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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
To put it short, someone named John who is in my social group has attempted to inflict emotional pain upon me 7 times. I won't go through all times and all details, I'll just give you ISTJs the gist of what's going on. The first time John made a personal attack was at a night club, the first time I met him. He came up to me and whispered in my ear "your shirt is 10x too big for you and you look like an absolute loser -- just being honest". I can guarantee you my shirt was not too big, and, yes, that's besides the point. John is an ESTJ. I've only tried to keep things civil, but it has proven to be quite the endeavour. Without digressing further, the last personal attack he has made on me isn't as bad as the others, but it's the one I'm focusing on and am asking advice on what course of action to take. To fill you in, John has commented to a social media post of my social group in a needless, poignant way. Out of boredom, I asked as a joke "Ruin a date with only 5 words" with the intention to get a thread of giggles occuring, to which John responded " Adam Bristol " ... That isn't so bad... but the consistency has hit me hard... I don't know what to do, and I feel like I want to knock his teeth out, although I've never been in a physical fight at all.

Please put your feet in my shoes and tell me how you would conduct yourself in this situation.
What should I do?
 

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Funny how people almost always type the bullies ESTJ, ENTJ or ESTP.

This has nothing to do with a personality type, this is just general bullying. For some reason, sick people like him get a kick out of causing pain to others. If people like him are in your social group, then maybe you should find a group with better people.

I know how irritating it is, they always have a way to make you look like a fool. My defense was my strength which held them at bay for quite a bit of time. But that fear wained too and eventually the sharks will be back for more. My solution was simple: I found different people to hang out with. The safest bet is usually the group of nerds, since they know how it feels to be picked on.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
Feeling has me considering to sarcastically respond " John, even though you're a vile moron, if you ever need to talk about your desolate life, I am always here for you bro"... But it will probably just make matters worst, but I am completely intolerant now, and I am not like most INFPs; I have a very developed Te with which I exhibit a very strong aura of confidence. I'm not scared of the peasant, but that said, I know such consideration is more likely to lead to negative ramifications. focus on negative energy is not a good focus .... I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE...

But I don't want to lose my friends because some pathetic moron has entered my life; that's for sure.
 

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Feeling has me considering to respond " John, even though you're a vile moron, if you ever need to talk about your desolate life, I am always here for you"... But it will probably just make matters worst, but I am completely intolerant now, and I am not like most INFPs; I have a very developed Te with which I exhibit a very strong aura of confidence. I'm not scared of the peasant, but that said, I know such consideration is more likely to lead to negative ramifications. focus on negative energy is not a good focus .... I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE...
I know what you mean. I was a fun loving easy going dude in the beginning. But I soon learned that this attitude appeared weak which they reacted to. So when I thickened my hide I was even told to be emotionless and like a machine. They did make me much stronger, but at what cost? Honestly, I don't have a clear-cut answer for you, since I myself didn't have one in my years. One might suggest battling his words with your own, but if this is not part of your nature, it will never happen.

EDIT: This thread might help you. http://personalitycafe.com/infp-forum-idealists/6676-infp-how-handle-bullies.html
 

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If you're afraid of losing your friends on account of this moron, then they might not be the friends that you think they are. Your friends should be able to see through his bullshit, and if they can't or won't, then it's time to get some different friends and engage in different activities. As far as the bully, unless you are forced to interact with him in a professional setting, cut him out and be done with him.
 

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To put it short, someone named John who is in my social group has attempted to inflict emotional pain upon me 7 times. I won't go through all times and all details, I'll just give you ISTJs the gist of what's going on. The first time John made a personal attack was at a night club, the first time I met him. He came up to me and whispered in my ear "your shirt is 10x too big for you and you look like an absolute loser -- just being honest". I can guarantee you my shirt was not too big, and, yes, that's besides the point. John is an ESTJ. I've only tried to keep things civil, but it has proven to be quite the endeavour. Without digressing further, the last personal attack he has made on me isn't as bad as the others, but it's the one I'm focusing on and am asking advice on what course of action to take. To fill you in, John has commented to a social media post of my social group in a needless, poignant way. Out of boredom, I asked as a joke "Ruin a date with only 5 words" with the intention to get a thread of giggles occuring, to which John responded " ******* " ... That isn't so bad... but the consistency has hit me hard... I don't know what to do, and I feel like I want to knock his teeth out, although I've never been in a physical fight at all.

Please put your feet in my shoes and tell me how you would conduct yourself in this situation.
What should I do?
I'm sorry to hear of your situation.

Now, I'm not sure how you came to the conclusion that the guy is an ESTJ, so you might like to elaborate on how you came to the conclusion he is an ESTJ. Besides, since you typed John as ESTJ, can you explain why you placed this on the ISTJ forum?

As far as the STJs are concerned, we tend to view your problem as "asshole making life difficult for you." Of course, our desired objective is to make him stop, or else destroy him. Now, since I don't see any context or much description about this John, so it's hard to suggest a course of action.

Oh, you might also want to edit your profile and post so that your real name isn't there. Cyberbullying is a problem that you could do without.

Depending on the context, there are many other ways of making life difficult for him, but I guess we would rather not do that except if talking fails. Avoid physical fights at all cost.
 

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I'm sorry to hear of your situation.

Now, I'm not sure how you came to the conclusion that the guy is an ESTJ, so you might like to elaborate on how you came to the conclusion he is an ESTJ. Besides, since you typed John as ESTJ, can you explain why you placed this on the ISTJ forum?

As far as the STJs are concerned, we tend to view your problem as "asshole making life difficult for you." Of course, our desired objective is to make him stop, or else destroy him. Now, since I don't see any context or much description about this John, so it's hard to suggest a course of action.

Oh, you might also want to edit your profile and post so that your real name isn't there. Cyberbullying is a problem that you could do without.

Depending on the context, there are many other ways of making life difficult for him, but I guess we would rather not do that except if talking fails. Avoid physical fights at all cost.
TJs: Destroying their opposition since forever. :p
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Epicyclic, I've been studying MBTI with fascination for three years; I've bought the book by Isabell Myers " Gifts Diffring" which encompasses
the breadth of the 16 types and their order of conscious and unconscious cognitive functions in extreme detail.


I know that John is ESTJ because his predisposition of consistency of behaviour has consecutively exhibited the conscious cognitive function order of ESTJ, which is
1.Te 2.Si 3.Ne and 4.Fi.


I made such post in the ISTJ forum for two reasons. 1. because the conscious cognitive function orer is close to the same. Thus, they will be more analogous to each other than other types and 2.
ISTJs have always given me some, if not the best, advice.


I understand some context is lacking, but I think I've given all information that is necessary. For that reason, what else do you want to know about John?
He is a little older than most people in the social group. He has no one close to him (like really close) but his brother;
I have observed this as a fact since I've spent countless hours within his presence, only to merely see him torment and scorn other people withing miscellaneous scoial groups.
I know what you're thinking " oh, the sensitive INFP probably doesn't know that he is just joking"...
Well, let me just say that the lines that get crossed are undoubrtedly beyond questioning. You have to be there to understand.


Thank you for the profile-editing advice; Adam Bristol is not my real name.


I've been a extremely tranquil person my whole life, and all, for the most part, I want is peace too.


But, as I've said, the consistency has reached a level which is messing with me; as if my fundamantal constituents are being
manipulated by an exotic bandwith.


Here is a poem that I wrote in anger recently.
Before you read it, do know I've been counselled for 6 months and am working on living through this appropriately.




" Anger, anger,
an explosive emotion I not only feel,
but also release from time to time without consciousness's reel,
without knowing my pumping adrenaline is faster than a canoe on speed row,
like someone's pushed the button and let the whole thing blow!
Get down."
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I've removed such person from all social media and have strived for as much distance possible for some time.


Thank you for all questions you asked yesterday, Quierta. I did answer them in great detail, but the message didn't send properly.
nonetheless, i will reanswer, but don't mistake my brevity as a flippant response, for most friends within such social group have had ties cut.
I have put your questions in the following quotation marks below with my response outside of the quotation marks:


"That is, is it possible for you to hang out with your other friends without this person" No, I only used to see my exfriends on weekends, and that is the time that such person would too socialise.


"Do you have any indication whether or not the other people see this behavior in him? "


Yes, they've seen such behaviour evidently scorned upon me more than twice.


"Is there anyone that you can trust enough to confide in?"


No, my walls are at a high altitude; I don't trust anyone in that group anymore.


The confide approach you suggested yesterday was a brilliant idea, and I am truly grateful for the thought you put into answering my post.


I am sorry you too had to deal with a verbally abusive person for close to one year. That could not have been easy.


Once again, thank you for the response; it was some of the, if not the best advice I've been given.


As I've said, the consistency had reached a level which is messing with me; as if my fundamantal constituents are being
manipulated by an exotic bandwith, but it will no longer be given the opportunity to make detriment.


Here is a poem that I wrote in anger recently.
Before you read it, do know I've been counselled for 6 months and am working on living through this appropriately.


" Anger, anger,
an explosive emotion I not only feel,
but also release from time to time without consciousness's reel,
without knowing my pumping adrenaline is faster than a canoe on speed row,
like someone's pushed the button and let the whole thing blow!
Get down."
 

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I know that John is ESTJ because his predisposition of consistency of behaviour has consecutively exhibited the conscious cognitive function order of ESTJ, which is
1.Te 2.Si 3.Ne and 4.Fi.

He is a little older than most people in the social group. He has no one close to him (like really close) but his brother; I have observed this as a fact since I've spent countless hours within his presence, only to merely see him torment and scorn other people withing miscellaneous scoial groups.
I might not agree with that, based on what you have said, his behaviour doesn't seem like an ESTJ. Why:

1. An STJ would be big on getting things done.
2. Consistency of behaviour isn't just limited to STJs. Take brushing teeth and taking a bath regularly for example. Last I heard, these weren't limited to ESTJs only.
3. An ESTJ would have friends. Based on what you described, your guy John does not seem like an extrovert at all. Just saying.

Try asking in the SP or NT forum? Or maybe even check the symptoms of autism or whatever.

I made such post in the ISTJ forum for two reasons. 1. because the conscious cognitive function orer is close to the same. Thus, they will be more analogous to each other than other types and 2. ISTJs have always given me some, if not the best, advice.
I might not agree with 1, but whatever.

I understand some context is lacking, but I think I've given all information that is necessary. For that reason, what else do you want to know about John?
The purpose of asking you point blank why is to challenge your assumptions. The rational mind often serves as a front for the subconscious, and well, MBTI, like any other theory is often misused by people to justify their assumptions.

Why we want to know about John: so that we can better deal with him. Or else, we wouldn't care either.

I know what you're thinking " oh, the sensitive INFP probably doesn't know that he is just joking"... Well, let me just say that the lines that get crossed are undoubrtedly beyond questioning. You have to be there to understand.
Don't assume. Maybe you might have looked through my post history and seen the posts I make, but no, I don't have this assumption.

Adam Bristol is not my real name.
Good.

I've been a extremely tranquil person my whole life, and all, for the most part, I want is peace too.
That's what most of us ISTJs want too. Peace and quiet. However, it never happens.

But, as I've said, the consistency has reached a level which is messing with me; as if my fundamantal constituents are being manipulated by an exotic bandwith.
Well, you can do something about it. Good thing that you have started.
 

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This is what I am going to respond with " Vile morons these days. *waggles index finger* You're supposed to write 5 words, peasant. Just for the special snowflake, I'll demonstrate below.



Double date with John Stennet?"

What do you think?
Adam - this is a brilliant response "Double date with John Stennet?". It diffuses the situation while at the same time showing you can bounce and hold your own. I would avoid the negative/hostile preface you wrote, though because then you let him win by showing that he got to you. You beat a bully by confidently but tactfully saying/showing that you won't tolerate being treated badly.
 

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Though I'm a wanderer in this part of the forums, I recommend you either ask him firmly to stop (it's sounds idealistic, but sometimes letting the person know that you dislike his irritating conversation is helpful to stopping the problem) or ditch him to find better friends...
 

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@Adam Bristol, I think you said that you blocked him from social media - that's good.

I also agree with @Sela about not hanging out with people who think it's OK to behave like that (if they are not condemning, they are condoning).

Hang out with us - we have quite a few INFPs here. We'll be your friends until you find new ones in real life.

It's also OK to look him in the eye when he's said something asinine, and say loudly and clearly: "That's not acceptable behavior."

If the others then tell you to lighten up, you'll know where you stand with them. If his response is also inappropriate, dump a glass of ice water in his lap.

Seriously, it's OK. It's OK to have standards. It's OK to stand up to jerks. Life is too short to put up with such things.

{hug}
 

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If the others then tell you to lighten up, you'll know where you stand with them.
Agreed. My first thought was that if I heard some jackass telling me to 'lighten up', my reply would be "GROW UP" before immediately leaving the area. Life's too short to put up with that sort of crap.
 

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*IF* he is an ESTJ, then he will appreciate blunt confrontation of an issue. Transparent, open, and honest discussion is in your best interest. Or, you could just knock his teeth out.

:p
 
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