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Being Eaten Alive By Limerence: Near desperate & in need of some INFJ/ENTP advice.

(I've cross posted this from INFJ forum, hope I don't get into adminee trouble, but on reflection I think I need an ENTP take on this shizzle. Don't be mad Admins, please?)

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Evening All - I'm going to do my best not sound as whiny as I'm feeling right now (here's hoping, any road). I'll try to be brief

Soooo - a year or so ago I got sick of being single, so decided to 'do' something about The Lonely that was swallowing me from the inside. As the traditional British modes of finding partners are, frankly, a social and emotional fiasco for me, I tried internet dating. After one or two complete horror stories (I won't bore you - but the ICK, it still burns) I got chatting online to a woman a couple of months ago. We share tastes, peccadilloes, she got my humour, and is on my intellectual wave length. (Oh, and she's tested as & identifies with ENTP.) I have never been so taken with someone, nor felt such a match without meeting.

Then, she became weirdly intense. I didn't understand why, & have trouble explaining its manifestation. & I freaked out. & detached. Consciously pushed this awesome woman into the 'friend zone'. So, other than the excruciatingly happy-making email/text/twitter correspondence (that still gets me hot under the collar to remember), we've not met IRL. In the last couple of weeks she has started seeing someone else. & I was happy for her - as friends are wont to be.

& then the bombshell.

She gave me the reasons (that even on an anon. forum I won't disclose) for the weird intensity. These are completely valid. But, now the intensity that scared me has been explained - it is too late! I wasn't operating with all information, and misinterpreted, and acted incorrectly. & it's eating me alive.

I've lost something, I never had. I can't stop thinking about her. & It's driving me doolaly. Worse - I'm begrudging her the new happiness she's forming with someone else. Which is just cretinous.

I don't form attachments easily, and as I said I've never spoken to anyone who is such a great match. What we had over the interwebz/phone was astonishing. & it's gone. I am lost.

& I'm beginning to ramble. Possibly incoherently. Sorry.

How the hell do I let this go? All that potential beauty I've inadvertently screwed myself out of just keeps going around in my head.


Thanks for reading. More thanks for responses.

Gonzo.
 

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I can relate; I don't form attachments easily either and something similar to this happened recently. I actually don't know how I forgot about my obsession. I guess I just stopped letting these ideas get to me. I can dwell on things if I choose to, but I don't need to. I probably spent a week thinking about him, writing, daydreaming and what not but then I decided that I have more important agendas in my life to take care of.

I suppose it can be fun to fantasize about all the lovely potentials, but it is also detrimental, as in your case. If you think about it, you are merely in love with the romanticized idea of being with her and not her herself. And the idea is yours. You can control it and move on.
 
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