Personality Cafe banner
1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
197 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So just wanted to start this off and saying I am new here and I love finding all the awesome information on here about myself and others, but enough of that. I was wondering, how do you guys handle being betrayed. Any form like a Girlfriend/boyfriend cheating on you or a friend doing something with ulterior motives against you. How do you handle it or how do you feel? Because being a 6 it almost feels sometimes I can sense it happening before it does, but even when I do it feels like the utmost form of pain and sadness. Thoughts/feelings?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
14,865 Posts
Its not that you can sense it happening before it does. This reminds me on something that I wrote recently that I will share here.

This is about a six who can't separate his paranoid fears from his intuitions:

He isn't aware of the fact that hes a 6. Thats ok, many 6s won't see it in themselves. Once you see it in him though its undeniable - the paranoia and what-if/worst-case-scenario thinking. In the typology community, its common for people to blame intuition when really its often 6 paranoid thinking, or the feeling functions, more commonly Fi. A sudden idea hitting you that seems to not have come from a careful linear thought process isn't always Ne or Ni, but a -feeling- brought on my the feeling functions filtered through a thinking function to seem like a real thing, and not just a bias in perception.

For a 6 who believes themselves to be 'very intuitive' as they say in these typology communities, they have a hard time separating a worst-case-scenario fantasy, from what they believe to be an intuition.

So, many 6s will experience this, and I do myself. At times its tricky to determine which it is. I look back and see all the times I was wrong, thinking that my intuition was telling me something when really it was worst-case-scenario thinking and Fi. I'm more careful and critical with such thoughts now. I ask myself 'can I really know this? Do I have the information I need in order to be certain of this fearful idea?' If not, then I put it away.
*(Learning to meditate helped a lot with the ability to just put those thoughts away. I used to have panic attacks until I learned this, and now I don't have them anymore. I feel the bodily-anxiety (adrenaline), and feel it begin to affect my mind, but now I disregard the sudden 'oh shit' thoughts that follow it.) My body will feel a bit shaky/buzzy, but my mind doesn't run away anymore. There does exist a mechanism you can find through meditating to do this. I'm trying to finish part of my ebook where I explain how to do this particular thing but its very difficult to explain.)

Its hard to help a 6 when they don't accept their 6ness. I can think of a case other than this with the ex, where it would do a person a lot of good to understand what these drives are, and what patterns and behaviours they cause in us. You can't tell either of them that its merely a fearful thought, not a premonition, not an intuition.. just a fearful what-if.

So, I endured some 6 abuse the other day because of his lack of understanding of his own mind. I was having a casual 'what I have been up to, oh heres a curious and strange thing I have been thinking' conversation, which led to him completely flipping his shit like a raving mad lunatic.

This brings me to another point. Fe vs 6. Sometimes what may seem like an Fe mal-attachment to another, is actually their 6ish loyalty making them feel connected. They feel involved. I personally have learned that I have to cut cords a lot when its no longer beneficial to me to remain tied to someone. I could speculate on why a 6 feels these things, but thats beside the point for now.

Back to the story -- I'd mentioned something that was happening in my -own- life. -My- life over here, not connected to -your- life over there, and he went barking mad. He became verbally aggressive and it caused me some bodily anxiety, listening to it. I closed all access that the toxic person had to me and shook my head, thinking what a shame it is to have such a lack of self-awareness.

What he did was feel connected to my own situation which was the first mistake, and then assume that his worse-case-scenario thinking was "reality" when it couldn't have possibly been the case. He took it a step further and aggressively tried to convince me that his worst-case-scenario thinking is reality, to try to control me and make me ignorantly make a decision based on his own stupidity. Its disgusting to me when someone is being stupid about something, and just completely wrong and ignorant.. but takes it a step further to try to bring someone else down with them. Such is the unhealthy 6 lashing out at someone who they feel tied to.
Also, sometimes your fears will come true, but its just like when people start to think they see a winning pattern in gambling. You got lucky/unlucky. They were still just paranoid fears, even if once in a while they come true. It wasn't some kind of -just knowing- experience. Think of how many times those paranoid fears were wrong.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
386 Posts
When I'm friends with someone, forgiveness is part of the package. I've had friends take actions that weren't loyal, but it's not my real concern. My real concern is when friends display a behavior that I evaluate as a huge security risk. So, for me their intention to lash out at me or what not is acceptable and/or understandable. When I discover that they view risky behavior as acceptable, however, that's when I will begin severing ties. In summary, temporary disloyalty is forgiven, while unknowingly creating a security risk is grounds for detachment.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,131 Posts
Being betrayed is a rather large thing for me. It feels very bitter. It doesn't make me feel angry, but rather extraordinarily sad. As though I have been "abandoned" in a sense. Forgiveness is something major, though. I will forgive those who betray me, but it still will feel as though something has just been ripped forcefully from me. Sometimes the said "betrayal" isn't obvious. Perhaps it was a promise that could was not held up that meant a lot to me. That happened once. A person didn't know that something meant a lot to me. I put my hopes and trust into their hands, and they ended up not carrying out their promise. There were reasons, but it wasn't the not-carrying-out of the problem that hurt -- it was their reaction. They felt slightly bad, but it was the fact that they really just glossed over my feelings. I felt extremely hurt that the promise couldn't be carried out, and they were taking it so lightly.

It was something important to me, and it just felt as though because they threw it so carelessly away, my feelings were of no importance. I don't think they really saw my feelings. I forgave them in my mind, but it felt so hurtful and bitter.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
675 Posts
I dont get the stuff with intuition... Paranoid fear IS intuition, especially Ne "possible" stuff... Fi is more how you feel things, feeling of like, disgust, appreciating the emotionnal bond with other, ect...
 
  • Like
Reactions: white-knuckle

·
Banned
Joined
·
14,865 Posts
I dont get the stuff with intuition... Paranoid fear IS intuition, especially Ne "possible" stuff... Fi is more how you feel things, feeling of like, disgust, appreciating the emotionnal bond with other, ect...
Paranoid fear =/= Ne.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Inguz

·
Registered
Joined
·
925 Posts
I think we have all let each other down in some way or another. Though there are outright instances that I'm sure are hard for people to shake. I've only had 2 boyfriends. I am very clear about their interaction with the opposite sex right off the bat. I just say what I'm comfortable with or not and that helps a lot. I make sure (even if the guy is nice) that there isn't an opportunity. Of course, I also date guys that don't have a lot of game and that are sincere. I don't date pretty boys, or guys who want to be popular, or flirt a lot or whatnot. A guy couldn't date me if he flirted with me, initially. If we are dating that's a different story...

So, I've been lucky. If all continues to go well, as it has, I think I'm dating the guy I'm going to marry. Of course I live with him, as is. But, more importantly we are a really great match. We are very similar and the ways we are different, compliment each other.

My sister dated a guy who cheated on her a lot. He was in a band and he always said stupid stuff like he had to fix a computer. She always forgave him and accommodated him. It just killed her self-esteem. She tried to pretend she was having a blast and life was a party. But, in reality she was devastated. I introduced her to one of my guy friends. An INTP or an ENTP. And they dated 2 years and though it didn't work out, I think it helped slow down her partying and helped her self esteem. Now, she's dating a sweetheart. And she's so in love. She seems so much like herself. I'm so thrilled for her.

My favorite story of betrayal also would be The Count of Monte Cristo. It's actually based on a true story. And the guy loses everything. His possession, his love. His best friends are the ones who betrayed him. He's thrown in an awful prison. And can't even see the light of day. He is so down in the dumps. And meets someone who has been there even longer and for life as well. Who is optimistic and happy. The story goes on. But, the point is a lot of what you are going through is perspective. And sometimes you've got to let go of the wrong doing and grab onto something more warming.

The past, will just eat at people. I know as a six that's probably very true. Given the fact that we are anxious or can be paranoid. And that's probably based on something that has happened to us. Sometimes you talk it out with a friend, blog, go to a therapist, meditate, go out into nature, or for super hard stuff a few good hypnotherapy sessions might be needed.
 

·
MOTM January 2013
Joined
·
10,668 Posts
This brings me to another point. Fe vs 6. Sometimes what may seem like an Fe mal-attachment to another, is actually their 6ish loyalty making them feel connected. They feel involved. I personally have learned that I have to cut cords a lot when its no longer beneficial to me to remain tied to someone. I could speculate on why a 6 feels these things, but thats beside the point for now.
This makes so much sense, it explains why I like to reach out to people now and then, I wouldn't even have thought of it is loyalty before in my circumstance but yeah, I can see it now. @Stephen also might find this interesting in relation to his Fe discussion. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
675 Posts
Paranoid fear =/= Ne.
Take not that litteral, its like a part of what can be Ne, in the sense its the intuition of possibility about reality, thats all... Ne can be many things, that can manifest as some paranoid fear about possible case scenario wich appear to have sudden sense...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
761 Posts
For me, it's usually a betrayal of expectations. I may have certain expectations of a person that I'd want to trust (or someone I already trust). If they don't happen to meet/crush those expectations, I feel extremely disappointed. It's melancholy-like. Although, I'm aware that I can't force my expectations on anyone. All of this happens in silence, no one but me knows of it.
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top