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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
which would you rather live in?

I'm from a small town in Russia myself (population 250,000) and my mental state was fine until I moved to Melbourne, Australia (4,000,000) where I feel constant pressure. I go home for 3 months every year just 'to rest' from that Big City lifestyle.

And I think I just discovered the culprit of it after visiting another Australian city, Adelaide (1,000,000) a week ago. The culprit lies not in the country itself, which I like, but in Melbourne, in particular the amount of people I see / hear wherenever I go / stay here. There is simply no escape from them even in suburbs.

So, I seriously think of moving to a smaller town, but meet no support to my decision whatsoever. I hear people who chose Melbourne do so because it provides them with more job opportunities, higher pay, more entertainment and, surprisingly, because there are many people. I conclude this is because most of my friends are Extroverted and they simply don't get me. I sort of understand that with higher pay comes higher costs of everything, I don't need a millions of clubs or coffee shops or restaurants either as I normally go to the same few places I like.

what's your feelings toward Big Cities? I also noticed that people in Smaller Towns are much nicer while Big Cities make them more hostile.
 

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I don't really consider 250,000 small. I would prefer a small town (less than 25,000) to live in and be close to a city. But a large enough apartment in a good location in a city would be fine. Cities like NY are good because anything i cant stand to do in crowds i can do in the middle of the night. The biggest issue with NY is the tiny size of apartments v the price.
 
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City! More stuff to do, less judgemental people/more diversity, and there is anonymity in large numbers.

However I wouldn't wanna live in a huge city like NYC or LA... currently I live in Vancouver, Canada (600,000) and it's ideal for me.
 

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I prefer big city - like they said before me no pressure and judgments. I can be whatever I want to be and no one expects from me anything. Plus I find it annoying in small towns (really small like 2000-3000 population where I grew up) when everyone thinks that they have to tell me their opinion and I should listen to them and smile and agree with them.

The town where I live right now is not that big, but it's about 600 000 and it's better. Also I agree on the mentioning of a big apartment and I prefer to live alone (meaning no roommates) if I'm not in some serious relationship (which is difficult since I'm INTJ).

I personally moved out to the big city for a lot of reasons - better job opportunities, better infrastructure, better education possibilities, maintaining good profession contacts, better opportunities to work in bigger companies. With the time I realized that there is no pressure, no need to be 'polite' to people I dislike just because it's 'important' what people think about you (my parents words, I don't care at all), no need to tolerate annoying family members just because they are family. Working in bigger companies means better and bigger projects and better projects means more money and more importantly a lot more possibilities to improve myself and learn from the best.

It's true that big cities are much more dusty and crowded and loud, but I'm so introspective and I could be in my inner world so much that this doesn't bother me at all. I could still avoid the crowds, but at least I know that if go for walk, there is no possibility to see some familiar face asking me what I'm doing and where I'm going (something normal for the small town where I grow up). Also in small towns there is not much of chance to find some other INTJ or some other type compatible to INTJ. It was easy at work, because most of us chose this profession because we really find it interesting, not because they give good money. So even if they are not INTJ, my coworkers are at least compatible with my type. And I could have meaningful conversation with them, not small talk. In my town it is really difficult to talk to someone about something more than the weather. Not the smartest population there.
 

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I also tried the "big city" life and disliked it. I'd like to be in a rural/suburban area in a major metro area though. For me, you give up a lot of individualism to live in a city.

secretk, I don't really consider 600k a "big city"... I usually think of super high concentrations of people... when I think big city in a U.S. context i think New York, Chicago, Boston, San Francisco, LA, Philadelphia, DC and things like that.

Somewhere like say Portland, Austin or Charlotte for instance doesn't have NEAR the hectic/stress as those above ^ not even on the same radar.

I guess it's all frame of reference, but there are definitely differnet "types" and "vibes" of city. LA is much more laid back than NYC for instance, as well as far more spread out even if there are a lot of people.

I think my like of big cities went from a bell curve starting at 18...peaking at 25, and consistently going down every year from there.
 

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Couldn't stand big city. Probably also wouldn't want to be somewhere completely devoid of people. I don't have a number of people in mind... but moderate is the preference and the number of people in and around my university makes for a good size.
 
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I love a small town. I hate crowds and all the problems that come along with people living on top of each other. My home town had 25,000 or so, when I was growing up. I prefer that size, it suited me perfectly. Now the same town has 85,000 and it is getting way to crowded. Time to find a new small town!
 

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@jd_ I get what you mean. I should mention though that I don't live in USA, so in my country the town where I live is the biggest one, but it's not that big in comparison with LA or New York for example.

Also I've lived most of my life in really small town (2k) where everybody knows everybody. There was no one that I could talk to. Most of them are too superficial for me. And since the city was so small, there wasn't even internet connection. Maybe that's why I disliked it. It's really suffocating, at least for me.

@hoom I think that moderate indeed fits my needs too. I'm not sure that I will be able to live in a city like New York or LA, but there is no such city in my country, so my problems is easily solved.
 

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Big cities tend to cause ADD in my opinion. Constant noises and traffic, people walking by, cars going by, packed streets...no nature to relax the senses. I think people have underestimated the ability of natural smells, sounds, and sights to sooth. Flowers aren't pretty by accident, it's intentional design.
 

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Big cities tend to cause ADD in my opinion. Constant noises and traffic, people walking by, cars going by, packed streets...no nature to relax the senses. I think people have underestimated the ability of natural smells, sounds, and sights to sooth. Flowers aren't pretty by accident, it's intentional design.
There is actually quite a bit of research going on concerning child development in noisy city environments that it DOES induce changes in brain development.

I'm not sure how it would CHANGE your brain past a certain age, but it could definitely add to the stress.

secretk, no worries, if it is the biggest in your country it might then have that certain "attitude" which are common for preeminent cities I have noticed and attract certain types.

That seems manageable though.

to clarify, I don't mind going *in* to big cities for work or entertainment, just when I go home, or on the weekends I prefer some solitude to recharge. Even living in a high rise with virtually soundproof walls I never felt that level of "relaxation" in the city.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
hehe, I thought in my town of 250,000 everyone knows each other and you people talk about towns with 50,000 - 2,000 population. it must feel like living in a country :)

thanks a lot for your insights, I originally wanted to know how people feel about living in cities with population of 4-7-10 million. and now see that some experience pressure of Big Cities too.

I estimate my comefort zone to be around 600,000 - 1,500,000. Anything less and it gets lonely, anything more - unmanageable.
 

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hehe, I thought in my town of 250,000 everyone knows each other and you people talk about towns with 50,000 - 2,000 population. it must feel like living in a country :)

thanks a lot for your insights, I originally wanted to know how people feel about living in cities with population of 4-7-10 million. and now see that some experience pressure of Big Cities too.

I estimate my comefort zone to be around 600,000 - 1,500,000. Anything less and it gets lonely, anything more - unmanageable.
Yes, the two big metro areas where I've lived were over 7 and around 10 million. I didn't mind being on the outskirts having relative quiet and privacy and could still drive an hour and be in the city again, but have no need for being stuck in the middle of all of it in the core of the main city. I originally grew up in a city of about 250k metro and it was a bit too small and confining once I reached 18. I don't think I could live in the middle of "nowhere".
 

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Love this question. Just had to pop in and say, nope, loving the city or small town doesn't really have to do whether or not you're extroverted. For instance, I am extroverted and love both equally... although I would probably go for small town. A small town near the city would be cool. I love cities for the people. Specifically for the unseen people. I like trying to form connections in some small way. The small town is much easier to fit into, though. More quiet and just the right mix between people and a sense of calm.
 

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countryside for the win!

loving the calm enviroment, no one to bother me and ah the deep silence!

even tho i live it countryside nearest moderate sized city is still close enought for me to drive over there whenever i need to.


next fall when my studies start at big city (1.200 000 ppl) one of the criteria for my apartment is that it isnt in middle of the city, because the whole traffic and noise in big cities gets to me after some time.
 

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And I think I just discovered the culprit of it after visiting another Australian city, Adelaide (1,000,000) a week ago. The culprit lies not in the country itself, which I like, but in Melbourne, in particular the amount of people I see / hear wherenever I go / stay here. There is simply no escape from them even in suburbs.
I'm curious, as to the types of contrast you saw between those two cities (from the perspective of a foreigner). 1 million is not exactly a small city, but perhaps enough for some cultural divergence between the two cities.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I'm curious, as to the types of contrast you saw between those two cities (from the perspective of a foreigner). 1 million is not exactly a small city, but perhaps enough for some cultural divergence between the two cities.
Big cities like Melbourne tend to attract foreigners, me included (I came here because of my University). Melbourne is like a boiling pot with people of different races who bring their cultures with them. Why they come to Melbourne? Because they have their friends / relatives who are already here. Some people enjoy the experience different cultures. However, this divergence creates a lot of noise (not just in the sense of sound) too. I don't like the noise in general :) I came to Australia because I like Australian people and they are plenty enough for me. As it turns out, true blue Aussies live in smaller towns where they grew up. Thus smaller towns like Adelaide, or even Gold Coast have much less noise created by different cultures.

Some people enjoy this noise, learning different languages or eating different cuisines, which is perfectly fine. I just prefer 'more boring life'.
 

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@Stayer, I was with you until your mention of the Gold Coast. The Gold Coast, otherwise known as Bris-Vegas has noise as would be expected by it's name. to me anyway, the soul of the Gold-Coast just feels wrong. Perhaps it was different 30 years ago (more like the north coast of NSW with real towns like Byron Bay, Coffs Harbour etc).

For better or worse, most Australians live in big cities, it is amusing to refer to Adelaide as a 'town', but I agree there is a contrast in culture that in some way was not lost as Adelaide grew to its present population.

Some people enjoy this noise, learning different languages or eating different cuisines, which is perfectly fine. I just prefer 'more boring life'.
I didn't really think it was a lack of variety of culture and the like that differentiates Adelaide from Melbourne/Sydney but rather a lack of desire for substantial change (conservatism). Other cities may pursue growth and change for its own sake. Conversely in Adelaide, when the government proposed a grand freeway plan (that would have promoted growth and sprawl), the public response was overwhelmingly negative. Whereas in Melbourne/Sydney, this growth was embraced.
 

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My actual experience of living in a big city hasn't been positive, but I think it's largely due to other factors. I actually like the idea of urban life. It matches up well with my preferred lifestyle. I like public transit, big libraries, cool specialty shops, and music in bars. The problem comes when I want to do things with other people, like start a band. In the suburbs you can usually just play at someone's house. Apartments don't work well for hardcore bands, and rental spaces... well, you have to pay rent, apart from the already significant cost of living in the city.

I currently live in a small city (about 130,000), basically a glorified suburb, with nothing to do. We've got lots of local talent, but no good venues. And our transit system got the worst rating in the region. The drivers are dicks. I think I could live in a city the size of mine if it were farther away from an urban centre. I think people here get lazy because there's a world-class city less than two hours away.
 
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