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Over the past few years I've noticed a re-occurring plot line in a various forms a media that is just depressing the heck out of me. It generally goes the main character is stuck in some sort of cycle, spiral, loop, etc. and although they don’t realize it until the end of the story, no matter what they do they are fated to negatively impact the world. The thing that gets me though, is that in all of these stories when the main character realizes that no matter what they do their actions will bring about destruction, they rebel against their deterministic future in the only way they can –killing themselves. Whether suicide is morally wrong or right, the story usually presents it as the “just” thing to do. And then I’m just sitting there trying to figure out if I should be happy or sad that the main character is dead.

Applying this idea to a somewhat realistic situation, what if, by some means, you were able to realize that your own fate was something like: to become an abusive alcoholic parent, to become a leader that oppresses others, to cause the suffering of those who don't deserve it through your job occupation or finally to be responsible for the death of innocent people? Assuming that the only way to escape this fate is to forfeit your life, what would you do? Could you live with yourself as you watch yourself slowly transform into something terrible?
 

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I'm sure you realize the contradiction in the title so I wont worry about bring it up beyond what I've already said.

Now I don't believe in any fate or predetermined actions beyond our own control. But pretending they are real things and that I was predetermined to do evil things I guess I would need to know what those "evil things" are before I could make a decision on whether or not killing myself is the logical conclusion.

If I'm just oppressing people, while definitely bad I don't think killing myself over it is justifiable as the next leader may be even more oppressive or they may decided to start a spree of random killings.

If I was the leader doing the killings and it was somehow not my choice that I was in that position and the only way to save the people I'm killing is to kill myself then maybe I would. I'd try as hard as I could to get out of the situation without offing myself.

I think my views on this are well within the norm for INTP's.
 

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I can think of one recent movie right off the bad where this happened. In that case, I think the character really didn't have another option at the time, since he only had a few seconds to think. But it was actually a moment of sacrifice and redemption for the character in question, as he had shown a terrible streak of selfishness otherwise... and in that one moment, he terminates his future to give others a better future than they would have gotten otherwise.

Part of the problem in REAL life (not a movie, where it's scripted) is that it's all hindsight. We can never be SURE that we'll turn out bad. Is it totally ensured that we WOULD turn out bad? A particular change might be very very hard, but if we just toss out all feeling, might we be able to break the cycle by just making a resolve not to become/do that particular thing? Where there is life, isn't there hope? So people keep trying and trying.

Of course, this is complicated by the fact that by the time we're in a position where we realize we've become what we hate, we no longer care as we've changed too much so as to NOT care. The old self is already dead and gone. Meanwhile, when we're in a position to do something about it, we still think we have time and change will occur so there is no need for a drastic measure because we want to live.

I would like to say if I was in a Jean Grey "Dark Phoenix" scenario, I'd be willing to end my own life. I'd probably be sick of the cycle of suffering and just want some relief anyway. Then again, if you wait too long... It would be so easy to let go, especially when there are immediate rewards and power. It takes a very strong will to resolutely make that decision and immediately carry it out. I prefer to believe I'm capable; I just know I couldn't think about it long. There is nothing to "consider," and considering it only weakens resolve. it is a value judgment, and you act on it as immediately as possible in order to ensure success, while you have the chance.
 
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