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In a relationship with your partner, what would be some of the fears that you have at the back of your mind? And among them, which would be your biggest one?

There's one on the INFJ forum about this but im interested in hearing from you guys too.
 

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This is something I've given a fair bit of thought (hooray for introspection).

In my various relationships, I've been lied to, misunderstood more times than I can count, cheated on, and discarded for another person. I'm not afraid of these things at all. My biggest fear in a relationship would have to be a lack of balance. It's more of an idea than something specific, but it encompasses a few things to me: emotional investment, affection, and give-and-take. When there is no equilibrium, that is when I begin to worry. Not due to the late nights, mysterious texts, or awkward silences that seem to bother other people.
 

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I agree with Pseudonym. Without mutuality in a relationship, one party will take the dominant role and the other will be put into the submissive. I'd rather be with another alpha and work toward growing with one another, resolve conflict amicably, and communicate our issues efficiently.
 

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I have had a recurring nightmare, ever since I was very young, that the people I love and trust will turn on me and attack me. So I guess that must be my deep down fear - betrayal. That those I care about don't really care about me at all, and that by loving I have opened myself up to attack. I will be alone, surrounded not by strangers, but even worse, by enemies that know my weaknesses, and against whom I have no defenses.
 

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I've had nearly everything that could possibly go wrong in a relationship happen to me (including some things that seem to come straight out of a cheap novel). I don't have any fears in a relationship - not anymore.
 

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Resenting my partner or having my partner resent me and betrayal. I also fear that he will somehow find out the person that I bury deep down and either be repulsed and/or reject me but after 10 years I am hoping that will not happen.
 

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Breaking up with my current girlfriend under any circumstances, finding a new girlfriend, and feeling like a whore.
Leaving an emotionally dead relationship (from my perspective) and crushing the still-invested girl.
Staying in that hypothetical relationship and going through my life bitter and functionally alone.
Infidelity, on either end.
Coming on too strongly, as a "stalker" would.

Mostly, the top three items concern me the most. I'm no adulterer, and I could simply leave a girl who is. The last item doesn't bother me because I don't "come on" to anyone anyway.
 

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I have had a recurring nightmare, ever since I was very young, that the people I love and trust will turn on me and attack me. So I guess that must be my deep down fear - betrayal. That those I care about don't really care about me at all, and that by loving I have opened myself up to attack. I will be alone, surrounded not by strangers, but even worse, by enemies that know my weaknesses, and against whom I have no defenses.
Oh my God, I read this and it instantly left an indelible mark because that nightmare has been reality for me. I can tell you from experience, that is absolutely something to fear.
 

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Giving my trust to someone and being betrayed. Same as has been said.
 

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I am strong enough to know when something isn't working well so I do not fear much in a relationship. I am rather a relaxed person who can adapt to and rationalize just about any situation.

The main thing though that is always a concern is the rejection from a partner due to my physicality. Having a plethora of body issues growing up haunts me to this day.....
 

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The main thing though that is always a concern is the rejection from a partner due to my physicality. Having a plethora of body issues growing up haunts me to this day.....
That's really unfortunate. I don't know what you looked like when you grew up, but you blossomed into a very, very beautiful woman.

Personally, I don't mind being rejected for my body, I'm quite used to it. Plus, it's better to be rejected for something that is out of your control in my book :proud:
 

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That's really unfortunate. I don't know what you looked like when you grew up, but you blossomed into a very, very beautiful woman.

Personally, I don't mind being rejected for my body, I'm quite used to it. Plus, it's better to be rejected for something that is out of your control in my book :proud:
Thank you Filo, that was very sweet.

I grew up with Gender Identification Disorder. I always felt that there was something wrong with my body, never truly feeling at ease.

It does get easier with age and maturity. Like I said, I am adaptable and can rationalize just about anything. :wink:
 

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I have had a recurring nightmare, ever since I was very young, that the people I love and trust will turn on me and attack me. So I guess that must be my deep down fear - betrayal. That those I care about don't really care about me at all, and that by loving I have opened myself up to attack. I will be alone, surrounded not by strangers, but even worse, by enemies that know my weaknesses, and against whom I have no defenses.
You read my thoughts... or rather you put into words something I'm too scared to articulate myself.

What do we do? Live with this fear and still open up, which will inevitably lead to many terrible disappointments or just shut down any relationship that threatens to get serious?
 

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Oh my God, I read this and it instantly left an indelible mark because that nightmare has been reality for me. I can tell you from experience, that is absolutely something to fear.
I am so sorry that happened to you . . . but here you are. You survived my greatest fear. Good for you.
 

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You read my thoughts... or rather you put into words something I'm too scared to articulate myself.

What do we do? Live with this fear and still open up, which will inevitably lead to many terrible disappointments or just shut down any relationship that threatens to get serious?
I don't know... it's hard.

My solution was to not get into any relationships at all until I was nineteen. Then I met someone I really wanted to be with, so I consciously screwed up my courage and jumped. We've been together 25 years now (yeah, yeah, I'm older than all of you). It has worked well, but I still get that nightmare, I still don't share everything with him, and I'm still very cautious with all friendships.
 

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I don't know... it's hard.

My solution was to not get into any relationships at all until I was nineteen. Then I met someone I really wanted to be with, so I consciously screwed up my courage and jumped. We've been together 25 years now (yeah, yeah, I'm older than all of you). It has worked well, but I still get that nightmare, I still don't share everything with him, and I'm still very cautious with all friendships.

You're not older than all of us, I don't think.

So, do you think not sharing everything has helped your relationship thrive?
 
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