Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 20 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
98 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I live with my ENFP sister and I just love her and admire her so much. She's always curious about everything, always coming with new projects, new friends... She seems to be so happy and full of life.
I can't stop comparing our lives and I usually come to the conclusion that she's like a happy, healthy version of me. We're interested in the same things, the difference is that while I stay in my room and spend my time daydreaming about doing things I love, she's the one who actually does everything. I mean, I feel dead compared to her. It's like, we both have the same potential, but I'm the one who's wasting it all and just watches her achieve projects with great success. This is bad really, because I get very jealous of her, plus I'm guilty of this jealousy because obviously I'm the lazy one who creates my own unhappiness. Sorry for being so depressing !

I was wondering, is it really possible for an INFP to be healthy ? I feel like such a stupid, useless, vulnerable person, at times I don't even feel like a proper human being- it's like I'm half dead. I feel so insecure I can't even live properly, my life is all about protecting myself from potential dangers. This is terrible. I spend my time dreaming of something to happen even though I do my best to avoid real life.
Is this how a healthy INFP is supposed to feel ? Because that sounds reeaaally unhealthy to me.

And, you know, INFPs usually like to feel special, and I relate to that, but I can't help thinking ENFPs are just as special as we are but they are strong enough to show their unique personality to everyone and be loved for it. I feel like INFPs are really special persons, but they are so introverted that even though people admit their individuality, they usually just don't care. I realize that being unique won't help me being loved if I can't live with it.

--> How could an INFP be as happy an an ENFP ?
I've always been an INFP, and when I imagine a "happy-me" I see an ENFP.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,447 Posts
Yes, INFPs can be as healthy and happy as the typical ENFP. There are also such thing as unhealthy ENFPs out there... Not one personality type is better than the other; We are all different, special, and unique in our own ways, and we all contribute something wonderful to this world.

Maybe it's time for some therapy? A therapist could guide you to heal your depression, low self-esteem, and help you socialize with the world better. I am going through the same thing, but you know what? I'm going to DO SOMETHING about it, and you should too! :D
 

·
MOTM Dec 2012
Joined
·
12,239 Posts
i understand your dilemma. i think the proper question is not "how come I'm not as happy as an ENFP?" because I've seen unhappy ENFP's, but rather "how can I be happy with myself, as an INFP?" i fall into the same trap of comparing myself with other happier people, but I've realized it's not necessarily connected with personality types. i think the real question is, "how can i maximize my happiness with what I've got?" you are you because you are you. you are special, in that nobody is like you, they've never lived your life. that's why i think it's ludicrous to compare yourself with others. you may not be as ambitious as your ENFP sister, but I'm pretty sure you have something that she doesn't. personally speaking, I've learned that I'm happiest when I am brooding, introspective, and curious. I don't have to do everything that society demands of me, i am free to act according to my own standards, and I'm perfectly ok with that. Whenever i felt inadequate I contemplate things. Usually, my optimism wins out because the alternative is much too bleak to even take seriously. I hope this rambling made some sense... :wink:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
717 Posts
ENFPs are great! And I know what you mean about envying their ability to be themselves and to be accepted for it, but personally, I could not be happy as an ENFP.

Reality drains me, and I need time to process everything, probably more time than I should. :proud:

But besides the reasons for being / liking being an introvert...

If insecurities or fear keep you from doing what you want to or being who you want to be or going after what you want, you simply need to ask yourself if--no matter what happens--it will be worth it.

For example (this probably isn't the kind of thing you're talking about but it will apply in many situations): I really like to go swimming by myself in the middle of the night. Sometimes, I am afraid that I could be attacked or drown or get in trouble because the pool really closes at 10:00 p.m. But when I am floating in the water and it's dark and there are so many stars in the sky, I know that this moment is worth it, worth whatever happens.

Next time you are dreaming of doing something and fear stops you, ask yourself--if your fears came true would it be worth it. And if it is, then go for it, but if it's not, then find something that will be worth doing. It will be a rush, and you will definitely be happy! :laughing:
 
  • Like
Reactions: Evgenia and refugee

·
Registered
Joined
·
403 Posts
Don't compare yourself to her because you simply are not her. You have many qualities that she does not possess - it may just be hard to see if you're in a bad place. I've had problems with this in the past. As time passed though, I saw that those ENFPs I was idealizing in fact were not nearly as great as I had made them out to be. It can take time to see them for who they are because their charisma can be so overwhelming. INFPs tend to offer more depth, introspection and individual understanding. The ENFPs I've known will leave others in the dust in their desperate pursuit of the next indulgence of fun.
ENFPs are more action-oriented and outspoken, so yeah, in times of depression, it's easy to envy them... but they probably aren't dealing with the same things or on the same paths that you're on, so it's important to not allow those boundaries between you to blur. That said, there are many positive things we can learn from them and that's a safe route to take, if you're in that place.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
I'm an ENFP, but I wouldn't say I'm all that "happy". Actually though, I usually test right on the border between E and I, with a slight preference for E. And so while I love to brood and over-think things, I'm also outgoing in certain situations, and people tend to view me as this happy-go-lucky person. It's kind of a curse, really, and I admire my INFP friends for seeming to just be who they are.

But one thing someone once told me really stuck with me - something like "never compare how you feel inside with other peoples' outsides". Basically, just because someone appears to have everything and is all put together, you don't really know how they feel inside....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
431 Posts
Is it really possible for an INFP to be healthy?
Of course.

To me it seems you're comparing a happy life to that of your sister. You're using her as a template for a happy life, like she is the one you have to follow in order to enjoy yourself. You have to draw your own template and not be afraid of how different it is, as long as it makes you content with who you are. You may not like to go out and meet all these people, and do all these things, but what do you like to do? If you like to read, take random trips to the library or bookstore. I find that, as an INFP, I feel most content when I feel I'm working towards a meaning for myself; whether it be through a hobby or a relationship if it leads me to my ideals then I can't explain how fulfilled I feel. Find out what you want out of your life and do things that align with that. Plan things... for yourself and not for anyone else's approval.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,347 Posts
One of the greatest things you can ever do is simply believing in yourself. Through all your encounters in life, good or bad, you can draw strength from it.

Any personality type that lives a happy life will still do poorly at certain things, simply because they miss the other scope of the world.

As of late I've been toying around with that dating site PlentyOfFish, in every profile I swear I only read 2 things "I want someone fun" and "I love to laugh." These people usually have the most boring profiles and in some senses seem more devoid of reality than US, the DREAMERS.

I may be biased, but I'd take the shy, but cute, introverted girl over the more socially robust type. ENFPs are cool too, but they can show a lot of themselves to everyone. INFPs are the perfect type to actually have a genuine 1:1 relationship with though.

If you want more food for thought, have a glance at a list of FAMOUS INFPs vs ENFPs.

INFP Profile
ENFP Profile

I like our list much better :D.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,728 Posts
I live with my ENFP sister and I just love her and admire her so much. She's always curious about everything, always coming with new projects, new friends... She seems to be so happy and full of life.
Appearances can be deceiving. ENFP's can put on a front of happiness and be torn up on the inside at the same time. Remember, they have Fi just like you, it just isn't dominant like yours, but it's still there.

I can't stop comparing our lives and I usually come to the conclusion that she's like a happy, healthy version of me. We're interested in the same things, the difference is that while I stay in my room and spend my time daydreaming about doing things I love, she's the one who actually does everything.
That's the biggest difference between ENFP's and INFP's. They use the same functions, but in a slightly different order. ENFP's have dominant Ne followed by Fi, INFP's have dominant Fi followed by Ne.

I mean, I feel dead compared to her. It's like, we both have the same potential, but I'm the one who's wasting it all and just watches her achieve projects with great success. This is bad really, because I get very jealous of her, plus I'm guilty of this jealousy because obviously I'm the lazy one who creates my own unhappiness. Sorry for being so depressing !
You and her have different needs to fulfill. Yes you may be alike in some ways and think the same way but that does not mean you are alike.

She requires people before alone time, you require alone time before people.

Her emotions, while still very prominent, are not necessarily activated 24/7 like yours are because she has auxiliary Te to help shut them off while Te is your inferior function. Therefore they don't necessarily tax her and drain her as much as they might do with you.

INFP's are not as well built to be able to shut off their emotions when necessary. But they can learn how to overtime through developing their T functions.

I was wondering, is it really possible for an INFP to be healthy ? I feel like such a stupid, useless, vulnerable person, at times I don't even feel like a proper human being- it's like I'm half dead. I feel so insecure I can't even live properly, my life is all about protecting myself from potential dangers. This is terrible. I spend my time dreaming of something to happen even though I do my best to avoid real life.
Is this how a healthy INFP is supposed to feel ? Because that sounds reeaaally unhealthy to me.
No definitely not. The fact is that INFP's have a hard time fitting in with the world because of the way our society views them at first glance. This causes the majority of them to become very insecure and defensive people which makes it seem like all INFP's act that way normally, which is not true.

INFP's have potential to be confident emotional leaders and amazing counsels to the people around them.

The biggest thing keeping most of them back in life is the fact that they do not have their core function fulfilled enough, their Fi.

Their internal emotions must be satisfied before they can be happy with anything else. Most of the time this is not satisfied because they do not feel accepted by the people around them.

Mostly because people do not realize how awesome INFP's are until they get to know them, or the INFP is just so socially awkward and weird because of his own insecurity and lack of experience that people don't want to get too close.

This cycle can be broken of course, but it's much easier to change ones self than it is to change the people around you, and unlike what many INFP's think, there are many things an INFP can do to cope and eventually change their situation. The only problem is that a lot of them want a quick fix, and there is no such thing.

And, you know, INFPs usually like to feel special, and I relate to that, but I can't help thinking ENFPs are just as special as we are but they are strong enough to show their unique personality to everyone and be loved for it. I feel like INFPs are really special persons, but they are so introverted that even though people admit their individuality, they usually just don't care. I realize that being unique won't help me being loved if I can't live with it.
ENFP's are indeed more outgoing and socially brave on average, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are happy or confident. In a sense, they often only put a portion of themselves out on the front stage. Their Fi often stays very hidden and unfulfilled just like it does for many INFP's, so many of them do have the same problem as us, it just doesn't take priority like it does for us so they are good at hiding that fact.

ENFP's utilize their Ne socially before their Fi because that is their native language. They are simply fulfilling their primary need which happens to involve socializing.

With INFP's, we want to show our emotion before anything else, but of course the water always seems too dangerous for us to take that particular boat out on it.

You'll notice that most INFP's can talk about typology for hours if you get them started on it and they will do so confidently, that is because it involves the use of their Ne.

By getting them to use their Ne, you have bypassed their Fi and suddenly they become much braver socially.

--> How could an INFP be as happy an an ENFP ?
I've always been an INFP, and when I imagine a "happy-me" I see an ENFP.
Keep in mind two things

1. Sociability does not necessarily equal happiness

It's easy to see someone doing something that makes them happy and assume that it will also make you happy.
what makes your sister happy will not necessarily make you happy even though it might seem like it. everyone has different needs. there is not a one size fits all source of happiness for all humans.

2. You can't change your type, but you can develop yourself

If life presents you with circumstances, do what you can to get by. Every type has to do that to some extent, not just INFP's. ENFP's have just as much trouble getting the world to accept their Fi as we do, they just don't bring it out as often.

Personality type is just a matter of preference. You think the way you do because you choose to do so. The reason you can't just change the way you think is because you only have control over your conscious mind, not your unconscious or subconscious mind. Those can only be changed through time and external stimulus.

Though, everyone uses all 8 of the cognitive functions, and even though you will not ever be able to make your dominant Fi go away permanently any time soon, you can develop functions that negate it temporarily and put a "lid" on it so to speak. Most INFP problems relate to them having an out of control Fi because of insufficiently developed T functions.

If an INFP scares people away from him because of his Fi, he should work on utilizing his Ne more to cope socially and slowly introduce his Fi once a good connection of trust and understanding has been developed between him and another person. He should also utilize his Te to help keep his Fi underwraps, since unbalanced Fi has a mind of its own and many times it can be difficult to just "turn off".

Using your Ne socially can be draining to INFP's because of their introversion, but you can learn social stamina. The more times you put yourself out there, the longer you will be able to do it. Social anxiety is easy to pin on being a "drained introvert" but that is actually caused by insecurity and lack of confidence.

Fi is intimidating and people are attracted to it, but only if you portray it with confidence. If it were not intimidating, our society would not shun it so much. Many people see emotions as a weakness because it IS a weakness for them, but not for INFP's. We are emotional leaders.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
715 Posts
I used to test at ENFP more often, but I can assure you that everyone has the potential to be happy in their own skin, no matter the type. Think about it...is it really your sister's TYPE that you want to live up to, or the fact that she can go out there and accomplish things and live her own life? We INFPs (Or xNFPs in my case) are perfectly capable of that, as well as any other type! :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
ENFP's are indeed more outgoing and socially brave on average, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are happy or confident. In a sense, they often only put a portion of themselves out on the front stage. Their Fi often stays very hidden and unfulfilled just like it does for many INFP's, so many of them do have the same problem as us, it just doesn't take priority like it does for us so they are good at hiding that fact.

ENFP's utilize their Ne socially before their Fi because that is their native language. They are simply fulfilling their primary need which happens to involve socializing.
This was kind of what I was attempting to say in my post, but Omar said it much better. It's true, I feel like ENFPs, like myself, are able to relate and socialize with lots of different people by using the Ne function so well. That doesn't mean that we feel understood by people, or connected or fulfilled by the interactions. In general, we want people to understand and accept us, but I often don't feel that I am understood. I have many friends, but very few that I truly feel close to. And it takes A LOT for me to share private and intimate feelings with someone too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,978 Posts
i think it takes a lot more for an INFP to be happy than an ENFP because we are, after all, idealist. I look at other types and observe what makes them happy and i get confused that they can be so happy over such frivolous matters (frivolous to me, not to them).

To be happy as an INFP is to have your reality as close to your idealistic reality as possible, which is difficult. I do, however, think that once we obtain true happiness, we have the potential to be the most satisfied.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
188 Posts
Set types aside, they mean nothing.

Try motivating yourself and do what you want to do, and be the 'you' you want to be. After all it is your life right? I mean whats the point of living a life that you don't want to live? Focus on your dreams, your goals. See the invisible, break the unbreakable. You can be anyone you want to be as long as you don't let others control that. Ask your sister for help... It might be hard work and stressful at first but just remember what you want in the end. The art of discipline is knowing what you want and I totally believe that.

If you see yourself as an ENFP or whatever, so be it! do what it takes but don't fall into bad habits of doing things you see no point in. don't be bored! ever...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,728 Posts
to summarize a lot of what was already said in this thread

ENFP's are more easily happy with what already exists in the world on average

INFP's have a vision in their head of what they need in order to be happy

That's I/E difference 101 right there. Introverts project their internal mind onto the world and extraverts react to what already exists.

Case in point, INFP's do have it a bit harder then ENFP's when it comes to their quest for happiness. and we don't want pity, only understanding and acceptance.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,987 Posts
Used to be an ENFP. And yes, I was very happy.

But I suppose that still doesn't answer our question, now, does it? :tongue:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,250 Posts
ENFP's are more easily happy with what already exists in the world on average
well that's just not true.. ENFP, out of all the types, is probably the most likely to get "grass is always greener" syndrome, just cos our Ne is always wondering what's elsewhere.

i don't particularly like this thread, i've met plenty of INFPs who are happy with who they are, and confident in every way.. the trade-off to being an ENFP should be that we need a lot of validation from others, wheras an INFP is content with fewer people surrounding them. like for example, i always need to know a lot of people and have a lot of friends so i need to go out and meet people, if that doesn't happen i get depressed. INFPs don't need that as much to be content so in many ways it's an easier life.

i don't particularly think this is a healthy way to think- just live life, don't analyse it. and before you spout off all that same-old same-old about INFPness, like i said i've met INFPs who are more down to earth than a lot of ENFPs and vice versa.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,728 Posts
from my experience the ENFP's I know have similar problems to me, but they seem to much more easily go "meh whatever" and shrug them off. I have never really been able to do that.
 

·
Subterranean Homesick Alien
Joined
·
11,928 Posts
Used to be an ENFP. And yes, I was very happy.
I don't think you can really switch types.

our Ne is always wondering what's elsewhere.
That's one reason I envy INPs. I think they have an easier type seeing things through rather than leaving before things are finished. In the way of projects and ideas, I mean.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,401 Posts
I live with my ENFP sister and I just love her and admire her so much. She's always curious about everything, always coming with new projects, new friends... She seems to be so happy and full of life.
I can't stop comparing our lives and I usually come to the conclusion that she's like a happy, healthy version of me. We're interested in the same things, the difference is that while I stay in my room and spend my time daydreaming about doing things I love, she's the one who actually does everything. I mean, I feel dead compared to her. It's like, we both have the same potential, but I'm the one who's wasting it all and just watches her achieve projects with great success. This is bad really, because I get very jealous of her, plus I'm guilty of this jealousy because obviously I'm the lazy one who creates my own unhappiness. Sorry for being so depressing !

I was wondering, is it really possible for an INFP to be healthy ? I feel like such a stupid, useless, vulnerable person, at times I don't even feel like a proper human being- it's like I'm half dead. I feel so insecure I can't even live properly, my life is all about protecting myself from potential dangers. This is terrible. I spend my time dreaming of something to happen even though I do my best to avoid real life.
Is this how a healthy INFP is supposed to feel ? Because that sounds reeaaally unhealthy to me.

And, you know, INFPs usually like to feel special, and I relate to that, but I can't help thinking ENFPs are just as special as we are but they are strong enough to show their unique personality to everyone and be loved for it. I feel like INFPs are really special persons, but they are so introverted that even though people admit their individuality, they usually just don't care. I realize that being unique won't help me being loved if I can't live with it.

--> How could an INFP be as happy an an ENFP ?
I've always been an INFP, and when I imagine a "happy-me" I see an ENFP.



I feel your pain. So so much.
My sister's facebook test said ENFP, though I don't think she's looked into it extensively.

She is completely social, can't stand sitting alone in her room, tries to make me constantly come out of mine and talk to her. She is totally okay with going to work and doing normal daily responsible things without complaining or the pained expression that I get as I walk out the door. She doesn't seem to think about life, she just does it. She's always had boyfriends, she's always had tons of friends and she's always had extreme drama going on in her life with all of them. She's not as picky as I am with anything.

The only ways we're similar are our morals and inability to be legitimately mean to people.

So not only are we the typical introverted/ extroverted sister stereotype, but I'm also the smarter one and she's the pretty one. How sitcom is that?

But you know, "an unexamined life is not worth living." And I'd hate to be so simple, honestly. (Not saying this is an ENFP thing, just a "my sister" thing.)

And yes, I just threw some Socrates in there. haha.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Evgenia

·
Registered
Joined
·
302 Posts
It would certainly be a lot easier
INFP isn't one of the most well adapted of the 16 but i think it pays off if you work with it :]
 
1 - 20 of 20 Posts
Top