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I've never been caught up in conventional definitions of things. I don't feel shackled or burdened by defining things my own way. The tension between reality/my own perspective has largely been a non-issue for me. I define it my way and that's that; and this means I take responsibility for my decisions and bear whatever the consequences that come with it.
My focus is on what I create rather than the limitations or burdens of the real world. I suppose they are the workings of Fi+Ne, and i've seen a handful of infps' expressing this.
But I notice that many infps' on forums focus a lot on what lacks in the "real world" rather than on being confidant in what they create for their selves. I understand Ne needs validation. But I want to ask why this is. Why not focus on creation as opposed to the lack of colour in reality?
The example to illustrate this is the case of male infps'. I have seen many express exasperation concerning not being typically "manly". Although I am not a male, I can empathise with being someone with characteristics opposed and chastised by society. I can only imagine some of the experiences you've had, and will continue to face in light of being who you are. As much as I wish it wasn't so, we know that social values often dismiss what many people find beautiful or true. I'm someone who sees no weakness in a man defined by values, or who is in touch with emotions, and I know there are many people who share this view. I hold no stock in traditional definitions of masculinity. But who cares what I or any other person thinks? it's about what you hold to be true inside you.
It seems like a paradox... a certain cognitive dissonance; to be something you have defined for yourself, and then to measure yourself by the very thing you reject. If you define success by happiness, you're not a failure for flunking a test. But you must be prepared to accept the flunking and how this external measurement is valued by the outside. And to fly in the face of it, valiantly.
I know many infps' are enneagram fours, and many feel a chronic sense of defectiveness. But many infps' who have flourished in life will tell you moving through depression, pain etc all points to one direction: accepting yourself. Acknowledging that you were never broken. That you are OK being who you are, and that to evaluate yourself by anything other than your own terms is madness (although a degree of external feedback is necessary of course!).
Without confidence, how can you meet the challenges that arise from being who you are?. Because there are always going to be consequences for defining you own life on your own terms. There is a tradeoff when you define your life by personal integrity instead of harmony with the environment. There will be negative consequences and there will be positive consequences. Take charge and refine what is more important to you.
If you want to live a life according to your ideals, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept and acknowledge the effects of living by what you have internally defined. For unless you declare and take responsibility for what you personally define and value, for the potential negative external consequences of maintain integrity with ideals and values, reality will always present itself as a burden. You just have to decide what is more important. And acknowledge that YOU made the choice through what YOU believed to be true.
So I ask....
Infps'... what have you defined for yourself? (it might be, how you view success, or how you view 'happiness') what lengths are you prepared to go to and what are you willing to experience, to remain true to these ideals?
My focus is on what I create rather than the limitations or burdens of the real world. I suppose they are the workings of Fi+Ne, and i've seen a handful of infps' expressing this.
But I notice that many infps' on forums focus a lot on what lacks in the "real world" rather than on being confidant in what they create for their selves. I understand Ne needs validation. But I want to ask why this is. Why not focus on creation as opposed to the lack of colour in reality?
The example to illustrate this is the case of male infps'. I have seen many express exasperation concerning not being typically "manly". Although I am not a male, I can empathise with being someone with characteristics opposed and chastised by society. I can only imagine some of the experiences you've had, and will continue to face in light of being who you are. As much as I wish it wasn't so, we know that social values often dismiss what many people find beautiful or true. I'm someone who sees no weakness in a man defined by values, or who is in touch with emotions, and I know there are many people who share this view. I hold no stock in traditional definitions of masculinity. But who cares what I or any other person thinks? it's about what you hold to be true inside you.
Someone confident in who they are is not only attractive to other people, but most importantly, it gives you the opportunity to measure yourself on your OWN terms rather than being unsure, unsettled or shameful.Apart from that: I as an INFP guy have actually not even a problem with being titled as innocent and what not. I know I am not the wild, dangerous guy who will kill you a tiger with my own hands to get some food if needed. That doesn't threaten my "manliness", I define it in other ways, and if I want a girl then one which can appreciate me the way I am. Are there women which can find that attitude sexy? I don't know, it depends on how you define sexy I guess.
It seems like a paradox... a certain cognitive dissonance; to be something you have defined for yourself, and then to measure yourself by the very thing you reject. If you define success by happiness, you're not a failure for flunking a test. But you must be prepared to accept the flunking and how this external measurement is valued by the outside. And to fly in the face of it, valiantly.
I know many infps' are enneagram fours, and many feel a chronic sense of defectiveness. But many infps' who have flourished in life will tell you moving through depression, pain etc all points to one direction: accepting yourself. Acknowledging that you were never broken. That you are OK being who you are, and that to evaluate yourself by anything other than your own terms is madness (although a degree of external feedback is necessary of course!).
Without confidence, how can you meet the challenges that arise from being who you are?. Because there are always going to be consequences for defining you own life on your own terms. There is a tradeoff when you define your life by personal integrity instead of harmony with the environment. There will be negative consequences and there will be positive consequences. Take charge and refine what is more important to you.
If you want to live a life according to your ideals, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept and acknowledge the effects of living by what you have internally defined. For unless you declare and take responsibility for what you personally define and value, for the potential negative external consequences of maintain integrity with ideals and values, reality will always present itself as a burden. You just have to decide what is more important. And acknowledge that YOU made the choice through what YOU believed to be true.
So I ask....
Infps'... what have you defined for yourself? (it might be, how you view success, or how you view 'happiness') what lengths are you prepared to go to and what are you willing to experience, to remain true to these ideals?