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Discussion Starter #1
Disclaimer: I'm new to the MBTI personality concept.

I'll be the first to admit my love life hasn't been ideal. But being an 18 year old girl, one would think I would find at least a little excitement in flirting with new guys, right?

(Note: I'm not attracted to girls, so that's not the problem.)

At school and in town, guys often start flirting with me and try to get me to meet up or get my number. I play along usually, but I really don't get any satisfaction out of it. The practical me is always nagging in the back of my mind that I don't know this person and should be careful. (Having overprotective parents doesn't help.)

Even with guys I've been in relationships with, compliments or flirty conversations never give me the butterflies. I see through everything. Sometimes they're sincere, but most of the time they're just trying to flatter me. I get annoyed by that.

The one guy who has ever really got me excited lives five states away. We met through a mutual friend on Facebook. Anyway, what gets me going about him is the fact that he's incredibly intelligent without being arrogant or egotistical. He doesn't give me unfounded compliments and doesn't fish for them from me. I find that to be a virtue. (I'm pretty certain he is an INTP as well.)

I get frustrated and restless with my friends because they are not nearly as open-minded to new ideas or curious about the world as I am. I NEED mental stimulation. I've turned to psychoanalyzing them to keep myself from being totally bored when I'm with them. Occasionally I'll attempt to bring something up that could be a decent conversation. (What do you think about....? Have you ever wondered...? etc.) All I get is a blank stare, a shrug, or something mumbled that's indecipherable.

Back on track.

Is being almost apathetic to these kinds of things an INTP trait, or am I just destined to be an old maid?

What makes you interested in people romantically? How do you keep your love life going?

Discuss.
 

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The last two crushes I have had were on the idea of being drum major of my marching band three years ago and then a few days ago on the game Humans versus Zombies.
I don't get butterflies about boys.
My parents raised me to honestly believe that they had done nothing wrong ever. Because of this, I have never been drunk, on a date, tried drugs, etc. I thought this level of innocence was normal. It's not.
I'm awesome at flirting until I realize what's going on, and then I freak out. This realization takes approximately .5 seconds, not allowing me a good amount of time for a positive first impression.
And I've only had one guy who really seemed perfect too. But it was an unfeasible relationship.

Sorry for the lack of advice... but you're not alone. It may be an INTP thing, but I'm not sure.

Nothing in particular gets me interested in someone. If a guy can sneak up on me and I don't realize that we're flirting, when I'm stewing over everything that happened later that night and realize what's going on, I can't help but admire him for his clever behavior. It's endearing, and makes me want to talk to him again. Unfortunately, I know what's up the next time, so I either wont talk to him or... no, actually I just freak out and get all ice queen on him. Poor men. I feel bad.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
The last two crushes I have had were on the idea of being drum major of my marching band three years ago and then a few days ago on the game Humans versus Zombies.
I don't get butterflies about boys.
My parents raised me to honestly believe that they had done nothing wrong ever. Because of this, I have never been drunk, on a date, tried drugs, etc. I thought this level of innocence was normal. It's not.
I'm awesome at flirting until I realize what's going on, and then I freak out. This realization takes approximately .5 seconds, not allowing me a good amount of time for a positive first impression.
And I've only had one guy who really seemed perfect too. But it was an unfeasible relationship.

Sorry for the lack of advice... but you're not alone. It may be an INTP thing, but I'm not sure.

Nothing in particular gets me interested in someone. If a guy can sneak up on me and I don't realize that we're flirting, when I'm stewing over everything that happened later that night and realize what's going on, I can't help but admire him for his clever behavior. It's endearing, and makes me want to talk to him again. Unfortunately, I know what's up the next time, so I either wont talk to him or... no, actually I just freak out and get all ice queen on him. Poor men. I feel bad.
My parents are the same way.

My last relationship ended because he became too clingy, obsessive almost. He was so overly emotional I couldn't handle it. I can control my emotions so well, I sometimes forget other people don't have the same ability. That wasn't the only reason I ended it, but a major one.

I freak out when people get too close to me. I let them in to a certain point, but once they go past that, the walls come down and I don't want anything to do with them. I think it's because in the past the people I've let past that barrier have completely crushed me.
 

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For the very same reasons, I don't "flirt" casually. I just feel as if it's a cheap way to attract the opposite sex and I also dislike it when people flirt with me. I can usually see right through it.

However, my friends had accused me before of "flirting with so-and-so" when I'm not even trying to flirt. :/ I guess being myself can count as flirting sometimes.

The only circumstances in which I'll flirt is when I am very interested in someone and he's interested in me too. Other than that, I only flirt with my boyfriend.
 

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I freak out when people get too close to me. I let them in to a certain point, but once they go past that, the walls come down and I don't want anything to do with them. I think it's because in the past the people I've let past that barrier have completely crushed me.
I haven't had any emotional damage to speak of. And I don't really have a barrier, because I don't have a secret arsenal of emotions stashed way inside of my soul. I either like a guy or I don't, and if I do, chances are I'll never willingly speak to hm, because I have no idea what to do. I never went through the preteen crash course in hormones and how to begin a relationship. And I over think EVERYTHING, so it's not like I have low confidence, I just think of him flirting with me, and I start panicking. "What am I doing? Why ME? I'm an out-of-the-closet-jerkface, and he wants to talk to me anyway?"

If guys were brave enough to try getting with me anymore, I'd have to be like, "Why in the world do you want to date me? I'm just curious" And they'd go "uhhhh uh uhhh uh NEVERMIND."

I have mastered the art of the turn-off, however. I'm attractive enough, but something about me tells guys to stay the heck away. I half love it and half hate it.
 

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Well first off I'm a dude, so my answer may or may not be as relevant as a girl's, but I've found the only time I get the "butterflies" feeling is when I find a girl who uses her brain. I don't care how physically attractive a girl is, if she hasn't already demonstrated to me that she's using what's between her ears, she can do whatever she wants. I won't care.

Casual flirting makes absolutely no sense to me either, so I definitely see where you're coming from with that. There have only been 2 girls so far (i'm 19) who gave me "butterflies" and it was because I knew that they were intelligent enough to make an educated, logical decision about how they felt about someone... and they had feelings for me. That was amazing... but if they'd been your average bimbo, I wouldn't have cared at all.

As for intellectual stimulation.... YES!!! Ever since I started going to this stupid state university, there has been very little intellectual stimulation at all. All anyone wants to talk about is the game or girls.... I mean come on, I wanna talk about the universe! lol.... but no one gets it. Unfortunately, we're a rare breed and sometimes it's difficult to find friends who match, let alone someone who can make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Just keep looking and be patient. He'll come around sooner or later, ^_^
 

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I get frustrated and restless with my friends because they are not nearly as open-minded to new ideas or curious about the world as I am. I NEED mental stimulation. I've turned to psychoanalyzing them to keep myself from being totally bored when I'm with them. Occasionally I'll attempt to bring something up that could be a decent conversation. (What do you think about....? Have you ever wondered...? etc.) All I get is a blank stare, a shrug, or something mumbled that's indecipherable.
Same here.
:dry:

Back on track.

Is being almost apathetic to these kinds of things an INTP trait, or am I just destined to be an old maid?
THe more I think, the more likely I think I am to stay single my whole life. We can get on well with a ridiculously small number of people and we, of course, usually know a ridiculously small number of people, as well. You do the math.

What makes you interested in people romantically?
Ideas, intellect. Non-childish behaviour.
How do you keep your love life going?
Obviously, I don't. What a silly question!:crazy:
THe problem is that while I can force myself to flirt (and I think I have it harder b/c I'm male, no offense), I feel too awkward. Expressing my emotions and romantic intent to another person is just too hard. I'm having that kind of problem now! Damnit!
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I haven't had any emotional damage to speak of. And I don't really have a barrier, because I don't have a secret arsenal of emotions stashed way inside of my soul. I either like a guy or I don't, and if I do, chances are I'll never willingly speak to hm, because I have no idea what to do. I never went through the preteen crash course in hormones and how to begin a relationship. And I over think EVERYTHING, so it's not like I have low confidence, I just think of him flirting with me, and I start panicking. "What am I doing? Why ME? I'm an out-of-the-closet-jerkface, and he wants to talk to me anyway?"

If guys were brave enough to try getting with me anymore, I'd have to be like, "Why in the world do you want to date me? I'm just curious" And they'd go "uhhhh uh uhhh uh NEVERMIND."

I have mastered the art of the turn-off, however. I'm attractive enough, but something about me tells guys to stay the heck away. I half love it and half hate it.
I always wonder why guys like me. Not because I'm fishing for compliments or anything, I'm genuinely interested. Maybe it's just a self-confidence issue, who knows.

Well first off I'm a dude, so my answer may or may not be as relevant as a girl's, but I've found the only time I get the "butterflies" feeling is when I find a girl who uses her brain. I don't care how physically attractive a girl is, if she hasn't already demonstrated to me that she's using what's between her ears, she can do whatever she wants. I won't care.

Casual flirting makes absolutely no sense to me either, so I definitely see where you're coming from with that. There have only been 2 girls so far (i'm 19) who gave me "butterflies" and it was because I knew that they were intelligent enough to make an educated, logical decision about how they felt about someone... and they had feelings for me. That was amazing... but if they'd been your average bimbo, I wouldn't have cared at all.

As for intellectual stimulation.... YES!!! Ever since I started going to this stupid state university, there has been very little intellectual stimulation at all. All anyone wants to talk about is the game or girls.... I mean come on, I wanna talk about the universe! lol.... but no one gets it. Unfortunately, we're a rare breed and sometimes it's difficult to find friends who match, let alone someone who can make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Just keep looking and be patient. He'll come around sooner or later, ^_^
I appreciate a guy's perspective too. Thanks for the reply! :)

I get excited when I learn something new, and I love to tell anyone who will listen about it too. For example, when I learned how the periodic table of elements was set up and organized, it was like I had an epiphany! I wanted to tell everyone. But finding someone who's interested in electron configuration... well, you know. Hard to come by. :tongue:

Part of my "problem" is that a relationship isn't a priority in my life right now. I'm not looking for a random hookup or fling, I want the real deal. If the right person comes along who wants the same thing, then of course I'd be willing to go for it. But I'm focused on school and becoming financially independent first. Guys (especially around the same age as me) find that a hard concept to wrap their heads around. Of course I'd love to have someone, but I'm okay with not.

Same here.
:dry:


THe more I think, the more likely I think I am to stay single my whole life. We can get on well with a ridiculously small number of people and we, of course, usually know a ridiculously small number of people, as well. You do the math.


Ideas, intellect. Non-childish behaviour.

Obviously, I don't. What a silly question!:crazy:
THe problem is that while I can force myself to flirt (and I think I have it harder b/c I'm male, no offense), I feel too awkward. Expressing my emotions and romantic intent to another person is just too hard. I'm having that kind of problem now! Damnit!
I can turn on my charm quite well, and when I want it to, it works. But yeah, I'm not into the pointless flirting. Especially when it's sugar-coated. Like when a guy calls me "baby." -shudder-

Just today this guy in my chemistry class told me he broke up with his girlfriend, and then said "so now you can tell me what you really think of me."

Who, me?! Talk about feelings? Good god, no! And I don't know what I think of what I had for breakfast, let alone what I think of someone!
 

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the last time I got butterflies was on an amusement park ride.

human interactions are supposed to give me butterflies? ugh, do not want.
 

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I believe what you feel is normal. From my experience, the guys who are most proficient at flirting are those who are the least attractive partners. I'm not really that easily fascinated by bullshitters. Men can be incredibly exciting (and can give you butterflies all right), if they're intelligent, original and have interesting things to say (extra points if they actually listen to what you have to say). The greatest mental stimulation I've ever got was from the men I've met and fallen for. There is, however, not much room for mental stimulation in the traditional flirting game. For some reason, it is not appropriate for a guy to talk about the universe, when he is hitting on you (dammit).

Moreover, the more extroverted, flirty guys are often ridiculously assured of their own attractiveness, which makes them kind of obnoxious. When I see a guy who thinks he's god's gift to women, my sarcasm mode is switched on immediately. And finally, ANYONE calling a woman "baby" = biggest turn-off EVAH. I really do not think I have much in common with infants. I'm also not anyone's sugar, darling, sweetie or honey. It's not a coincidence I have a name. Use it, for fuck's sake.
 

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For some reason, it is not appropriate for a guy to talk about the universe, when he is hitting on you (dammit)..
I'm gonna try it next time I decide to leave my social shell. "Hey, so uh... Have you heard of David Bohm and the Holographic Universe theory? Ya, we might not actually exist.... so, wanna grab a cup of coffee?"

Think that'll score me some chicks? </sarcasm>
 

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I'm gonna try it next time I decide to leave my social shell. "Hey, so uh... Have you heard of David Bohm and the Holographic Universe theory? Ya, we might not actually exist.... so, wanna grab a cup of coffee?"

Think that'll score me some chicks? </sarcasm>
If I were single, I'd be PMing you right now. Yes, I've heard about it and I find it fascinating. I do not have much background in physics, but I have an unhealthy fascination with people, who actually know about this stuff and are able to tell me about it in a relatively simple fashion. I also find the idea that we may not exist mindblowing and I was excited by it even before I read about the Holographic Universe (the concept of physical world as non-existent has been present in the western and eastern philosophy for quite some time).

So yeah, if that were me, you'd probably score :crazy:
 

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I very rarely get "butterflies". With my first girl friend, I didn't get them at all and I thought there was something wrong with me. With my ex who I was with for 5 years I would get butterflies but that would be once ever 3 months or so, and when I did feel it, I ran with it because I knew how rare of an occasion it was and how quickly it disappears.

That being said, since we broke up I have felt them more. I think this is because of the loss of that emotional connection which I became used to.

So no, not feeling butterflies is normal, and I also get annoyed at people who come across as fake (not just when flirting).

So anyway, if you connect with someone on a mental level, and your with them for a while, there may come a time when you will feel butterflies when around them. It just takes more time with us.
 

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I hate it when people give me compliments. Alot of times, even if they're sincere, it feels like they're just trying to be nice or whatever. I especially don't like it when people give you a compliment and expect it to be returned back, because alot of times, it's usually that they just want a compliment for themselves, and really don't give a damn about you.

I think I just have a problem with nice people in general. It's hard to tell if they really like you, or are just talking to you to be polite.
 

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If I were single, I'd be PMing you right now. Yes, I've heard about it and I find it fascinating. I do not have much background in physics, but I have an unhealthy fascination with people, who actually know about this stuff and are able to tell me about it in a relatively simple fashion. I also find the idea that we may not exist mindblowing and I was excited by it even before I read about the Holographic Universe (the concept of physical world as non-existent has been present in the western and eastern philosophy for quite some time).

So yeah, if that were me, you'd probably score :crazy:

Count it! :) lol I really need to hang around more INTPs. Do you think an INFP might respond to that? I've got one in mind, but if I can't feel free to talk about crazy theories, I'm outa here lol. I don't have much experience with those people >.<
 

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If I were single, I'd be PMing you right now. Yes, I've heard about it and I find it fascinating. I do not have much background in physics, but I have an unhealthy fascination with people, who actually know about this stuff and are able to tell me about it in a relatively simple fashion. I also find the idea that we may not exist mindblowing and I was excited by it even before I read about the Holographic Universe (the concept of physical world as non-existent has been present in the western and eastern philosophy for quite some time).

So yeah, if that were me, you'd probably score :crazy:
Hypothetically speaking, the odds are 1:100 (due to a demoralisingly low number of INT females). No matter how high a self-esteem a guy has, no ego can stand that much rejections.
That's the reason guys don't usually mention such subjects - around ESFs the odds of scoring increase to more than 1:5 (due to a ridiculously large numbers of such people and their openness) which is passable.
Some men do not want to to the latter thing - they're usually single. Of course, it is up to each one of them to choose their priorities - whether they want a mental connection of some sort or to score quickly. Or both.
Just some random thoughts, toungue in cheek.
 

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Part of my "problem" is that a relationship isn't a priority in my life right now. I'm not looking for a random hookup or fling, I want the real deal. If the right person comes along who wants the same thing, then of course I'd be willing to go for it. But I'm focused on school and becoming financially independent first.
o_o

You sound like my mother. No offense.

You're young. This is the time to make stupid mistakes. This is how you learn to be better next time. I wouldn't save this for after you leave school and get a job. Of course, hold out for the guys that interest you. The intelligent ones will be good at being clever with words to win you over, but you won't know that they're clever if you don't give them a chance first. You might end up surprising yourself if you let yourself be open to the possibilities.
 

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Do you think an INFP might respond to that?
Oh dear, I am absolutely unqualified to say anything definite about INFPs. The ones I know are very open and cool, but also fuckin' unpredictable. Organise a poll on the INFP forum, they might give you some clues...

Hypothetically speaking, the odds are 1:100 (due to a demoralisingly low number of INT females).
Perfect example of the "use it or lose it" principle at work. The sensors often find INT females boring or weird, the feelers often find them emasculating, and the NTs either choose the high road or act like ESFs in search of the score :tongue:. Thus, the said INT females are left with the following options:
a) be really, really lucky
b) adapt
c) stay single for the whole life
d) die out
 

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I'm afraid that's probably true, Bee. It's not easy for us guys either though. Most girls are used to the ESFs, and that's what they're looking for. Of course, I'm not interested in someone who's interested in that kind of guy... so it's a 2 way street, but it does get frustrating to look around and see no one who's your "type". Sometimes faking ESF seems the only viable option lol, but IN chicks make my rockin world go round... to paraphrase one of my buddies, so it's always nice to find one of you people :p
 
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