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As a five, I am detach, objective, factual and impersonal. But having a Sexual variant stacking, I'm also looking for intense connection.

My analytical nature always reminding me about possible danger, making precise analysis of each situation. When my Sexual variant stacking tends to be spontaneous and go on with gut feeling.

I am less cautious even though I'm a five.

My 4 wing didn't make it any better. I rather be a Social Five, Social Five have the safest approach. Communication only through knowledge.
My Sexual variant stacking initiate closeness in a fast pace, and tend to immerse with other people. That I found to be very uncomfortable.

I think it'll best for me to accompany my self with other fives. Being around people that's not my type I am easily misinterpret. And I detest people who make false assumptions about me.

But I never found anyone like me. Are we that rare?:frustrating:

Do you found one? If you do, what's your story(is it your sibling, your friend, your colleague, etc?)

Thanks in advance.
:kitteh:

P.S : English is not my native language, so forgive any bad grammars etc. :blushed:
 

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Isn't it? I always tell myself that I will not bite off more than I can chew. If I get the opportunity to have a close connection, I'm torn between holding back with the risk of losing the person, or going for it with the risk of getting hurt. I've been hurt because I went into a relationship without knowing exactly what I was getting into.
 

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Being an sp/sx/so five is not a walk in the park either. Desiring intimacy, but always hoping someone will climb over the wall, so you do not have to open the gate and risk everyone else coming in.
 

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I think it'll best for me to accompany my self with other fives. Being around people that's not my type I am easily misinterpret. And I detest people who make false assumptions about me.

But I never found anyone like me. Are we that rare?:frustrating:
I am friends with another 5 and I've also dated a 5w6 and I have to say, 5 on 5 in-person relationships can be difficult if there isn't already a lot of established trust and understanding. Unless both of us know we're 5's, it can be really hard to get past the social awkwardness. And unless we're both interested in the same topics, it might be a lot of silence. I didn't like being in a romantic relationship with this particular 5w6 because I'm sx/sp and he was sp/so. I wanted someone to open up their whole world and being to me but he wasn't prepared to share himself in that way and in the end that did us in despite there being a lot of love between us.

Having said that, I very much relate to "My Sexual variant stacking initiate closeness in a fast pace, and tend to immerse with other people. That I found to be very uncomfortable." With friends, I'm good - I've got the friends I need (4 who really know the "real me" as much as I'll let them, anyway) and we've had 20 years to establish our closeness. In the past few years I've tried to establish new friendships but I haven't really met anyone I'm that keen to become close to. I have my very small group of close friends and I have online communities that fulfill other needs for me. I'm okay with this at this point in my life.

With partners, I've dated a lot and had quite a few 2-3 month relationships because I will first totally immerse myself and then pull back when I realize we don't really click and I become extremely uncomfortable with the person and usually end up just wanting them out of my life. I have to say the person I ended up with is nothing like who I thought I would end up with (the 4 in me had lofty romantic notions at one time - I've come to realize I'm passionate but not very romantic). I also have to say that I did my usual immersing and with him it just so happened it clicked in the right way. Can't say there was anything particularly different about it, except it seems we were at a good place in both of our lives to come together.

When it comes to meeting new and close friends in adult life, so far I haven't found any great tricks. I've met a few people online in my city that I had connections with, but even with them we've never really brought it past the online friendship stage.
 

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i disagree. the combination of 5w4 sx is theoretically quite potent and make for a very interesting personality. i would say that there are other types that have more troubles being the sexual variant than fives.
the main advantage for a sexual five is that we have a great ability to completely lose ourselves in something intellectual and seek intense experiences through this. it's not all about relationships. sexual fives have a great potential using their energy and passion in everything from relationships, work and art. the other instinctual variants are limited to social norms and security to such an extent that it can stop them from accomplishing their goals and desires(if they have them lol)
 

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i disagree. the combination of 5w4 sx is theoretically quite potent and make for a very interesting personality. i would say that there are other types that have more troubles being the sexual variant than fives.
the main advantage for a sexual five is that we have a great ability to completely lose ourselves in something intellectual and seek intense experiences through this. it's not all about relationships. sexual fives have a great potential using their energy and passion in everything from relationships, work and art. the other instinctual variants are limited to social norms and security to such an extent that it can stop them from accomplishing their goals and desires(if they have them lol)
Yeah, I think you've touched on some of the "freedom" of being 5w4. Yes, it's difficult because of the opposing desires for intimacy, yet also being detached - but the desire for "intensity" of experience is not just intensity in relationships. It's intensity in various experiences. For me, it can take the form of (be fulfilled by) writing with intensity (or about something I'm very passionate about), intense physical exercise, intense connection with another person, feeling that I'm playing a vital/important role in an important project with bigger meaning, etc. It can take me overboard too, in all of these instances, because I will be so entirely wrapped up in it to the point that I will give it 200% of my effort. But, yes, you're right - when the intensity kicks in, it is sort of "unbound" by things like norms and security. It throws caution to the wind and says, "Sky is the limit. Let's just engage fully and make it happen."

I think 5w4 sx's can be very serene (even lazy, like a cat), but once they get "passionate" about something, nothing can really stop them. The intensity breaks through whatever walls or obstacles that happen to be in the way. It becomes anti-lazy...total engagement.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I have a habit to lose my self when I'm writing my stories and poems, watching certain movies, learning English language. Or daydreaming something fantastical. But all of this includes intensity when meeting new people that I found interesting(making unintentional rapport).

Next I will analyze the person, and leave them after I accumulate strong facts that this person is someone that :
a. do not accept my withdrawing nature b. cannot accept my strive for information c. look at social structure(if she/he is older she wants to be treat as the oldest, if he/she is rich she wants to be obey etc) d. giving me weird vibes

I have left my friends, lover, all of the sudden without saying anything. They've demand a reason.
I hate explaining my act, shrugged and walk away.
So many people deem me a jerk.

Which leads me to think I should be around people my type.

I like to make a good first impression with new people. But though I look approachable, fun and carefree, people notice I hold some of my self when I'm around them.

Despite the reasons above, I'm also worry people will ask for my help more than I can bear.

The combination of my sexual variant and my wing 4 give me the ability for a passionate self expression. But in the other hand it give me bad mood swings, and intensify my anger, happiness, and sadness.

But not like 4's where they let the world know about their feelings, I get caught with dark nihilistic ideas about the world.
Making over intellectualize analysis that accommodated with shame, self hating, and temperamental behavior. Prone to self loathing and resentment towards people in general.
 

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I feel like being a 5w4 sx makes me a bit of a contradiction.
I can be all detached and distant, calm and serene at times.. but then come those 8-ish anger flare-ups, where I always end up reallllly surprising people.
It mostly comes out in romantic relationships. I can say you could measure the amount of anger outbursts to the amount I REALLY care about someone, but either way, the person who receives my outbursts never appreciates it.
 

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You're not alone. I'm sx/sp/so. I've struggled with my personality for years, and I feel as though I'm constantly at war with myself. I find it nearly impossible for me to get close to people, despite my constant craving for their affection and intimacy. I'm not sure what my wing is, since my 4 and 6 are rather balanced, but internally, I'm a stressball either way.
 

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So you're blaming your cerebral nature on a theorized personality function? You're cheating yourself.
 

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As a five, I am detach, objective, factual and impersonal. But having a Sexual variant stacking, I'm also looking for intense connection.

My analytical nature always reminding me about possible danger, making precise analysis of each situation. When my Sexual variant stacking tends to be spontaneous and go on with gut feeling.

I am less cautious even though I'm a five.

My 4 wing didn't make it any better. I rather be a Social Five, Social Five have the safest approach. Communication only through knowledge.
My Sexual variant stacking initiate closeness in a fast pace, and tend to immerse with other people. That I found to be very uncomfortable.

I think it'll best for me to accompany my self with other fives. Being around people that's not my type I am easily misinterpret. And I detest people who make false assumptions about me.

But I never found anyone like me. Are we that rare?:frustrating:

Do you found one? If you do, what's your story(is it your sibling, your friend, your colleague, etc?)

Thanks in advance.
:kitteh:

P.S : English is not my native language, so forgive any bad grammars etc. :blushed:
You sound a lot like me:wink:

Being a sexual 5 is definitely odd, that's for sure. I'm a sexual/self-preservational type 5w4. It's like a knee-jerk reaction for me, when I'm around other people my own age I have this strange fascination with them. Part of me wants to connect with them, the other part wants to analyze them. The negotiation? I connect with people on a superficial level by analyzing them and figuring out who they are enough to be somewhat comfortable around them and let my Ne come out to play. Never comfortable enough to let Ti come out around others though.

It doesn't help that I am fairly sensitive to the fact that people don't really want to figure me out :sad: like I invest more into friendly relationships more than the other person ever will... I'm somewhat fearful of how an intimate relationship would play out. Would they be the same way? Would they ever care enough to want to learn more? These scenario's run through my head constantly.
 

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@VivianeScrooge, I am in the best relationship of my life right now. I've grown so much and become so much more confident in myself and my life. Since I met him, I've explored more about matters that were the most difficult and perplexing to me that I never would have touched with a ten foot pole. Primarily I'm thinking of the question: What do I want to do with the rest of my life?

This matter was extremely frightening as they deal with personal value systems and emotional judgments which, of course, you know are hard to really know with any definitive backing. They don't seem to follow a rhyme or reason and you can't really trust them. The more I think about what I would enjoy or what I would like or what I do like, the more my actual experience of the enjoyment drifts away. So, it becomes a perplexing issue. I knew that if I really fell in love my life would fall apart and it did for a while but I've been putting it back together in such a way that it is shaping up to be far better than it would have been without it.

I never really considered getting married or having a family, for instance, while I entertained the notion, I never gave it any real practical consideration as it didn't seem to me possible that I could actually find someone that I could get along with well enough all the time that I could actually live with them all the time.

In any case, my boyfriend just so happens to have a lot of opinions. He likes and dislikes, he's happy and unhappy, and it was this that at first annoyed me that gradually taught me how to explore my own. Granted my way of expressing my opinions is much different than the way he does and the way he expresses his personal reasoning based on facts is very different from the way I do.

Also, he's fairly introverted himself and we respect each other's alone time, encourage each other to follow our passions, support each other with our love, and, generally, allow each other to have our independence. I don't keep track of him at every moment of the day and this allows me to have freedom to spend as long as I like at the library. We both have our interests and passions and pursue them. All the while knowing that we have each other at home at the end of the day.

Now, it hasn't always been perfect but with open lines of communication and effort taken on both sides to understand each other and hear the other person out, I know for me, I've grown to rely on his warmth, sweetness, and goodness. I rely on him to be my conscience.

From what I have pieced together from my own experience in terms of the theory, this is duality.

Here's how I met him.
One day I realized that I hadn't taken any relationship seriously. I realized that I wasn't allowing myself to really fall in love with anyone because lovers leave you, there's nothing binding you to them, why get attached when it will only end? This feeling will fade, this too shall pass. But then, I thought maybe it was just that I hadn't met the right person yet who I could actually do that with.

Then, I wondered though, what would it be like if I actually found someone that I could let into my world, entirely. Someone nice, someone sweet, someone who wanted to and actually could grasp and understand me on a deeper, intimate level--the kind of connection that I never experienced with any significant other before. I laughed as I realized that would probably end badly. I'd probably give into my emotions and actually feel something totally. I mused that I'd likely quit my job, change my major, and start anew on the path to become a writer.

Then, less than a month later, I met him on a plane. And that was it, my life drastically altered.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
@VivianeScrooge , I am in the best relationship of my life right now. I've grown so much and become so much more confident in myself and my life. Since I met him, I've explored more about matters that were the most difficult and perplexing to me that I never would have touched with a ten foot pole. Primarily I'm thinking of the question: What do I want to do with the rest of my life?

This matter was extremely frightening as they deal with personal value systems and emotional judgments which, of course, you know are hard to really know with any definitive backing. They don't seem to follow a rhyme or reason and you can't really trust them. The more I think about what I would enjoy or what I would like or what I do like, the more my actual experience of the enjoyment drifts away. So, it becomes a perplexing issue. I knew that if I really fell in love my life would fall apart and it did for a while but I've been putting it back together in such a way that it is shaping up to be far better than it would have been without it.

I never really considered getting married or having a family, for instance, while I entertained the notion, I never gave it any real practical consideration as it didn't seem to me possible that I could actually find someone that I could get along with well enough all the time that I could actually live with them all the time.

In any case, my boyfriend just so happens to have a lot of opinions. He likes and dislikes, he's happy and unhappy, and it was this that at first annoyed me that gradually taught me how to explore my own. Granted my way of expressing my opinions is much different than the way he does and the way he expresses his personal reasoning based on facts is very different from the way I do.

Also, he's fairly introverted himself and we respect each other's alone time, encourage each other to follow our passions, support each other with our love, and, generally, allow each other to have our independence. I don't keep track of him at every moment of the day and this allows me to have freedom to spend as long as I like at the library. We both have our interests and passions and pursue them. All the while knowing that we have each other at home at the end of the day.

Now, it hasn't always been perfect but with open lines of communication and effort taken on both sides to understand each other and hear the other person out, I know for me, I've grown to rely on his warmth, sweetness, and goodness. I rely on him to be my conscience.

From what I have pieced together from my own experience in terms of the theory, this is duality.

Here's how I met him.
One day I realized that I hadn't taken any relationship seriously. I realized that I wasn't allowing myself to really fall in love with anyone because lovers leave you, there's nothing binding you to them, why get attached when it will only end? This feeling will fade, this too shall pass. But then, I thought maybe it was just that I hadn't met the right person yet who I could actually do that with.

Then, I wondered though, what would it be like if I actually found someone that I could let into my world, entirely. Someone nice, someone sweet, someone who wanted to and actually could grasp and understand me on a deeper, intimate level--the kind of connection that I never experienced with any significant other before. I laughed as I realized that would probably end badly. I'd probably give into my emotions and actually feel something totally. I mused that I'd likely quit my job, change my major, and start anew on the path to become a writer.

Then, less than a month later, I met him on a plane. And that was it, my life drastically altered.
The thing that strikes me the most:
1. "What do I want to do with the rest of my life?"
2. "The more I think about what I would enjoy or what I would like or what I do like, the more my actual experience of the enjoyment drifts away"
3. "Why get attached when it will only end?"
:
1. Its hard for me to make any judgment and go on achieving something substantial for my life, till now I still wonder what will I do in the future? It worries me to notice the burden of functioning in the society.
2. Nicely put. I've been struggling with this for a fairly long time.
3. The need for attachment with men in a romantic way, I always provide it by my self(with daydreams,or romance novels) I'm not ready to take that big step. I'm not sure whether me and that potential some one will click or if he will violate my privacy, and so on. I don't want to get hurt, so I run away from it.

Your story is inspiring! Really elevates my mood and erase a quarter of my cynicism. Its nice to know some one out there is struggling with the same issues. Makes me feel less of an oddbal.
 

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@L_Lawliet What a coincidence, I'm a sexual/self pres 5w4 INTP also! It's nice to read from a fellow personality.:happy:

Being around my peers also fascinates me. I feel so distant from them but yet its intriguing because I could see what's really going on with them. I totally get what your saying about "I connect with people on a superficial level by analyzing them and figuring out who they are enough to be somewhat comfortable around them and let my Ne come out to play. Never comfortable enough to let Ti come out around others though."

I went through this "It doesn't help that I am fairly sensitive to the fact that people don't really want to figure me out like I invest more into friendly relationships more than the other person ever will..."
Now, I taught my self to 'not care' and 'be with my self entirely'. But at times I break in to a melancholy state, when my Fe is gnawing my consciousness.

p.s : love the Death Note reference.:tongue:
 

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The thing that strikes me the most:
1. "What do I want to do with the rest of my life?"
1. Its hard for me to make any judgment and go on achieving something substantial for my life, till now I still wonder what will I do in the future? It worries me to notice the burden of functioning in the society.
Yes, it's a very difficult task and, for me, it gave me a heightened sense of awareness of the fact that I didn't know or couldn't know all the ways in which such a decision might affect me and/or the world around me.

What really helped me in this task was to look at all the topics that interested me, the things I was researching on my own anyway, looking for the thread that united my interests. There was a theme among them though it didn't become totally apparent until recently. Even after I had mused that being a writer was my path, it was such a monumental decision that I grew sporadic and began to muse all the other avenues I might take instead. What if I would prefer to be a scuba diver or a hotel manager or a restaurant owner or a political activist or an academic or a lawyer or a doctor, etc. etc.? I entertained these options realistically. Side note here, entertaining an option realistically is not the same as entertaining a notion (which has always come naturally--day dreams about what it would be like to be someone else or do something is a great indulgence of mine). When I entertained the notions of actually going to school and committing myself to these other vocations and reminded myself that one does not become a lawyer, doctor, activist,--anything at all--over night, I was able to look at them realistically. It would be wonderful to be any of these professions, I would be good at it, each has its own advantages but is it worth the extensive sacrifice? Is it what I do naturally on my own anyway? The answer came back with a resounding "no." But writing is what I do on my own anyway. Writing, imagining far off places and what it would be like to be someone else and experience something spectacular, learning about the world and then watching as my inner world expands and flourishes with the new found information like seeds sprouting new whims, new ways of looking at the world, new ways to unravel complexities and create new ideas for stories and exploration---that is what I do and that is exactly what one must do as a writer.

My advice is simply to figure out what it is that you enjoy unraveling. I think it's best to determine whether you prefer the arts or sciences. That should narrow it down a bit. Personally, I've always loved stories, literature, and beautiful ideas. If you can't decide between the two, I suggest looking into philosophy or psychology which are concerned with both. I sometimes still consider becoming a psychologist but I really hate school. I think school favors Te a lot more than Ti because it really feels like I'm pushing against the grain when I have to prove everything. Why can't they just hear what I say, mull it over, and consider how I arrived there? It's so much more fun that way for all people involved.

I think the key is to figure out what you're naturally inclined to think about, what kinds of fantasies you indulge in--the shapes and patterns of water molecules, light and sound? Perhaps physics is a good direction for you. When it comes to something that requires extensive training and hoops to jump through, it's important to remind yourself what you're doing it for and give yourself plenty of time to yourself each day to indulge in what you want to explore and think about. It's just unreasonable to expect yourself to be happy thinking about what someone else told you to think about all day everyday.

Also, for me, as an Ne user, I prefer to start big and then gradually fill in the details as I go along. For some, gathering bits of information gives them clues to the bigger picture of where they're going. I had a general direction in that I realized that ideally, I would have an occupation where I would use my talents, feel energized at the end of the day, be in charge of my own thoughts and directions, be in charge of my own hours, be somewhat of an entrepreneur, be creative, be in charge of my project, and provide some good or service to other people. These might seem like overly idealistic desires and who wouldn't want all these things? But the truth is some people have other priorities in their vocational choices. Other people's priorities include: clear structured guidelines, financial security, benefits, job security, etc. These weren't as high on my list if they had been, I might have been more drawn to psychologist due to my personal passions.

In conclusion, the more you explore, the more you discover about yourself, the world, and whatever else it is that you happened to be inclined to, the more the thread that unites your passions and the subsequent obvious next step in your path will become clear. Remember to follow your own muse, it's not wrong to have a passion or curiosity that seems odd or bizarre to others, the stranger it is the more likely that you're venturing upon an undiscovered path which might serve a tremendous asset to society at large and, therefore, be of benefit to you and others in the future.

I believe that answers both questions 1 and 2. :)

3. "Why get attached when it will only end?"
3. The need for attachment with men in a romantic way, I always provide it by my self(with daydreams,or romance novels) I'm not ready to take that big step. I'm not sure whether me and that potential some one will click or if he will violate my privacy, and so on. I don't want to get hurt, so I run away from it.


Yes, there are so many consequences and possibilities when you give your heart to someone. Will they cut you down? Will they hate everything you have to say? Will they think you're weird? or crazy? Sometimes my boyfriend acts like I'm crazy. Thankfully, he doesn't outright reject me and shies away from actually saying it outright because he loves me. lol. Still, when he acts that way, I feel the need to discuss the matter, seeing his skepticism as an indication that he's not fully grasping the underlying meaning of what I said. After further discussion, he might not agree with me but the matter of my sanity becomes more fully understood. lol.

Your story is inspiring! Really elevates my mood and erase a quarter of my cynicism. Its nice to know some one out there is struggling with the same issues. Makes me feel less of an oddbal.
I'm glad that I could be of service. :)
 

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Love just happens, eh? Or it finds you when you're not looking for or expecting it. Thank you for sharing your story btw. :)
I think the moral of the story is: when you're receptive to love and you open your heart to it, you will find it.

It's all around us all the time. We've just got to be open to it.

It's kind of like, you're in a kitchen and you're so busy imagining what it would be like to have a chocolate chip cookie that you don't notice there are a plate of cookies sitting right in front of you. :)
 

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But I never found anyone like me. Are we that rare?:frustrating:

Do you found one? If you do, what's your story(is it your sibling, your friend, your colleague, etc?)
I'm sexual preference. Not sure if we are rare, there was a thread for us last year and there were quite a few.

My story... is a boring story of a 5-type. :) I'll just conclude the story.

I don't have any deep connections in my life and don't plan on having any. Since I first reached that point, I've been beginning to learn how to deal with such a life. It's better to accept and live with it, rather than suffer over something that can't change.

When I was younger I did manage to make some connections, and there's nothing wrong with that if I choose to. It's just the environment I live in now, doesn't afford any opportunity to do so. One outlet is online, where I can occasionally share my ideas with people which helps.
 

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I like my alone time but I come to realize when talking to people that I'm much more interested in them than I thought. I don't connect with many people because many are dumb and/or they bore me but when I do I feel it intensely. Problem is I don't always know what to say. For this reason I might avoid or procrastinate getting back to people or especially initiating.

The retreating and reemerging thing regarding 5 really resonates with me. I've dreamed of having the world all to myself. I believe if I had that for a few months I could achieve everything I set out to do and fix all my flaws. People being around all the time everywhere makes things that would otherwise be easy difficult. Wish I had like a magic button I could press to make people come and go as I please.
 
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