[ForsakenMe]

Are any of you still friends with your exes? Or are you a big believer in "What's done is done"? How do you feel about dating someone who is still pretty good friends with his/her exes?

 

[Raichan]

Being friends with an ex (if you ever shared a powerful connection) always leads to at least some ''sparks.''

But if it wasn't powerful, I don't know...Nyeh..I don't think much of the exes I never loved.

 

[ForsakenMe]

I am pretty traditional when it comes to guys. Guys, to me, come in three categories that I put them in;

Platonic: These guys, I don't feel even a tiny ounce of attraction. At all. They are my family members who are guys, and guys who are not related to me but I don't feel anything romantic/sexual for.
Romantic: These guys I have strong feelings for. Boyfriend material, and if one of them is lucky and myself am lucky to meet such a wonderful guy, marriage-material. Strong sexual attraction.
Non-Existant: Guys whom I've never met before, guys I've met but share nothing in common so I just don't take much notice of them anymore (don't even want them as friends), or ex-boyfriends/lovers who have treated me badly so I choose to forget them and move on with my life.

Once I put a guy in one of the above categories, there he stays.

 

[SomethingDifferent]

I am simply friends with an ex, though nothing there that *sparkles* if you ask me roud: I think I feel good like that, because I feel certain people are just friend-material that I can't just let them become non-existent in my case.
And then there's the ex that just makes me uncomfortable that I cannot think of him as a friend anymore. Just depends I guess! :bored:

 

[Raichan]

I am pretty traditional when it comes to guys. Guys, to me, come in three categories that I put them in;

Platonic: These guys, I don't feel even a tiny ounce of attraction. At all. They are my family members who are guys, and guys who are not related to me but I don't feel anything romantic/sexual for.

Is it just me or an INFP woman thing? That we tend to treat our guy friends like family easily? :crazy:

I had the tendency to put ''family'' and ''guy best friends'' in the same sentence. Damn.

INFP's seem to share the same souls in the smallest things, sometimes.

 

[rowingineden]

I tried to be friends with both my exes. They both claimed to be INxJs. They only agreed to it so long as they thought there was a chance that we could get back together, and when they realized finally that was never going to happen, they just got mean and crossed some lines which at that point I could no longer ignore, so I told them both off and cut off contact with them altogether.

 

[Lad]

I'm on great terms with 6 of the 7 people I've dated. The only one missing from that is the recent ex, but it's only been like 3 or 4 weeks. Even then, I'm not overly optimistic on that one though.

Of those 7, 3 of them were still hung up on me even years after the relationship ended (that I know of).

Nonetheless, I have those 6 on my facebook and catch up with them from time to time. Sometimes we have random chats about the past.

 

[Azure Bass]

I'm on good terms with my one ex girlfriend, considering reality pretty much got in the way of it to begin with. Most of the time, I have strong feelins against my friends that have dated their exes if they use their partners AND treat them unfairly to boot. I flat out don't like their guts, no matter who they are. But others do get along with their ex's. And if you're friends, you're friends. They tried?

 

[Raichan]

Logically speaking, I suppose it's okay to be friends with your exes, just don't let them stop you from moving on with your life (and care not to involve yourself if there's any potential drama with their jealous or drama queen girlfriends)

 

[ForsakenMe]

My first ex was a very unhealthy ENFJ, and when things ended between us, he deicded for us to be enemies for life. Fuck him. We pretended to "forgive" each other, but truth be told we dislike each other and we are not on speaking terms, and it's been over 6 months since we last spoken. If he was ever to talk to me again, I'll just ignore him. Thanks to him, I'm staying away from anyone who comes across as an ENFJ, unless I'm sure they're healthy.

My second ex was an average/unhealthy INFJ. He dumped me and so far, I've heard nothing. It's like he doesn't ever want to be my friend, despite him telling me back then that he is still friends with the two girls he used to date in the past. He is very hypocritical, so whatever.

I think it's fine to be friends with an ex, but there has to be a hella lot of time after the break up occured to make sure both people have moved on in all ways and can be friends without anymore awkwardness or feelings, even if they're negative. I believe girls are more inclined to want to be friends with an ex because we're emotional creatures and we like to catch up with people, but with guys, it's very cut and clear; When they cut you out of their lives and you don't hear anything, it's 100% they don't like you at all and don't ever want to reconcile with you. Ever. And guys who want to be friends with you almost immediatley afterwards either want to use you for some reason, or still loves you. Only time can tell.

 

[AllorNuthin]

I write about once a week with my ex. We broke up over 3 years ago and didn't talk at first, but later we both confessed and cried together and really helped each other understand why it didn't work out. We don't talk on the phone, I think that would be too much to handle, and we both agree that we shouldn't get back together. But we know each other better than anyone else, and we use each other to vent and talk about our current troubles with work and dating. Sure we aren't really a thing anymore, but it doesn't mean we don't still love each other, and we both look forward to reading each other's emails.

 

[wisdom]

It's hard for me to imagine. The break-up would have to have been mutual and minimally painful, and I can't see carefully picking the right person, then deciding that was not the right person, and not feeling cheated or something. I'd rather pretend it never happened and try to get the person out of my head, not to mention out of my life.

 

[Matchbook]

I have had but a single girlfriend, an INFJ of the most mysterious sort. She had an emotional world that was so rich, but oh so turbulent. Her insecurities have sabotaged her hopes so many times, and ultimately it became the ruin of our relationship. That is not to say that I did not have insecurities, because I did, and these led me to cast my heart into the oblivion with her, that I might rescue her. Yet without a secure tether to my own solidarity, I spun into the void only so far as I could dare. The threads of her dependency compassed my soul, but with earnest eyes I found the shafts of light and ventured in that direction, striving until my mind entered the clarity to see that I could not be her savior, and that she must find her own ground to stand upon. This light exposed the dark, insecure corners of my soul, and brought a healing pain. With the light glowing more strongly within the chambers of my understanding, I tried to carefully share this light with her, but as it shone upon the vulnerable places, she shut it out, and she ran. But wishing not to run alone, she used every drawing ploy her emotions could summon to become a forceful gravity to my heart, but I was firmly planted. So she ran to another, and married. Her healing she still refuses, but it calls to her. This time not with my voice...she must hear it within, and answer.

We really wanted to always be friends and stay in each other's lives, but I don't know if that will be possible. There are so many emotional attachments that pervade our consciousness every time we speak to one another, that it could pose a risk. I think that it is only a good idea to be friends with an ex when both have had closure. She has not had closure. I have had enough closure to be able to move on well enough.

ForsakenMe, just out of curiosity, have you only dated NFs? You just can't get NF of them? :tongue: Ok, lame pun.

 

[ForsakenMe]

ForsakenMe, just out of curiosity, have you only dated NFs? You just can't get NF of them? :tongue: Ok, lame pun.

I only dated a couple of guys... I mean, I'm not one to rebound over and over and leave guys for another guy, or cannot stay single for more than 5 seconds... I date a guy because I REALLY like him and find omething special in him that I can't see in other guys... And that doesn't come very often. Most guys my age are like...

... What? I'm not being discriminative. :tongue: