[MonogamyIsNice]

I've really been struggling to find the right people for me the last many years. The older and more distinct I become, the less there seem to be people that I'm still interested in. I've recently been exhausting OKCupid and that has yet to yield anything but disappointment. Personally, I'm most interested in finding INFx and INTx types but am looking for really any recommendations for interpersonal networking over the net. I'm even up for creepily stalking hotspots that aren't even for this purpose, but that are fertile enough to be used for such. I am pretty serious about finding the right people, and always have been. It is not uncommon for me to spend the better part of many days in a row in this pursuit. It's just that I've got really high standards for my criteria and that often leaves me nonplussed and-so discouraged.

Things I've tried already:

My own custom search engine for scouring myspace, facebook and deviantart profiles based on keywords (Went through a massive amount of keywords for how people identify themselves, and their interests, including taste in art media etc. Anything I could think of that may reflect the sort of person I am looking for)

Blogs

Myspace, Facebook and Deviantart. I used to be on top of literally every single profile for myspace that was identified with a religious orientation of "atheist" "agnostic" or "other". I also went through many many groups based on interests of mine or that elsewise are likely to house individuals that value and perpetuate intelligence and caring.

Chats galore. Specialty chats revolving around interests or intelligence. Even a handful of MBTI chats. Many of these were Cam & Mic chats.

Forums, again over relevant interests or valuations. MBTI forums included, where I even know exactly what types I'm interested in.


In all of these endeavors, I'm very (unusually so for an INFJ) direct and inquisitive with people from the get go. I open dialogue, learn about their person etc. This overall method of trying to find people used to work out for me, but it has become harder and harder over time. Now I can't turn up any solid results, even at the friend level.

I'm sure some are thinking that trying is somehow the problem, but, that is of course ridiculous. And I'm sure that many want to tell me to search locally, but, I do, and it's quite futile as the pool of people is severely miniscule in comparison to working globally through the internet, where I am still struggling to find anyone, despite genuinely obsessive hours and efforts, led by a mind quite seasoned in the exercise. Or maybe you think that I need to lower my standards.

But, for me, the problem is that I am truly rare, and so are the people I am looking for. And the best approach is to search harder, checking every nook and cranny completely! So, I'm wondering, are there some good suggestions?

 

[jeffbobs]

I've really been struggling to find the right people for me the last many years. The older and more distinct I become, the less there seem to be people that I'm still interested in. I've recently been exhausting OKCupid and that has yet to yield anything but disappointment. Personally, I'm most interested in finding INFx and INTx types but am looking for really any recommendations for interpersonal networking over the net. I'm even up for creepily stalking hotspots that aren't even for this purpose, but that are fertile enough to be used for such. I am pretty serious about finding the right people, and always have been. It's just that I've got really high standards for my criteria and that often leaves me nonplussed and-so discouraged.

Things I've tried already:

My own custom search engine for scouring myspace, facebook and deviantart profiles based on keywords (Went through a massive amount of keywords for how people identify themselves, and their interests, including taste in art media etc. Anything I could think of that may reflect the sort of person I am looking for)

Myspace, Facebook and Deviantart. I used to be on top of literally every single profile for myspace that was identified with a religious orientation of "atheist" "agnostic" or "other". I also went through many many groups based on interests of mine or that elsewise are likely to house individuals that value and perpetuate intelligence and caring.

Chats galore. Specialty chats revolving around interests or intelligence. Even a handful of MBTI chats. Many of these were Cam & Mic chats.

Forums, again over relevant interests or valuations. MBTI forums included, where I even know exactly what types I'm interested in.


In all of these endeavors, I'm very (unusually so for an INFJ) direct and inquisitive with people from the get go. I open dialogue, learn about their person etc. This overall method of trying to find people used to work out for me, but it has become harder and harder over time. Now I can't turn up any solid results, even at the friend level.

I'm sure some are thinking that trying is somehow the problem, but, that is of course ridiculous. And I'm sure that many want to tell me to search locally, but, I do, and it's quite futile as the pool of people is severely miniscule in comparison to working globally through the internet, where I am still struggling to find anyone, despite genuinely obsessive hours and efforts, led by a mind quite seasoned in the exercise. Or maybe you think that I need to lower my standards.

But, for me, the problem is that I am truly rare, and so are the people I am looking for. And the best approach is to search harder, checking every nook and cranny completely! So, I'm wondering, are there some good suggestions?

what makes you truly rare?

also tried festivals and places where lots and lots of people gather over a few days in a field, the most caring, interesting people are people i have met that way

 

[MonogamyIsNice]

what makes you truly rare?

The degrees to which I am intelligent as well as caring, in the ways that I am.

 

[jeffbobs]

The degrees to which I am intelligent as well as caring, in the ways that I am.

See i see that as what everyone thinks of themselves, most people think they are unique and rare, and one of a kind, it maybe true, but it either isn't true for anyone, or true for everybody. so the fact your truly rare doesn't matter in the case of finding people.

You need to instead of looking for things that attract you in someone, just go out with just the intentions to talk to as many people as possible, don't let certain traits in people make you choose to pursue them.




Also the whole thing on truly rare, now to me a truly rare person...who i met once actually, was this born again christian, completely different to any i had met before, she made me see another side to something i had barely experienced, to me that is truly rare.

But i found her somewhere i would not of expected to find someone so amazing. so i think your looking in the wrong places for the type of people your interested in.....that is even if you truly know what you want

 

[MonogamyIsNice]

See i see that as what everyone thinks of themselves, most people think they are unique and rare, and one of a kind, it maybe true, but it either isn't true for anyone, or true for everybody. so the fact your truly rare doesn't matter in the case of finding people.

You need to instead of looking for things that attract you in someone, just go out with just the intentions to talk to as many people as possible, don't let certain traits in people make you choose to pursue them.




Also the whole thing on truly rare, now to me a truly rare person...who i met once actually, was this born again christian, completely different to any i had met before, she made me see another side to something i had barely experienced, to me that is truly rare.

But i found her somewhere i would not of expected to find someone so amazing. so i think your looking in the wrong places for the type of people your interested in.....that is even if you truly know what you want

I appreciate the response and helpful intention. However, you just asked me for the context of my rarity and then completely bypassed it in your writing-off of my ability to be rare based on an existent cliche of people perceiving themselves as such. It's quite crude to the people well aware of that trend and the reasons why it exists to people. Personally, I'd rather not be unique, I simply am, and it has isolating effects. And I know exactly what I want, and it is also rare. I hope that this doesn't seem hostile or unappreciative; I only mean to clarify!

 

[jeffbobs]

I appreciate the response and helpful intention. However, you just asked me for the context of my rarity and then completely bypassed it in your writing-off of my ability to be rare based on an existent cliche of people perceiving themselves as such. It's quite crude to the people well aware of that trend and the reasons why it exists to people. Personally, I'd rather not be unique, I simply am, and it has isolating effects. And I know exactly what I want, and it is also rare. I hope that this doesn't seem hostile or unappreciative; I only mean to clarify!

Yeah don't worry i understand, and sorry if it seems very cold hearted and rather rude.

The way my mind works is problems and solutions. see a problem find a solution, and it doesn't account for feelings or other peoples thoughts. It is just what my brain comes up with....normally the most common explaination for something, althou it might not look common to others it is just what i have seen thru my experience. so sorry about that.

But yes the best place i have found people is festivals and places where you are pretty much in a very large group of people and almost forced into interaction.


for example i will go to a festival, not for the music, but for the people who stay around the camp sitting by fires playing their own music all just having a very nice get together, i will often walk over, ask them for sumthing to roll (cannabis user and its just can easier way to introduce yourself to someone then saying hi...cos u can pass the joint, and you both have something in common already)

then in a controled enviroment you get to know that small group of people, get a feel for them, find out about them, if it isn't at all interesting, use and excuse and leave and find another camp fire or group of people and just join in. I have found many interesting people this way, so unique in the way they behave and think....you dont need drugs to do it, but i was using my personal example so couldn't exclude it.

 

[Lloydy]

Perhaps someone should create a new website for dating. "Forget plenty of fish, forget okcupid - join MBTI Date NOW. Search thousands of users based on their MBTI type."

Other than this i honestly wouldnt know. Ive been looking everywhere for an S/O and its come full circle for me now as soon ill be going back to trolling bars and dives which is where i pretty much started. Or you could always see if advice that didnt work for me will work for you that everyone keeps ramming down my throat and thats "Get out there and be awesome." I still havent found where "there" is yet but when i do im going to pilgrimage to it. I suppose it could be places of interest for you like festivals or conventions but it depends on how good you are at introducing yourself at such events.

 

[Stable Genius]

Have you tried backpage under the escort section? :laughing::crazy:

For real though, I haven't tried that hard online, but when I did I seemed to get nowhere with it. Maybe you should try meeting women out in the real world. It's quicker that way, and you can size them up better.

 

[Arclight]

Maybe it's not working because you seem a bit full of yourself?

I don't necessarily think so.. But most people would think of your self proclamation as a turn off.
If you are so awesome and rare why not let them figure it out for themselves?
People like confidence not braggarts.

 

[Yardiff Bey]

Much of online crap is attention-whoring.

*looks at self ironically* <_<

A little off-topic: for shits and giggles I'm thinking of putting up a dating profile on Plenty of Whales that matches exactly what some of these women put up, with the gender flipped from female to male. I'm betting that there will be a lot of angry responses - but hell, who knows, some woman out there might catch and appreciate the irony. ;-)

 

[MegaTuxRacer]

The only thing to come out of the internet is pedophiles and rapists*. My advice would be to stay away.

*from the perception of technologically out-of-touch parents.

 

[MonogamyIsNice]

Maybe it's not working because you seem a bit full of yourself?

I don't necessarily think so.. But most people would think of your self proclamation as a turn off.
If you are so awesome and rare why not let them figure it out for themselves?
People like confidence not braggarts.

I hear you on this. And I do get this somewhat often, but, not everyone is into being modest to the point of not being able to talk accurately and directly about ones self anytime an expression of positive attributes would come from it. I refuse to partake in that and am not overly concerned with turning off people whose own egos are so untamed, or whose own perceptions of people are so tainted by the context of modern social conditioning in this regard, such that they would actually write-off or be repulsed by someone for telling it like it is when it comes to their positive traits. How thin their bonds are, to be broken by the honest, positive truth of others. I think it's important for me, personally, and our species, globally and evolutionarily, to get out of this zeitgeist of hyper-modesty as some sort of virtue. I'm pretty sure that these are just sentiments that descend from the self-denial of ancient Abrahamic religions, much like the vaginal dignity / integrity complexes that many women today still bear, despite their lack of religious affiliation.

 

[Arclight]

I hear you on this. And I do get this somewhat often, but, not everyone is into being modest to the point of not being able to talk accurately and directly about ones self anytime an expression of positive attributes would come from it. I refuse to partake in that and am not overly concerned with turning off people whose own egos are so untamed, or whose own perceptions of people are so tainted by the context of modern social conditioning in this regard, such that they would actually write-off or be repulsed by someone for telling it like it is when it comes to their positive traits. How thin their bonds are, to be broken by the honest, positive truth of others. I think it's important for me, personally, and our species, globally and evolutionarily, to get out of this zeitgeist of hyper-modesty as some sort of virtue. I'm pretty sure that these are just sentiments that descend from the self-denial of ancient Abrahamic religions, much like the vaginal dignity / integrity complexes that many women today still bear, despite their lack of religious affiliation.

It's not about modesty really.. It's about letting other people discover your charms for themselves. Mating is a game.. You would rather play by your own rules (which is fine) but you are going into well established arenas. It wont work.


Try AshleyMadison.com

They make their own rules up there.. It's not free $.

 

[DarkWarrior]

Perc worked wonders for me but that was more luck or "fate" depending on who you ask. Still good luck sir may you find love or may love find you.

 

[Yardiff Bey]

Try AshleyMadison.com

They make their own rules up there.. It's not free $.

Yes, for women who want a little extra man on the side. An interesting dynamic when you think about it.

 

[daydr3am]

Try meetup.com to meet people with similar interests and hobbies. I've made a fair amount of friends through sports and those new friends I made I turned into board gaming buddies as well.

 

[TragicallyHip]

I'm assuming by your screen name that you are looking for non-monogamous relationships -- that right there is going to limit your potential partners, obviously. But are there forums for people into poly lifestyles? Maybe that's a place you should check out? (Though, judging by how thorough you've been, I'm guessing you already have.)

 

[chickydoda]

I would say maybe ask your friends about meeting some of their other friends or setting you up on a few blind dates to meet someone, assuming you're in a big enough circle of people.

It doesn't always work out well, but I have made some of my best friends this way.

As for the dating thing, well, most of my friends just don't understand my taste in men, lol.

Edit: Oh, I was also going to suggest pen pal sites... there are some interesting people out there!

 

[nadjasix]

I think the problem with men trying to find dates on the internet is that most women are going to be pretty wary of meeting up with guys from typical dating sites. There are a lot of freaks out there. It's not that it's impossible to meet women this way, but you're probably not going to meet many who are serious about dating (prob. more casual hookups).

I think the internet is conducive to flirting between people who probably wouldn't flirt in real life. This could go one of two ways: it could help you meet someone awesome you'd never meet otherwise, or it could result in bad chemistry IRL. I've met a lot of men on here who are interesting to talk to, but not many whom I'd actually consider dating.

I tend to be a flirt in general around people I like, so that kind of tendency can be misread as well...