possible. They don’t think I CAN think as objectively as they can, but I can. All I would have to do is tap into their mindset and reason in their language, but honestly, I have more important things to do.

When people are sad or in pain or suffering, the INFJ is MUCH better equipped to handle the situation than an INTJ. You are NOT inferior to ANYONE! You are a valuable asset to the world. But you need to grow up. You need to be honest and open with your feelings. You need to give Ni a rest once and a while and just have fun. You need to love and care for other people.

Be nice intellectuals. Everything will be ok. I promise. Until next time… :happy:
 

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I always love your posts dsv2e. I totally 'get' what you're saying because I feel I was a very unhealthy INFJ in my youth. I'm more comfortable with alot of things now than I was before and my life has been so much more peaceful. Being in the process of actualizing my goals has given me a renewed energy and vigor for life.

I still need my time to myself, but there is hardly any more of that constant inner nagging and turmoil.

I read your posts sometimes and I feel there are many INFJ's who are just going to brush it off because they're too caught up in themselves to understand the concept you're trying to get across. It's a shame really! If I read the things you wrote in your post as my younger self, I don't even know that I could grasp the concept. It's just a process they must go through.... hopefully one day they'll be sick of being unhappy and want to find that happy medium no matter what. Sometimes the catalyst for change must come within :crazy:

I'm going to be honest.... alot of the posts I read on the INFJ section are a big daisy downer. There's plenty of venting going on, I understand the need to vent. It can be frusterating at times to go through all the things we do, I've been there. Sometimes I'll chime in to help and sometimes I find myself getting tired of it all. I'll either close the browser window, and go watch a movie, or do something productive so I can be at peace and content.

So yeah, I guess my little tid bit of advice to anyone lurking through these forums... if you're feeling a little drowned out about all the really heavy topics, take a break and find something to bring some balance in your life. Relax a little, go watch something funny to smile about. Laughter is good for the heart! It's scientifically proven.

It's just nice to see posts that are happy and encouraging! It's a good change of pace.
 

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No doubt some of you THINK that you are not a humanitarian. You are. You’re just unbalanced and immature. Many of you enjoy writing. I would ask you to think about the stuff that you write. Is there a “message” for people to think over? When you go off into your own world, are you thinking about how other people have or will react to your thoughts? If so, you are an INFJ. You need to find a way to make your goals a REALITY. This means you must find a realistic outlet to ACT. Too many of you are being a slave to Ni. By not grounding yourself in reality, you are floating away in the clouds.
This reached my SOUL. I'm guilty of spending unhealthy amounts of time inside my head, just wondering and wondering, and I hardly ever get anything done. "If I say this, this may happend. Maybe I should approach them differently? Oh, but wait, this could also mean that yadayada... maybe I should just wait..." it goes kinda like this. I agree with the whole thing, though. Thank you so much for this post <3
 

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Spot on! I think sometimes I use 'introvert' as an excuse for me being shy. I actually find that the more I talk to people, including strangers, the better I feel. It's just having the confidence to do it.

I was talking to my colleagues the other day about personality types and they disagreed that I was 'introvert' because when I put my mind to it, such as in a work environment, I can communicate with people very well and I come across as being confident and 'mature' and I think my extraverted feeling comes across more strongly here too.

I just need to learn to apply this socially.

I too am going back to school. I will be starting a degree in Creative Writing. I am the sort of person that strives to move people emotionally through my creativity whether that is writing, drawing or music. I also want to give people something to think about. Or at least leave an impression on them.

After my degree I would like to train to become a teacher. I feel this desperate need to make other people feel better about themselves. Especially children. I found childhood difficult because of my shyness and I want to encourage children to have opinions and to not feel shy about being who they are.

Even though everyone around me says I'm mature, I don’t think I’m there yet. I am a different person to the person I was in school so I think I’m getting there slowly. One of the reasons I never went to University straight from school was because I knew I wouldn't get what I wanted out of it until I had learnt to communicate more. Having opinions of my own instead of taking on everyone else's opinions. I am still learning how to accept myself and develop the qualities I have.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks everyone, you can call me David or Dave. There's no need to call me by my college email address anymore. I've already given out my full name on more than one occasion.

I've grown to like my personality except for the fact that I seem to desire for other people to give me attention- females especially. That feels selfish to me.

I suppose I will have to meet the girl of my dreams and settle down before long. I feel like I'm ready now. I want to have a family. It's too bad I didn't understand myself when I was younger. I'm pushing 30 and most of my peers are married with children. :sad:
 

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Thanks everyone, you can call me David or Dave. There's no need to call me by my college email address anymore. I've already given out my full name on more than one occasion.

I've grown to like my personality except for the fact that I seem to desire for other people to give me attention- females especially. That feels selfish to me.

I suppose I will have to meet the girl of my dreams and settle down before long. I feel like I'm ready now. I want to have a family. It's too bad I didn't understand myself when I was younger. I'm pushing 30 and most of my peers are married with children. :sad:
I can relate. I'm 22 and quite a few of my old friends from school are married and starting families! This makes me feel old.

I'd like to meet somene and settle down but I still feel that I'm not quite happy with myself yet and would like to get there first. I've never been in a relationship so I don't really know how this will affect me as a person. I don't want to have to rely on someone else to make me happy if you get what I mean? I want to be happy first and then have a relationship.

Univerisity is going to be a new start for me so who knows what will happen in the next few years :happy:
 

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Wow, this thread is spot on. At least for me. Very much appreciated and can relate. I'm 20, and am only now learning to take the responsibility for myself. I think this all is a huge part of doing just that; although I think I'm miles away from it still, it's valuable to recognize this pattern in oneself and to work at it.

It makes me sad to think any INFJs (or people) live their lives doubting themselves, their abilities, and worse of all, hiding and not giving their wonderful gifts out in the world. (I am guilty of this as well.) It's like, I'm giving in to all the negative and no one gets to see the positives, and I know they're there too.

From this standpoint, it helps me to think about it in terms of potential. I hate seeing wasted potential, and seeing it lost in me makes me sick. Maximising the effect of the positive and minimising the negative would be what I'd like to go for.

And I agree wholeheartedly with finding an outlet! It's like there's something trapped inside of me when I am not giving something out to the world. It may sound really naive, and because of years and years of trying to fit in in some Ti-mold and rejecting Fe almost completely, it makes me grin a little, even still.

I know I'd love to do something solitary, but I think what would make me the most satisfied would be to work for some cause for betterment of the current state of how things are. So I am going to study too and hopefully get to work for humanitarian/environmental/animal projects, plan, vision, develop, write about it, come up with ideas and get them into execution. That would be my ideal.

Psychology was my first love academically, but I've just found it too restricted. It's intriguing and I will always love her (=science) but it comes down to it being too micro - individual for me. I wouldn't have the patience for it. Now I'm more into the social sciences (soc. psychology & sociology - gets more macro).

I can relate. I'm 22 and quite a few of my old friends from school are married and starting families! This makes me feel old.

I'd like to meet somene and settle down but I still feel that I'm not quite happy with myself yet and would like to get there first. I've never been in a relationship so I don't really know how this will affect me as a person. I don't want to have to rely on someone else to make me happy if you get what I mean? I want to be happy first and then have a relationship.

Univerisity is going to be a new start for me so who knows what will happen in the next few years :happy:
I am on the same page with you. I wouldn't enter into a relationship when there's so much in me that I want to work on (but I'm kind of a mess right now). Only if and when I am happy with myself would I want to enter a relationship. I am the only one responsible only for my own well-being.

It sounds like you're in for exciting times in your life :) Enjoy the ride!
 

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Well-said, Dave.

Like many of the INFJ's who've said they've doubted themselves, I, too, felt that. I disliked myself so much. I still do, but I'm thankfully working to overcome that. I felt so enslaved to my Ni that I began to dislike it because I saw no results from it until I applied my Fe and my Se. But thankfully I grown (or at least am growing) through that 'adolescent' phase.

As I've grown in the last year, I understand how ambiverted and driven I am. At the moment, I'm working toward medical school because I want to put my strengths to work. I want those 'visions', which I so 'hated' as an adolescent, to come true as realistically as possible.

But, damn it, it sucked (and continues to suck!) to have to ground yourself in reality. Nevertheless, it has paid off.
 

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dsv2e said:
When you go off into your own world, are you thinking about how other people have or will react to your thoughts [and actions]?
Thanks Dave, that's my life summed up in one short sentence backed up by a full post of good advice... is it strange that if I weren't so concerned by the above I'd still consider myself an INFP and would never have read this thread? So much has just been falling into place recently including being forced to spend time with people nothing like me (at work) and it isn't killing me communicating with them, even to act childish as they do is strangely fun. The work is terrible, but that's another problem :tongue:

umbrellasky said:
I don't want to have to rely on someone else to make me happy if you get what I mean? I want to be happy first and then have a relationship.
What a great state to be in that would be, to actually value myself enough to consider even the possibility that I'm ready for a relationship. I don't even know how to take care of myself, how could I be of any worth to another (not said in a self pitying way - it's just the truth!) so that's the first thing on my "to fix" list :happy:
 

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From my observation and experience, here's the thing about being an INFJ...

We can either be at two levels:

1. Shy, quiet, easily hurt, feel misunderstood, wallow over struggles. Need to learn to accept others and self, find fulfillment, and to simply mature.

OR

2. Adjustable to meeting others, have answers to everything, inspirational, wise, optimistic, and simply radiant and soars above the rest. Matured and capable of reaching self-actualization at an age much earlier than the norm (which a good % of people I'm sure never do).


To sum it up: the Ni & Fe combination is a beautiful and influential combination, so if you know how to properly manage it and use it correctly you can easily shine -- and those that are not blind will see that.

Its like we're the ugly ducklings that were once always unnoticed and hardly ever appreciated, but once we get old enough, mature, and find our way we can turn into the beautiful swan.


... and I'm sure that's true for other NFs.
 

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I'm 19... still young maybe. ^^;; I thank you for your insight! <333


Going through a design major, i doubt myself often, i look at everything i do and i can't find words to describe it, or explain it while everyone else around me can. But all my work that i put my all into wows my professor, and he enjoys my designs, and is starting to understand the way i function - which helps me greatly with the confidence and i doubt myself less when someone can nod and see what i see. I still don't believe i'll be able to explain why or how i designed something cool looking, and i suppose that's a part of my intuition, the ability to design with nothing in mind ~ and that makes my work special, because there's no outside forces, no outside meanings, symbolism, or input, just pure inner thoughts connecting to another that creates a masterpiece that is cherished without a description. And that's the way i like it. If i can't explain it, but someone else can - i accomplished something. If i can't explain it and no one else can - I succeeded.

I am shy by nature INFJ or no INFJ, it makes me who i am. I'm proud of who i am, even when i doubt myself, because i come back to realize i'm silly to be in doubt.

I'm working on overcoming a ton of obstacles. I'll get there one day. :) I'd love to be a swan. ^^;;
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I am shy by nature INFJ or no INFJ, it makes me who i am. I'm proud of who i am, even when i doubt myself, because i come back to realize i'm silly to be in doubt.
I used to think this way, but I realize now that I am not shy by nature. My inner world is not shy. I have a spontaneous and free-spirited thought process. I am assertive in my inner world where I talk to people.

The only reason that I was shy was because I didn't understand myself. I thought something was wrong with me. There is not. I am now free to save the world. :wink:
 

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From my observation and experience, here's the thing about being an INFJ...

We can either be at two levels:

1. Shy, quiet, easily hurt, feel misunderstood, wallow over struggles. Need to learn to accept others and self, find fulfillment, and to simply mature.

OR

2. Adjustable to meeting others, have answers to everything, inspirational, wise, optimistic, and simply radiant and soars above the rest. Matured and capable of reaching self-actualization at an age much earlier than the norm (which a good % of people I'm sure never do).


To sum it up: the Ni & Fe combination is a beautiful and influential combination, so if you know how to properly manage it and use it correctly you can easily shine -- and those that are not blind will see that.

Its like we're the ugly ducklings that were once always unnoticed and hardly ever appreciated, but once we get old enough, mature, and find our way we can turn into the beautiful swan.


... and I'm sure that's true for other NFs.
Very interesting. I think I'm between the 1 and 2. On my bad days I'm 1. on a good day I'm 2. However the older I get the more I fit into the 2 bracket. Especially at my last job, I seemed to be the one with the answers to everything and it was encouraging to feel needed by the team I worked with.
 

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Dissent

I appreciate what you are saying as far as how INFJs have a lot of potential, but I disagree with how you imply that developing INFJs are worthless. I mean, I think we can all agree that that is what you are saying when you say "worth anything". Your kind of thinking is antisocial and poisonous. I refuse to feel contempt for who I was when I was a child and a teenager.
 

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Past self-pity phase? check. Past unique phase? check. Fully capable of being a responsible adult? regretfully check. Ambivert? check. Studying to be a Psychologist? Check.

I still feel it sounds a little boastful, but I feel that I am more or less a healthy/mature INFJ. I still have my occasional bouts of self-doubt, etc. -- but I'm at a point in my life where every little decision could shape my entire future, so I cut myself a little slack on that point.

I only sorted things out when I hit 18 -- before that I was in the "unique" phase (if ever so briefly). my "self-pity" stage lasted the longest. I was homeschooled with very little social life, so I thought that most of my issues came from that. Then I realized that I was double handicapped -- and got to work, instead of moping.

When I post online without an avatar I'm mistaken for 35-40. I've had several peers say that general "college kid" rules don't apply to me because I'm really actually 40... (that's what they say, in jest). I feel about 30. I was thinking of a teacher at the university where I was working this past semester and thought about some mistakes he had made, then thought, "he's 23 -- he's still just a kid , he has time to learn". Then about five beats later, I realized that he was 4 years older than me.

So yeah, I'm 19 and, as a youngest child, still fighting to retain what little youth I have left. I have a feeling that my inner child will never be suffocated. The outer, irresponsible one in charge of bad decisions is gone, I think. I'll have to come up with bad decisions all on my own now.:proud:
 

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Nicely written but I dnt reate to any of it! Im very happy and acording to you Im a kid :(

Regardless of your physical age, if you are currently wallowing in self-pity because nobody understands you, you are still a kid. If you are in the “I’m unique”
I AM !!phase- which I skipped- you are still a kid. All the praise that you read about INFJs getting from the MBTI does not apply to the INFJ kids. An INFJ pretty much has to be an adult and self-actualized in order to be worth anything, but once they reach this point, they can accomplish wonderful things. I HAVE

Ok, let me talk about how my life has been going recently. To the layperson, it would appear that I have converted from introvert to extrovert, but I have not. I am the same temperament. I just understand it better, and I am confident. If anything, I feel more like an ambivert. I can communicate with the average joe just as easily as I can communicate with you “deep” people.

I can communicate with ANYBODY very easily. I can practically read everyone’s mind. So I use this to my advantage to use the thoughts in my head to try to resolve conflicts peacefully. This is exactly what I am trying to do on this forum. I am a harmony-seeking idealist. I am a humanitarian. I have read some posts that some of you have written saying that I can’t fix all of you. You’re right. It’s all up to you. But I wish you would heed my words, because I really think you would be a happier and more rounded MAN OR WOMAN if you did.

It energizes me to make people happy. When there is no conflict going on, I will often turn into sort of an offbeat and quirky comedian. You might see some traces of that in some of my posts. If you read something I write and go “WTF”- that was meant to be humorous. It makes me laugh just to know that I will get that response.

No doubt some of you THINK that you are not a humanitarian. I THINK I AM
You are. You’re just unbalanced and immature. Many of you enjoy writing. I would ask you to think about the stuff that you write. Is there a “message” for people to think over? When you go off into your own world, are you thinking about how other people have or will react to your thoughts? If so, you are an INFJ. You need to find a way to make your goals a REALITY<I HAVE
This means you must find a realistic outlet to ACT. Too many of you are being a slave to Ni. By not grounding yourself in reality, you are floating away in the clouds.<THIS IS FUN
And you are making yourself miserable, because you are neglecting your Fe. You will continue to be a miserable and ultimately worthless person until you do something with your life. Your life MUST have a REALISTIC humanitarian purpose.<I DO I work for a charity
I have read something on the internet that suggests that INFJs find a JOB in which they can use their insight. This is what I am going to do. I am going to go back to school to become a psychologist.

This may sound weird to some people, but I think that “maturity” for an INFJ is to learn to be LESS reserved.<Im NOT RESERVED
I know that many reserved people believe that they are more mature than free-spirited people, but they are not. Like I said in an earlier post, you are not “internally reserved” or “internally shy”,<IM NOT AT ALL SHY so even if you are mistaken for an extrovert for being free-spirited, you would still be an INFJ. Your “shell” exists because you are SHY- not because you are an introvert. Admit it to yourself.^ Dont have a shell
Ok, one last point I want to cover…

You don’t need to try to be a T. < IM NOT TRYING!!
They are not superior to you. I am confident enough now to believe that I can WIN an argument with a T. They don’t think this is possible. They don’t think I CAN think as objectively as they can, but I can. All I would have to do is tap into their mindset and reason in their language, but honestly, I have more important things to do.

When people are sad or in pain or suffering, the INFJ is MUCH better equipped to handle the situation than an INTJ. You are NOT inferior to ANYONE! <I KNOW
You are a valuable asset to the world. But you need to grow up.< WHAT!!!You need to be honest and open with your feelings.< I AM
You need to give Ni a rest once and a while and just have fun.<I LIKE Ni I dont wan to rest itYou need to love and care for other people.

Be nice intellectuals<I AM Everything will be ok. I promise. Until next time… :happy:
That was lovley and Im its great to hear your thought all very positive, but Im afraid Im going to take no notice of it since it makes no sence to me:confused:

Im glad lots of people can realte to this though because its positive and I sence your positive and in a good place when you wrote this. So *Hugs* nice work:happy:
 
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