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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
teasing as a form of flirtation

do you agree teasing someone you are attracted to is a form of flirtation?

if so, why do so many people, and especially women, say they enjoy being teased?


to tease, after all, means to put someone down, usually gently and playfully, though not necessarily...however, people don't normally enjoy being put down...so why is it not only acceptable but enjoyable to be teased as a form of flirting?


one reason, imo, is that putdowns are a way to assert dominance and when a man teases a woman he is asserting his male dominance which consciously and unconsciously reminds both parties of the dominant role men nornally take in sex...so teasing is a kind of sexual act which explains both the pleasure it gives and its effectiveness in sexual attraction

that is one reason...there may be more
 

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It's a call to arms. A challenge. That's what makes it fun. I like verbally sparring with people, when someone makes a teasing comment I see it as an invitation to some playful competition. Men love it when I tease them, so I doubt it's about male dominance.
 

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It's a call to arms. A challenge. That's what makes it fun. I like verbally sparring with people, when someone makes a teasing comment I see it as an invitation to some playful competition. Men love it when I tease them, so I doubt it's about male dominance.
Teasing is stimulating and fun. I think it's key to keep a positive attitude throughout the process to let the other person know you're teasing him or her because you like him or her.
 

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Teasing is stimulating and fun. I think it's key to keep a positive attitude throughout the process to let the other person know you're teasing him or her because you like him or her.
Well yeah, you gotta keep it light. I am usually pretty good at reading people and knowing when they're being playful or just being a dick. Sometimes people throw me off the scent off though, and I can't tell. Then I sometimes am uncomfortable with the situation, it becomes burdensome. It's only fun when both parties know it's not serious.
 

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Wow, a lot of you seem to have a much harsher concept of teasing than I do. I guess the main idea that forms my definition of teasing is from the saying "teasing something out." It's about finding something and tickling it out into the open. Often against the original intention of someone, but not necessary always something they prefer to keep hidden. First thing that comes to my mind is teasing out small crushes.


*leans over to girlfriend*
"What do you think he smells like?"
"Excuse me?"
"That guy you've been darting your eyes towards like a young teen girl who has her feet pre-swept off the ground, just waiting for her man to embrace her. I want know more about this fantasy of yours."
"I'm not fantasizing anything."
"Your head is against his bare chest, listening to the beat of a heart who knows how to treat a woman..."
"Oh god."
"You turn your face into him and breath in with the entirety of your whole chest. What is the scent that fills your very being?"
"You're really going this far into this?"
"I don't know how to express smells very well, but there is one single word that I know is undeniable, 'a true man.' "
"I think you're the one who's falling in love with this guy."
"Hey, I think it's important for couples to have at least a basic interest in the other's blinding obsessions. I'm just trying to keep up."
"I'm not obsessed!"


Obviously, very minor pinching / tickling / touching at proper points in the discussion is totally appropriate.


Is that really so mean? A sign of dominance? Feels like dumb fun enjoyable by people who are comfortable around each other to me. Yet again, I don't have a strong concept of bullying burned into my mind, so maybe that's why teasing has a more playful connotation for me.


Added:
Playful banter is fun, my favorite actually. Call me out on my shit and poke and prod at me in a playful way--I love it, and I love doing it. To me, it says, "I know your flaws and I know exactly how you tick, and I so fucking love you for it." :3 *rawr*
This is the noise I can get behind.
 

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There was a girl (ESTP) in my class last semester and we would literally verbally abuse one another. It wasn't flirtation, just the way we interacted. We were both relatively thick-skinned and weren't looking for a serious connection. So whIle teasing is one way to flirt, it is also just a way to interact with the lighthearted. And I personally love teasing people and I find it frustrating when simple teasing is misinterpreted as flirtation.
 

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do you agree teasing someone you are attracted to is a form of flirtation?

if so, why do so many people, and especially women, say they enjoy being teased?


to tease, after all, means to put someone down, usually gently and playfully, though not necessarily...however, people don't normally enjoy being put down...so why is it not only acceptable but enjoyable to be teased as a form of flirting?


one reason, imo, is that putdowns are a way to assert dominance and when a man teases a woman he is asserting his male dominance which consciously and unconsciously reminds both parties of the dominant role men nornally take in sex...so teasing is a kind of sexual act which explains both the pleasure it gives and its effectiveness in sexual attraction

that is one reason...there may be more

Teasing is delicious and should be done 24/7. Kindred, playful spirits exchanging affection with "loving" but below the belts comment. People like to be challenged aslong they re not hurt. A little game of some sorts.

If you don't like teasing you might be depressed, hah

Or a Fi dom.
 

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It can be disarming but it is a fine line. You've pretty much already got to have a positive conception of the person. If they aren't already in your good graces, it will backfire and create distance.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 · (Edited)
It's a call to arms. A challenge. That's what makes it fun. I like verbally sparring with people, when someone makes a teasing comment I see it as an invitation to some playful competition. Men love it when I tease them, so I doubt it's about male dominance.
I'm talking about dominance in the bedroom. Not all men prefer to be dominant, and many men enjoy taking the submissive role once in a while. Likewise, not all women prefer to be submissive, while many women enjoy playing the role of the dominant sometimes. That alternation in roles may explain the give and take in teasing you rightly point out. Another explanation may be that women use teasing to test the dominance of men, to see how they respond. In this case, women use teasing to attempt to dominate the men, not because they want to take that role in a relationship, but because they want to ascertain if the men can. So the usual power relationship between men and women is preserved, even though it might, on the face of it, appear inverted.
 

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My humor is base on laughing at my mishaps- i think somebody else mentioned it - it's more along the line of I accept or find your flaws amusing rather than actually put down a character


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Playful banter is fun, my favorite actually. Call me out on my shit and poke and prod at me in a playful way--I love it, and I love doing it. To me, it says, "I know your flaws and I know exactly how you tick, and I so fucking love you for it." :3 *rawr*
this gets close to one other reason teasing is used: it acknowledges a person's vulnerabilities which creates the space for greater intimacy

teasing works this way in other types of relationships, too...women do this all the time to make themselves more likeable to others...men do it to make other men less dominant and threatening

teasing has a democratising effect there, in contrast, curiously, to the stratifying effect it has in sexual relationships
 

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I'm talking about dominance in the bedroom. Not all men prefer to be dominant, and many men enjoy taking the submissive role once in a while. Likewise, not all women prefer to be submissive, while many women enjoy playing the role of the dominant sometimes. That alternation in roles may explain the give and take in teasing you rightly point out. Another explanation may be that women use teasing to test the dominance of men, to see how they respond. In this case, women use teasing to attempt to dominate the men, not because they want to take that role in a relationship, but because they want to ascertain if the men can. So the usual power relationship between men and women is preserved, even though it might, on the face of it, appear inverted.
People who do things like that I pretty much run away from. People as in, women. I truly can't give two shit about "men should dominate". Now, men exist, men judge, men do things but men respect their women. Domination isn't really good, it's more about knowing where you can be hurt and trying to not reach that line.

Women who want a "real" man, a dominant one, an alpha ? it's labelled insecured all over. They're still in the sandbox, figuring out if the white knight can actually be a lumberjack. Spoiler : men can also be sensitive creatures. Some are genuinely kind, adorable, friendly and warm persons who don't really enter that whole crap about dominance.

Partnership. Balance of forces. Vulnerability. Trust the other as much as he / she can trust you and show that you're reliable. Kinks are fine. Need for dominance certainly isn't. Not with a woman to be the daddy she never had.

More persons should watch Short Term 12 and pay attention to the bond between the two main characters. That's ultimately what a healthy relationship is, imho.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 · (Edited)
It's a call to arms. A challenge. That's what makes it fun. I like verbally sparring with people, when someone makes a teasing comment I see it as an invitation to some playful competition. Men love it when I tease them, so I doubt it's about male dominance.
I agree teasing often is a "playful competition" where you get to exercise your mind--in this respect, you are right, it is intellectually stimulating and fun...but what is this competition but a test of wits where there is often a "winner" and a "loser"?...and if a person consistently "wins" these competitions, why does that not establish a form of dominance?...how, for example, would you react if you were attracted to a man but "bested" him in these verbal bouts?...would you still be just as attracted to him, then?
 
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