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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am male, 36 and have no psychological disorders, the enneagram test keeps on bringing up varied results, but I have an idea.

Main Questions
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

Creativity, innovation and intensity in myself and others. Varied and exciting life. Optimistic and spontaneous. Endless bucket list of countries to visit and try some more hobbies. Can be a workaholic but still want to maintain a good work / life balance. Lots of outdoor hobbies I have dabbled in or mastered.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

A Partner to join me on the journey that is life and for me to be the most amazing and supportive boyfriend ever.
Not sure about having children. I'm torn in two directions – I love travel, free time and just being able to make snap decisions just for fun, lets go to New York for the weekend! Then there is a little voice of pragmatism, I am good at looking after my financial affairs, living within my means, because it frees you up to do fun things and explore possibilities.

I'm enjoying a fantastic career as an architect and work hard, it can be very demanding and competitive, I work freelance and it is not that secure, but that will encourage me to keep my eye on the horizon. I am starting a practice in my spare time so I can work from home and enjoy more variety in work. Maybe an artist or similar when I retire or sooner with some free time, it was my best and most enjoyable subject at school, someone has recently invited me to do some LARP (live action role play) which sound like a fun distraction, but lets not loose focus.

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

9-5 drag, nondescript suburb with neighbours who don't talk that much. Job where I'm micromanaged. Running out of ideas, humour or energy. Being tight. Allowing to much negative emotions and anxiety to get in the way. Being unaware of my faults and vulnerabilities. Being to self absorbed. Ignoring my health and down time for the sake of pleasure and career.

What values are important to you?

Respect of others even if their values and principals that do not always agree with my own. Standing against people that are racist and drawing attention to inequality in the UK and the wider world. Being slightly non-conformist and alternative and a big thinker. Embracing multiculturalism and equality. I look for online petitions to sign about causes that I feel are important. Live and let live attitude. Make sure focus on being with friends and family too. Don't need to keep up with the Jones and I'm not very materialistic, to be slightly unique rather than following the crowd. I'm not really part of a sub-culture as such, but some of my close friends would be described as “hippies” or “goths” or whatever cross genre of music and I often blend into what my friends are doing, but try to stay me. Loyalty is important, being able to be there when a friend has just broken up from a relationship or needs help and I don't expect anything in return. Hard work to get meaning out of life.

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?

Approx order of biggest to least fears from most to least:
Realizing I have not found the love of my life, because its human to think that way.
Being lonely or alienated without friends, it would drive me crazy.
Any form of conflict, particularly with friends and family, because I'm scared of hurting or offending people.
Being stuck in a dysfunctional marriage of boredom and routine.
Being told the that I suck because I'm a failure, I do not want to revisit a past life, which includes going cap in hand for the dole.
Being broke, constantly living on the edge of my means. I had a big overdraft and credit card bill when I graduated which I found quite stressful.
The tax inspector, I ended up with fines before due to lack of organization and foresight.
5. How do you want others to see you?
With energy, enthusiasm, humour and confidence, never arrogant, but sometimes self-effacing. I am always smiling and make a concisions effort to be welcoming and open with an easygoing demeanour, I make friends easily most of time, I have no enemies.
Bringing a sense of calm in times of distress, accommodating, always there for a favour but don't expect anything in return.
People sometimes get the impression I'm organized when I'm not which suits me fine, I try being organized but it does not come naturally.
I was interviewed once for a documentary and was surprised how emotive I was, someone else said I was quite composed at the same time, although I noticed how goofy I was and would like to hone my style slightly in some ways.

How do you see yourself?

The face that I tend to show is outgoing, happy, expressive and overtly intense and excited – although I can tone this down when required, but I can also be socially awkward and eccentric. A previous romantic interest told me I was “fantastically odd” although now I accept this as a charming part of who I am. I have a silly switch which I use regularly but usually with people I know well. Don't like spending too much time alone and gain most energy from being around a small group of friends, but love to meet new people too. I'm sometimes impulsive, hedonistic and pleasure seeking. On the flip side I can also be distant and very self conscious and feel guilty. I have a deeply cynical and dark side, there are many things I don't like about myself and the world, it is necessary to remain in balance, can't be in a good mood all the time!
Can blend in to a situations particularly in larger social events and am not often the centre of attention, but mostly like it when I am, I can work the room by trying to engage with people in a natural way, although have a habit of trying to dig deep too soon to discover people underlying motivations with curiosity.
Unable to focus on goals because I'm constantly going into fantasy mode being side tracked into something else more exciting.
Very good confident communication and presentation skills in for interviews etc, and being able to answer questions easily and expand on ideas, but sometimes scattered. Sometimes I drift of topic.
My feelings and emotions are very changeable and therefore I can be swing between very extroverted or introverted. I can disengage from feelings and emotions for a time, but it always comes back which I accept and am grateful for it, most people don't know I feel deeply.
I am very intelligent, but I tend to think more in terms of fantasy, random disconnected thought patterns, abstract thinking and ideas rather than intellectually or objectively although I can be logical in short bursts if required, most of that fantasy I do not share with others. I occasionally use my creativity at work when its original ideas or concepts, the rest of the time I have a habit of finding it difficult to concentrate or being bored on more administrative and routine tasks, although I'm happy with my current work situation and can get through just fine and should give myself credit for improving my weaknesses. At school I had ADHD, today I fidget allot at work because I have to sit down all day and need to pace up and down sometimes to get rid of excess energy, other times I'm bored and tired and almost fall asleep, sometimes due to a late night before or lack of sleep.

6. What makes you feel your best?

Walking out into the chaos of humanity in a hot country like India as I can detach from myself to become part of an alien world.
Spending happy times with friends and family.
When someone told me I had “an intensely calming and peaceful influence”
When everyone was laughing at my best mans wedding speech .
The tingle of excitement when I go for a second date with someone I'm trying to fall in love with in order for a life changing experience.
Telling a joke that people can understand and is actually funny.
Having a conversation with someone intelligent and telling them something insightful.
Helping a friend in need.
Did a couple of half marathons and got a great time.
Being able to say yes to everything.
Doing an interview or presentation really well.
Waking up in this house I spent ages saving for.
Time and space on my own every week to geek out on documentaries, read, walks, work out my problems in my head, to read and listen to music.
What makes you feel your worst?
About eight years ago I was having a hard time at work and got a disciplinary warning and was eventually fired, for about two years I struggled with work, finding it boring and stressfully, partly due to anxiety and lack of self worth and partly my lack of organizational skills, dyslexia, inability to focus and was 6 months out of work. I was always smiling trying to get through it and was mostly not a drama queen, so internalizing anything negative and pretending everything is just fine when it was not. I sometimes take myself back to that time and am ashamed I did not try to change.
Boring small talk can cause me to zone out and my mind will drift of to something else and I can pretend to be interested by smiling, but then feeling passive, detached and bored.
Feeling left out or not accepted into a group, many examples come to mind in my past life.
When I broke up with my last girl friend and realized that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

At secondary school (high school) I was not in the cool crowd and a bit of a loner. I was bullied was cut of from my piers, although it meant I could study hard and achieved good results. I didn't want it to be this way as I love having friends, college was better, university was a roller coaster ride and my negative experience repeated itself briefly a few more times, but sometimes sadness can be strangely addictive, particularly when I was younger when I got stuck in a rut.

I can take criticism to heart, I feel that critical tone of voice.

When I feel I have been too much in your face intense.

I often forget about the here and now things.

Describe how you experience each of:

a) anger;

I hide anger or try to subdue it. I'm never overtly aggressive but usually will ask a person who has wronged me to stop doing it in a very polite manor or talk about it, I can be very passive aggressive in work situations with a taskmaster boss. I wish I could express my anger in more productive way if someone is being obnoxious, or have a good slanging match, but will always avoid this with discussion, or back down, or walk away as a last resort.

As a teenager I was a bit more overtly aggressive (although it was not common) with a door slam or kicking a bin, but my main anger theme was unnecessarily obnoxious, nonchalant and passive aggressive behaviour with touch of sulkiness – although in general I would apologize afterwords, both my sisters were outwardly far more moody and vocal saying exactly what they thought and still do.

b) shame;

Incline to compare myself to others, but I know this is unhealthy so I will try to use self deprecating humour to highlight this in a subtle way, or I'll divert my thoughts elsewhere, in the past shame was a more acute.

Half doing things because I'm in my head with a fantasy or being neurotic.

Forgetting birthdays and anything else that is not exciting to me or to will not excel my career or be conducive to planning an adventure, I am often flaky and unreliable with timekeeping and other day to day stuff. It is easy for me to be sad, can't stand up for myself, over sensitive occasionally.

When I was young I was occasionally a terrible driver, very dangerous, now I'm in no rash and prefer to be late.

Failing to maintain balance between different competing ideas, thoughts and feelings.


Idealist fantasy of the perfect relationship that will never exist.

Could not imagine living somewhere to parochial which makes me a place snob, but also an anti-snob, like I used to think anyone who has a particular style to show their success as a vulgar show off, but now these people are my clients and some of them are nice people.

Can be an intellectual snob too, yet so many people I know can talk at great length about whatever, drawing from more knowledge and or experience than me. Shame of not living up to my own expectations and that of others in the past, although this tendency has diminished as life is going well.

c) Anxiety.

Like a tree filled with noisy monkeys, at the moment I only get high levels in anxiety in short micro bursts or a half day at the most, but it was more often in the past. I sometimes feel guilty when there is no reason to. Sometimes can't get to sleep thinking about an event that happened in the past, and therefore something similar might go wrong in the future, or some scenario that I have created in my head in a creative way.

Occasionally I think I might of upset if someone who has not spoken to me in ages or not replied to a message, when their probably just busy, or maybe they think I'm boring or nuts.

Thinking I might be fired when someone enters the room after a board meeting, got a measurement wrong on a plan, left the cooker on, gone into my overdraft, is the builder going to rip me off, the list goes on. Anxiety does help me get my tax returns done on time!

I generally go to a friends house or engage in a social event to rid myself of anxiety as it is counterproductive and life is too short. Music is pretty useful for becoming my other calm self.

There are many more examples from past experiences. Its almost as if anxiety, shame and sadness is a part of who I am, waxing, waning and continuously dynamic in intensity (as are other more positive states ). But mist of the time I have none of these negative states which is great, but sometimes I feel empty which I don't like either.

By engaging with the outside world with passion and love I can subdue the negative emotions and sadness, but it is still in the background occasionally when I'm happy. Make friends with feelings, face your own shadow to understand the darkness from within. Love the world and the world will love you, I explore ideas like universal consciousness and am trying to look at my thoughts and feeling from outside myself to understand myself, Zen Buddhism has allot to teach us.

Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress;
I get stressed very easily at work and sometimes elsewhere - loss of concentration, inability to perform simple tasks accurately, increase in levels passive aggressive anger. Sometimes ask for help, sometimes get a coffee. Hand in my notice as a last resort to horizons new! Mostly I deal with it, but it was worse before.

b) unexpected change;

I am awesome at changing my plans at a moments notice without making a fuss, most of the time. Generally I embrace most change with optimism, in fact I need change to keep life interesting, although may be incline to wear rose tinted glasses and not look for potential problems until it is too late, or brush the problems under the carpet and regret it later.

However there are times when I'm a bit unsure if the change is likely to be beneficial to all parties I may look for problems, then get indecisive and run different scenario’s of future possibilities
through my head, then eventually decide if change is good or otherwise.

c) conflict.

Conflict is very rare so it is difficult to draw on many examples from the past because as I have a tendency to go with the flow of what the other person is into and being accommodating with most interpersonal relationships. I can stand bye my principals and agree to disagree in an argument and move on to a point, although find it difficult to assert myself.

Often aware of potential for conflict, but sometimes put of dealing with problems in relationships and make conflict more acute later.

This makes me uncomfortable, I sometimes have participates in an element of duplicity, white lies, half truths to hide things that will cause conflict and other more subtle nuances of human nature, although not often.

I'm always aware and sensitive to the way people behave, in fact sometimes I think someone is cross when they are not.

If a big conflict does arrive I will normally try and defuse it or remove myself from the situation as quickly and discretely as possible even if the situation causing conflict has not been resolved then have a think about a course of action to resolve the problem in a timely manor, which could be frustrating for someone who believes in going at things quickly in a head on manor – although this is sometimes useful if it helps clarify things for me.

The problem is when someone is upset because of something I have said it hits me like a train because I feel so deeply.

9. Describe your orientation to (How do you respond to these? ): a) authority;

I have never had a run in with police and I am always polite to authority figures, I work with the city council in my job and am always polite to their face, but frustrated with the their lack of urgency to get statutory approvals done and I can sometimes indirectly frame the blame on them for allot of problems regardless if the authority is the cause or not. I bent the rules on my mortgage application and I feel justified in doing so and I will bend the rules where necessary to achieve what I want with faceless bureaucracy. There are some principals of anarchy that mesh with some of my ideas against capitalism and injustice against the underprivileged, although I would never actual carry out such acts as I'm a pacifist and will always encourage peace and harmony which usually wins.

b) power.

I generally consider people in power as a means to an end if it is useful for achieving what I believe in. I could never imagine working in a large corporation with a very fixed hierarchy, although I have done in the past and it was stifling at times.

10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?

We should move away from being divided by class or race and move towards being united. One world without borders or conflict, apologies for being overtly idealistic! We suck because humans are selfish and egotistical, me included, yeah I know I said I love everyone before!

I'm horrified about what is going on in the middle east and there is a dangerous paradigm shift towards right wing nationalism in Europe and across the Atlantic. In Europe there are mass protests by fascists against migration and casual violence and racism against ethnic minorities. This is caused by right-wing governments who are also systematically removing press freedom, democratic rights etc. if we are not careful history will repeat itself and we will end up with world war 3.

Don't get me started on the stupidity BREXIT!
Don't get me started on climate change!

Equally I can switch my mind to a more upbeat outlook when I see some of the good that has been done by a few people, who really care and we should not loose hope of our dreams to become reality.

Optional Questions

11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.

My father died a few months ago and I got on with the grief and found it difficult but cathartic at the same time, I can only begin to imagine what mother must be going through, but I'm spending allot more time with her and I can see her sadness and feel her suffering, she is so strong, sadness connects us. I think of my dad every day, I'm reminded of him by memories of an empty chair where he should be sitting, or a phone call to him I can't make, but it is good that I feel this way rather forgetting.

12. Comment on your relationship with trust.

In generally I trust and see good in most people - probably too trusting in general. If I don't trust straight away I try to find out more about them. On the odd rare occasion it feels like running into danger and ignoring alarm bells. I categorize everyone in my head in a way I cannot describe and share elements of myself with them depending on the level of trust and weather I think they are going to be interested / open minded etc. If they share something of themselves then trust increases.

In relationships I have never cheated or had anyone cheat on me. In most of my relationships trust has never been an issue for me, but on one occasion it was for her and big time.

13. List some of the traits you dislike most about yourself?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm not in a relationship because I think I'm to selfish to be in a relationship or I'll end up being hurt or find out that my fantasy of a relationship does not exist.

Small amount of social anxiety with new people, that I feel I can't be as funny or interesting as others, but its not generally a problem as I just push through it with smiles and humour anyway. That I'm in my head to much so end up forgetting things and people think I'm lazy, I guess I am with things like washing up, choirs etc. Dark thoughts that come into my head, which I just ignore and think of something really amazing.

14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

Hard question.

I pick up on sadness easily, but I don't know if I'm better at it than most, probably compared with most men anyhow. I can tell easily if someone is uncomfortable about something. I feel bad when people are in a negative state, or there is a bad atmosphere. Sometimes I look for the least happy person to talk too, cheer them up if others are avoiding them.

15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel?

I remember being insulted in pub once and I walked away and didn't feel that bad because he seemed like a twat, I hadn't done anything to provoke him, the guy apologized later saying he was having problems with his life and we had a chat, alls forgiven. There are other times when people have avoided me, like ten years ago, because I was a bit in your face intense talking away about things no one was interested in, which is a sort of insult which makes me feel terrible.

What if they compliment you?

Usually it makes me feel amazing inside if its genuine and I'll get them a drink and give a compliment back and end up making a friend for life!

Some of the time my bullshit filter kicks in, or they may seem a bit shifty, then they are probably trying to sell me something or its an underhand tactic for getting something in return later, in which case I will politely remove myself from the situation or if they is female and attractive and seem intelligent I may talk for longer if there is no one else to talk to (yes I know this sounds ridiculous but its so true of men). Of course I might just be flattering myself with such a skill I don't have, but I used to do cold calling and make an OK living out of it, so I know what its like trying to gain that trust to sell things people don't want.

16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have: I have almost have everything I need: friends, family, house, fun, well paid job, life is awesome!

b)wish you could have?

I only have one need: a girlfriend, lover, friend and soul mate rolled into one
It is a human condition.

c) Wants:

Lots of travel and experiences are my drug of choice.
Put most of my spare cash into savings or for paying of the mortgage early.
Few more items of interest to clutter up my house, minor redecorating.
Few more nice clothes.
The Ford is adequate so a newish car would be nice, nothing too pretentious, a 6 year old Audi will do.

Thanks for reading.

Grumpy old bastard
10,085 Posts
sounds like you don't like to be bored.

i invite you to read about Sx 7.

hints of 5 in there, which is to be expected for a 7.
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74 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for your responses.

Just read the description of 7w8 and it reminded me of Steve Stiffler from American Pie, I think 7w6 description is more accurate, I'm more easy going and don't really do many practical jokes unless I'm with some mates who rope me in! My humour can often be quite subtle.

Here are my results:

Self Preservation||||||18%

so you were spot on here.

Your*personality*type:*“The Campaigner”*(ENFP-T)
Strength of individual traits: Extraverted: 65%, Intuitive: 72%, Feeling: 80%, Prospecting: 73%, Turbulent: 80%.

Big 5 (I don't really like big 5 very much!)
You scored 80% on*Extraversion - I feel this is not this high as I can be quite introverted sometimes.
You scored 85% on*Agreeableness
You scored 95% on*Openness
You scored 25% on Conscientiousness
You scored 53% on*Neuroticism

Enneagram test results vary but as core I get 7w6 and 4w3 most frequently, but I also had 9w8, 6w7, 2w3 as core quite some time ago but don't feel they are me.

I think the description of 7-4-9 tritype may reflect my personality, but I feel I need to do some more research and self evaluation. I agree about the possibility of having some 5, maybe 4w5 second, 9w8 third.

Problem is I have changed and developed hugely since school, I'm allot more confident and outgoing, a little more assertive without being rude or passive aggressive etc etc, although I still want to improve more.
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1,938 Posts
Tests are shit basically. If you had to pick one thing, what matters the absolute most in your life? What thing makes you both the most upset about, and the most excited, happy about?
I see you had a lot of repressed anger when you were younger + You avoid conflict like the plague and try to be as adaptive and welcoming to others as you can. I think you may be 9 instead.

1,938 Posts
7s dont avoid conflict and are more assertive. Also I dont see sx first , what matters most to him seems to be his family and friends. Still think So/sx. Alternatively sp/so
We should move away from being divided by class or race and move towards being united. One world without borders or conflict, apologies for being overtly idealistic! We suck because humans are selfish and egotistical, me included, yeah I know I said I love everyone before!

I'm horrified about what is going on in the middle east and there is a dangerous paradigm shift towards right wing nationalism in Europe and across the Atlantic. In Europe there are mass protests by fascists against migration and casual violence and racism against ethnic minorities. This is caused by right-wing governments who are also systematically removing press freedom, democratic rights etc. if we are not careful history will repeat itself and we will end up with world war 3.

Don't get me started on the stupidity BREXIT!
Don't get me started on climate change
This whole piece is soc
479 tritype is very imaginative and child like btw.

74 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks for all your comments. Parts of type 9 match me and parts don't. Particularly the not liking change part - I need change and excitement to keep life interesting and I don't see the middle of the road part either. The online descriptions are so general.

People that can't find their type are often nines, because nines embrace all of the types which sort of makes sense - I'm creative first and foremost but can also be very focused, am knowledgeable and technical, competitive or relaxed or anything I want to be to get the job done and to have fun.

I can argue a point of view and assert an opinion very strongly when required and also say no. Think I have a firmness that could point towards 8 wing. I can be quite hard on myself too.

Grumpy old bastard
10,085 Posts
- I need change and excitement to keep life interesting .

Sx. depending on what you mean by it, and WHY, could also be 7.

9's REALLY avoid conflict. hate it.

you don't seem conflict averse enough to me to be a 9

74 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
What matters the absolute most in your life?

Surrounding myself with interesting people, intense experiences, intense emotions, intense anything really, lots of ideas to share with other people, intellectual debate, parties, discovering something new that I'm really good at, like finding out I can be an actor, or sell amazing paintings ... the list goes on.

What thing makes you both the most upset about?

I have thought long and hard about this, basically I get bored easily, I hate boredom and feeling emotional numb or being stuck in the same situation without progression to something else better. If I have to do a routine or boring task I'll fuck it up because I'm thinking of something else intriguing, or the next task.

There are many other things I hate to that manifest in me or that I notice in the world, but they tend to happen less frequently and I can overcome them more easily or ignore them depending on the situation.

The most excited, happy about?

I always need something to look forward to, like a party or a holiday, falling in love is exciting particularly in a hot and exotic country on holiday, then being able to continue that journey through life together and never running out of things to do or intense conversation. The feeling when you get a compliment feels amazing.

Again, there are other things I get excited about too, but the excitement never last long enough, like the simpler pleasures.


When I read a 7 description I can agree with allot of it is like me, including some of the not so nice parts. I agree that I do have some nine-ish qualities, but I tend to use those qualities in social situations where I need to behave in slightly more conservative manor such as meeting a client for dinner, or I'm kind of tired and don't feel like doing much. I have also looked at some of things I was up to when I was younger and I did behave quite aggressively / or be manipulative in short burst

I went to an MBTI meetup and met a few healthy type 4s and concluded I am probably not image conscious enough to be core 4, but I can be very self conscious, which is different. But I do think I have some 4 qualities which I tend to internalize.

I'm going to do another post soon to elaborate on the above.
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74 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
SCHOOL early years

There are many things that were missed out of the previous questionnaire about some occasionally unhealthy things that happened in my early life I wanted to bring to your attention. I would also like to note that there was allot of normality and happiness as well. I did have a loving family life alongside some periods of dysfunctional bad times at school, it probably shows up some contradictions to my adult behaviours.

I forgot to mention I was expelled from school when I was 5, but only because I didn't understand this new world and I was dyslexic and had ADHD, not because I was mean to anyone. Went to a different school who understood me and I did quite well on the whole, well liked and mostly well behaved but scattered. I remember being told to stand against the wall sometimes or shouted at by teachers from time to time for talking to much, that kind of thing. Later at school I remember getting into light hearted play fights and found it a bit of buzz, although it was rare and I would be coaxed into it and was rarely mean or a bully. I had a sense that it was wrong to humiliate or harm others, so never crossed that line knowingly unless provoked. Most of the time getting into trouble involved not completing all my home work on time or being mildly mischievous occasionally.

During my teenage years at school my friends started to separate into cliques, cool or not. I became more love / hate about the world and my life and my perceived injustices against me or my group, sometimes openly whereas now I'm more accepting of different types of people and situations.

I argued often with my sister between about ages 12-15 and we often wound each other up on purpose, six of one half a dozen of the other. My mum used to get mad, but my dad would take a calmer approach and try to interject more subtly, which is something I will probably do if I have children. Now we get on so well, were both ENFP too, we even shared a flat for 6 months.

At secondary school (high school) my strange slightly eccentric behaviours were often the focus of bullying, mostly name calling but sometime fighting, there was the odd occasion I got my own back with the odd punch, which might degenerate at a later date to state of utter chaos in the classroom, but it was shit school so chaos was normal, my occasional over reactive emo behaviours made things worse and had I chosen to ignore then maybe school would have been a less miserable experience, but then again maybe not.

It was usually others who were in trouble with the teachers as I was mostly careful not to misbehave much around authority. However I do remember sometimes running down corridors the wrong way for fun and then avoiding prefects by running across the field with my friends but never got caught and its one of the few things that make me smile about that time as I could play cat and mouse with bigger kids very well.

In general I hated being teenager at school and could not wait for a future, in fact throughout the lower points in life I always look to the future as a source of motivation, thinking it will be allright, I remember times when I just used to lie in bed and cry and think about how useless I was at school work and that I was a loner – although I could then always conclude this was not true as I did have a small number of amazing friends some of whom were popular and others were alienated more then me. I excelled at art / science and technology subjects but was more average to good in other areas. I felt I was a bit slow to mature and become socially aware at college. Although I was happy and gregarious and goofy on the outside I was insecure and somehow felt I never fitted in, sometimes a part of me was somehow not engaged in the moment that everyone else was there and I was not.

At university and in my early 20s people used to either find me annoying or become my friend almost immediately, this was particularly true of house mates or others I met in clubs etc. at the beginning of the first year. Maybe I was a bit clingy sometimes, or intense, trying to infiltrate into a group where I was not welcome and I was immature sometimes or not really fitting in somehow, its difficult to work out where I went wrong, why were they mean or seemed unfriendly? Then with other people its like they get me and I get them. It is strange because its almost as if I try to hard to be everyone’s friend, but not everyone can be my friend. I did form an awesome ground of friends, probably mostly NF or NT, life was fun. I smoked pot, but not often. Got stuck in love triangle with my two of my house mates briefly, but it sorted itself out after some weirdness, yuk. I can't sleep or eat properly because I lose my appetite when I'm heart broken. Someone once told me he was my friend because I was a freak and such and such a person by comparison was nice but boring, that made me feel good. Participated in the madness of crazy house parties, working all night to meet deadlines and then going out for a good time. Student days were the best.


As for my first few relationships there was a peer pressure to make sure you were with someone even if you knew it would not last. One break up was very public and her tears could have been avoided with some tact from me, I still feel guilty and ashamed today even though it was 19 years ago, now I'm more empathetic. My first true love was possessive and clingy and I felt like a bit of push over at times – think she may have been an unhealthy 2 or maybe 4.

I can follow along with other people agendas, but only when its something that I feel strongly about and there is an intensity or joy in the experience, I have moved on if it does not work or feel right a few too many times when looking back perhaps I should have waited, doesn’t matter how it ends I always feel terrible. In general I was not manipulative, although I can think of a few very mild examples. Maybe I need to be a bit more loyal, I can think of a more recent example of wanting to go bowling with my sister instead of playing Pokemon go with my last girl friend on a Sunday afternoon and she gave me a little loyalty speech about difficult situations with different groups of friends and how I should spend more time with older friends who need my company because they are lonely rather than doing something else that is more fun and she is right, I used to love having debate with her on world issues, she was an ENTP E8w7 so it was always REALLY intense and fun and we still are still friends, we never argued either! I need to learn to be in the present moment not constantly going to the next fun. Now I'm also allot more open minded with regards to different peoples point of view and I'm less love and hate about the world.

I have also developed a very accommodating strategy for getting along with just about everyone and creating a good atmosphere in new social situations, although I still sometimes say things inappropriate at just the wrong time or dominate conversation about a topic when socialising to prove a point or provoke a debate that others are just not interested in. Others just want to do small talk and I really struggle being interested in. I avoid trampling other peoples values and as such I can weigh up different perspective mostly very well and sometimes slow down to let others into a conversation. It is something that comes with maturity I guess.

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Sx. depending on what you mean by it, and WHY, could also be 7.

9's REALLY avoid conflict. hate it.

you don't seem conflict averse enough to me to be a 9

I don't like to stagnate, I want a partner who I can have a debate with who will push the boundaries, I understand some conflict is normal, but I will back of when it gets heated or convert it to humour, or agree to disagree. If its something fundamentally against what I believe in then I'll leave the relationship as a last resort.

At work I hate being controlled, will use my technical know how to prove a point if there is something worth proving - I'm more likely to be passive aggressive at work because an argument or being honest like I would be with my family would most likely get me fired, you can't tell your boss their moody!

I still shout and stand my ground with my sister or mother if they think I'm talking too much or do not agree, but really its like normal conversation to us - shouting ends then its back to normal level discussion - think my sister might be an E8. That's not to say I don't think I have been a push over at times in the past too, proper full grown argument are not that common with me.

I argue with estate agents and other professionals on occasion because I want to get shit done now and for them to stop lying to me, there paid too well for being nice too.
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