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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I wanted to check out what the dating side of life is like. So I signed up for two, and while I have long conversations going back and fourth with others around my age, it doesn't really go anywhere much, I also feel the need to put myself out there, like ask me questions (I like being asked questions), otherwise the chats tend to die as I ask things and sometimes I get replies back other times not so much. I seen a bunch of accounts become deleted, is that a big thing nowadays? I do want to meet them in person at least a date somewhere to see how it goes but I never get anyone interested in this so I don't bother need to change it up and learn the secret.

This is all online, as I have no idea how to start dating in real life as in no one to really help guide me just doesn't feel right to me.

What advice would you give to a someone who is new to the dating online game and in their 30s?
 

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First suggestion I always hear is to know what your goal is, and make sure you're using the right app for that demographic.

The biggest 'secret' I would give you is to make sure the pictures and videos show a lot, not a little. Do you have a nice living room? Show it off. Do you like to play small pranks, throw up a 10s video of you doing one. Show your life. Don't be ashamed. A lot of women have huge issues with dudes who catfish them about their living situation, or how successful they are. A few matches with women who see your living space, and is impressed is going to be a lot more productive.

Also, saves you a lot of time learning about the girls who just talk to you for the attention. Make sure the conversation is two ways.

I don't personally use these apps, so I'm not going to press my possible bias, but from what I hear:

Tinder - Go for people who want to talk for 3 weeks and ghost you or onlyfan bots
Bumble - Most people's go to, at least in my area
Okcupid - Good if you like stalking people and making sure they're your type ahead of talking. (They have you answer like 100s of questions that I think are public)

There's a couple of new trendy ones like Ur My Type and Orion. But even in a big city like Dallas, they're dead. I personally tried Ur My Type and only got like 15 swipes in my area.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Interesting..

Yeah catfishing is a pretty big issue, I don't want to "give me money for gas to see you" or anything of that nature. If it's too good to be true it usually is even dating.

I don't have a super nice room since it's my space and too lazy to move stuff around when it works for me. Also the rest of my place is not much to look at honestly. I do get what your saying though.
Another thing is with the ghosting, I feel like I'm wrong asking or telling them things about myself, it's odd for me almost feel like my social skills are being tested or something intuitive going on that I must get through. I call it a test, I don't pass or something else.... ghosted or gone.


I see about looking into those you mentioned, maybe they are better or worse than facebook dating.
 

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Well yeah. Of course there's something intuitive going on. They're seeing if you're their type. It's not a secret code, it's just most people have boundaries. The problem is, it's a lot easier to just ghost someone than to give them the chance to turn on you. So it makes you feel like you did something wrong, and who knows, you might have but really...it's just people who don't want to take the chance of a bad reaction, and it's not really personal.

Word of advice though. One of the fastest ways to be put in the 'low value men' bin is to be too lazy to clean your spaces. How can a person trust that you're going to take care of them if you can't even vacuum the floor once a month, you know?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)
Word of advice though. One of the fastest ways to be put in the 'low value men' bin is to be too lazy to clean your spaces. How can a person trust that you're going to take care of them if you can't even vacuum the floor once a month, you know?
Whoa there, I was I was being sarcastic with that statement. I got it it.

Also, into older women my age to 40s ish, do you know of an app that is helpful in narrowing down age?
 

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5w4 9w8 2w1 Sx/Sp INTJ ESI
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What advice would you give to a someone who is new to the dating online game and in their 30s?
I would give the same advice that I would give to someone walking into a casino.
The game is rigged, get out, you only stand to lose, the small odds to win isn't even worth considering.



In a casino only the pokertable is fair, as the casino has no interest in who wins,
it basically rents out the seats for a cut of the pot.
Yet would you really wanna sit yourself down with the sharks aka gold diggers?
The ones who know the game in and out and are only waiting for an inexperienced fish to fleece.

However knowing this, you can position yourself to win big time.

Yet it will take a total transformation of your attitude and a willingness to throw all traditional wisdom to the wind.
This is uncharted waters, so I cannot tell you anything very specific.

My one advice would be to follow the value/money.
Girls want your attention/effort/commitment, don't give it to them unless they offer something of equal value to you.
If you are not getting an equal exchange, just check and fold, until right before the blinds (forced bet) circle back to you.
Then just leave the table (woman).

To recap, the dating world is the casino, the woman are the table.
You have to buy in with a forced bet on the table, but if the table is a bad table, then just leave and find another table.
No reason to mess around with sharks, also it pays to observe the table for a few rounds to see if it is obviously a bad table,
saves you the hassle of buying in, why spend your time and money on something that is obviously bad?
I won't try to outline any specific red flags, as such things are either outdated, or may be irrelevant to your context and local culture.
Though in general dating is rigged in women's favor, so don't go for blackjack or slot machines or you will regret it.

I could try to pinpoint who is what type of table or what women are blackjack and slot machines in this metaphor.
But that would be too much work and not accurate anyway, you will have to orient yourself in your own context and come up with an accurate map that works for you.
Yeah it sucks, but my charted waters will not match your charted waters perfectly.
I do not want to give you a false sense of safety or a false sense of danger over stuff that may not be relevant to your case.

Good luck out there!
 
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Heretic
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And complaining after I gave you the opportunity to correct me, and then failing to do so tells me why you have to trick women to get them. 🤷‍♂️

Sooooo good luck with that, mate.
Interesting shaming tactic and trying to once again frame me with the words you put in my mouth.
Any attempt to correct you would be ammunition.
It is like calling in poker, you just increase the pot.
Fold...

@The courier this is a good example of how to handle the people involved in these things.
When they prove to be up to no good, just don't play with them.
They have their own game down pat, just check and fold and leave the table! :)
 
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Interesting shaming tactic and trying to once again frame me with the words you put in my mouth.
Any attempt to correct you would be ammunition.
It is like calling in poker, you just increase the pot.
Fold...

@The courier this is a good example of how to handle the people involved in these things.
When they prove to be up to no good, just don't play with them.
They have their own game down pat, just check and fold and leave the table! :)
Before this discussion goes anywhere else, I just want lurkers to know:

Guys who treat women like they're a pot to be won or a prize to be earned is not the way to go.

You're going to hear that the game is rigged. That girls are too picky. But the truth is, most men treat woman like a prize, and don't improve themselves to make themselves valuable as partners. Instead they just try to cheat their way into people's pants. How on fucking earth do we as a race still think it's easier to fake being a high-value man than to actually be a high value man? It baffles me.

The REAL secret is that once you have your life together, once you have a life that's worth it for THEM TO BE A PART OF, you don't need to play games! Women who are interested in you will just want to be around you, and things will happen naturally. Because when you have your life together, it's really easy to add another person to it and take care of them!

Like it's not that hard to understand! People hate it when you lead them on!

There's a reason high value women are told to put 'No Games!' or wait a month before seeing someone. Because they know of people like you who think they have it 'all figured out'.

Cause when you mislead someone successfully? And they block you, and you somehow blame them for you being a lying piece of shit. They don't trust anyone for awhile. You DAMAGE them, asshole. Then the XXFJs in their life have to spend energy, time, and thought into undoing that damage, so they can go on to have an actually healthy relationship with someone.

Don't do this. Just be yourself, and if they don't want to be with you, that's okay. It means it wouldn't have worked out because of a preference you can't help.
 

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Heretic
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Alright, I'm going to sac any reputation I have to make an example of you.

Guys who treat women like they're a pot to be won or a prize to be earned make me fucking sick.

How on fucking earth do we as a race still think it's easier to fake being a high-value man than to actually be a high value man. It baffles me.

The REAL secret is that once you have your life together, once you have a life that's worth it for THEM TO BE A PART OF, you don't need to play games! Women who are interested in you will just want to be around you, and things will happen naturally. Because when you have your life together, it's really easy to add another person to it and take care of them!

Like it's not that hard to understand! People fucking hate it when you lead them on!

There's a reason high value women are told to put 'No Games!' or wait a month before seeing someone. Because they know of people like you who think they have it 'all figured out'.

Cause when you mislead someone successfully? And they block you, and you somehow blame them for you being a lying piece of shit. They don't trust anyone for awhile. You DAMAGE them, asshole. Then the XXFJs have to spend energy, time, and thought into undoing that damage, so they can go on to have an actually healthy relationship with someone.

So I don't care if I'm the 'Ace' of anything. You can shove your casino and poker analogies up your ass, because you don't know shit, and you're not fucking cool. You do tons of fucking harm and you gaslight people about it, and if you never reproduced, the world would be a better place.
Wow you really believe that?
Amazing!

Seems like you expect people to cooperate with you even under a barrage of shaming tactics.
And if you can't get your way you lose it.

Some some of your beliefs I can on principle get behind, but that doesn't matter, you play dirty to get there.
And you are oh so full of assumptions that it can hardly be contained.
I'm not sitting down at that conversation table again though, as I suspect this is just 4d chess to make me contribute to the pot.
I suspect you just plastered the most innocent motives up to make me feel like I was being a dick for ignoring you.
So that I would loosen up and sit down at that convo again.
Sorry kid, you had your chance to act proper when I wrote check.

@The courier let us pretend that 1/100 have pure motives, while 100/100 claim to have pure motives.
If you get a red flag, can you really afford to be burned 99 times to save the 1 from feeling not understood?
Of course not, you have to look out for yourself and assume that the red flag is real,
no matter the protests and no matter the "evidence" provided to the contrary.
You can of course afford a check or two, or if you are really feeling generous even three.
But at some point you need to just fold them and move on, because you can't waste your time/money/energy on something that most often will not work.
 
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Can you two please stop fighting? Or take it to PM? K thanks.

So I will post my experiences so far with those three that were mentioned by @AceOfForests

OkCupid: Looks to be okay, I like how it asks questions some of which don't really matter to me. The layout is good, I don't have any ads either. All around pretty good.
Tinder: Pretty basic and tons of fake/toxic accounts I can't help but feel the need to get off it the longer I look on it, doesn't feel right or good to me. Again this is just my opinion and while most is fine for others, I don't think it's for me.
Bumble: Eh I it's slow and tons of ads not to mention some hardcore porn ads that shouldn't be. I get to matches and suddenly have likes, but then it seems to only work when I log on or look at profiles, is this a joke or something else? Regardless, it's bizarre.
I am ur type: I like it a lot actually and wish it had more interest in it because it makes it fun and dare I say interesting for me to read bios. The bad about it is only one picture.


Haven't tried Orion yet.
 
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Online dating is complete garbage for men unless you're very physically attractive coz most people will judge u purely on your photos since theres nothing else to really judge u on besides ur bio that most ppl won't read.

If you're an attractive females then online dating is great if u wanna spend 10 hours going through your 1000+ msg inbox everyday.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
A little update: I am getting some hits by older girls (average age is 35- 40s) that are already married or in a relationship :cautious: they all seem to be looking for guys they can hook up with which I assume is purely for sex or something else entirely.

Someone told me it's poly relations and I gave it a look, surprised to see this as a thing but cool just not sure about how it works or if I'm 100% okay with it.
 

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Online dating seems like such a huge waste of time and energy. There's a lot of single women in your vicinity. If you're comfortable approaching strangers and making conversation, I've had great relationships with women I met on the bus on the way to work. If you're not comfortable doing that, talk to your friends and family and have them introduce you to someone. The women in your family probably have a lot of friends, and at least some of them are open to a new romance. Even the men in your family and friends can help you. The women they're dating also have friends, some of which are bound to be available.

I don't know. Maybe online isn't that bad. It just feels too complicated for my liking.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Online dating seems like such a huge waste of time and energy. There's a lot of single women in your vicinity. If you're comfortable approaching strangers and making conversation, I've had great relationships with women I met on the bus on the way to work. If you're not comfortable doing that, talk to your friends and family and have them introduce you to someone. The women in your family probably have a lot of friends, and at least some of them are open to a new romance. Even the men in your family and friends can help you. The women they're dating also have friends, some of which are bound to be available.

I don't know. Maybe online isn't that bad. It just feels too complicated for my liking.
That would be great advice but I don't have anyone left from my family anymore. I have brothers and a sister I never meet before.

I'm open to talking with strangers but I get told to fly a kite, as people around don't seem to be that open with anyone, it's okay.
 

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That would be great advice but I don't have anyone left from my family anymore. I have brothers and a sister I never meet before.

I'm open to talking with strangers but I get told to fly a kite, as people around don't seem to be that open with anyone, it's okay.
A coffe house?
A library?
A club?
 

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That would be great advice but I don't have anyone left from my family anymore. I have brothers and a sister I never meet before.
I'm sorry to hear that. I have a sister and brother from my dad's side that I met recently for the first time. I was both excited and nervous about meeting them. How do you feel about potentially meeting your brothers and sister? Do they know about you as well?

I'm open to talking with strangers but I get told to fly a kite, as people around don't seem to be that open with anyone, it's okay.
You're not wrong. It seems like year after year, more and more people get antisocial. Keep trying anyway. Most people are still pretty social once you break the ice with them. Especially women. Don't let your instincts get in your way. Fear of rejection is to a social person what fear of death is to a warrior. A hindrance. It's there, but you have to keep moving forward anyway. If you're comfortable starting conversations, keep doing it at your convenience. When you're in a queue at the supermarket or post office. When you're on the bus or tube to work or whatever. When you're taking a break and enjoying a coffee and there's a woman sitting by herself a couple tables down. When you're on a plane on your way to a holiday or business trip.
 

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I'm sorry to hear that. I have a sister and brother from my dad's side that I met recently for the first time. I was both excited and nervous about meeting them. How do you feel about potentially meeting your brothers and sister? Do they know about you as well?



You're not wrong. It seems like year after year, more and more people get antisocial. Keep trying anyway. Most people are still pretty social once you break the ice with them. Especially women. Don't let your instincts get in your way. Fear of rejection is to a social person what fear of death is to a warrior. A hindrance. It's there, but you have to keep moving forward anyway. If you're comfortable starting conversations, keep doing it at your convenience. When you're in a queue at the supermarket or post office. When you're on the bus or tube to work or whatever. When you're taking a break and enjoying a coffee and there's a woman sitting by herself a couple tables down. When you're on a plane on your way to a holiday or business trip.
Along with the places you’ve suggested, the grocery store is one of the good places to meet people. Not in the sense of to just go looking but in a natural way, as you’re suggesting.
 
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