[Burning Lion]

We love too much. If such a statement is even possible. We are so great at helping others. Tirelessly giving great advice which we fail to take ourselves. Please, gal and guy ENFP's, how do YOU mend your own broken hearts without resorting to utter hedonism.

Yes, mine is broken. Just broke up with an ISTJ of two years. Sucks

 

[EskimoFox]

Aw man that sucks, I assume it's the one from your other thread. Saying one knows how one feels is kinda pointless with situations like these so I won't even try. I have been in your situation before though. At least, I've broken up with a girl and been in utter misery. You know what helps? Time. It sucks, but it's the truth, give it a month, two months, three months and it won't be gone, but it sure as heck won't be nearly as intense.
I would also totally advise against the whole total hedonism thing. Doesn't help a thing. So man, here are some things that thinking back to my experience might help a little. First, it helps to cry. Sure doesn't feel like it at the moment, cuz u get done with crying and all you feel like doing is crying some more, but your emotions are legitimately screwed up at this point and need to undo all the knots they've worked themselves into. Also, try not to ideal the memory of the relationship. This works for either end of the spectrum. She wasn't the only one for you and you'll never have another shot at true true love again and she wasn't the winged spawn of satan either. Your relationship wasn't paradise and neither was it purgatory, and believe me I've been in a relationship that totally hit the self-destruct key and blew up in my face and WAS purgatory for a few months, but the relationship itself sans crisis i know was great or I wouldn't have been a part of it for so long. Also, it's not totally your fault nor hers, I promise. There is a compromise somewhere in there. Also, this isn't just cuz ur an ENFP, it's cuz yer human, but you are an attractive, well-rounded, deep complex type of guy with loads of appeal, and you will be able to find someone else when you're ready again. I urge you not to try again before you're ready. Nothing makes a person wanna facepalm themselves ten months later like a rebound relationship. I mean even if everything went right and u ended up marrying the girl, would she really want her love story to read, once apon a time I met this prince who was pining over his exgirlfriend...

Other than that, it takes time. I'll try to remember other stuff, but despite all evidence to the contrary, you will be ok, and amazingly enough in a couple years you will be able to speak her name again without collapsing into a love seizure. In the mean time, just try not to do things you'll regret later. Your feelings are totally legitimate, so there's no reason to prove that by leaping off a bridge or into the arms of a hairy black woman or something. Feel free to do things that make you feel like you are having a crisis because you are having a major life crisis and no one can blame you for driving all night in no particular direction for no perceivable reason. It just not good to take a road trip to timbuktu in the middle of the school semester. Also, this is a great time to lean on whatever relationships you put most stock into besides hers. If they are really your friend, they will be there for you, and that makes all the difference and brings the two of you closer. Like two birds with one stone.

Oh yeah, and its ok to like find like your girlfriend and your "song" on youtube and sing it over and over each time getting more incoherent because you're crying too much to enunciate. Punching walls is also ok, and you never know when you're gonna hit that soft spot and make a hole to totally take pictures of and show off to your friends. Boast your strength and sensitivity at the same time while simultaneously making a ploy for their sympathy! Hope you start feeling better soon.

 

[EskimoFox]

And yeah, sometimes, we ENFPs do love too much. But that too will pass. Rreally. I really do hope I've said something that makes you feel better. :wink:

 

[Burning Lion]

And yeah, sometimes, we ENFPs do love too much. But that too will pass. Rreally. I really do hope I've said something that makes you feel better. :wink:

That was more than helpful. Bordering on insperational. Thank you amigo... I took everything to heart.

I wish I had some ENFP friends around me... it would be cool to have someone pick me up for a change.... Thank you so much...

 

[MaggieRooWho]

Hang in there, lil lion. It will get better. *squishes*

And I know you don't want any of my hedonistic blathering, but there's always the saying that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else..........

Seriously, though. If you can start over somewhere, start over. Be it a new apartment, a new city, get a new roommate, a new job, whatever.... start new, where nothing about your ex can permeate.

 

[EskimoFox]

And I know you don't want any of my hedonistic blathering, but there's always the saying that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else..........

I know it's kindly meant, but I've never seen leaping into someone else's arms do more than cause problems and destroy relationships. I think the second part of your response is far wiser. There's nothing wrong with dulling the pain through distraction, but sleeping with someone solely to get over someone else is never right in my book, and it can hurt both parties. There are many ways to dull that ache without using someone else like that, take a trip somewhere, doesn't matter where just somewhere, be it Europe or Idaho. Do something new. The best thing to do is go somewhere new. Change things up. If you can't, then work hard at your job and anything else in life that gives you pleasure or at the very least pride. Do things you can be proud of, so that when you think back on this dark portion of your life, you can look back on a time of rebirth through fire, and not a time of selfish hedonism at the expense of another. When I borke up with my girlfriend I took to working out every day at three o clock in the morning at a local all-night gym. My diet consisted of only scrambled eggs and chocolate milk/protein shake mix. After a year, I was no longer the scrawny kid I started out as, and I don't feel like it was so bad back then after all... roud:

Oh, and MaggieRooWho, I didn't mean to put down what you said, I just wanna offer a second opinion :wink:

 

[Burning Lion]

Hang in there, lil lion. It will get better. *squishes*

And I know you don't want any of my hedonistic blathering, but there's always the saying that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else..........

Seriously, though. If you can start over somewhere, start over. Be it a new apartment, a new city, get a new roommate, a new job, whatever.... start new, where nothing about your ex can permeate.

(Holding head in hands) Boy. I have done this in the past. Never with someone I truly loved though. Some sort of recovery process was necessary. Had to cry my heart out and let go... You know the process ENFP's.

However, I'd looooove to meet some ESxP to distract me for a little bit. Even if it is purely with carnal pleasure and not intellectually stimulation.

 

[PeachyKeener]

I have to say a lot of what @EskimoFox is really helpful.

Once I had such a broken heart it was absolutely unbearable, except I couldn't really "start over" anywhere as I was really too young and too unprepared to do so with my current situation. What helped was writing about it, feeling my feeling through (crying, etc) and just talking it out with a close friend or two and get a lot of hugs. Time will help, that's what it ended up helping -- and some new people in my life as well.

I still won't ever forget him. It wasn't an unrequited love, but something that couldn't happen and it's just a really long story (no, we didn't do anything -- but I guess to love someone it doesn't have to get to those levels, I suppose). My favourite thing about him was how nice and helpful he was, just a lot of things. Always interesting things, huge sense of humor... very witty... loved it. Felt a lot of guidance from him, which I appreciated very much.

Anyways, I also listen to extremely sappy music. And then cry to it. And then kind of go hendonistic on food -- lots of ice cream, cheese and pasta. My comfort food seems to be dairy, pasta and just sugar and carbs in general. Typical girl. :tongue:

But what it ultimately was was feeling out feelings and time.

 

[KateMarie999]

You just need some time. I've broken up recently as well and I can tell you, I've gone through some really tough emotions. At first I was really sad, then I got very angry. But I've accepted that it's over and I'm taking the time to feel everything and then decide I'm done being miserable. I may have gotten the opportunity to move halfway across the country earlier than expected so I'm very excited about the new surroundings and new friends I'll make. It's not that I don't love the old ones or the memories but it's time for something brand new and unexpected and perhaps the right man hasn't come to me yet because he's waiting for me there. And the same may be true about the right woman for you, if you're planning on moving or something. You didn't learn all these lessons for nothing. So feel what you need to and just move on. Every day gets a little easier.

 

[Jammies]

No one's taken the time to even break it. Many people curse their hearts breaking, I almost invite it...just to know what it's like for someone to mean that much to you.