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About 10 days ago - days which have felt like a year - the girl I thought I would grow up old together with dumped me... after a little over a year long relationship. It was a long distance relationship too... but she travelled to my country for a while and it was perfect.

I never expected it. Had I known there was a chance that I might lose her I would have been much more careful, I'd have been much better to her...

We had had many problems in the begining, specially me, and we solved them, we got over them... I was doing much better than before, I feel... I know I was! We were definitely doing much better...

With a few mistakes here and there... and circumstances, a whole load of things made a one day fight destroy everything we had build just like that. I won't go into much detail but I know that if that day we hadn't talked, we'd be together still. And that is so frustrating... during that day I acted like I used to act in the begining (because I had had a very hard day I guess) and she was reminded of all those bad moments, maybe she thought I hadn't gotten over them... I guess I'll never know for sure.

I couldn't believe it when she broke up with me without even telling me the reason (one day after the fight) in a phone message (when I wasn't even there) and then I haven't been able to contact her until three days ago. With no answers at all. I was going crazy messaging her everywhere, contacting her friends... I couldn't believe reality. I won't go into detail here also but I didn't eat the first three days (wasn't hungry at all) and I couldn't sleep more than 3 hours for a while... and walked, walked and walked thinking what I'd tell her, if I had chances to get her back, what would I do if I could go back in time...

After about a hundred messages she finally contacted me and told me more... She is with someone else right now... She tells me how she hated herself when she was with me ( while she had told me the opposite while being with me) She tells me how happier she is now... how more free she is now.. How she doesen't want a relationship to be her whole life... how I took away all her freedom...

I'm devastated.

I've thought over and over how I'll never find anyone like my ex and that's what makes me hate my self more and miss her more and want her back more...

I don't feel like doing anything, all my past interests are gone... I'm happy now that I am at least kind of enjoying writing this... I'm having hopes staying around Perc will help... I don't have many friends in real life, in fact I count only 2, and non of them I really ever trusted much. I told one of them about the breakup, he was kind of angry I hadn't even told him about my relationship... I should have... this also made me appreciate my few friends more... we have little in common, they're childhood friends... but they're friends after all. And I have no one else.

I also realized I'm so depressed and hopeless and desperate not so much because of losing this girl. But because I will never be able to trust anyone. What we had was real, and we both meant everything that we said when we said it, and I believed all of it blindly... and it looked eternal... and it was beautiful... since I discovered love I've been dreaming of this wonderful girl that I will be with and share everything with... and that dream came to reality. And now it's gone.

I guess, being a 4w5 sx I really need someone to be truly happy. But now I know that whatever she tells me, as good as it is, as beautiful as it is... it can disappear just like that any moment. So that's what really affects me deep down.

I fear I'll never be able to be with anyone...because I've been hurt to levels I didn't imagine existed and I can't afford allowing that to happen again... and it's so unpredictable, I didn't see this break up comming at all. I always told her she was too good for me too... she made me believe I was enough for her eventually, and then... when everything seemed to be going fine everything dies all of a sudden.

I wish I find someone I can truely be with my whole life someday. But at the moment I can't see me with anyone else. And I still love her so much...
 

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Well, you're lucky to have experienced it, in the end of all things.

It sounds like you'll have the opportunity to reflect and grow and experience even greater things in the future, but for now just take it easy and know that your low, like your high, will pass with time.

Nobody is perfect, idealization is a horrible malady to overcome and can take a while...but it will happen. I don't know if you want advice or anything, but those feelings you have for your ex, are feelings you're capable of having for yourself when you're ready to allow them. It sounds like you have some self esteem issues that you need to work on, so the silver lining is you've got that chance now, so that in the future, your relationships will be more durable.

Feeling low is all part of life, how could we appreciate things like love without it, after all?

Remember, 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Old Tenny knew what he was talking about. This is just practice, so you'll be an even better lover next time round. Even if next time round seems like it'll never arrive right now. It always does...

...Unless you fall down a manhole or something. Keep your eyes peeled, mon frère.
 

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i'm truly sorry about that, i know the heartwrenching feeling. i know it sounds impossible but all you can do now is forget about her, the sooner you do the better. try to hold on bro.
 

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This may sound insensitive of me to say, but she was not the love of your life. There will be another woman who will love you and adore you for exactly who you are. But of course, first you have to heal from this hurt and that takes time. <3

I do know how you're feeling. I thought my ex was the love of my life too. He broke up with me the day before Valentine's Day. People had said, "oh he just didn't want to be pressured to do anything for Valentine's Day...he'll get back together with you the day after." He didn't. I know how hopeless you are feeling...like you'll never find another, like it's a struggle just to survive day to day, putting food in your mouth is painful, and trying to sleep is utterly pointless. It gets better. :happy: It took me 2 to 3 years to finally get over my ex-boyfriend. My friends were helpful. I don't have many friends either. I've gotten more friends since getting over the ex...back then I just had one friend and he lived on the other side of town. Phone calls were a life-saver and we hung out as much as possible. Even though I constantly talked about my ex, my friend knew I needed to get it off my chest...as much as it annoyed him. xD Something else that might help since you're said you're starting to enjoy it, is writing your thoughts down in a blog. If you have no friends you can confide in, a blog is the next best thing IMO. Another thing that helped me was exercising. I know you don't feel like doing anything, but the affects of exercise are real...both physical and mental. Once I started exercising, I felt my self-respect and self-worth coming back. It's easier said than done especially with how you feel, but taking care of yourself does wonders.

I really hope I helped and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm just a PM away. :kitteh:
 

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Hang it there, this is not the end of the world even though it feels that way. It will hurt like hell for weeks/months, possibly longer. The best remedy is to get out there and start meeting other people, as soon as you can manage it. Not so much new girlfriends but just friends in general, and maybe a new girl will catch your eye. Like, volunteer for an organization you admire. Nothing gets you out of your head better than helping someone else, and it also makes you realize how fortunate you are (even if your love has left you). If you isolate yourself you'll probably obsess over your ex to an unhealthy degree and compound the misery.

If it's any consolation, this sort of thing happens to almost everyone at least once, so you're not alone by any means. It's almost a rite of passage, actually.

Oh, and one final thing: SHE WASN'T WORTHY OF YOU. Don't forget that. The true worthy one is out there, waiting for you to find her. So go find her.
 

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What she said ^

It's a rite of passage. You will realize eventually that life goes on and you inevitably move on. The advantage of knowing that helps you make peace with yourself and your emotions a tad bit quicker.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thanks for all the responses!

I think I was, looking at the 4 health levels, level 8 until maybe yesterday. Now I'm level 7. (you can read about those levels here: threnody )

I don't see me stepping out of level 7 for a while... I had been there before. I thought I would never be like that again... what I really need is... to want to do things. I hate not being excited about anything.

Now I kind of feel like writing this but I'm not so excited too... at least it's not too bad. I've been watching breaking bad and it also works for me, hahaha. I wouldn't have been able to do that during the first days... so yeah, I see an improvement.

At least I think the suicide thoughts are pretty much gone... They were very present since not long ago.

I totally see that I'll become a much better person after this. Still, that doesn't make me feel better... Maybe sometimes it does...

I wish I had had this rite passage with not such a serious relationship... hahaha

Well, right now I eat more or less normal and I sleep about 7 hours or so which is not that bad. Problem is I have nightmares every night, constantly... and I wake up about 4-5 times. It's always about her. If she's not there, I'm thinking of her in the dream... sometimes we're together and when I wake up I have to realize it was a dream and it feels horrible : / I'd say right now the hardest for me is dreams. Every time I wake up, when I go back to sleep I have another dream. It feels extremely long and when I wake up again I look at the clock and just 30 minutes have passed...
 

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Aww, <hug>

It sucks. Trust me, 11 year relationship = life lesson on love. Breaking up sucks, and worse when you had plans in your head about how awesome the future would be with that person. It's like someone smashing the whole picture to pieces, and now you have to put a new one together with the glass shards that are scattered about. Hurts like hell, but the new picture is going to be a hell of a lot better, and twice a strong.

Stay with it, stay strong, and hey, a year after watching 10 years of love fall apart, I discovered that I never knew love like I do today. <3 Life is funny that way.
 

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Take your time to heal, and believe in the thought that you will heal from this and it will get better. Later on, you will know what went wrong and why. Also, when you meet somebody knew, you may know that they are more for you too, cos you too would feel so much more "free" and "light". If you have to continually argue, it isn't a happy thing at all, or light. It is heavy on the emotion, and heavy on you too. Maybe this was not the relationship for you, because you had to make so much effort into it ? If it is supposed to be a true and real happy relationship, it will be so much light hearted, free to enjoy the flow of things, and that you also do not have to make as much effort too... and so on and so on...

I hope that you will hold onto the experience that you will find a more perfect girl for you too. Remember the good feelings that it brings. :)
 

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I have moments of the day in which I'm desperate... and other moments in which I'm just... passive... I'm distracted doing dull things and I can at least live but I'm absolutely not excited about anything.

The day takes so long to end... it never ends... Now I feel better than this afternoon (it's 19:18 where I live). I feel I can survive... sometimes I feel I can't.

I guess it'd have been easier if I had started college already. I will be in holiday for a month more... with absolutely nothing to do : (

Just wait...

Aww, <hug>

Stay with it, stay strong, and hey, a year after watching 10 years of love fall apart, I discovered that I never knew love like I do today. <3 Life is funny that way.
That's a very positive attitude... I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be to break up after so long...
 

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That's a very positive attitude... I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be to break up after so long...
Funny, I always thought it would have been harder had it been shorter...Mainly because a decade is plenty of time to see all the failings, all the "it never would have worked", the worst of everything.

After 10 years, you've tried EVERYTHING. I loved myself to death, tried to change EVERYTHING about myself, worked the gambit and in the end, nothing worked. Nothing is a clearly display that it's not going to work, then 10 years of just not friggen working. (gawd does time give clarity to these things!)

I struggled a lot like you initially. I thought I lost the love of my life, and I kept telling myself that it wouldn't have ended if it were true, but I knew I didn't believe it.

And then I fell in love again. With someone that makes me so much happier, NOT because they're a wonderful person (though they are), but because I can be the messed up, screwed up, baggage carrying person I am, and THEY LOVE ME ANYWAY.

That was the weirdest discovery in the world. This girl, she was in love with you, but didn't love *you*. The person you are. With all of those failings, and all of those struggles. It makes a difference. A huge difference. Being with someone you don't have to CHANGE for, but that experience changes you.

Does that make sense?

Somewhere, maybe, hopefully, is a woman who will come along and love you when you're at your darkest. You will be a dick to her, you will be moody and irritable and self-loathing, and she'll wrap her arms around you and just love the hell outta you. And THAT is gonna change you. And you're not going to apologize when you're this way, you're going to slowly stop doing it, because you feel WORSE when you are, then when you're good to her. And bit by bit, you'll heal, not from forcing yourself to change to be who she needs you to be, but by needing to be the man she deserves. To repay all her love.

And then you'll look back on this relationship, and think "Gawd, I'm really glad I had that experience". Because it changes you. It shows you just how fragile and delicate love is, and how carefully it needs to be cared for. And that's a lesson some people learn far too late in life, when they can't save themselves.
 

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Experienced something very similar; loss of friendship. Yes friendship! It wasn't even a normal 'relationship'. Two and a half years latter though and I still can't get over them, but neither would I want to.

I am rather apathetic towards everything now because it's the past which does and did matter most. One gains a new sense of confidence though when living in the fake present 'dream' of which he doesn't give a shit.
 

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In the same boat as you and @Raain. Now that I no longer see this person, I feel indifferent towards everyone and find it hard to care about the things that I used to. I just couldn't believe this could happen to me, and when it did, my attitude changed, especially because I was frustrated and sad that I really believed in something that didn't work and thought it was real. I was devastated and still am three years later. I used to be more energetic and looked forward to each day.
 

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Hey @DayDreamer6 , I know how you feel because I know how we love with such intense passion, but I want to ask you this:

She was already in a different relationship? Come on...no relationship ends that fast, she could be in a relationship just to get over it, but if she can be with somebody else so easily after you, don't you think she wasn't really that much into you for quite some time before the relationship ended? I'm not saying she never cared, but nobody goes that easily into a new relationship right after a breakup they chose to do. In the worst case she was thinking about being with that guy before the breakup and the fight was just an excuse.
Let me see if I got this correctly, you had a fight and she did not like it. You had another fight many months later and she leaves. Dude, in a relationship, even a year long one fighting for a few days is not uncommon, in fact it happens. What matters is how you deal with these conflict situations. You say you were trying to be better, but it's always both partners who make mistakes in a fight, even if they just get angry on the other person who made the mistake. Now I don't know the whole story, but the fact that she left that easily is a serious question mark for me. If you think you need to change something do it because you think you need to change, go see a psychologist to guide you and help you, but don't do it for her, do it because you think you should. When you love someone you do care and want them to be good, but you also accept their imperfections, I don't know...
It happened to me too after a breakup to have a period when I could not eat for some days, I know how you feel and why you lost your appetite, but seriously, you need to take care of yourself. If you don't love you and take care and focus on you, nobody else will.
I also realized I'm so depressed and hopeless and desperate not so much because of losing this girl. But because I will never be able to trust anyone. What we had was real, and we both meant everything that we said when we said it, and I believed all of it blindly... and it looked eternal... and it was beautiful... since I discovered love I've been dreaming of this wonderful girl that I will be with and share everything with... and that dream came to reality. And now it's gone.
Ok, so you say you are not desperate so much because loosing the girl, but because you lost the dream of that wonderful girl. I know what you mean, after a break up I usually don't miss her, I miss the being with someone, the closeness, that feeling. But you have to be careful that it does not become an obsession. You say you;ll never find any other girl like her...there are millions of girls I'm sure there will be plenty who will have the potential to break you heart into pieces and fuck your world in the process. What you should try to find is one who will love you even when things get rough, even when you are not at your best. ;) To love someone who is doing great is easy, to love someone also when he is down and needs your help...now that's true love.

Take care man, I hope you'll pull through this.
 

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The people here who have been 3 years and still haven't gotten over it make me want to kill my self right now.. Today it'll just be two weeks for me and it's hell... I cannot be like that for so long.... I'd take anti depressants or something I guess, even if I've always been anti-antidepressant...

I know for sure I'm depressed. I don't find excitement in anything really... everyone used to tell me they loved how I got excited with things before...
@Razvan I loved your post! She really loved me until the end... She's a very complicated person and she had indeed met this other boyfriend before... she kind of replaced me for him just like that after a fight, yep. But as a 9w8 she is, she probably had been accumulating everything she didn't like about me for months and then she exploded. She never told me the problems she had with me, I usually did tell her the problems I had with her... I even asked her to tell me her problems with me sometimes and she'd go like 'everything is fine' 'everything is perfect' over and over...
She seemed to accept every imperfection of mine too much, until now.

I wish she had given me a chance to at least acknoledge her problems with me, instead of just dumping me all of a sudden. I'd have done whatever she'd asked me... : /

I'm taking care of my self now. I eat more or less normally and try to brush my teeth and stuff. I even help my parents more in things... just to keep myself busy.

I wake up 4-5 times every night (for example, tonight I went to bed at 21:30 and I woke up at about 0:00, 1 am, 3 am, 5 am and 7 am...) and each time I take a while to fall asleep again... This is the bigger problem I have. I'll go to a pharmacy to look for something to take like melatonin because I can't live like that. Sleeping would help a lot... If I could I'd just sleep 10 hours every night or more. But the dreams are horrible... I hope I can stop having them.
 

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The people here who have been 3 years and still haven't gotten over it make me want to kill my self right now.. Today it'll just be two weeks for me and it's hell... I cannot be like that for so long.... I'd take anti depressants or something I guess, even if I've always been anti-antidepressant...

I know for sure I'm depressed. I don't find excitement in anything really... everyone used to tell me they loved how I got excited with things before...
Although you feel this way now. It does not mean that you won't get over her. :)
Or at least be in a happy place once again.

If you do not like anti-depressants, then do not take them. Why let the situation change who you are ? You have to also remember that you cannot give up yourself, because maybe you gave too much of what you think she wants, and that you forget what you want too. Have you thought about whether she was there for you also ? Was she also a model girlfriend ? Think of the good aspect of her, and that you liked, and then think of the not so good aspect. I think you need closure, in a way. Understand why she went to someone else, but at the same time, you can indeed think what went wrong in the relationship. According to YOUR values...

@Razvan I loved your post! She really loved me until the end... She's a very complicated person and she had indeed met this other boyfriend before... she kind of replaced me for him just like that after a fight, yep. But as a 9w8 she is, she probably had been accumulating everything she didn't like about me for months and then she exploded. She never told me the problems she had with me, I usually did tell her the problems I had with her... I even asked her to tell me her problems with me sometimes and she'd go like 'everything is fine' 'everything is perfect' over and over...
She seemed to accept every imperfection of mine too much, until now.
It means she did not commit to you in the beginning ! Especially if she could switch her emotion so simply over, and that she had no lingering loyalty and such like. Also, after each fight, did you guys calm down and kiss and made up again ? And also, why do you guys fight, over what ? Have you thought about the fact that you need to be aware of when a fight is about to be created and slow things down a little bit so that both of you are aware ?... Aware of each others' tempers, emotions, and behaviour ? Cos this is where real connection lies. Not what you "hope" she is, but what she really is, and is.

Logic: If you have problems, then why are you dating ? :/ Why not choose someone else, so that you save each other heartaches, right ?

It is not fair to continually harp at someone and their bad side or their mistakes, cos what you do not see is that you are actually bullying or criticising the other person. Even if they loved you or had loving feelings for you. Do you think that a person can continually be berated and be torn apart by the person who is supposed to love them the most ? Do you understand ?

Also, every girl, wanted their guy to be their hero, not their protagonist... or someone who harms her. Pointing out her mistake is not the smartest thing to do. Cos she may not know why but her reaction has indeed meant she went away into someone else's arms asap.

If she trusts you, then she will tell you her secrets... That is how it goes. Including her own bad behaviour or mistakes. But you got to get to this very trustful point first. Not at the beginning when it is still honeymoon period.


I wish she had given me a chance to at least acknoledge her problems with me, instead of just dumping me all of a sudden. I'd have done whatever she'd asked me... : /
Too late now, maybe something to consider for the future and really notice and acknowledge the girl and see her behaviour so that she knows you love her? Berating her and her personality during the honeymoon period when she still has feelings for you is like killing a lamb who was just born in the spring, without knowing what went wrong and why and how...

Most people only really really know themselves through reflection and through maturity... so if you guys are fairly young, then don't push or be too pushy too soon. Cos it isn't truly fair.

I'm taking care of my self now. I eat more or less normally and try to brush my teeth and stuff. I even help my parents more in things... just to keep myself busy.

I wake up 4-5 times every night (for example, tonight I went to bed at 21:30 and I woke up at about 0:00, 1 am, 3 am, 5 am and 7 am...) and each time I take a while to fall asleep again... This is the bigger problem I have. I'll go to a pharmacy to look for something to take like melatonin because I can't live like that. Sleeping would help a lot... If I could I'd just sleep 10 hours every night or more. But the dreams are horrible... I hope I can stop having them.
I would try and acknowledge the emotions and the things that happened in the relationship. Maybe see other people's relationships and observe them and see if it makes sense to you and how you behaved in your own relationship. At the end of the day, for real closure to happen, you need to FEEL what it meant, and put yourself in her shoes, and understand what went on. Otherwise, your mind will continually search and search to see and understand what happened and why. You will never get closure this way and be stuck in limbo land.
 

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I am so sorry! The dreams sound terrible, I can't imagine how hard that must be. I guess you have to see it as your mind is working on your pain and the source while you are asleep, so it is a step closer to healing. I truly would suck though!

Also, let me give you a couple of things to think about.

You sound like you feel that she made you a better person. This is not true. The relationship/she may have helped you/motivated you to develop into a better person, but the power to change only lies within you. No one can change another person, for/to better and or worse, trust me. All the positive changes that you experienced within yourself, ultimately took place in your mind by your choice. Let this knowledge empower you and acknowledge that you gained some very important insight about yourself during this relationship. In time, when you have gotten further along in your journey towards healing, you will be able to focus on the good parts that you can take with you when you move forwards - the changes within you.

Never tell another person that you are not good enough for them!
First off, if you really believe this, you need to resolve this, another person can not do it or you. A relationship can't make you love or respect yourself. If you don't love yourself, chances are very good that you won't find true love with anyone else. I know, because I have been there. After years of heartbreak from several failed relationships, I decided that it was better to be alone for the rest of my life. I got to know myself and started to accept myself, I started to understand what I needed and wanted in a partner, I could see what I had to work on to become a better and happier person. I found my husband when I was content with life and happy with myself, because I was content with life and happy with myself.
Second off, when you tell your partner that you are no good enough or that you are not worthy, he or she will start to believe that you are right sooner or later. This can only result in bad things; disrespect, superiority, and the (possibly subconscious) search for someone better. If a person is with you, they obviously see you as good enough (hopefully much better than just good enough) - you let them decide what they think, don't tell them that they are wrong! The only thing you get to decide is whether they are good enough for you!

Finally, long distance relationships are very hard. Don't be too hard on yourself or on her, don't see this breakup as a failure or let it reflect on you as a person - most LDRs don't last for hundred of reasons.

Take care of yourself! :)
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Although you feel this way now. It does not mean that you won't get over her. :)
Or at least be in a happy place once again.

If you do not like anti-depressants, then do not take them. Why let the situation change who you are ? You have to also remember that you cannot give up yourself, because maybe you gave too much of what you think she wants, and that you forget what you want too. Have you thought about whether she was there for you also ? Was she also a model girlfriend ? Think of the good aspect of her, and that you liked, and then think of the not so good aspect. I think you need closure, in a way. Understand why she went to someone else, but at the same time, you can indeed think what went wrong in the relationship. According to YOUR values...
.
The anti-depressants might become a necessity for me to function normally... because I'm really anxious for most of the day. I have trouble to stop thinking about her... I have trouble to stop telling me everything I did wrong and how a very simple change in circumstances would have made the outcome so different... It's all over my head. And when I'm not thinking about her I feel just like a shadow, a ghost... I'm nothingness.

I truly liked pretty much everything of her... I just don't like her way of overreacting like this. I wish there were more things I didn't like, so I could think of them... we were too idealist and it was a too immature relationship I guess.

Well, we hadn't fought in a very long time... So I really didn't expect her to be so extreme. We were doing better than ever... so it's not like we were stuck...

I won't tell too many details on what we fought about and all that stuff...

I already put my self in her shoes and see a lot to blame in my self. I see I was the main source of problems in the relationship which makes me feel like shit, but I also see I was improving, doing better everyday, and I also see how she didn't tell me what problems she had with me and I also see she broke up with me in an extremely unexpected and harsh way. We had just fought probably twice in three months.


 

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The anti-depressants might become a necessity for me to function normally... because I'm really anxious for most of the day. I have trouble to stop thinking about her... I have trouble to stop telling me everything I did wrong and how a very simple change in circumstances would have made the outcome so different... It's all over my head. And when I'm not thinking about her I feel just like a shadow, a ghost... I'm nothingness.
It is okay to be upset. A lot of people used to say very off the cuff things to me about your First Love... and you know, I HATED with a passion at that time, of what people said to me. I just literally wanted to be cared for again and comforted. I mean, I didn't get that of course, cos friends cannot replace a lost love, which is the point. A love which you allowed into your heart hurts the most. I couldn't stop myself crying for days and days... To be honest, I cannot remember exactly now how I snapped out of it in the end. Maybe I did listen to the wisdom of my friends' words. Those who were like serial daters... and I used to hate being one of those, cos I am ME. I gave a lot in the relationship and I wanted a lot back too.

There can indeed be so many things that you could do to change the outcome, sure. But, the reality is, you did what you could, the best that you knew how. She also made a decision too. Well, from a bystander's viewpoint, she shouldn't have ended asap with you before jumping into the arms of another person, that is a bit wrong. Cos it does seem like she strung you along. Maybe she was not strong enough to steady her emotion too ? Sometimes when you feel so strongly for somebody, it is indeed better to slow down a little bit, reflect, bathe in the lightness of that relationship. If it is too much, too fast, demand too much attention, time, emotional energy.. and the other person do not respond back the same way, this hurts. It hurts A LOT.

Do whatever you feel is natural to you. Forget the pills. You are human afterall. For me, I sent letters. I apologised. I talked to my girlfriends. I wrote emails upon emails, and never sent them. I never took pills though. I still went to work. I still went out with friends, whenever I could muster my energy. The best memories were that, a few friends who I saw in a different light came forward and spoke the absolute truth about their own relationships to me, in my moment of needs. It really lifted me up a LOT. Cos it made me see that I also need to stay strong for them too, cos they were there for me, and loved me enough to tell me such close secrets of their own. It really inspired me and it let me view love, in another light too. Of who I feel close to, and why...

I truly liked pretty much everything of her... I just don't like her way of overreacting like this. I wish there were more things I didn't like, so I could think of them... we were too idealist and it was a too immature relationship I guess.
Well, you are learning about yourself. What makes you tick, and why you did not like her overreacting. It is how one becomes more mature. You have to be giving and taking as well.

Maybe you will find a replacement of someone exactly like her ! lol. I always found that icky... I used to see my friends do this a lot, they find an "almost exact" replicate of their ex. I found this a little bit disturbing, but it goes to show how our subconscious really calls for certain type of people to be into our lives. Maybe it's fate.


Well, we hadn't fought in a very long time... So I really didn't expect her to be so extreme. We were doing better than ever... so it's not like we were stuck...

I won't tell too many details on what we fought about and all that stuff...
If you were willing to listen and she was not willing to talk, then maybe the issue is of her not trusting you enough to open and to talk with you ?

I already put my self in her shoes and see a lot to blame in my self. I see I was the main source of problems in the relationship which makes me feel like shit, but I also see I was improving, doing better everyday, and I also see how she didn't tell me what problems she had with me and I also see she broke up with me in an extremely unexpected and harsh way. We had just fought probably twice in three months.
Even though everybody say things in anger, you got to hold onto that little light to see that you are not the sole cause of something. There are always a lot of different contributing factors too.

Holding back and then letting all go in one go, that is certainly a passive aggressive nature ! lol.. I used to be like that too with people I did not trust altogether too much. :x (To be honest, I did not even understand what "trust" meant...) My ex-gfs.. an INTJ and an ESFJ used to look at me and make me feel so bad about myself. I did not know at the time that they wanted me to be delivering every bit of details etc all of the time. I was way too sensitive, and I just knew I couldn't connect with them truthfully and whole-heartedly but I had no idea why. In the end, we just drifted cos I did not get what I needed from my relationship. We are still amicable in an arm's length kind of way... and be little bit supportive here and there of one another but no major dramas though...

Maybe in time, it will click in your mind why this girl is not right for you. These feelings, you have to explore in order to have closure and then really open your heart again to someone new. :) It will come... it will definitely come through.
 
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