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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I'm finding that my stress levels don't fall unless I have 2 hours of uninterrupted time to myself which is pretty hard around my house. My ESFJ mom has a habit of bothering me every 15-30 minutes while I'm trying to relax and the end result is I don't get any rest. I end up feeling stressed out and frustrated because of it and she will not change her habits.

The worst part about it is I also get anxiety from trying to anticipate when she will decide to bother me next. So full relaxation is never reached and I'm left feeling drained.

I'm not looking for a solution but I'm wondering what everyone else's experience is when their "Recharge/Relax" time is interrupted.

Do you find that interruptions during time for "recharging" or "introversion" stresses you out?
 

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Not much to say. Just that yes, I can relate. Used to live with two extroverted parents - ESFJ and ENTJ. I think my biggest complaints were stupid expectations from them that didn't make sense or that they themselves did not live up to....mostly surrounding times to do things. For instance, why is it somehow superior to wake up an at earlier time? Also not respecting boundaries. Barging in a room before knocking etc. And then acting like nothing is out of place. Basically takes getting super angry for them to back off for a while. So, it annoys me just as much as it annoys you.
 

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For me, I think part of the problem is when those interruptions are incessant (like you mentioned every X minutes) or you just have this inner expectation of an interruption, but don't know when. Hard to say which is worse~

When I do things for others I like it all lumped together so I can "get it over with" and knock em all out. Once I get it all done though == fuck off for awhile.

When I visit my mom we'll always have some casual talk while she basically bosses me around to move this heavy plant there or get this off the top shelf and whatever. Once we say our good byes and I'm 20 minutes away she'll call and be like...

"how do you get this printer to print?" ... Why didn't you ask me when I was there?
"When is Dancing with the Stars?" ...I don't know. You watch it every single week at I assume the same time and I've never seen it once. Google it... "okay you Google it for me since you're much faster..." BURN IN HELL!
 

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I do need a significant amount of uninterrupted time to recharge- however, I think the bigger element for me is that it needs to be a span of time where I don't expect to be interrupted or that I'm so isolated that no one can reach me. Sometimes the anticipation of interruption is worse than the interruption itself. The anxiety of anyone can come in at any moment and now I can't relax is rough... So when my boyfriend isn't in the house and my cell is on silent, that's the best kind of time.

Also, I have to give my Swede credit. If I tell him not to bother me and lock myself in the office, he never bothers me. But he'll even bring me refills for my pint glass if I call. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
@Lad and @devsmess

I agree that the anticipation of being bothered is worse because it puts you in a state of tension for a long period of time. Of course what will happen is you finally relax after a period of time and something bothers you JUST as you start getting settled in. :angry:

When I do things for others I like it all lumped together so I can "get it over with" and knock em all out. Once I get it all done though == fuck off for awhile.
This is precisely my mindset when I'm doing things. While I don't mind doing the tasks, I want to get them done as quickly and efficiently as possible. I get really frustrated when someone else wastes my time by doing things slowly, getting side tracked or adding extra things that they didn't mention upfront.
 

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I'm finding that my stress levels don't fall unless I have 2 hours of uninterrupted time to myself which is pretty hard around my house. My ESFJ mom has a habit of bothering me every 15-30 minutes while I'm trying to relax and the end result is I don't get any rest. I end up feeling stressed out and frustrated because of it and she will not change her habits.

The worst part about it is I also get anxiety from trying to anticipate when she will decide to bother me next. So full relaxation is never reached and I'm left feeling drained.

I'm not looking for a solution but I'm wondering what everyone else's experience is when their "Recharge/Relax" time is interrupted.

Do you find that interruptions during time for "recharging" or "introversion" stresses you out?
I know exactly what you mean! With me it's so bad that when I hear someone going up the stairs (my room is upstairs) that I get startled and get stressed until the person is downstairs again. It's really messing me up.
 

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Yup Yes Absolutely.

Growing up I would stay in my bedroom reading until 10pm or 1am to come out raiding the fridge for dinner. My mother gave up trying to get me to eat dinner at dinner time. I just have to be alone after school to detox. Thankfully my parents were relaxed about eating together as a family. Our dinner is like a buffet, open from 5pm to 9pm.



I second @StableSun35. Having my own place is how I stay sane all these years. I had my own bedroom when under the parents's thumb. Later in college and beyond I rented a bedroom in people's houses (not room and board, just room; I cooked my own meals). My landlords were nice enough not to bother me. I have been having my own place since my 30s. One day when I am in the nursing home I hope I can still afford my own room. Doesn't matter if it's closet size, as long as it has a door I can seal off the outside world.....
 

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@chanteuse YES! I agree...so important to have a door to close and no one outside it to interrupt.
Absolutely!!! I don't even like to share a tent. I bought a REI one-person tent so that I don't have to share (even if I have to carry the 3lb weight myself).


The only exception is when I die, I don't want to be buried in a box. I was to be cremated and scattered, to be free with the wind, sun, and the moon.
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Yup Yes Absolutely.

Growing up I would stay in my bedroom reading until 10pm or 1am to come out raiding the fridge for dinner. My mother gave up trying to get me to eat dinner at dinner time. I just have to be alone after school to detox. Thankfully my parents were relaxed about eating together as a family. Our dinner is like a buffet, open from 5pm to 9pm.



I second @StableSun35. Having my own place is how I stay sane all these years. I had my own bedroom when under the parents's thumb. Later in college and beyond I rented a bedroom in people's houses (not room and board, just room; I cooked my own meals). My landlords were nice enough not to bother me. I have been having my own place since my 30s. One day when I am in the nursing home I hope I can still afford my own room. Doesn't matter if it's closet size, as long as it has a door I can seal off the outside world.....
I thought I was being weird for not eating at the supper table. In the last year I've found I need to eat alone and recharge after I get home from work. I find that eating with my parents is a stressful thing and the conversation wears me out rather than picks me up. I'm glad they haven't been pressuring me to eat with them.
@StableSun35
I unfortunately cannot move out right now due to financial reasons but plan to move when I can. Having the peace of mind that no one can disturb my alone time would go a long way to reducing my stress levels.
 

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I thought I was being weird for not eating at the supper table. In the last year I've found I need to eat alone and recharge after I get home from work. I find that eating with my parents is a stressful thing and the conversation wears me out rather than picks me up. I'm glad they haven't been pressuring me to eat with them.
@StableSun35
I unfortunately cannot move out right now due to financial reasons but plan to move when I can. Having the peace of mind that no one can disturb my alone time would go a long way to reducing my stress levels.
Not weird at all! I'd get ulcer and be obese if I have to eat with people very night from not concentrating on the food but on conversing. Whenever I eat with people I tend to over eat because I'd fail to notice how full I am.


Hopefully you will be flushed enough soon to move into your own place, even a single apartment unit is heaven.
 

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It is one thing I struggle with, living with an extrovert.

While he's good about giving me time in the evenings, if we've got a socially packed weekend, I usually want an entire day the next weekend off to recover. Partway through the day, he gets stir-crazy and wants to go out or invite people over.

We usually hit a pretty good equilibrium point, but it's hard to explain to an extrovert just how desperate the feeling is when you're overtaxed socially. The bored/antsy mood he gets in when understimulated isn't the same thing.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
It is one thing I struggle with, living with an extrovert.

While he's good about giving me time in the evenings, if we've got a socially packed weekend, I usually want an entire day the next weekend off to recover. Partway through the day, he gets stir-crazy and wants to go out or invite people over.

We usually hit a pretty good equilibrium point, but it's hard to explain to an extrovert just how desperate the feeling is when you're overtaxed socially. The bored/antsy mood he gets in when understimulated isn't the same thing.
Perhaps he should go out on his own? Part of being together is also knowing you're two separate people who have different needs that the other cannot always fulfill.

Perhaps a club? or a weekend organization of some sort that he can get his socializing fix from?

I know what the need to talk to people feels like. I always get the itch when I have strong emotions and if I can't get them out by talking to someone I feel trapped.
 
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