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Discussion Starter · #21 ·
I'm sorry to hear that. I have a sister and brother from my dad's side that I met recently for the first time. I was both excited and nervous about meeting them. How do you feel about potentially meeting your brothers and sister? Do they know about you as well?



You're not wrong. It seems like year after year, more and more people get antisocial. Keep trying anyway. Most people are still pretty social once you break the ice with them. Especially women. Don't let your instincts get in your way. Fear of rejection is to a social person what fear of death is to a warrior. A hindrance. It's there, but you have to keep moving forward anyway. If you're comfortable starting conversations, keep doing it at your convenience. When you're in a queue at the supermarket or post office. When you're on the bus or tube to work or whatever. When you're taking a break and enjoying a coffee and there's a woman sitting by herself a couple tables down. When you're on a plane on your way to a holiday or business trip.
My brothers are younger and we all know each other, as we have the same parents. Not much in common between us.

My sister doesn't know me I just know about her from a family secret that was shared and left me feeling upset about it, this whole time I had a sibling that I didn't know about, mind you this was before my brothers were born. Maybe I'll go out there someday to find her, let her know she has a brother who is looking for her.
 
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Along with the places you’ve suggested, the grocery store is one of the good places to meet people. Not in the sense of to just go looking but in a natural way, as you’re suggesting.
Lol. The first time I heard grocery store, I was like, what the [excuse my French] is that. Then when my American friend explained that it's a shop where you go to buy your groceries, I felt stupid for not getting it the first time. I guess in the UK people thought "grocery shops" sounded too weird or something. We call them supermarkets. Or maybe it's because they also sell some things that aren't groceries too.
 

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My brothers are younger and we all know each other, as we have the same parents. Not much in common between us.

My sister doesn't know me I just know about her from a family secret that was shared and left me feeling upset about it, this whole time I had a sibling that I didn't know about, mind you this was before my brothers were born. Maybe I'll go out there someday to find her, let her know she has a brother who is looking for her.
Is there a bad blood? Could you potentially build or rebuild your relationship with your little brothers? Would you want to?

Yeah that would hurt me real bad. I hope you do find her someday, and I hope that it turns out for the best. Sorry for going off topic a little. And thanks for sharing.
 

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Lol. The first time I heard grocery store, I was like, what the [excuse my French] is that. Then when my American friend explained that it's a shop where you go to buy your groceries, I felt stupid for not getting it the first time. I guess in the UK people thought "grocery shops" sounded too weird or something. We call them supermarkets. Or maybe it's because they also sell some things that aren't groceries too.
In America it’s mostly supermarkets. They have floral, pharmacy and that such. There are some grocery stores that just carry groceries. But most Americans will say grocery store or name of the store they’re going to. Some even just say, “I‘m going to the store to pick up milk and bread (or what have you).” lol I’ve forgotten all about the label—supermarkets.

Opps… sorry for the derailing of this thread @The courier
 
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In America it’s mostly supermarkets. They have floral, pharmacy and that such. There are some grocery stores that just carry groceries. But most Americans will say grocery store or name of the store they’re going to. Some even just say, “I‘m going to the store to pick up milk and bread (or what have you).” lol I’ve forgotten all about the label—supermarkets.

Opps… sorry for the derailing of this thread @The courier
So we're not that different after all. We also tend to say "I'm going to the shop, would you like anything."

Thanks for taking responsibility for my mistake and even apologising for it. It wasn't necessary, but it was a dope thing to do. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were Canadian.
 

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A little update: I am getting some hits by older girls (average age is 35- 40s) that are already married or in a relationship :cautious: they all seem to be looking for guys they can hook up with which I assume is purely for sex or something else entirely.

Someone told me it's poly relations and I gave it a look, surprised to see this as a thing but cool just not sure about how it works or if I'm 100% okay with it.
I think men need to be a bit more wary of scammers because men do tend to get less attention than women on online dating sites. So I would be wary about sex-only offers, as some of them might be prostitution or other solicitations? I suspect it would be easier to scam men on such platforms because men get less attention and might be more likely to respond.

The fact that you're having conversations with people seems like you're doing something right.

I did go on several dates with a couple people from OKCupid, in my thirties (I'm still in my thirties but a lot older than thirty)--they were friendly dates and with nice people. I didn't kiss them or anything. But it was a good experience, though ultimately we were incompatible.

Tbh--one of them I went out with because he was a physicist and I always wanted to learn physics. It was fun but unfortunately I am not into casual sex and I don't think we were very fulfilled with what was on the table--he wasn't very romantic or interested in "true love" or whatever, and I wasn't interested in sex. So we went out a few times and ultimately I called it. I really liked spending time with him but I couldn't see a future.

The other was an ISTJ and I also liked talking to him, but he wanted to have a family and I do not want casual sex so the only thing we could really be is friends, which was okay except we didn't share any passions from what I could tell--though he was an aspiring writer...idk. I kind of wish I'd stayed friends with him but it felt overwhelming to me in some ways too because I was lonely and I'd think of casual sex, which I don't want to do.

That was the most uncomfortable thing for me, was knowing how I was lonely and they were lonely and perhaps we could have done something sexual, but also knowing that I don't want that and so then what are you left with--sort of a luke warm "friendship" full of sexual tension, with little common interests outside of a dating site. It's awkward.

But that was just a small experience. You never know who will be on there. But maybe think of what you want to be appreciated for and highlight that in your bio.

I don't agree that pictures are that much what women are into, as I think women do tend to prefer to read the bio (if they are looking for relationships...rather than scammers) and are less swayed by pictures than men are.

But maybe try to have your photo represent you...like if you have a strong interest in something, or you're a people person etc. then have the photo be in that setting, or with people etc. So to give a glimpse into who you are.

A woman is going to choose based on what she wants. For me, I wanted to go out with the one man just because he was a physicist (and I did verify that before going out with him, by checking his work). That was what put him apart from the rest--that he'd gotten an education and was knowledgeable. Something I feel silly about, but I loved college and so someone who has an education is more interesting to me. But that's just me.

Another guy who seemed really successful on OKCupid was a ceramics teacher and he asked me whether I liked Banksy, which was a great opening question since I think it showed he'd read my profile (women HATE it if you don't read their profile, I think--because most men don't, they just look at the pic) and it also made me think about something I'd like to think about. But by the time I answered him he'd already met someone--so he was pretty successful, imo.
 

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But that was before they changed OKcupid's messaging thing--so now I think people have to like each other before they can receive or send messages, to a degree.

I'm not sure why online dating would be so different than irl, except that online dating is a very quick way to see if someone is receptive to meeting other people and perhaps dating.

So I think irl we tend to try to look for signs a woman is receptive to meeting others--and maybe we look for things like she's wearing revealing clothing, being flirtatious, or whatever. But really, women can not look like that and still be single. I think the "tells" people look for, in appearance, are unfitting.

And so I think that's maybe one of the issues is that--how do you sift through the people in relationships vs. the people who are not, and meet people who are single, let them know you are single, let them know compatibility, and get to know each other better?

For me, in my 30s, a lot of the interests I had--no one my age was there. I'd go on docent led walks to look at mushrooms or archeological sites, and the only people doing those were retired and in their sixties. So I really didn't feel like I could connect with other people my age.

And at work, I only worked with women. So again--not meeting people that way.

I think it's challenging in the 30s because people are hard at work and if you're more introverted, you might not be getting out there and meeting people. Perhaps it would be helpful to have extroverted friends and get out there more.

But to be honest, I can't really give good advice because I've done a terrible job of dating people in my thirties.
 

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My sister doesn't know me I just know about her from a family secret that was shared and left me feeling upset about it, this whole time I had a sibling that I didn't know about, mind you this was before my brothers were born. Maybe I'll go out there someday to find her, let her know she has a brother who is looking for her.
Tbh I had a long-lost sibling that I didn't know about during my childhood. But when I finally did talk to her, turns out she was looking for me the entire time. It meant a lot to her.

So I think it's a great idea to try. It's weird how similar we are too, even though we never met. She's calm and thoughtful and articulate, and many of the ways I'd rather be...and weirdly familiar even though neither of us ever met.
 

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Discussion Starter · #29 ·
I want to share a update:

I have been going back and fourth with this girl a bit, she seems to be interested the reason i say seems to be, is because every time I ask she is okay with it, great. Make plans to meet and where be sharing the location and the other places we can go to have fun and talk, on the last day after we exchange where we will meet up at, she tells me she can't make it due to life or something she needs to get at the store. It's okay. Except she been doing this since I asked her out and she agreed week ago, no idea if she's being honest, life does happen and things come up. Or she isn't interested anymore? I feel like she isn't ready not telling me isn't good because I like our conversations and put a lot of effort into them thinking that I got a chance to have a date with a girl who I connect with and be cool talking to. Other convos I have die out like I put more interest out with little back...

Anyway I wanted to give a update on myself.
 
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I want to share a update:

I have been going back and fourth with this girl a bit, she seems to be interested the reason i say seems to be, is because every time I ask she is okay with it, great. Make plans to meet and where be sharing the location and the other places we can go to have fun and talk, on the last day after we exchange where we will meet up at, she tells me she can't make it due to life or something she needs to get at the store. It's okay. Except she been doing this since I asked her out and she agreed week ago, no idea if she's being honest, life does happen and things come up. Or she isn't interested anymore? I feel like she isn't ready not telling me isn't good because I like our conversations and put a lot of effort into them thinking that I got a chance to have a date with a girl who I connect with and be cool talking to. Other convos I have die out like I put more interest out with little back...

Anyway I wanted to give a update on myself.
Maybe she is just super nervous about meeting a stranger. At this point you two are actually strangers, because there are no other cues to go by. Have you talked on the phone?
 

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Discussion Starter · #31 ·
Maybe she is just super nervous about meeting a stranger. At this point you two are actually strangers, because there are no other cues to go by. Have you talked on the phone?
We haven't talk on the phone or anything, I did give her mines.
 

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We haven't talk on the phone or anything, I did give her mines.
She hasn’t called you then—ask her directly for her phone number and tell her you would like to talk on the phone to get to know each other better. If she doesn’t go for that, then I’m (me personally) going to think that she’s not all that interested. Or, you could continue on a while and see how it goes—if it builds into a telephone conversation.
 

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If this continues on, and you haven't talked to her on the phone--I would consider she may be catfishing. Make sure that you are planning to meet somewhere public that is safe.
 

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Discussion Starter · #34 ·
Update: I had more girls reach out, asking plain questions or just making conversation (one of them kept going and going revealing everything about her life) nothing much else, if lucky I might get into a conversation on interests on a deeper level on said subject or even a debate (alternative character interpretations, moral choices etc) like I said before in this thread, my chats end up dying I don't want to keep on telling them to ask me questions but at the same time, I hate having to talk about myself too much if I feel like I do most of the talking... Not good impressions..

She hasn’t called you then—ask her directly for her phone number and tell her you would like to talk on the phone to get to know each other better. If she doesn’t go for that, then I’m (me personally) going to think that she’s not all that interested. Or, you could continue on a while and see how it goes—if it builds into a telephone conversation.
If this continues on, and you haven't talked to her on the phone--I would consider she may be catfishing. Make sure that you are planning to meet somewhere public that is safe.
So she turned out to be up to something weird, when I asked her what was up, she attacked me verbally started using my past she dug up from god knows where to say I was lying about something I said, when it happen so many years ago that it wouldn't even matter at this point. I told her to stop using that against me and it blew up quick but it was out of the blue to me.
 

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So she turned out to be up to something weird, when I asked her what was up, she attacked me verbally started using my past she dug up from god knows where to say I was lying about something I said, when it happen so many years ago that it wouldn't even matter at this point. I told her to stop using that against me and it blew up quick but it was out of the blue to me.
Yeah...your gut is right on that one, friend.

Paranoia is a vice you don't want to mess with, your Ti hero sees right through it.
 
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