How long have you been talking? Can't tell you what his own intentions might be but it sounds like from his POV you're moving faster than he wants to, which reads to me that he hasn't developed the same level of emotional investment with this potential relationship as you have.
Blows Really Hot, and then Super Cold
So, despite my best efforts to avoid them, I joined a dating app: Hinge. I've met some nice guys on there, but there was one I particularly sparked with. We made plans for a movie marathon, however, he's military and was going to be gone for a month before we could go on our first day. He asked if I was going on dates with other people, and I said yes because I didn't want to lie. He told me that he's okay with that, but once he's back and we go on a date, he expects me to cut everyone else off because he doesn't want to have to "compete" and doesn't want to play games. And I agree. We talk a whole bunch throughout the weekend, he tells me his plans for the dates we're going to go on when he gets back, and even thinks we'll work out. We FaceTime Sunday night and everything goes super well, I don't even want to get off the call with him, but I have dinner with my parents. Anyways, he says he wants to know what I'm thinking about feeling and I tell him that I haven't liked someone like this in awhile, and then he just says "ok". That was not the response I was expecting. He texts me good morning the next day, but doesn't really say a whole bunch. We were supposed to FaceTime, but he cancels on me. He does the same thing the next day. I tell him I want to delete the app, and he goes "why's that". I say it's because I found what I'm looking for from the app and he says "what happens if you don't like me in person?" I ask him if he's afraid I won't like him and he says "no, not really. I just feel like we took off kinda fast". I tell him I'm confused because I thought he wanted to do all these things together, and he says "I feel like we would just burn on out and I want to enjoy time off and you can do what you want, and we'll reconnect, it's not the worst thing." And I say okay and we agree to not talk until he gets back. Like WHAT THE HELL!!!! He says if I'm still interested then I can text him, or he will, and we can start from there. I'm so confused. Can someone explain what happened and if this guy has any intention of reconnecting with me?
Update: So we are both supposed to go to Oklahoma this weekend for Memorial Weekend, but we are 4.5 hours apart. He texted me this morning and says “hope you have fun in Oklahoma this weekend, send pics.”
Update: So we are both supposed to go to Oklahoma this weekend for Memorial Weekend, but we are 4.5 hours apart. He texted me this morning and says “hope you have fun in Oklahoma this weekend, send pics.”
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Not sure, but he sounds like a couple xSTPs I know who are deadly afraid of clingers. It doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong. I may be completely off, but it sounds like too close, too soon intimidates him. He might also need some distance to test his own feelings.
We've been talking for a little over a week. He kept telling me that there was no point in me dating other guys because he already knew he was my favorite and that I'd fall for him when we got to go on our first date. He was the one that wanted me to stop talking to everyone and just focus on getting to know him.How long have you been talking? Can't tell you what his own intentions might be but it sounds like from his POV you're moving faster than he wants to, which reads to me that he hasn't developed the same level of emotional investment with this potential relationship as you have.
In my opinion, it is better not to do online dating. It might work for some people, but it definitely doesn't work for me at all. Even my soul sister failed to keep up with her long-distance boyfriend and they broke up eventually. So, I don't recommend it.So, despite my best efforts to avoid them, I joined a dating app: Hinge. I've met some nice guys on there, but there was one I particularly sparked with. We made plans for a movie marathon, however, he's military and was going to be gone for a month before we could go on our first day. He asked if I was going on dates with other people, and I said yes because I didn't want to lie. He told me that he's okay with that, but once he's back and we go on a date, he expects me to cut everyone else off because he doesn't want to have to "compete" and doesn't want to play games. And I agree. We talk a whole bunch throughout the weekend, he tells me his plans for the dates we're going to go on when he gets back, and even thinks we'll work out. We FaceTime Sunday night and everything goes super well, I don't even want to get off the call with him, but I have dinner with my parents. Anyways, he says he wants to know what I'm thinking about feeling and I tell him that I haven't liked someone like this in awhile, and then he just says "ok". That was not the response I was expecting. He texts me good morning the next day, but doesn't really say a whole bunch. We were supposed to FaceTime, but he cancels on me. He does the same thing the next day. I tell him I want to delete the app, and he goes "why's that". I say it's because I found what I'm looking for from the app and he says "what happens if you don't like me in person?" I ask him if he's afraid I won't like him and he says "no, not really. I just feel like we took off kinda fast". I tell him I'm confused because I thought he wanted to do all these things together, and he says "I feel like we would just burn on out and I want to enjoy time with family and you can do what you want, and we'll reconnect, it's not the worst thing." And I say okay and we agree to not talk until he gets back. Like WHAT THE HELL!!!! He says if I'm still interested then I can text him, or he will, and we can start from there. I'm so confused. Can someone explain what happened and if this guy has any intention of reconnecting with me?
So what do you want from him exactly? Are you looking for something serious for him long term? What makes you want to date online if I may ask?
No need to follow his orders. He isn't your husband. Let alone your loverWe've been talking for a little over a week. He kept telling me that there was no point in me dating other guys because he already knew he was my favorite and that I'd fall for him when we got to go on our first date. He was the one that wanted me to stop talking to everyone and just focus on getting to know him.
Then I'm sorta confused by what he's thinking. Maybe he doesn't even know what he really feels.We've been talking for a little over a week. He kept telling me that there was no point in me dating other guys because he already knew he was my favorite and that I'd fall for him when we got to go on our first date. He was the one that wanted me to stop talking to everyone and just focus on getting to know him.
In any case, a little over a week is rather too fast.
If you feel that he’s honest then maybe focus on the last parts: "’I feel like we would just burn on out and I want to enjoy time with family and you can do what you want, and we'll reconnect, it's not the worst thing.’"
“He says if I'm still interested then I can text him, or he will, and we can start from there.”
So he doesn’t want to focus on you at the moment, and rather his family (which is fair enough to be honest) and he wants you to be happy doing your own thing (as you give him space), and that he wants you to be free: thinking that it’s a good thing. He thinks that IF you change your mind about him, then he won’t get personally upset about it (which sounds fine too) otherwise he WILL contact you again and together see where you all are.
If it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be, that’s probably what he believes, and he is taking care of his own emotional needs, which can be seen as a good thing. All you can do is believe in his word, or you could reach out to him yourself once you think the appropriate amount of space has been given. So it just seems like another test of whether or not this is the right match; and so both parties should just act appropriately—as themselves, and believe in each other’s word.
Does he seem honest to you?
Edit: if you’re really unhappy about it,and you realise this is really not right, then you could bring it up with him—communicate it as a last resort, and if it’s no good, unfortunately you’ll have to move on, and find someone better. And if he really values you he would try to keep you once this is brought to light.
“He says if I'm still interested then I can text him, or he will, and we can start from there.”
So he doesn’t want to focus on you at the moment, and rather his family (which is fair enough to be honest) and he wants you to be happy doing your own thing (as you give him space), and that he wants you to be free: thinking that it’s a good thing. He thinks that IF you change your mind about him, then he won’t get personally upset about it (which sounds fine too) otherwise he WILL contact you again and together see where you all are.
If it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be, that’s probably what he believes, and he is taking care of his own emotional needs, which can be seen as a good thing. All you can do is believe in his word, or you could reach out to him yourself once you think the appropriate amount of space has been given. So it just seems like another test of whether or not this is the right match; and so both parties should just act appropriately—as themselves, and believe in each other’s word.
Does he seem honest to you?
Edit: if you’re really unhappy about it,and you realise this is really not right, then you could bring it up with him—communicate it as a last resort, and if it’s no good, unfortunately you’ll have to move on, and find someone better. And if he really values you he would try to keep you once this is brought to light.
Sounds STP and yeah, it might be pretty in the moment, I would keep my options open till he commits otherwise it's just going to be casual.So, despite my best efforts to avoid them, I joined a dating app: Hinge. I've met some nice guys on there, but there was one I particularly sparked with. We made plans for a movie marathon, however, he's military and was going to be gone for a month before we could go on our first day. He asked if I was going on dates with other people, and I said yes because I didn't want to lie. He told me that he's okay with that, but once he's back and we go on a date, he expects me to cut everyone else off because he doesn't want to have to "compete" and doesn't want to play games. And I agree. We talk a whole bunch throughout the weekend, he tells me his plans for the dates we're going to go on when he gets back, and even thinks we'll work out. We FaceTime Sunday night and everything goes super well, I don't even want to get off the call with him, but I have dinner with my parents. Anyways, he says he wants to know what I'm thinking about feeling and I tell him that I haven't liked someone like this in awhile, and then he just says "ok". That was not the response I was expecting. He texts me good morning the next day, but doesn't really say a whole bunch. We were supposed to FaceTime, but he cancels on me. He does the same thing the next day. I tell him I want to delete the app, and he goes "why's that". I say it's because I found what I'm looking for from the app and he says "what happens if you don't like me in person?" I ask him if he's afraid I won't like him and he says "no, not really. I just feel like we took off kinda fast". I tell him I'm confused because I thought he wanted to do all these things together, and he says "I feel like we would just burn on out and I want to enjoy time with family and you can do what you want, and we'll reconnect, it's not the worst thing." And I say okay and we agree to not talk until he gets back. Like WHAT THE HELL!!!! He says if I'm still interested then I can text him, or he will, and we can start from there. I'm so confused. Can someone explain what happened and if this guy has any intention of reconnecting with me?
That doesn't say anything about his exclusive commitment to you though...We've been talking for a little over a week. He kept telling me that there was no point in me dating other guys because he already knew he was my favorite and that I'd fall for him when we got to go on our first date. He was the one that wanted me to stop talking to everyone and just focus on getting to know him.
I meant to say he wanted to “enjoy time off”, which he is going home to see family. I guess my issue is that he was the one that told me he only talks to girls one at a time and was going on and on about how he likes me and “has hope” that we’ll work out, but then goes and gives me major mix signals.If you feel that he’s honest then maybe focus on the last parts: "’I feel like we would just burn on out and I want to enjoy time with family and you can do what you want, and we'll reconnect, it's not the worst thing.’"
“He says if I'm still interested then I can text him, or he will, and we can start from there.”
So he doesn’t want to focus on you at the moment, and rather his family (which is fair enough to be honest) and he wants you to be happy doing your own thing (as you give him space), and that he wants you to be free: thinking that it’s a good thing. He thinks that IF you change your mind about him, then he won’t get personally upset about it (which sounds fine too) otherwise he WILL contact you again and together see where you all are.
If it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be, that’s probably what he believes, and he is taking care of his own emotional needs, which can be seen as a good thing. All you can do is believe in his word, or you could reach out to him yourself once you think the appropriate amount of space has been given. So it just seems like another test of whether or not this is the right match; and so both parties should just act appropriately—as themselves, and believe in each other’s word.
Does he seem honest to you?
Edit: if you’re really unhappy about it,and you realise this is really not right, then you could bring it up with him—communicate it as a last resort, and if it’s no good, unfortunately you’ll have to move on, and find someone better. And if he really values you he would try to keep you once this is brought to light.
Yeah, it's unfortunate he let his mouth run with the love stuff before really understanding his own heart, perhaps, and giving things time. Infatuation can do that to men, and only the matured ones really think about their words, in my opinion. Many things could be the cause of his behaviour; for all you could know it could be an ex involved. You probably won't know unless you ask him, and if you really like him it might be even worth it: trying to get him to open up about his behaviour; there's nothing else to lose as long as you keep distant.I meant to say he wanted to “enjoy time off”, which he is going home to see family. I guess my issue is that he was the one that told me he only talks to girls one at a time and was going on and on about how he likes me and “has hope” that we’ll work out, but then goes and gives me major mix signals.
I just want to say his behaviour seems common, and good luck with things.
Personally, if someone said they'd delete the app before meeting me, after only talking a week, I wouldn't take that as a good sign. I would think they easily fall for people and I'm no different than anyone else(but this is my perspective as a lesbian INTP). You barely know each other. You can stop talking with people without deleting the whole app. What would happened if you didn't feel the same way with him in real life? It's so much effort to set up the app again. I would want to trust the person doesn't feel the need to delete the app to stop themselves from being with others.
The thing that worries me is that you agreed to continue dating, and then cut everyone off when he eventually returns from the military. So what, you meet people on dates and then just stop doing it in favour of him? That doesn’t sound fair to you, and unreasonable demands from him. That’s not the point of dating? Or am I missing something? He says he doesn’t want to compete, but he kinda has to unfortunately. He has to commit himself and and show a little bit more affection.
So either he is looking for something casual and isn’t willing to commit, and just want to see how things goes. Or he feels entitled and feel he doesn’t have to. Or maybe it’s an external factor at play here that has yet to reveal itself.
So either he is looking for something casual and isn’t willing to commit, and just want to see how things goes. Or he feels entitled and feel he doesn’t have to. Or maybe it’s an external factor at play here that has yet to reveal itself.
Oh yeah Vangogh is right. Its definitely an SP and probably STPSo, despite my best efforts to avoid them, I joined a dating app: Hinge. I've met some nice guys on there, but there was one I particularly sparked with. We made plans for a movie marathon, however, he's military and was going to be gone for a month before we could go on our first day. He asked if I was going on dates with other people, and I said yes because I didn't want to lie. He told me that he's okay with that, but once he's back and we go on a date, he expects me to cut everyone else off because he doesn't want to have to "compete" and doesn't want to play games. And I agree. We talk a whole bunch throughout the weekend, he tells me his plans for the dates we're going to go on when he gets back, and even thinks we'll work out. We FaceTime Sunday night and everything goes super well, I don't even want to get off the call with him, but I have dinner with my parents. Anyways, he says he wants to know what I'm thinking about feeling and I tell him that I haven't liked someone like this in awhile, and then he just says "ok". That was not the response I was expecting. He texts me good morning the next day, but doesn't really say a whole bunch. We were supposed to FaceTime, but he cancels on me. He does the same thing the next day. I tell him I want to delete the app, and he goes "why's that". I say it's because I found what I'm looking for from the app and he says "what happens if you don't like me in person?" I ask him if he's afraid I won't like him and he says "no, not really. I just feel like we took off kinda fast". I tell him I'm confused because I thought he wanted to do all these things together, and he says "I feel like we would just burn on out and I want to enjoy time off and you can do what you want, and we'll reconnect, it's not the worst thing." And I say okay and we agree to not talk until he gets back. Like WHAT THE HELL!!!! He says if I'm still interested then I can text him, or he will, and we can start from there. I'm so confused. Can someone explain what happened and if this guy has any intention of reconnecting with me?
Eh your mistake was getting too giddy. You guys had not actually met yet. You were just in ‘vibing’ stage talking and connecting. STPs fine in vibing stage. However get freaked if someone confuses or tries to skip over vibing stage to proclamations. ‘We’ like things just to happen organically.
Does not mean you cannot think it in your head that hey this could be the one. But if you tell an STP before ya met them from a dating app after talking for a short period that you think you found what you are looking for. Absolutely freaks ‘us’ out.
You cannot tell an STP you think they are ‘the one’ and make proclamations too premature. ‘We’ think the person is probably codependent or unstable or possible too inexperienced and naive lacking life experience. So he is either thinking you were a stage 5 clinger who just jumps into relationships at the drop of whim, or inexperienced and so too much pressure in the mix with naive eagerness and not wanting to mess with someone if they are too innocent. Or worse case scenario a possibly very controlling obsessive person.
Easier to cut someone off before it even starts. Than end up sleeping together and really have a mess on ‘our’ hands if they lack the understanding of the preliminary stages of DATING.
Dating is to discover the other person and test compatibility.
The thing is Stps are not incapable of settling down or developing feelings for a person. Thats not what it is. We can and do.
‘We’ just absolutely do not want emotional obligation to be in a relationship. We want that to happen organically.
Another thing is I believe Stps truly like to DATE before entering a relationship. Like we want to just keep hanging with the person more and more if we like them anyways. Without the person trying to prematurely put out pressure and feelers.
CorrectNot sure, but he sounds like a couple xSTPs I know who are deadly afraid of clingers. It doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong. I may be completely off, but it sounds like too close, too soon intimidates him. He might also need some distance to test his own feelings.
I hide in terror when people I have not met in person and only speak to talk like we are going to be an item before meeting.
This one chick I had talked to a while back stands out in this convo. We had some good vibes and convos. Then overnight it was this nutty girl asking me if I was mad cuz I did not text back every 2 seconds when she kept asking me what I was doing all day. That crap is annoying. So she already set off red flag. Then what forced the nail in the coffin was when she talked about getting a dog cage for her dog at my place for the weekends she stays with me. And how she hoped I would quit my second job so the weekends I do not have my daughter I could go to her place because she hangs with her family EVERY weekend.
Um lol so many things terrifying in that where I was like yeah we cannot meet. She was hurt and confused cuz we had been vibing. Uh yeah before this person I never met talked about changing the landscape of my entire life overnight. Eh no thanks.
Yeah we can settle down sure. But more like if it happens natural
My guess:Update: So we are both supposed to go to Oklahoma this weekend for Memorial Weekend, but we are 4.5 hours apart. He texted me this morning and says “hope you have fun in Oklahoma this weekend, send pics.”
You reached out first when he got back after he left ya on yellow before.
He was testing ya to see how clingy ya were. I am guessing ya reached out first.
I am confused though so you had plans to meet, and then he told ya to take pics? I am guessing he is either a jerk or he felt pushed into those plans and emotional pressure. Again thats too much for an Stp to have on their shoulders if they never have met someone or just met someone
On one hand, a relationship that progresses too fast and seems too good to be true likely is...I ask him if he's afraid I won't like him and he says "no, not really. I just feel like we took off kinda fast". I tell him I'm confused because I thought he wanted to do all these things together, and he says "I feel like we would just burn on out and I want to enjoy time off and you can do what you want, and we'll reconnect, it's not the worst thing." And I say okay and we agree to not talk until he gets back. Like WHAT THE HELL!!!! He says if I'm still interested then I can text him, or he will, and we can start from there. I'm so confused. Can someone explain what happened and if this guy has any intention of reconnecting with me?
Update: So we are both supposed to go to Oklahoma this weekend for Memorial Weekend, but we are 4.5 hours apart. He texted me this morning and says “hope you have fun in Oklahoma this weekend, send pics.”
On the other hand...you both made all kinds of plans from the onset, committed money and time to them, and suddenly he drops them and bails? Kind of sus....
He could be legit and have insecurities about meeting you, but it's more likely you got lovebombed and discarded.... if he returns it'll probably be a repeat.
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