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I know a few of ENFPs and they always tell me they never know how to react to people who are upset or crying, but ironically, I feel the most comfortable around them. And I don't think it's because ENFPs don't actually know how to deal with people who aren't upbeat and enthusiastic, I just think because it's a very emotional experience for the ENFP as well? What do you think, ENFPs? I want to open up to a few ENFPs but I don't know if it will be too much, but I feel as if they are my friends who would understand the most.

BTW, I love you loving and caring and genuine ENFPs :)
 

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When someone's very upset, I don't opine or interject. I ask questions if they seem to want to unload something, but otherwise I'm pretty quiet. I used to feel uncomfortable with those silences, like I should be saying something. Despite feeling for people very intensely, I didn't know what to say without sounding fake.

It could be that your friends feel similarly.

If they're your friends and you need help, don't worry about opening up to them -- and especially not if they're ENFPs. They'll be honored that you trust them. It is going to be an emotional experience for the ENFP, but that's not the end of the world. I'm fiercely loyal to my friends. Probably the quality I'm proudest of is the extent to which I'll stick by someone who's having a tough time. The cardinal rule is not to take us for granted or guilt-trip us. Otherwise, you're golden.
 

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That makes sense. I guess, for me, it's a little weird for me to see the ENFP so serious and quiet. Because I'm so used to the ENFP making jokes and being the life of the party and making sure everyone is involved and having a good time that I feel as if I'm almost taking away from the ENFP from opening up to them, even though I know I shouldn't feel this way because ENFPs are so understanding and adjust to people's emotions easily and pick up on cues even if I don't open up verbally. What do ENFPs generally feel like after someone has opened up to them? It isn't too emotionally intense and it doesn't make us come off as weak, needy, or insecure, does it?
 

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I actually love the opening up process far more than any of the usual joking, fun activities. That's great, but true connections are formed when weakness is shown, rather than the usual superficial interactions. It makes me feel wonderful, knowing that someone trusts me with that valuable, private information about themselves, and I will react like we've moved up a friendship level. In my head, I will likely go nuts with the notion that now I'm a trusted friend and it's awesome.

The only times I've ever felt awkward about people being upset in front of me was when I didn't know the person well enough to help the situation, and was just kind of left to flounder about uselessly. Like @chimeric , I felt I needed to interject somehow but didn't know how to appropriately balance sincerity with polite niceties. If I know you, though, the more personal the information is, the more special I'll see it.
 

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What do ENFPs generally feel like after someone has opened up to them? It isn't too emotionally intense and it doesn't make us come off as weak, needy, or insecure, does it?
If you're considerate enough to ask these questions, you're probably not the type of person who'd come across as weak, needy, and insecure. That said, I do notice even here that certain ENFPs have more patience for this kind of caregiving than others, so I should only speak for myself.

The only times I remember being annoyed with a friend for coming to me for help were with someone who insisted I play shrink at her convenience, interrupting my sleeping/studying/unwinding with tears and dramatic hyperventilations and no consideration at all for whether it was a good time for me and no gratitude or apology. It felt like someone was emptying a garbage bag of shit on me and then skipping merrily away. Otherwise though? I love knowing that I'm deeply trusted by someone, and that I've cheered them up or helped them out. Few feelings are more gratifying than that.

Ooh, and this. Totally this:

I actually love the opening up process far more than any of the usual joking, fun activities. That's great, but true connections are formed when weakness is shown, rather than the usual superficial interactions. It makes me feel wonderful, knowing that someone trusts me with that valuable, private information about themselves, and I will react like we've moved up a friendship level. In my head, I will likely go nuts with the notion that now I'm a trusted friend and it's awesome.
 

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I know a few of ENFPs and they always tell me they never know how to react to people who are upset or crying, but ironically, I feel the most comfortable around them. And I don't think it's because ENFPs don't actually know how to deal with people who aren't upbeat and enthusiastic, I just think because it's a very emotional experience for the ENFP as well? What do you think, ENFPs? I want to open up to a few ENFPs but I don't know if it will be too much, but I feel as if they are my friends who would understand the most.
I think I fall in that category. When anyone is upset and share his/her problems with me, I tend to crack jokes on them. My intention is not to make fun of them but to make them laugh, but I've seen that for most of the times people get offended by that kind of behavior. I can feel them..I can understand how they're feeling, but I don't understand that how do I sympathize with them and how do I express my compassion. To be very honest, I feel awkward to give someone a hug in real life, virtually..it's still alright. Yeah, my close ones hugging me privately when I'm in a good mood is also alright but nothing more.
I still don't find a reason why I'm like this, maybe because of my Enneagram. :mellow:
 

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I don't know what to do around people that are upset, I'm probably too self centered. If its a friend I will listen to what they have to say, and try and comfort them, and I have been known to make them smile or laugh by making up silly games, but being around someone that is upset feels extremely unnatural and uncomfortable to me... unless its a little kid that just wants a hug or something, then I'm more than happy to help out :) I love being the one to stop them from crying.
 

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I know a few of ENFPs and they always tell me they never know how to react to people who are upset or crying, but ironically, I feel the most comfortable around them. And I don't think it's because ENFPs don't actually know how to deal with people who aren't upbeat and enthusiastic, I just think because it's a very emotional experience for the ENFP as well? What do you think, ENFPs? I want to open up to a few ENFPs but I don't know if it will be too much, but I feel as if they are my friends who would understand the most.
BTW, I love you loving and caring and genuine ENFPs :)
I carry around a snuggie in my bag for just such occasions. when someone is upset, I pull out the snuggie, wrap them in it, give them a hug and rub their back. I also used to do this during school. if one of my friends feel asleep in class, I would go over and cover them with it.
 

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I carry around a snuggie in my bag for just such occasions. when someone is upset, I pull out the snuggie, wrap them in it, give them a hug and rub their back. I also used to do this during school. if one of my friends feel asleep in class, I would go over and cover them with it.
Aww, that's really cute!
 

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Aww, that's really cute!
I actually stopped doing that at school though because a chick discovered I was gay once. luckily, she promised not to tell anyone lol (when you look at me covering up a cute guy with a blanket several times out in the open but having never once done it to a girl, I'm surprised most people didn't realize it and I'm in the closet, so, um, yeah lol)
 

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I actually stopped doing that at school though because a chick discovered I was gay once. luckily, she promised not to tell anyone lol (when you look at me covering up a cute guy with a blanket several times out in the open but having never once done it to a girl, I'm surprised most people didn't realize it and I'm in the closet, so, um, yeah lol)
I kind of assumed you were doing it for anyone... no wonder she got suspicious, lol.
 
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I actually stopped doing that at school though because a chick discovered I was gay once. luckily, she promised not to tell anyone lol (when you look at me covering up a cute guy with a blanket several times out in the open but having never once done it to a girl, I'm surprised most people didn't realize it and I'm in the closet, so, um, yeah lol)
Hahaha yeah if you wrapped me in a blanket I think I would strongly suspect :)

For my part I think @nottie said most of what I could say! I do tend to want to give advice though. I'm not good at staying silent through emotional discussions. I will usually try to relate my own experiences to what the person is going through, and ask a lot of questions: to understand what's going on emotionally and also obviously to hopefully guide the person through their emotions and whatever situation is causing the unhappiness. And of course I love to give lots of hugs heh.

Two weeks ago I had someone cry on my shoulder Thursday. Someone spent 3 hours with me in a pool hall on friday talking through relationship problems. And another old friend - 7 hours on Saturday talking through all sorts of problems heh. I never get tired of talking about people's emotional drama... if I like the person that is. If I don't know you then please keep it to 30 minutes or less... I have shit to do heh.
 

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Hahaha yeah if you wrapped me in a blanket I think I would strongly suspect :)

For my part I think nottie said most of what I could say! I do tend to want to give advice though. I'm not good at staying silent through emotional discussions. I will usually try to relate my own experiences to what the person is going through, and ask a lot of questions: to understand what's going on emotionally and also obviously to hopefully guide the person through their emotions and whatever situation is causing the unhappiness. And of course I love to give lots of hugs heh.

Two weeks ago I had someone cry on my shoulder Thursday. Someone spent 3 hours with me in a pool hall on friday talking through relationship problems. And another old friend - 7 hours on Saturday talking through all sorts of problems heh. I never get tired of talking about people's emotional drama... if I like the person that is. If I don't know you then please keep it to 30 minutes or less... I have shit to do heh.
30 seconds for me. if I know you/like you or I'm being payed to see you (like if I were a therapist) and you pick a convenient time, I'll NF the hell out of you and spend hours helping you sort out issues, but if I don't then frankly my dear I don't give a damn.
 
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30 seconds for me. if I know you/like you or I'm being payed to see you (like if I were a therapist) and you pick a convenient time, I'll NF the hell out of you and spend hours helping you sort out issues, but if I don't then frankly my dear I don't give a damn.
Even with strangers I find their troubles interesting though. So much more interesting and engaging than talking about the weather or the latest movies right?
 

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Even with strangers I find their troubles interesting though. So much more interesting and engaging than talking about the weather or the latest movies right?
I enjoy this if I initiate it. come to think of it, it's a control thing. I want to make it clear that people can't just emotionally puke all over me whenever they see fit, but I have no problem initiating this with a stranger.
 

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When somebody is crying, I acknowledge their feelings. If I can tell the person "needs" something, whether it be gentle words, supporting words, or a hug, I will give it. Perhaps all they need is somebody to listen. When somebody is crying, it makes me sad and a bit upset as well. I feel sad with the person. I've been known to cry if somebody else is crying. ^^'
 

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I can be very comforting for those who need my support as long as the issue is geniune. It upsets me when people cry in front of me, i don't pressure them, i just listen and try to understand their concern. I will hug them and maybe try and give examples of what i might do, or what i have done in similar situations. I think it really depends on what they are upset about. If its something petty, maybe i will be a bit more direct in helping them understand why it shouldn't be so important. Support doesn't always mean agreeing with a person, sometimes they need a reality check too.

The flip side of that is i don't want to be burdened with every little problem people are experiencing either. People need to learn to cope and deal with their own issues, making some decisions on their own. I don't want to feel like i'm being taken advantage of, don't constantly dump all your negative issues on me. If i notice this becoming a trend, i won't support you, i won't listen and may even get grumpy with you. We all need to take some responsibility for our short comings, don't use others as a crutch in order to heal. I help those who want to help themeselves.
 
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