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MOTM January 2013
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Has this been an issue in your life due to the fact that Fi doesn't lay it's cards on the table and people fill in the gaps for you, place their own insecurities on to you because they might be unnerved of your true intentions and your lack of display of them. Does this happen with certain kinds of people? Do others tend to use you for a verbal sound wall? What are good ways of asserting boundaries without causing further offence or inner guilt.
 

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feels..

i tend to be projected on by people have a lot of inner anxiety. they might assume that i have very thin skin, so will walk on eggshells around me, when they are projecting their own insecurity onto me. or if they worry a lot, they will project their worry onto me because they want me to be in the same state of mental anxiety as them on some level i guess.

i noticed that when i was in a real state of peace and clarity, i would notice everyone around me projecting their own beliefs and emotions onto me as if i was a mirror for their neurosis.

sometimes i will just tell the person that they are projecting themselves onto me, its usually my family so its not out of the ordinary for me to be that straightforward with them. if it was someone i didn't know so well, i would probably just let it be, i dont want to come across as egotistical or hurt their feelings.
 

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I don't open up a lot. It's just not my preference. I hold things VERY close to the chest on personal matters and blabber on endlessly on this forum about surface issues. I don't help people out a lot with explaining myself because....... this is going to sound pretty bad, lol, lol, lol, because I just don't care about most people. For the few close family members I do love and friends, I will try harder to fill in the gaps for them. I've had things said about me, sure, but often I think defending myself to someone I not only don't care about AND view as an idiot, or who I feel is trolling me, well i feel like defending myself is beneath me. I view it as undignified. Now, about boundaries, I friggin' LOVE them. Most of the time I just don't start conversations with people and usually they leave me alone. Let that sleeping dog lie and my boundary is usually set automatically. But.... sometimes I do have to assert myself and take someone by the scruff of the neck and shake them a little. I don't know if I interpreted your questions correctly, but dems my thoughts on me. :)
 

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Yes.

This is something I've said about INFPs for awhile.

However, I think this has something to do with meekness or a look of fragility in general rather than Fi. I've known a few ISFJs, and people tend to project their bullshit onto them as well. Though a very different type, ISFJs exude a childlike innocence as well. It just manifests more as impishness rather than etherealness.

This culture has a bad habit of wanting to educate people who they assume are naive or inexperienced without realizing that disposition is likely inborn, unchangeable, and unrelated to life experience. If you do not exude the aura of "strength and experience" that our culture values this deeply frightens some people because it taps into their own insecurities.
 

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Here I thought that people were following you around with projectors and trying to play movies on you... :tongue:




I think as long as your human, you'll prefer not to have someone rudely project their issues on to you, however, I also think that it's possible to simply not care (to a degree that is).


I don't know how people reach this state. Perhaps it's age and wisdom or life experience. Sort of like how @Sily said regarding simply not worrying what others think/not caring in general. Sort of reminds me of this quote (which I can't recall who said it at the moment)...

"What others think of you is none of your business."












Editing second half of response...
 

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"What others think of you is none of your business."
i read that exact same quote, written by someone else on another forum i frequent, about 3 hours ago....

for context the question the thread was about was "do you care what others think of you?"
Text Font Line Screenshot Parallel

i either read forums way too much, or the cosmos is trying to tell me something.
 

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I think @WhateverLolaWants is onto something. It's anyone who's a bit quiet and seems meek (if I'm being cynical I'd say "easy target"). Especially when people are used to mirroring each other and constantly sending feedback that way, someone who isn't participating in that can be viewed with suspicion, because it's like, why are you not being open like we are? what are you hiding?

So they assume that there's something "wrong", and that "wrong" is going to be whatever they think is wrong. Chances are that's their own negative side, which they're refusing to acknowledge, so they pin it onto you because that way it's easier to deal with.

Although I have to say, it's not just with us quiet ones: I find it hilarious (and aggravating) watching certain extraverted members of my family bitching behind each other's backs, all for the same negative traits that they all share. None of them can see it in themselves, but oh my goodness do they detest it in everyone else! I tried explaining it to my mother (one of the guilty parties) one time and her reaction was a really dismissive, "Oh! That's weird." Not exactly prone to introspection, is my mother. But yeah. Similar behaviour, but I guess in that case there's actual external proof, as opposed to a blank canvas. So maybe not the same thing at all. Carry on. >_<
 

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I get a lot of gossip thrown at me anywhere that I work at. I'm also the peacemaker in my family. Maybe that's the empathy, the lack of opening up makes me appear agreeable, or the fact that I rarely if ever gossip. I'm safe to gossip with, because I don't spread it around.

As far as being projected at, it happens a lot from "loud people", friends of my friends usually. I'm too polite to tell people to stop, and I'd rather deal with it indirectly (i.e. avoid that person in the future). Those aren't the majority of people, however.
 

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I'm kinda a firing range for this kinda stuff. Usually I don't do much, but much like any other sort of pressure, when it gets too big, I explode.

My step-mother was constantly nudging and pushing me to be more social, more open, more bold and assertive than I'm comfortable with. She's no saint either in those regards, but she would always compare my life to hers as a teen, how many friends she had and how rebellious she was. This sort of button-pushing lasted barely two weeks before I told her to fuck right off and other things I'm not proud of.

So... yeah. I'm still learning too. A bunch of people are always getting on my back about being reserved or anxious, and I'm doing everything in my power to be calm over it or muster enough courage to warn them. We'll see. I got a whole lifetime to figure this shit out.
 

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Does this happen with certain kinds of people? Do others tend to use you for a verbal sound wall? What are good ways of asserting boundaries without causing further offence or inner guilt.
I think everyone projects.
Being a verbal sound wall, that's up to you. You can sit there and agree or you can call them out.
A good way of asserting boundaries is just to say what's on your mind without worry about repercussion.
 

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I guess sometimes I feel like people need to open their minds up a little about other people. That they make assumptions too quickly, and then instead of taking responsibility for their own assumptions and lack of information, they just try to paint other people with them. I think that's projection, but not really sure.

But it irritates me when people do that and i certainly don't want anyone doing that to me. I also would like to avoid doing that to them.
 

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I find it hilarious (and aggravating) watching certain extraverted members of my family bitching behind each other's backs, all for the same negative traits that they all share. None of them can see it in themselves,
ya i think about this a lot

people seem to be the most freaked out about aspects in other people, which they have the most trouble seeing in themselves.

 

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Has this been an issue in your life due to the fact that Fi doesn't lay it's cards on the table and people fill in the gaps for you, place their own insecurities on to you because they might be unnerved of your true intentions and your lack of display of them. Does this happen with certain kinds of people? Do others tend to use you for a verbal sound wall? What are good ways of asserting boundaries without causing further offence or inner guilt.
This Q shows great insight. I was just pondering this issue today. You've helped me gain a broader perspective. I think this happens whether I'm interacting with other Fi's or not. I'm misunderstood and often shut out from people I want to be close to. My platonic interests are rejected due to misunderstandings about intentions. Evidently I'm so gosh darned sexy people can think of nothing but sex when they are with me, LOL.
 

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I think everyone projects.
Being a verbal sound wall, that's up to you. You can sit there and agree or you can call them out.
A good way of asserting boundaries is just to say what's on your mind without worry about repercussion.
Well said.

I've experienced being projected on when I was younger because I was way more timid in my teenage years than I'm now. I didn't really like it so I solved the problem exactly the way you said. I share my thoughts openly and if someone makes wrong assumptions about me, I correct them. It's actually very easy and it can be done without offending anyone.
 

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@mushr00m


Maybe you can start charging the people who use you for their projections?

$9.75 to do so and another $15 for a large snack/drink combo? :tongue:





I was thinking of ways to deal with it, and could only come up with a joking response (another movie based one at that) I'm afraid.

As time goes on, I'm learning not to care about potential projections people propagate (how's that for some alliteration?), though on some days it's easier not to care than on others.




However, as people have said, it just seems that's a facet of being part of the human race, and how everyone handles it will be different.
 
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