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Discussion Starter #1
I'm in the long distance relationship, so money is quite important thing in our relationship. When we see each other depends mostly on our financial situation. the problem is that my boyfriend doesn't make enough money to be able to see me (= to afford the air ticket to my country).
It was always me who was in his country, because of studying and my air tickets were payed by the university. Now I have two jobs, so I'm saving money for the air ticket to see him. He was going to see me, but the institution which could pay him the air ticket cannot do it now because of the problems in his country.

Well, as you can see, there is a great difference between our social situation. I'm not rich at all, I'm middle class, but I'm able to save a lot of money. He is lower middle class I would say, with much less possibilities than me.

And I don't know what to do. How to talk with him about this.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? What are your ideas?
 

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@Fridita

Ah yeah, I'm in this situation too. What I can suggest is that both of you pay for the same ticket. It's what I've been doing with my partner. You won't have to pay the whole ticket everytime, it'be easier if your boyfriend could give you a certain amount of money.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
@Firemoon

Do you mean, that your boyfriend doesnt make enough money?
Yeah, you are right, I was thinking about that - splitting the expenses for the air ticket...I just don't know how to talk with him about it, because when I offered him to pay half of his air ticket to my country, he said: "no way, it's a lot of money..."
 

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I've been in a similar situation with an ex boyfriend who was French. But I think that was different: I was a student and working two jobs. He had already graduated but had Peter Pan syndrome and didn't really want to find a job. I was also 7 years younger than him. He also never really expressed any eagerness to visit me (he did want to, but lacked a sense of urgency and wasn't keen on planning). So I got bored of being the one who has to work her ass off to pay for flights (there weren't any budget airlines back then).
I think your boyfriend's situation is different because you said he has less resources and opportunities than you. I would judge him by how willing he is to visit you, not by his ability to actually do so.



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Some thoughts:


What can he afford to pay? Can you meet somewhere half way between? It seems like he may not be sure about what he truly wants. Is that possible?
 

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Why doesn't he get a job? Plenty of people had jobs when in University including myself. If he's not willing to make the effort he should be dumped.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Some thoughts:


What can he afford to pay? Can you meet somewhere half way between? It seems like he may not be sure about what he truly wants. Is that possible?
He is able to pay for the expenses here, but the price of the air ticket is incredibly high for the next 2-3 months (around 1100-1300 USD). Half way between is the ocean :D
Hmmm, what do you mean with "he may not be sure about what he truly wants"? Actually I sometimes I feel like he doesnt know what he wants in his life, due to many factors...
 

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One of you should immigrate, preferably him sense you are in the better economic situation. If the relationship is going to ever go anywhere, migration is going to have to happen at some point, otherwise your just FWB.
 

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He is able to pay for the expenses here, but the price of the air ticket is incredibly high for the next 2-3 months (around 1100-1300 USD). Half way between is the ocean :D
Hmmm, what do you mean with "he may not be sure about what he truly wants"? Actually I sometimes I feel like he doesnt know what he wants in his life, due to many factors...
Well, if he is in college, he probably realizes that he will need to establish himself in a career before he can fully commit to a wife or long-term relationship and the ever present possibility of becoming a father with real responsibilities. So, how committed can he be?

I don't mean how much does he love you. I would guess he does. I mean love in action takes commitment and work. That would be tough to do with a career on the horizon after getting through college.

What are your long-term goals? Let's just assume you love him. I believe you do.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
if you love each other, don't listen to the nay sayers and people saying to just give it up.
That's the problem with this generation.
I agree with you. If I listened the other people and their opinions about our relationship (which showed up as actually pretty wrong and non-sense), it wouldn't be me and I would make many mistakes...
 

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Well, if he is in college, he probably realizes that he will need to establish himself in a career before he can fully commit to a wife or long-term relationship and the ever present possibility of becoming a father with real responsibilities. So, how committed can he be?

I don't mean how much does he love you. I would guess he does. I mean love in action takes commitment and work. That would be tough to do with a career on the horizon after getting through college.

What are your long-term goals? Let's just assume you love him. I believe you do.
No, he has a job, but this job is not so well-payed. Actually he is quite limited by the amount of money he makes. Honestly, I wouldn't call his life style as a real life (or as satisfying). The thing is that his country is in bad economic situation now and I think he simply doesnt know what to do, or how to earn more. I mean - I'm sure there are some ways, but Im not sure if he wants to, because he is doing this job (and he lives like that) for more than 10 years....

My long-term goals are quite clear: I want to make enough money to travel and to have a job which allows me to be wherever I want most of the year (which I already almost have). Plus, I love his country and I can imagine myself living there for few months a year. I don't plan children in nearest future or getting married.

I mean, I would like to motivate him somehow, because I feel like he gave up in many things in his life. On the other side, I can understand it, because the living condition in this country are not motivating at all)
 

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Sounds like you know what you want and are working toward achieving those goals. You seem like you do love to travel, since you've saved your money to travel to see him. One of the reasons you like him so much, may be due to the fact that you get to travel to see him and learn about his country. I'm wondering if you are getting bored with his lack of interest in travel? I think I'd get tired of seeing the same country, even if I had to travel there and that was what I loved.

What did he say his goals were? I can't remember what you posted.




No, he has a job, but this job is not so well-payed. Actually he is quite limited by the amount of money he makes. Honestly, I wouldn't call his life style as a real life (or as satisfying). The thing is that his country is in bad economic situation now and I think he simply doesnt know what to do, or how to earn more. I mean - I'm sure there are some ways, but Im not sure if he wants to, because he is doing this job (and he lives like that) for more than 10 years....

My long-term goals are quite clear: I want to make enough money to travel and to have a job which allows me to be wherever I want most of the year (which I already almost have). Plus, I love his country and I can imagine myself living there for few months a year. I don't plan children in nearest future or getting married.

I mean, I would like to motivate him somehow, because I feel like he gave up in many things in his life. On the other side, I can understand it, because the living condition in this country are not motivating at all)
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Sounds like you know what you want and are working toward achieving those goals. You seem like you do love to travel, since you've saved your money to travel to see him. One of the reasons you like him so much, may be due to the fact that you get to travel to see him and learn about his country. I'm wondering if you are getting bored with his lack of interest in travel? I think I'd get tired of seeing the same country, even if I had to travel there and that was what I loved.

What did he say his goals were? I can't remember what you posted.
I didn't have to save a lot to visit his country, because I was there for studying, so it was payed from scholarship. But now I'm able to save money for traveling there.
Yes, I love traveling and I love his country. Actually now I'm thinking that maybe he thinks I love his country/city more than him, because whenever I say "I would like to live in your city" he says something like: "but why? there are better cities in the world, this is not so safe for you..." etc...the truth is I would like to live there because I will be near to him plus because I love the city. But I haven't said this to him yet.

I think he doesnt have any goals now. Only short-term, like making an exhibition, for example.
 

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Well, it sounds to me like he is being practical, but you are finding it difficult. I get the impression you haven't really talked with him enough to make a concrete decision that takes into account your long-term happiness. Remember, if you don't love yourself, you can't love others.

Your love is having a home base of sorts and traveling. That's how you will love yourself and be happy. If he can't do anything about his situation, or is not motivated from within, to do something, I don't think you can motivate him. Your motivation comes from within and the love you have for your dreams, which you have at least partially realized.

I think a little accomplishment goes a long way toward greater motivation and persistence. I don't see the same opportunities in his life.

In the end, I just think you need to have quite a few conversations with him before you make any permanent changes in your life that would cause you to be less likely to realize your dreams.

It's up to you. I just thought I'd try to help you think about it. I have nothing to gain or lose by what you decide.
 

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Long distance relationships need long term goals to work. One of you must be willing to move to the other country if you want to be life partners. You may not want children now but you might in the future, it's not so much about making a change now but having a plan. If neither of you are willing to move then it's likely not going to work as an exclusive partnership. You say you'd like to travel in his country for months at a time, that's fine but if you decide you want to live with him later on you're gonna have to give up your current job and living situation entirely and start anew. Same thing for him if he's the one to move in. So you have to consider what you are willing to do in the future for him and he for you. You may not feel up to it now which is ok, but you have to know it's a potential outcome.
As for the topic specifically, you could split it in half, you could pay it entirely or wait until tickets get cheaper so you can travel (book early, too).
 

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Nope. I have never been in that situation because I don't date broke dudes or guys with complications [distance in your case] that would irk my nerves. I've had girlfriends who fell for this mess, though. They all cut the guy loose once they realized the fuzzy feelings weren't worth a skinny wallet.

If you want him to work at this, Airforable is decent. Pay a fee to put the tix on installment. You receive the tickets after the final payment is made. I know Affirm works with Expedia as well, but their interest rates are absurd.

Good luck. Y'all sound a bit mismatched and you seem more invested in this than he is based on everything you've written.
 
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