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k, well here's a message I just reacently sent to my girlfriend. I geuss I really got to thinking and reflecting in this one. and we were talking about the kind of person I think of as being and hen this message was me on myself. I might even edit this one when I get her reply and add it in here. but I wanna see what you guys think of what I wrote here.

"yah, though now that I think about it...I'm not honestly sure what the fladoodalyduck I am. XDP
I mean at one point I thought about all the ways of how complex I am and why this only aplys when this is true and why I'm only like this sometimes and why I tend to be that way in this situation but in special circumstances and be the other way. and all that. and at another point I was totally focused on makeing everything in life and everything else as simple as I possibly could. it either is or it isn't, yah I do or not I don't. or rather, (since I still wanted it to be as true as could be. because somethings are just to strong to totally express. so even then I had a need to say things that were true and avoid saying things that wernt.) right now I feel like I do but might not latter. but for now lets just say yes cause I do and I can.

so I don't honestly know what I am. I've gone through so meny phases and tryd some meny things, shifted through so meny ways of thinking as well as varied personalitys though they all had something in common. though I still have yet to figure out what exactly the one or few things they all shared and had in common was. maybe if I could figure that out I'd see who I really am. and then could finally understand myself. cause though I think I've really begun to settle down and settle in lately, as in I've not been changeing back anf forth so much, there are still changes. they're still there. I'm still one person now and another a few weeks later. but alot more things stay the same from one person to the next and though it also feels like just as much changes now as did before, the things that change and how they change may be different. and they deffinetly don't change as drastically so the differences between now and then are deffinetly alot less noticable. but it's all still there. now if only I could figure out what exactly "it" is that's still there.


so basically I've yet to even figure myself out. geuss even I don't really know who I am yet. geuss I still gotta find myself, and when I do you can be sure him and I are gunna have one heck of a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG chat...yes I'm crazy and I willingly admit it without shame. I know it and embrace it. it's one of the few things that make me who I am that I am so aware for. meaning, it's one of the few things I know about who I really AM. and that's good enough for me. as long as I know that much about it, you can know I won't be changing it any time soon. especially if it can eventually help me finally learn who I really am. and maybe you could help? what do you think?

also sorry that was so long. I wasn't planning on it being that long. corse since when do I really plan anything? for me everything just happens. atleast I know that much. "

so what do you guys think? to those of my friend or of you who know me or have read a bunch of my posts, what do you think? think you could help me with this/ what kind of person do you think I am? what do you honestly think about me? think you guys could help me discover who I truely a inside? the truth even I have yet to discover?
 
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