[DBR]

Long story short:

Born entj. Dad left (must not burden mom). Bullied (retaliate; teacher thought i was violent). Nobody understand... So everyone else must be stupid!

Believe self to be introvert. Stop talking, stop having opinion, stop trying to control others. Feel worthless, incompetent.

Sometimes lashed out; a teacher almost cry.
Graduated. Can't keep a job. Not motivated to do anything.

I think i broke some gears, and now the whole machine stop running.

Help?

 

[Mr.Adrian]

This is something for a psychologist. I would recommend a good one.

One advise from me: stop being introvert and be extravert. Participate, give you opinion, get a cause to change the world and kick some ass!

And talk to your best friends would also help.

 

[Enfpleasantly]

Sounds like your confidence and self esteem has been broken down. Add up everything traumatic you mentioned, and it can leave a very heavy feeling of low self worth. This is where the saying "Love yourself first" comes into play. It sounds to me like you need major confidence rebuilding and the earlier you seek help, the better the outcome could be. I would look into therapy/counseling, and see your Dr. to rule out depression. I would also look into self help books, anything from overcoming abandonment to building confidence. You could even get audio books and listen to them as you drive if that would suit you better. Of course, if you are feelimg hopeless, please see your Dr. right away. Best of luck to you.

This is on building self esteem:
http://www.athealth.com/consumer/disorders/self-esteem.html

Overcoming abandonment:
http://www.abandonment.net/what-is-abandonment-recovery

 

[wiarumas]

Seek help.

Attitude can be controlled. Things that happened in the past do not represent the current and future situations. Nothing is holding you back other than yourself.

Try to get small wins in things that you control to build yourself up: start exercising, reading, etc.

 

[lightened]

you sound depressed. have you considered speaking to a professional about it?

 

[Thomas60]

Even though i'm a militant anti-depressionist (lol), for some reason being annoyed with myself when i'm feeling low isn't helping much xD I think it's more the solution-finding mentality, even if you are happy or down.

Its very difficult to pick yourself and change 'who you are' into a new mentality, when getting out of a rut. Mainly because to empirical experience, you have been lazy-demotivated etc. This is where I think we don't have as much control over our values as we'd like to think, it's usually the first set of values or ways to define our identity in a good way that we latch onto.

In many ways, individual behaviour is just like a cultural paradigm (the only difference is there is one person, instead of a group). Competent managers will seek to replace poisonous features of the old defective culture, and even moot or good features (simply to fortify the notion there is a new behavioural paradigm)

 

[Transcendence]

I believe the first step the OP can take towards recovery is to work on her self-awareness. To me, she doesn't seem like someone who's aware of how herself. I think she has a victim complex.

"The teacher thought I was violent"

Listen to me: It takes a lot of effort to make a grown-up break down and cry, especially at work.
I don't think you may be violent. I think you are passionately aggressive. It doesn't matter who started it, you should start thinking about how your actions affect others.