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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Someone recently told me that I can seem a little cold when you get to know me first. It surprises me because I make friends easily though, I am happy to meet new people, and I think, I try to smile often.
I think it depends on situations since some other people think, I just look very funny but funny "unemotionnally" funny (as if I am a fun person who has never any issue, never has doubts, just fun). I know some people think, I am an introvert.
Well, yes it seems I can look a little cold at first... What about you ?
Have you heard anything like this ?
 

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I live with an INTJ brother and INTJ cousin, and between these three NT types, we have all been told that we come across coldly.
While ENTP types make an effort with regards to physical gestures and social situations, it seems people still consider us cold.

Since we are usually full of life and enjoy chatting, the quiet intellectual time may come across as disengagement.
 

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I was once called heartless, but that was from a lack of Fi :]

The introverted side that comes out is aloof and probably perceived as being cold - but for me this only happens during work hours or when I'm alone - so my co-workers are always asking me why I don't socialize or if there is something wrong with me, but I never have this issue with my family or friends, and I definitely put out more energy when I'm meeting strangers.

The truth is work is work, I'm there for ten hours a day and have plenty of time to actually contemplate things that have nothing to do with camaraderie.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
The truth is work is work, I'm there for ten hours a day and have plenty of time to actually contemplate things that have nothing to do with camaraderie.
Totally same here. I guess, I am seen as cold professionnaly for this very reason. But in this case, i don't care. I care more when friends say i am cold at first.
 

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Totally same here. I guess, I am seen as cold professionnaly for this very reason. But in this case, i don't care. I care more when friends say i am cold at first.
I think unless you are trying to control perception most sensitive folk are going to perceive you in the ways that you affect their feelings. You would essentially have to understand and cater to each person's emotional/social needs from the get-go, which would take way too much energy and effort imo.

NT friends - a breath of fresh air :wink:
 

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I personally have never been called "cold". I have been asked if I was upset when I wasn't my normal bubbly self, but never cold :D
 

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I'm a lot colder on the inside than I appear on the outside. On the outside it's a mix of witty jokes, logical discussion and "insane" ramblings. On the inside it's "you could die tomorrow and I wouldn't really care". Maybe not that extreme, but something like that.

I've been called domineering, narcissistic, sociopathic, asshole, selfish, etc.. but never cold for some reason.
 

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I think people who are in the middle phase of getting to know me probably get that impression.

Knowing me a little means watching me be nice to people and make jokes. A little more, and then they realize I just treat everyone like that, and that a lot of my opinions on things are more about efficiency and tactical positioning. At the final stage, I think people realize I like everyone to be happy regardless, and the reasoning isn't quite as important as the fact that I actually do more good than talk about it.
 

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I'm a lot colder on the inside than I appear on the outside. On the outside it's a mix of witty jokes, logical discussion and "insane" ramblings. On the inside it's "you could die tomorrow and I wouldn't really care". Maybe not that extreme, but something like that.

I've been called domineering, narcissistic, sociopathic, asshole, selfish, etc.. but never cold for some reason.
Because all those terms are so much more colorful :laughing:
 

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I'm a lot colder on the inside than I appear on the outside. On the outside it's a mix of witty jokes, logical discussion and "insane" ramblings. On the inside it's "you could die tomorrow and I wouldn't really care". Maybe not that extreme, but something like that.

I've been called domineering, narcissistic, sociopathic, asshole, selfish, etc.. but never cold for some reason.
Same here.
 

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I think people who are in the middle phase of getting to know me probably get that impression.

Knowing me a little means watching me be nice to people and make jokes. A little more, and then they realize I just treat everyone like that, and that a lot of my opinions on things are more about efficiency and tactical positioning. At the final stage, I think people realize I like everyone to be happy regardless, and the reasoning isn't quite as important as the fact that I actually do more good than talk about it.
yes. Yes. Yes.
 

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I've been called unemotional.

It's because we're smart; we see what people are trying to make us feel and we don't allow them to win, so we don't feel it. Sometimes a situation will happen where I feel as if most people would be negatively affected (say a funeral) but almost as if I'm playing a game within myself, I won't let it take control of me.

I can remember getting reamed out as I stood unaffected while the rest of my group cried afterwards. Later the other group members asked if I had a heart... I said I did, but the person reaming us out is only doing it in order to bring us back up tomorrow as a means to create some sort of emotional investment into the organization.

He did exactly that the next day

Sometimes this can get us into trouble though- *thinks about past girlfriends*

low point of my life- when I told myself to cry to make girlfriend-at-the-time more comfortable....
 

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I'm a lot colder on the inside than I appear on the outside. On the outside it's a mix of witty jokes, logical discussion and "insane" ramblings. On the inside it's "you could die tomorrow and I wouldn't really care". Maybe not that extreme, but something like that.

I've been called domineering, narcissistic, sociopathic, asshole, selfish, etc.. but never cold for some reason.
Out of curiosity, how often do you suspect yourself of sociopathy, to any degree? God knows I look up symptoms every time I really get abnormal. And I think we're not actually narcissistic - all humans are egoists, right? ENTPs are just more acutely aware of how it plays out in their own psyche. Is what I tell myself. Harumph.
 

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Out of curiosity, how often do you suspect yourself of sociopathy, to any degree? God knows I look up symptoms every time I really get abnormal. And I think we're not actually narcissistic - all humans are egoists, right? ENTPs are just more acutely aware of how it plays out in their own psyche. Is what I tell myself. Harumph.
I actually came to a conclusion about my sociopathy level a couple months ago after about two weeks' obsessing about the topic. If there was a scale between 0-10, where 0 is what's considered a normal person, and 10 is the level where someone could be officially diagnosed with sociopathy, I'd put myself at around 5-6. I have a conscience, no doubt, but after talking to numerous people about their conscience, how often they feel guilty etc, I realized I don't experience guilt nearly as often as other people. To me this is an advantage.

I know I'm narcissistic, on a subclinical level. But I I am not delusional about myself. I know exactly what my strengths and weaknesses are, and I just am much more open to showing my strengths to other people.
 

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I actually came to a conclusion about my sociopathy level a couple months ago after about two weeks' obsessing about the topic. If there was a scale between 0-10, where 0 is what's considered a normal person, and 10 is the level where someone could be officially diagnosed with sociopathy, I'd put myself at around 5-6. I have a conscience, no doubt, but after talking to numerous people about their conscience, how often they feel guilty etc, I realized I don't experience guilt nearly as often as other people. To me this is an advantage.

I know I'm narcissistic, on a subclinical level. But I I am not delusional about myself. I know exactly what my strengths and weaknesses are, and I just am much more open to showing my strengths to other people.
I think your narcissism, and most ENTPs for that matter, is pretty normal. Like Armed Politicker said, we're more aware of it. There are impulse-driven people that are totally narcissistic but have no idea what they're doing. And these people tend to be delusional and way off-base because they don't introspect and take themselves for what they are. They'll even overcompensate haphazardly because they haven't taken a proper measurement of themselves.

If anyone were to just analyze themselves, they'll see the glaring flaws that match the strengths. We just do that naturally and are more aware of it. Although extreme self-awareness can lead to neurotic behavior.
 

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I think(heh), thanks to our Ti, we have an unparalleled ability to see through delusions. The human brain buries facts in emotional abstracts. And the fact is, we survive, and reproduce, and we win, and that's what matters. The infinite complexities of accomplishing this, through instinct and cooperation and mating, must be masked and simplified, or we'd get overwhelmed and depressed. Inward thinkers like us, though, focus at unwinding the skeins and see ourselves for what we are. Which can be shit sometimes, no matter how enlightening.

The latter might be why ENTPs are so light-hearted outwardly, and absurd and insane and interesting and awesome, to counter the machine of our inside architecture. Hah, quite a bit of pathos there, but this is my theory so far. Hell, works for me.
 

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APPARENTLY not sharing the last smore with my INFP makes me cruel and heartless
whatever
that smore was delicious
 

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My friends call me a jerk and an Asshole all the time. I take that as a compliment.

Then sometimes people call me heartless, merciless, cold and inhuman.
Oh well. I'm not a sociopath, but I just don't think some matters should be taken emotionally. Sometimes you have to be cold and seem heartless to get thing done. That's my opinion.
 

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It is probably worse being a woman, since they are supposed to be more "sociable" and "feely".

Professionals actually believed me to be ENFP until I had to step in on a board meeting and confront my old friend in front of everybody, on a specific issue of justice and rationality. (I also did tests later to assert my ENTP-type). I am quite "nice" and at least luke warm, although a bit distanced. But I have noticed that people are surprised/shocked when I actually "step in" in matters, not caring about harmony etc. My Te is also very, very high. Thus I get along well with traditional xxTJs.... They do not get me and Ne, but I "get " them.

About Ti, it depends on the person. Bad/odd Ti model= a person with bad/odd judgement.

Heck, just ignore it and live. If it bothers you, then smile more towards people and try to listen more BEFORE giving solutions... Should do the trick!
 
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