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I hate how all of my "friends" seem to think they can complain to me about their problems, and expect me to willingly play "therapist" for them, yet they never bother to ask me if I'm okay, what's going on in my life or if I have any problems. Because I'm not exactly "fine" myself yet nobody even seems to care about this, as long as I make them feel better. Maybe I'd like to have someone to talk to about what I'm going through right now, because it's actually quite a lot.but none of my "friends" actually care about it, just as long as I'm there to help them.

And if I tell them what's going on, they just say "oh that sucks, I'm sorry" rather than actually trying to be there for me.

How should I deal with this?
 

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To tell you the truth i have never been asked how am i doing. Nor am i prone to ask that, though even if i do, i do not get a honest answer, usually just the stereotypical bullcrap. Most of my friends are quite reserved(unless drunk).
 

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I hate how all of my "friends" seem to think they can complain to me about their problems, and expect me to willingly play "therapist" for them, yet they never bother to ask me if I'm okay, what's going on in my life or if I have any problems. Because I'm not exactly "fine" myself yet nobody even seems to care about this, as long as I make them feel better. Maybe I'd like to have someone to talk to about what I'm going through right now, because it's actually quite a lot.but none of my "friends" actually care about it, just as long as I'm there to help them.

And if I tell them what's going on, they just say "oh that sucks, I'm sorry" rather than actually trying to be there for me.

How should I deal with this?
Get better friends that actually care more about u rather than being selfish jerks. Also, tell these ppl to start treating u better, like a friend, not a tool that they pick up whenever they want to. Ur problems are just as important as theirs are. Find some ppl that u can really talk about ur problems with effectively.
 

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You obviously have the temperament to make people feel better, which is good. Unfortunately your "friends" are not really friends at all. It seems as if all they want to do is take and not give.

Find some real friends, people who will listen and give of their time.

Best to you
 

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If I were you I would just stop being friends with them. If you do choose to stop hanging out with them however, I do think you should at least tell them why. This is my rule for myself whenever I find I cannot stand being friends with somebody any longer. This way, (if they choose to) they can learn from their mistakes and hopefully be more supportive to the next person to befriend them. Also, I like to think that people appreciate honesty.
 

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Now that I in a bit of a situation with my gf suddenly being admitted into a psychiatric hospital I really find out who my friends are. That is the perfect litmus test and I am happy to say that some have actually passed it.
 

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Make your needs, priorities, limits clear - as a friend. (It can be as simple as discussing your concerns!)

In the worst cases, it might end up in some fights, but if you're good friends you're supposed to struggle through that...
If they can't respect this or if they're unwilling to show any effort no matter what you do and say, lay it aside and focus on more positive pursuits/people.

Best of luck! ;)
 

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Like the others said, your 'friends' are using you as an emotional wastebin. That's a very unhealthy type of relationship - they seem to be around only when they need something. My ex-best friend (sounds so stupid, ex-friend... but it's true) was exactly like that - she would only call me when she needed to vent and never once asked how I felt. And if I somehow managed to tell her some of my issues, she would quickly find a way to switch the topic back to herself. If you can, you should get away as soon as possible. Luckily for me, I found loads of new friends (who happened to detest her) and I pulled through, but shutting out someone you've considered a friend can be very difficult. You can be sure you're doing the right thing though. People like that don't want you for who you are, but for what you can do for them. You sound like a great person and I'm sure you can find other friends, who'll threat you better. :)

Best of luck!
 

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Truthfully.. i have the EXACT same problem.. but i understand their actions more.. considering i need friends.. they say they will be there for me but really..

Best advice i can give... is hint abit more.. and try to make a more way to open up. becuase personally i think they are to focused on their problems they don't realize you need help too.. and it is selfish.. and maybe they truly probably don't know how to give you advice..that is part of the reason they ask you for advice.. it takes alot of patients.. and it isn't fair at all..
but the whole deal of "making new friends" is not easy..
Maybe back away from them more.. and instead of just giving them advice,.. lead them to find their own answers.. like question them and their actions.. this might piss them off alittle but it'll help.. also, try to slowly make yourself unavailable.. but don't leave them hanging.. it also depends the problems?

But i'm sure they aren't trying to take advantage of you.. cause i have the same problem..

Kinda search for new friends if you have too.. but that's really hard.. to adjust to a whole new person..

Also.. instead having them vent to you.. have them talk about happy things.. and let them know that sometimes you aren't in the mood cause you have to pull your shit together also..
Distract them by hanging with them and doing FUN things together.. make it a more positive relationship.. if it's multiple people.. get big get togethers meet up at a park or something..
 

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Well, would like to say something really encouraging, but all that comes to mind is "welcome to the wonderful world of empathy". It's a real gift! You seem so stable and available to your friends they can't imagine you in the role of the one who needs help. It's great compliment!

Now, I haven't had this problem since as a child my mom leaned on my empathy a bit too hard. I learned early how quickly people abuse it. So I've had it shut down for years. Most would say that I'm not a very nice guy. I'm not empathetic.

So if you want to continue to be nice it would probably be a good step to start demanding that your friends kinda fend for themselves or get better ones who will let you be the one who needs help. Empathy is finite, like any other resource.
 

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Become acquainted with people who aren't necessarily in your friendship circle...
I know it sounds absolutely crazytown but I have 2 truly loyal friends who I rely on to listen to me complain and vent about stuff to... (they always ask how I am and I ask how they're because we know each other's problems and somewhat care)....

** I say friends because although we're not in each other's "friendship" circle I find they're more my friends than my "friends" are.... vice versa. ***

They also rely on me to listen and give advice to them as well... We are definitely not in each other's friendship circle... But I find that is the beauty of it.

I find we both trust each other MORE because we know that we're not in the same friendship circle and there isn't that judgement of what your "friends" will think. Furthermore, the whole fact that neither of us could really tell each other's friends as we aren't well acquainted with each other's friends... So the "who could I tell this secret to" kinda fails...
It's obviously not an immediate solution, finding someone.

But I reckon that these 2 people who I actually trust and are people I will talk to hopefully for years to come.

***** I am not totally bagging out my friends but I can't really trust them or rely on them like I can with these people...
They're still my friends but moreso just hanging out, clubbing, chatting-type friends...
 
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