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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Do 2s ever break up with people? I would assume that would run contrary to your "giving" and wanting to be loved.

If you have broken up with a romantic partner or realized you needed to, what goes on in your mind? How do you get to that point? How do you view the end of relationships?
 

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Well, I have broken up with someone before, but not really by my choice. It was a 2-year relationship. I loved him infinitely, but towards the end, he became distant, but I tried to keep him near, and I went to the end of the earth to "make him love me again," but of course that didn't work and it became a vicious cycle of his aloofness and my striving to make it the way things used to be (which of course never happened). I eventually asked if he even cared if it ended. He said it didn't matter to him either way, which killed me, but I kept fighting for about half a year. My close friends all saw that I needed to let go, but I didn't want to...but I eventually did, and I still love him and miss him two years later. I felt such regret after breaking up, because he was literally free from me, and had no reason to care. When I realized my regret and loneliness, I started to try to win him back, which only hurt me more, and he took advantage of this, and still does whenever I try to talk to him now. I've given up, but I still remember how I felt when we were together, and fear I'll never feel the same...

I'm with someone else now, but there's not that same "fire," which is discouraging. It's more of a friendly relationship, which is wonderful because I feel comfortable with him, whereas I felt I was always scrutinized before, but I don't know haha.

I feel guilty whenever I break up with someone, and quickly change my mind and try to mend the situation, even if it is against what would actually be the best choice. I hate being alone.. :sad:

When I realize I need to break up with someone (usually after a lengthy time of isolation or constant advice from trusted friends), I become more of an emotional mess than usual, and I usually can't sleep. I think of the possibilities..and how things could change. I also isolate myself from pretty much everyone..and dwell.

The end of a relationship, to me, is the end of the road..where all of my feelings and self-image and sentiments have been all thrown over a cliff, and it takes me at least a year to gain interest in anyone new...but I never let go of the memory...and then I compare every new experience to those I had with my "first love" and the new experienes never match up. :sad:

{I'm not certain of my 2-ness; I can't decide whether I'm 2 or 4, so my point of view may be totally invalid, in which case I apologize. :p}
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Well, I have broken up with someone before, but not really by my choice. It was a 2-year relationship. I loved him infinitely, but towards the end, he became distant, but I tried to keep him near, and I went to the end of the earth to "make him love me again," but of course that didn't work and it became a vicious cycle of his aloofness and my striving to make it the way things used to be (which of course never happened). I eventually asked if he even cared if it ended. He said it didn't matter to him either way, which killed me, but I kept fighting for about half a year. My close friends all saw that I needed to let go, but I didn't want to...but I eventually did, and I still love him and miss him two years later. I felt such regret after breaking up, because he was literally free from me, and had no reason to care. When I realized my regret and loneliness, I started to try to win him back, which only hurt me more, and he took advantage of this, and still does whenever I try to talk to him now. I've given up, but I still remember how I felt when we were together, and fear I'll never feel the same...

I'm with someone else now, but there's not that same "fire," which is discouraging. It's more of a friendly relationship, which is wonderful because I feel comfortable with him, whereas I felt I was always scrutinized before, but I don't know haha.

I feel guilty whenever I break up with someone, and quickly change my mind and try to mend the situation, even if it is against what would actually be the best choice. I hate being alone.. :sad:

When I realize I need to break up with someone (usually after a lengthy time of isolation or constant advice from trusted friends), I become more of an emotional mess than usual, and I usually can't sleep. I think of the possibilities..and how things could change. I also isolate myself from pretty much everyone..and dwell.

The end of a relationship, to me, is the end of the road..where all of my feelings and self-image and sentiments have been all thrown over a cliff, and it takes me at least a year to gain interest in anyone new...but I never let go of the memory...and then I compare every new experience to those I had with my "first love" and the new experienes never match up. :sad:

{I'm not certain of my 2-ness; I can't decide whether I'm 2 or 4, so my point of view may be totally invalid, in which case I apologize. :p}
Wow. Thank you so much for writing this. It tore me up inside. I think I am 6w7-2w3-9w8, but I feel like I act like a 2 inside of my relationships a lot. It's the most bizarre thing to me.

I could relate to you very well. For most of my life I thought I couldn't be alone without a partner. I also feel massive guilt breaking up with a partner and find it hard to make it stick (but that could be more 6). But I don't like making the other person hate me. I hate losing their "like". After we are broken up, I do my best to maintain a giving, loving attitude towards them. I try to repair any animosity because it feels like hell having them not seeing me as a "good person."
 
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I have been married to my husband for 17yrs and we have been separated for almost 10yrs He was dominating,controlling and abusive towards our children and myself and i only left him when i found out he was abusing the children,otherwise i'd still be with him today.I have trouble leaving difficult relationships and i always thought he'd realise that he really loved and needed me and change.I've always been the one getting dumped in my previous relationships.Well now he has got his act together to some extent and wants me back.I realise now that i don't want him back,and want a divorce.I've become close to a man that i feel i could have a future with but i'm scared of getting into another volatile relationship.I know he'd never hurt me like my husband did,but he has also been in a destructive relationship and finds it hard to trust others.I want to reassure him that i will never hurt him like the other woman did.I would be getting a divorce to be free of my husband and show this new man that i do want to have a future with him.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I want to reassure him that i will never hurt him like the other woman did.
Be careful! You and I share some history with our marriages. You don't need to reassure the new guy ANYTHING. HE needs to learn to trust again on his own. If he talks too much about how others have hurt him, it is too soon for him to proceed.

I've also been manipulated by someone who according to him, lacked trust from being "hurt" from his previous relationship. So I walked around in the relationship with him always on my best behavior proving that I "wasn't like the hurtful rest." Don't let that happen to you.

I left an abusive marriage just like you, but even after, I tended to be gullible to other ways I could get manipulated and the wrong guy could still take power and control over me. The man I ran to after my marriage was an "escape", but it ended up being just as unhealthy. But you never would have known it at first.

I really hope you took classes about the cycle of abuse? I tend to have to revisit them periodically.

I also hope it is enough for you to know that you are a good person and like any person, you have flaws. But you are not his ex, even if you make mistakes and hurt him. You are just you. You need not prove anything to him. If anything, this new guy needs to prove to you that he is ready for a stable relationship and worthy of you.

I'd be very careful of anyone who seems like they can't get over their previous hurt in their relationship. It's also very common for them to project their anger onto you.

Please take care. :wink:
 

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let me see if this makes sense...

I am a ENFP and for what it seems a type 2

I am the one to break up, and I've been trying to understand this.
Apparently i don't want to get to the point where i become "needy" that freaks me out, i don't want to become dependent on somebody else and once somebody me is showing me that they trust me, they share their feelings and trust with me and express love towards me I run the other way..usually because my intuition is screaming at me to do so.
And mainly I break up becasue i feel that I won't be able to offer them what I see they need to i prefer to not let them suffer any further and just end it sooner than later..

those that even make sense if I am an ENFP type 2?...i just got myself even for confused...:confused:
 

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Breaking up is hard,no matter who it is doing it.Sometimes it just has to done for the good of both individuals and other people around them.When one person can see that the relationship is not going the way it ought to be,then it might just be time to say goodbye and prevent further heartbreak down the road.
 

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Breaking up is hard,no matter who it is doing it.Sometimes it just has to done for the good of both individuals and other people around them.When one person can see that the relationship is not going the way it ought to be,then it might just be time to say goodbye and prevent further heartbreak down the road.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
let me see if this makes sense...

I am a ENFP and for what it seems a type 2

I am the one to break up, and I've been trying to understand this.
Apparently i don't want to get to the point where i become "needy" that freaks me out, i don't want to become dependent on somebody else and once somebody me is showing me that they trust me, they share their feelings and trust with me and express love towards me I run the other way..usually because my intuition is screaming at me to do so.
And mainly I break up becasue i feel that I won't be able to offer them what I see they need to i prefer to not let them suffer any further and just end it sooner than later..

those that even make sense if I am an ENFP type 2?...i just got myself even for confused...:confused:
I relate to this as a 6. We are very known for our push/pull tendencies. Just to let you know my type is: 6w7-9w2-2w3

My core type is still 6. The anxiety still overrides my other two fixes. Have you read much about 6 and being counter phobic?
 

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I am going to be brief because I am not a 2, but I have dated one. He just can't seem to let go. There is lots of pleading, accusatory behaviour and so on, even a sense of being victimized because I ended the relationship. I am not saying all 2s function this way, but it seems like the end of a relationship is more difficult for a two than it is for me. I will cut ties and never look back (when broken up with and when ending a relationship), but my ex keeps returning and trying to make an effort to pull me back in. I have had to be harsh in cutting all ties. I think it's good for him to not talk to me (as well as good for me) and just focus on moving in with his life. I remember how much he tried to make me love him, despite my repeated assertions that I did not.Then all the negativity came forth, the passive-aggressiveness, whining, covert attempts at control, guilt-tripping etc. He set himself up for what he dealt with in the end, as good as his intentions may have been at first. He is sx first, and recently, told me that he is an intimacy addict. It doesn't end well. I know it's been very difficult for him. He didn't date for 6 years after the end of a previous relationship, and I hope this will not happen again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I am going to be brief because I am not a 2, but I have dated one. He just can't seem to let go. There is lots of pleading, accusatory behaviour and so on, even a sense of being victimized because I ended the relationship. I am not saying all 2s function this way, but it seems like the end of a relationship is more difficult for a two than it is for me. I will cut ties and never look back (when broken up with and when ending a relationship), but my ex keeps returning and trying to make an effort to pull me back in. I have had to be harsh in cutting all ties. I think it's good for him to not talk to me (as well as good for me) and just focus on moving in with his life. I remember how much he tried to make me love him, despite my repeated assertions that I did not.Then all the negativity came forth, the passive-aggressiveness, whining, covert attempts at control, guilt-tripping etc. He set himself up for what he dealt with in the end, as good as his intentions may have been at first. He is sx first, and recently, told me that he is an intimacy addict. It doesn't end well. I know it's been very difficult for him. He didn't date for 6 years after the end of a previous relationship, and I hope this will not happen again.
I can relate to this. I've dated a 2 and he actually broke up with me but still hasn't let me go. He still wants to do "nice things" for me and take care of me. I don't get it at all. It sends mixed signals.

I don't think 2s like to cut ties perhaps?

When mine was still in pursuit mode, he also worked hard at convincing me he was the right one and would tell me often " See? You need me". But like I've said, he did end up going away when I was sick.

I don't know what to do with this person. I feel like he is going to be in my life forever. :sad:
 
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I can relate to this. I've dated a 2 and he actually broke up with me but still hasn't let me go. He still wants to do "nice things" for me and take care of me. I don't get it at all. It sends mixed signals.

I don't think 2s like to cut ties perhaps?

When mine was still in pursuit mode, he also worked hard at convincing me he was the right one and would tell me often " See? You need me". But like I've said, he did end up going away when I was sick.

I don't know what to do with this person. I feel like he is going to be in my life forever. :sad:
Mine is the same, Pink. Exactly the same. He keeps emailing me, and telling me he wants to be there for me and tries so hard. I think it's very painful for them to cut ties.

When we were together, I was going through some rough times, and I don't use relationships to anchor me, plus his behaviour was getting out of hand. So, I ended it. He kept saying, throughout and after the relationship, that I "needed him" (never directly though), that he was going to bring love and warmth into my life. He craves the feeling of being needed and has often dated women suffering from depression etc., and seems to like being the saviour. This time he ended up with a strong, fiercely self-reliant woman, who is no damsel-in-distress and it threw him off. He wanted me to need him, and I don't think I "need" anyone in the needing sense.

P.S. Oh, he is the same guy who went away when you were sick*Rage*. That's insane. It's the peak of unhealthy, selfish and spineless behaviour. You need to cut him out of your life, Pink. He is manipulating you. Had he stayed in your life when you needed him, I would have thought there was some credibility to his claims of being genuinely kind and concerned. He does not deserve a minute of your attention.
 

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I relate to this as a 6. We are very known for our push/pull tendencies. Just to let you know my type is: 6w7-9w2-2w3

My core type is still 6. The anxiety still overrides my other two fixes. Have you read much about 6 and being counter phobic?
I was reading some info about the six mmm this makes me wonder if I have anything of the six somewhere in there.

I noticed that you wrote several things about you're type, which has me confused I don't know how to find out what my wing is..or those other numbers..any place where I can find this information?
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Here is something that Promethea wrote about tritypes http://personalitycafe.com/enneagra...-instinctual-variants-sp-sx-so-explained.html

Also as far as type 6 and it's wings, you can look here: The Enneagram Blogspot: Type 6: Security-Seeker

If you would like some info on type 2 and it's wings, you can also look in the same place: The Enneagram Blogspot: Type 2: Love-Seeker

You can also read about the misidentifications of type on this forum:

Twos and Sixes
Unlike twos and fives, twos and sixes are commonly confused. Both of them need the approval of others, and both tend to want assurances that the relationship is going well. There are some fundamental differences, however. Twos want very much to see themselves as good, as the helpers and caretakers of the world, often offering their support without questioning the motives of others. Sixes question both their own motivations and perceptions and the trustworthiness of others. Twos focus on positive feelings, whereas sixes have a lot of negativity, especially anxiety, pessimism and mistrust.
http://personalitycafe.com/enneagram-personality-theory-forum/5771-enneagram-misidentifications.html
 

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I can relate to this. I've dated a 2 and he actually broke up with me but still hasn't let me go. He still wants to do "nice things" for me and take care of me. I don't get it at all. It sends mixed signals.

I don't think 2s like to cut ties perhaps?

When mine was still in pursuit mode, he also worked hard at convincing me he was the right one and would tell me often " See? You need me". But like I've said, he did end up going away when I was sick.

I don't know what to do with this person. I feel like he is going to be in my life forever. :sad:
Pinkrasputin,i think that you have hit the nail on the head,when you said 'i don't think 2's like to cut ties'.I'm a 2 and have deliberated for almost 10yrs[of separation] as to whether i should divorce my abusive husband.I'm a very forgiving person but i've finally realised that i can't stay in limbo forever.I've told my husband of my intentions but he just doesn't seem to want to let me go.When ever i mention the 'D' word he hangs up the phone or changes the subject.It suddenly seems to me that he must also be a 2.I've made up my mind this time,and will procrastinate no more.Divorce here i come!!!
 

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It, for me, is not about responding to love
the importance is more towards response
because I love.
 

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im a 4, but dating a 2...
i never know does she love me at all. i m very very sensitive because all the time..
she plays online flirting around and checking (tomboys). i've dated her since august last yr. but since oct, i find out she said someone i love u on face book and she promise me she won't talk to that person.. but i find out she was lieing to me.. that she talk to her.. then i make sure she did..
then after. i realize she make alot of online lovers and keeping conatact with 2.. one is a guy which has fucked her..on bed....
one.. she write alot of fucking words expressing her heart.. ( never to me ) and one thing really upset me she was talkin on phone with that ( bitch ) while i took a visit to thailand.. she got me drunk that nite.. but i wake up i hear her was talking with someone.. her fuckin voice is so fuckin tender.. till now... i m all jealous..
me and her right now always fighting , jealous.. sometimes she cries. but i really don't know is that cos she really love me.. or cos i hurt her ?
stil now she' have no patience tenderness with me...
i compare and being sensitive....
but if this not work out.. i give up..
because she's not the right type for me....
 

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I have never been able to break up with anyone... always the other way around.
I've even pushed people to the point where they had no choice but to break up with me, just because I couldn't do it myself!
 

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I have never been able to break up with anyone... always the other way around.
That is so true! The one and only time I tried I turned right around an hour later and said I didn't mean it (even though I did). I just can't stand hurting others even though I was hurting by staying
 
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