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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Just as it says in the title. My biggest personality flaw has always been varying degrees of self-loathing. Lately I have been going through some tough stuff and I have noticed it's gotten much worse. I'm at the point where I will literally say mean things to myself out loud when I'm alone. That certainly isn't healthy. Any advice on how I can begin to reverse this?

Edit: I don't want to create the wrong impression here... I'm not some sort of Emo cliche sitting in a dark corner rocking back and forth, crying and repeating I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself. I don't even like tight pants and wouldn't fit anyway. I'd just like to not be so down on myself all the time for no reason
 

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What don't you like about yourself?
Write a list. Be harsh. Overly critical, too.

Set it on fire and light a cigar with it.

Don't think--just go with it.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
What don't you like about yourself?
Write a list. Be harsh. Overly critical, too.

Set it on fire and light a cigar with it.

Don't think--just go with it.
Might just work. All I need is to go out and get a good cigar.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
You might hold yourself to too high of expectations. Or you might be a super critical person in general and if/ when you fail in the same way as other people you get down on yourself. Be more forgiving?
Very true. I tend to hold myself to a much higher standard than others. If I can't figure something out as quickly another person then I am a moron. If someone needs help understanding something, well I will help them out because that's just how it goes. Serious disconnect there.
 
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I have done the self loathing bit here and there, but overall, I love myself. I do self loathing more when hormonal. Like when pregnant. I felt a self loathing with every pregnancy to some degree. I think the last one was the worst. I just wanted my body back. I felt very uncomfortable, and unattractive :-( Lots of self loathing then. Or when I'm sick. I hate being sick, or having food poisoning or some such thing.
 

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Discussion Starter #8 (Edited)
Sort of an Update: I chopped pretty much all of my hair today. Went from down over my shoulders to not even being able to put it in a ponytail. Not really sure why, not even sure if this means that I've lost it completely or I'm turning over a new leaf. Guess we'll see

Photo_00006.jpg


Chillin' with short hair :wink:
 

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One thing I try to think about when I'm feeling low and being self critical (which happens a lot!) what would I say to myself if I was in someone elses shoes. Imagine you are your own best friend, you wouldn't criticise your best friend would you? So if you consider yourself to be your best friend then perhaps you will start treating yourself with the respect you deserve :)

Easier said then done!
 

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Discussion Starter #10
One thing I try to think about when I'm feeling low and being self critical (which happens a lot!) what would I say to myself if I was in someone elses shoes. Imagine you are your own best friend, you wouldn't criticise your best friend would you? So if you consider yourself to be your best friend then perhaps you will start treating yourself with the respect you deserve :)

Easier said then done!

This is actually very good advice, and certainly easier said than done, but far easier than cutting yourself down! I will try to see things that way, thank you.
 
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I would suggest you start reading about enneagram. Finding your enneagram type and tritype can really bring clarity to where feelings like this come from...deep down. Self awareness can do wonders for adjusting perception and attitude.
 

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It sounds cheesy, but it can help to repeat to yourself on a loop: "I love myself as I am at this moment." Or, if that's too much, "I am OK as I am."
 

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I think that voice can be the product of many people who have overly criticized you in the past. I think figuring out who those people were and in your mind telling them to fuck off will let go of the power you've given to them and their criticisms. Those thoughts I think are trying to control you and products/remnants of previous experiences with people who have consistently put you down.

And after all of that I'd say put into perspective all the things you've achieved and what good things you've done. Often when I look at myself from that perspective I'm shocked at the amazing things I've done even though I tend to only focus on what I haven't done.
 

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@umbrellasky's advice is very good indeed. Talking to yourself as if it were someone else helps to keep an objective view, and to stay realistic and grounded.

Why don't you also try to play a game? Everytime you think of a negative about yourself, try to be the ultimate manipulator, and try to twist that around until you can see how it would be a positive aspect about yourself. Even if it is bizarre. For example I have curly hair, (I know it's silly but) I used to get bullied for having curly hair and so at one point I started to dislike it very much. When I looked in the mirror I'd think "urgh I hate curly hair" and then I'd say "but at least it keeps my head warm." or something stupid like that. Everytime you catch yourself picking things out, turn it into a positive. At first it may seem ridiculous, but I will also tell you this: smiling raises endorphin levels (happy hormones) and so even if it's silly, it will make you happier. :) And another fact: after doing something for 21 days straight, it becomes a habit. Imagine that! A habit of complimenting yourself :happy:

Also, when you do catch yourself being down on yourself, why don't you try talking to yourself? Ask yourself why you dislike that certain thing? Ask why is it bad? And then reassure yourself by saying it's not the end of the world, and why it isn't the end of the world. i.e there's worse out there etc. If there are some things you don't like about yourself because you think they are unattractive, then think for a moment, do you really want to be with someone who is with you because you are attractive? Or do you want to be with someone because they love who you are and how they feel around you?

Basically, challenge yourself! In fun ways and in serious ways. Like @umbrellasky said, talk to yourself as if it is your best friend, but also remember you are your best friend. The love and intimacy you have with yourself is the most important one, as it is the foundation to the love you build for other people.
 

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I would definitely say to try changing your "inner-script." Don't allow yourself to speak poorly or negatively of yourself. Always combat a negative thought with a positive one. Always. Every single one. This does not mean being delusional, but you also have to realize that even if there are lots of things you want to change about yourself, beating yourself up about it won't help. But the more you respect yourself, the more you naturally want to grow and improve. So be COMPASSIONATE with yourself, be patient with yourself, be loving and KIND with yourself. Know that you are worth it.

Also, perfection is overrated and any improvement takes time. Even if you recognize that you have flaws you want to fix, getting down on yourself about it is only going to make the journey to get there a miserable one. Might as well have a good time as you're becoming your best self, so start talking to yourself as if you are already the person you want to be! :)
 
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