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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
this is the thing. I am not so much concerned with keeping other people "out" of my life as i am with putting up walls and protective layers to keep myself "in". that is... i welcome and want others in my life, but i feel like i am always trying to contain myself.

i know a part of this is because i was deeply hurt by people i trusted and loved in the last year. no matter how much i rationalize it out, i find myself being fearful of "letting myself out". with these people, i was criticized for who i was and constantly condemned for not doing things the way they did, and eventually rejected. however, i'm not distrustful of others or spiteful of people i haven't met yet. this is what i mean in that i don't build walls to keep people OUT- i welcome and want them in my life. I have a high Fe I think so i always want to have good, strong interpersonal relationships with people. but I see myself building walls to hold myself back and to not let myself out. it's a weird dynamic. it's been embedded into my mind that i will be rejected for who i am and i need to contain myself to make sure others won't reject me. but, i am naturally inclined to seek out people, and then there's a part of me that's pulling me back ... so i feel this constant yoyo going on- where i am naturally seeking out people and making bonds, but the entire time, i feel discomfort like things are suspended in the air, and i know it's a matter of time before the yoyo is pulled back.


okay sorry for that long post... but does anyone relate to this?
 

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Yup. I identify. Push-pull, push-pull, push-pull, it is never ending. I suspect you're seeking that special someone to come join you on the your side of the wall, so you need to reach out to other people, to allow them to get close enough for an open audition, as it were, before you decide just how close you will let them get to you.

You'd be surprised just how much these lyrics of the Pink Floyd song Wish You Were Here go round and round in my head on a daily basis:

"Did you exchange
A walk-on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish
How I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Living in a fish bowl
Year after year.
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears."

Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here - Lyrics Meaning - Song Descriptions, Song Meanings, Music Videos
 

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Yeah definatley.

I had to start trying hard to look the situation from other people's perspective.

"i was criticized for who i was and constantly condemned for not doing things the way they did, and eventually rejected."

It is possible that you have met some genuine jerks. I don't doubt that, BUT I would be willing to bet that in several of the cases that you are refering to that people did not UNDERSTAND you.

If a man were to run around naked and to start flapping his arms like a bird, he would be criticized for not being all there. And I think some of the stuff that we might do may make about as much sense to some people as he would. The idea of introverts getting energy from within sounds absurd to some of the people I've talked to about it. And also, I've noticed that no matter how interesting Myers-Briggs may seem to me, it is not that interesting to other people I've that I have tried to discuss it with. People will tune me out just as I would tune them out if they were talking about the weather.

So this is kind of how I look at it now:

Some Hispanic people may not want to learn how to speak English. So if I live in Mexico, and I need to communicate with Hispanic people, I will have to learn to speak Spanish. And there is no reason for me to feel like a trator to my country for speaking to them on a level that they are comfortable with and that makes sense to them.

I think you would be happier if you weren't so self-contained. I know I have been. I am still bouncing back and forth between Ni and Fe, but I mostly use Ni when I'm by myself. INFJs don't have to fit all of the traits that are typically associated with introverts. We are the ones that are most likely to be mistaken for extroverts, which is not at all a bad thing, I think. As long as we are happy and confident and grounded just a little in reality, I think we can have an awesome life. It DOES NOT have to be all gloom and doom. There is no law that says INFJs have to be miserable all the time.
 

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I have the same fears. I find that there are people out there, where if bad things were to happen, it would be alright. You could always fix the situation. Their character, as a foundation, is solid and good.. you can trust it.

I think you are wise doing what you are doing --it will just allow things to unfold in time. There's no need to try. Time will always tell.

I could go into it a little more, but maybe you know what I mean.
 

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I do the same thing as well or similar at least. I spend a lot of time isolated. I know as well that there are a lot of good people in the world. I see them through their true selves and am not always aware of hidden agendas seeing people first as who they truly are. This leaves me open, oftentimes to my detriment.
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
see a part of this is that i don't want to be self-contained but i cannot help it. it's like the yoyo. even if you want it to stay suspended you know and feel the tug of the string pulling you back.

linus i agree, things will unfold in time. with most people the walls are okay. the self-containment is ok. i just let nature run its course and time will tell. the problem happens when my Fe acts up and i like someone, whether as a friend a teacher or a romantic interest. then that's when i really struggle with this yoyo, like there's more force (that i send out from within) that sends out the yoyo stronger and swifter, but the pull back is even more swifter and stronger. and that's why i use the yoyo example because even IF i wanted to stay suspended and out in the open and NOT be self contained, there's something so internally programmed into me that i am automatically pulling myself back.
 

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A habit will not be able to be broken overnight. You are attempting to outwill your ego. Don't give up hope. Keep putting yourself out there in the hope that one day your yoyo string isn't tugged back quite as forcefully as it once was. All you can do is try.
 

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see a part of this is that i don't want to be self-contained but i cannot help it. it's like the yoyo. even if you want it to stay suspended you know and feel the tug of the string pulling you back.

linus i agree, things will unfold in time. with most people the walls are okay. the self-containment is ok. i just let nature run its course and time will tell. the problem happens when my Fe acts up and i like someone, whether as a friend a teacher or a romantic interest. then that's when i really struggle with this yoyo, like there's more force (that i send out from within) that sends out the yoyo stronger and swifter, but the pull back is even more swifter and stronger. and that's why i use the yoyo example because even IF i wanted to stay suspended and out in the open and NOT be self contained, there's something so internally programmed into me that i am automatically pulling myself back.
You told me before that you can act like an ENFJ when you are happy.

I'm not saying to that you need to be completley UN-self-contained. I'm not sure if that is possible, but that Fe of yours can help you get out of the shell from time to time, and if you are careful enough, you don't have to be off in your own world while you are in front of most other people.

Personally, I think I am still kind of a turtle, but the head is poking out of my shell most of the time when I'm not alone. And even if it is in there while I'm in public, like when people are being boring and not paying attention to me, I have a "false head" to give the illusion that it is poking out. lol
 

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Yup. I identify. Push-pull, push-pull, push-pull, it is never ending. I suspect you're seeking that special someone to come join you on the your side of the wall, so you need to reach out to other people, to allow them to get close enough for an open audition, as it were, before you decide just how close you will let them get to you.

You'd be surprised just how much these lyrics of the Pink Floyd song Wish You Were Here go round and round in my head on a daily basis:

"Did you exchange
A walk-on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish
How I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Living in a fish bowl
Year after year.
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears."

Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here - Lyrics Meaning - Song Descriptions, Song Meanings, Music Videos
Ok , kateykinz...get out of my head...these lyrics have hit me for as long as I can remember! :tongue: :crazy:
I was just 14 yrs. old and pretty damn mixed up, when Wish You Were Here came out. My world dramatically changed for the worse at that time, as if it wasn't bad enough already.
That verse has stayed with me; eventhough, I have changed through the years and have found peace...balance. Thank goodness! Don't get me wrong; I still stumble but come back to my center. :happy:
 

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curious0610, yes ma'm, I do know what you mean. I have felt like a yo-yo has you have explained many many times. How to get through is a tough question to answer...half the battle is to know what you feel...the other half will follow in time. All I can really say is that you will get through as you allow yourself to do so...walk through your emotions...there is nothing wrong with that. That is how I do it. I wish I had the words to tell you more, but I don't. Except, you know and understand your feelings, and to me that is the best place to start. I hope this somehow helps.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 · (Edited)
A habit will not be able to be broken overnight. You are attempting to outwill your ego. Don't give up hope. Keep putting yourself out there in the hope that one day your yoyo string isn't tugged back quite as forcefully as it once was. All you can do is try.
Thanks - i will continue to keep putting myself out there. I guess all i can do IS to just TRY.

When I am in a healthy, happy mood (in other words: not in this stressful job with all these stressful projects coming up), i tend to be a very quiet ENFJ if that even makes sense. i know i'm introverted cause i need to recharge on my own somewhere, by myself and have alone time. but I definitely feel that strong Fe in my interactions with others.

right now is just hermit phrase for me
 
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