Personality Cafe banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
106 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hello, NFs! I find myself in a difficult situation. I've found a lovely, adoring ENFP; we are dating again after already breaking up once. Usually, once I find an ENFP, our conversational chemistry is through the roof. However, with him, it's different. We can talk about shallow matters, but every time I attempt to move the conversation to something deep, he either says nothing or begins to talk about other people (this probably due to his Ne). It's painful to me when he does this, and we've spoken many times about how I long to speak with him about deeper issues, but despite this, he seems unable to comprehend my thoughts. I'm not forcibly intellectual, but I do value examining the world around me and questioning why it works the way it does.

Our relationship, therefore, has a fulfilled, love-struck ENFP and a void, misunderstood INFJ. I had him take the Myers-Briggs, and he scored ENFP with low iNtuition (12%). I know INFJs pretty much whither when coupled with Sensors, but I find I'm experiencing the same sort of emptiness in my relationship with my ENFP. All that to say, is it possible to further develop one's iNtuition?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
710 Posts
I know the difficulty of your situation, it can be very frustrating to never get the connection you so desire. I don't think I'm qualified to talk about NF relationships because I'm no NF myself, but I would like some clarification.

What to you are the deeper issues you like to talk about? If he really is an ENFP then it is no wonder he likes to talk about other people, it's what they do and what they are good at, they bond that way.

If you really are an INFJ (Forgive me for my sceptisicm, but doubt is my kind of thing.) then you will most likely never have statisfied close relationships with ENFP's, the keyword is close here. This is because INFJ's and ENFP's are different sides of different coins, they work so drastically different that the both of them must sacrifice a piece of identity in order to connect.

In my experience I noticed that iNtuition types really get it on with Sensor types, because they balance each other out, but your personal preference can be different, to each his or her own.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
106 Posts
Discussion Starter #3 (Edited)
No worries, doubt away; I feel as though you have room for it, considering you don't know me at all. As things stand, based on a professional Myers-Briggs assessment as well as subsequent tests, I'm an INFJ. I'm well aware of my type's inability to find satisfaction, and am attempting to overcome that through logic and reason, however, I have felt deeper philosophical connections with others in the past, much greater than the one I feel with my boyfriend.

"Deeper issues," to me, mean things like personal convictions; critiques on life, culture, beliefs; motivations and inspirations. I find we have little to connect on with what seems to me like important points. I was reading one assessment about the ENFP/INFJ relationship, and it did state if the couple had no alignment of core values, it was likely to be a tumultuous relationship. Perhaps it is not his lack of iNtuition, but rather who we are as people outside of our personality types. ENFPs can be quite a broad spectrum of people after all.

I've heard it said some theories pair together iNtuitives and Sensors. And I think for some people it does work, but for me personally, I found I've always been attracted to fellow iNtuitives – whether friends or potential love interests.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
764 Posts
The answer on growing intuition is: Yes

The better question is: Would he grow it to fit your standards: Which is a No

While he may go from 12 to let's say, 24, maybe 30%, which is more than DOUBLING (very hard to do) the use he has today, he still wouldn't be a big user of it. And even if he does it, he has not learned to rely on it or use it properly and frankly has no idea what to do with it or care about doing it.

I personally wouldn't continue with it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
461 Posts
Intuition? It is very difficult to take notice of!

When I read the book " Women who run with the Wolves" I learnt about the ancient tales told by the elders to the new generations, around the fires late into the night. ( More helpful than TV ) These have since been sanitised into " Folk" and " Fairy" tales. The author managed to find some ancient tales still alive in far corners of eastern Europe and among the First nations peoples of the Americas. These tales told how to self protect and become aware, in story form. One of them is " Intuition".

To cut the story very short, the young girl was given something that she had to carry in her pocket, and this thing would from time to time jiggle up and down in her pocket. If she stopped and listened to it, it would get her out of many a scrape! Often she would ignore it, and we all probably have experienced the results of that. So the story teaches in a simple way, how to become aware of, and attend to intuition. It is really useful, but as with some things in the westerniised type world, we have lost so much!

Thats intuition. : )
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top