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Prerequisites

What age range are you in?
19 do I really need a range?

Any disorders or conditions we should know about?

Nope, not that I know of. i'm truly perfect :laughing:
Main Questions

1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.

My life for me is to accomplish my dreams. To go from being some poor kid to being a man of value. Although I say that I'm not really looking to be valued. I just want to make a ton of money so, I can travel the world. Experiencing things I have never before. What drives me in life is intensity. I think I stir up trouble on purpose sometimes just to feel like I'm truly alive. I hate the emotional intensity I feel when I'm in emotional situations, but I like the excitement I feel when I'm doing something.

2. What were you like as a kid?
Quiet, arrogant, and somewhat moody. I was very quiet whenever I did something I knew I wasn't good at or when I land in a situation I don't want to be in. I also was afraid of the dark, the pool, tornadoes, and roller coasters. Nowadays I'm like meh. Those things just don't bother me compared to heartbreak and disappointing my family.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
My relationship with my parents is okay. My mom and I have always been at ends she and I used to be inseparable, but then one day I told her not to show up to something because I thought she would embarass me. Since then we have fought a lot. My dad and I are okay but we butt heads sometimes. Usually he jumps to a fist fight over small things and sometimes I just want to jump in one to, but I try to be rational with my anger because I used to have anger issues as a kid. Sometimes I can't help it though and my anger explodes. But usually I'll be angry and not even think I'm angry such as talking to my parents in an aggressive tone. *shrug*
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

I value integrity and people who aren't afraid to be themselves. I hate conforming to a group. I like being involved but the idea of being a mindless conformist to a group sickens me. *blech*.

5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
I used to be afraid of my Dad because he would jump at the chance to hit me whenever I did something wrong. Since then we've always had this weird relationship. He would spark a fight, I wouldn't back down, but at the same time I wouldn't push the fight. Sometimes my fear causes me to plan out elaborate schemes to get him killed or at least subdued. I try not to think that much about him, but I sometimes can't stand him.
6. a.) How do you see yourself?
Calm, cool, adaptable, flirtatious, attention-seeking, wity, charismatic, decisive, artistic, strong, intuitive, free-spirited, sceptical, smart, insightful, romantic, laid-back, misunderstood, ingenious
b.) How do you want others to see you?
cool, reliable, competent, fun, attractive, charming, gallant, humorous, a little narcissistic
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
Conformity, being gullible, following the system, discrimination, too much lawfulness, fear of standing up for themselves, being unsociable, being too traditional, bullying, starting rumors, being too intrusive

7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 2
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you 1
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 3

8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?

Everywhere cuz I'm THE WANDERERING ______________ :D :D :D

It can be provoked by anything, but its usually boredom.
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

I feel my best when I see opportunities to increase my lifestyle these can be anything from jobs to making friends or even just learning a new skill. I also feel my best when I feel a strong connection with someone else it doesn't always have to be romantic ,but if its deep I really like it. I feel at my worst when I pretend to do something because I think it's what my identity is about and then I regret it. I also feel bad when I suffer heartbreak or when I don't do what it is I set out to do.
10.
Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger: If someone wakes me up in the morning. If someone pesters me all day. If people tell me what to do. When someone wastes my time. When some idiot teacher is in charge of my grade and keeps fucking it up. When someone talks smack to one my friends. When I lose at something that I try hard at. When I have to repeat something. When my dog sits in front of me. When I get in trouble for something I don't think was wrong. When people take stuff from me. When my family treats me like a 3 year old and takes money away from me. When people make lies about me. When everyone gangs up on me. When people talk about me behind my back. When someone won't respond to my messages. When someone younger and/or less experienced than me in something thinks they can tell me what to do. When I try at hard at something and fail.
b.) shame: When I masturbate. When I let my family down or when I disappoint them. When I do something stupid, and don't realize it stupid until after everyone tells me it is.
c.) anxiety: Public Speaking, not being able to fix or makeup something, talking to a girl I have never met before, having everyone in my family tell me I did something wrong, going some place with people I don't know, talking to a girl that I really like when she really likes me, being at home when all my friends are together, doing something I know I'm not good at, failing at something at not being able to make it up

11.
Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress: I either ignore the problem for a long time until it crops up or if I'm stressed about something that has already occured I sleep a lot.
b.) negative unexpected change: Anger. Lots of ranting. Yelling at those involved/ or walking around and talking to myself about those involved. If its my fault then the same way I respond to stress.
c.) conflict: With friends in anger, with family in anger followed by trying to reason, with strangers anger. If its my fault then I usually end up having anxiety ,but sometimes I don't quit because I don't want to look weak so I keep pressing. If its my fault and I don't care I apologize although sometimes I apologize aggressively or sarcastically ( I called a guy slow and then I put my hands on him and apologized. He thought I was going to fight him and got scared)

12.
a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
Whatever needs to be done. If the group is sitting around doing nothing then leader. Most of the time whatever gets the work done.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
Reasonably, I tell everyone what needs to be done and to do it. How they do it is up to them. As long as I can approve of it and it looks good then I'm fine.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
Sometimes, If their too bossy, or they try to apply more rules to me then someone else then yeah. Most of the time I don't really notice authority's power over me. I make it a habit to banter with my teachers to bring them down to my level. Especially the authoritative ones. They may have control over my grade, but they don't have control over me.

13.
What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
I'm don't drugs I swear to God, but....... I can see some people's aura. Particularly in church, but almost anywhere else too. Almost everyone in college's aura is dead, but some individuals have a huge one and its just beautiful.

14.
Comment on your relationship with trust.
Hmmm...... I'm not sure. I can trust someone when I think I have too, but if I'm doing something important I usually only trust the competent individuals. I have a hard trusting anything that looks too good to be true (like 10 dollars an hour part time jobs *scoff* somethings up. NO Doubt about that.). I can trust anyone who earns my trust, but that is easier said than done. Its usually only people who I know don't have any other friends that I trust completely.

15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
Nope, I'm conflicted about my religion. I was afraid to follow God because it seemed to me you have to give up your individuality and free will in order to do that. Someone told me its more of a friendship than anything else. So I've seen more of that as of recently ,but even so I still don't want to believe completely.


Extra Questions

Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)

- To constantly push yourself to be “the best”
Yes because I won't be able to accomplish my dreams until then.
- To be without needs, well-intentioned
So I can be independent.
- To replace direct experience with concepts
Nope, only if the experience is a negative one (like trying meth)
- To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation
..........Uh I thought about being a super hero, but mostly for the action aspect and the violence and the image. So no....
- To think that fulfillment is somewhere else
Sometimes, but I feel what I do decides my fate so no.
- To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
When I'm having an identity crisis, I can be this way.
- To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
When I'm cramped up in the house too long.
- To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself
Very rarely
- To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient
I wish. I'm self motivated, but not completely self-sufficient. This is one of my goals right now.

What's something you are: a.) thankful you have
A computer, an imagination, and a will to press on even during bad times
b.) wish you could have?
More money for experiences, skills to make amazing tools and weapons,martials arts experience, to fall in real love by accident, a life of adventure, a job where I have a life of adventure, and true freedom (from work, emotions, acting the way I was configured to, laws, responsibilities, and social norms)
Why?
Because all those things bother me and I'm not self-sufficient enough to not depend on them.

 

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Discussion Starter #2
I wish I could be real. I wish I could just constantly tell everything from the my individual stream of consciousness, but I can't. I keep flowing between a melancholic sense of being alone in this world and bad habit of being fake. Only problem is I can only keep up the charade until I start to feel like myself again. My biggest problem is getting by in the day to day world. I'm not sure how real I am anymore, but I don''t want to be as melancholic as I am. I just want to live a special life. Not a normal one. But I can't see it anymore I can't see the life I imagined in my head anymore. All I see is reality in all of its plasticity and I think I have to fit in or else I'll never find anything. I really don't want to quit and commit suicide but sometimes it feel like theirs nothing else to do. Just give up and quit. I don't want a life with no significance , but I have to stop looking for significance in media that only reflects what I can't have in real life.. Such as videogames and anime.

In all honesty some people tell me i'm a 3, but I feel like a 4. Even moreso 4 than 3, so I want to say 4w3 for my core. but since I'm an ENTP and talk from a more detached perspective that can seem very 3ish, at the same time I'm not pragmatic enough to be a 3 so, IDK.
 
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