Personality Cafe banner
1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I got type enfj 3w2 and i read things like : type 3s are shallow, empty and not in touch with their feelings. I don’t get it. I’m a really emotional person who cries and tries not to suppress whatever I feel & express my self to my loved ones , ask for help if I need it . I just need someone to explain what it means not being in touch with ones feelings for a type 3. And also the emptiness I usually see always , what does that even mean? Emptiness like we are robots or what ? Lmaoo . I just need someone to further break down what it means . I know I’m not perfect and I’m trying to improve. I never knew type 3s weren’t in touch with their feelings and thing about me is when I read things like these I try to find a way I relate to it (blending like a chameleon I guess) and accept that I am might be empty inside ? To be honest I don’t even know. It’s just like me searching on google : is headache a sign of pregnancy? & google says yes then I just assume I’m pregnant when I’m not . It just hurts to see that I might be a robot lolll.

I read something like 3s have rigid boundary which hides an emptiness. Shame may be triggered when the boundary is breached, when others might see the emptiness.
WHAT RIGID BOUNDARY?? Shame of what? , when others see emptiness does it mean fakeness? Lying about ones self ? What the heck does it all mean? It’s frustrating to read all these things without further digging :(
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,207 Posts
My impression of 3 is that it is too focused on their image to be of any interest for someone like me. Does the description mean shallow as in, devoid of feelings at all or shallow towards others? The first is unlikely, but I think 3 can be a bit of the second. Still, you're a 3w2, that makes you the enchanter Enneagram Type 3w2 - The Enchanter.

Does that seem more to what you're describing?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
My impression of 3 is that it is too focused on their image to be of any interest for someone like me. Does the description mean shallow as in, devoid of feelings at all or shallow towards others? The first is unlikely, but I think 3 can be a bit of the second. Still, you're a 3w2, that makes you the enchanter Enneagram Type 3w2 - The Enchanter.

Does that seem more to what you're describing?
I guess If I don’t like someone I will be shallow because there’s nothing to discuss & by not liking someone I mean observing them for a while & notice their sketchy movements with other people . I relate with the enchanter and I’m trying to improve as well to be more healthy. I mostly focus on character to be interested in someone. when I was a teenager (16-17) I was really focused on self image for sure . I’m like 20 now. The problem is I saw more deeper observations of 3s on this website and it made me sad and really curious.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,207 Posts
Then I see no issues. If you're improving, then you have that, I won't argue with trying to get out of the pre-set type. I did it myself (but related to being an INFJ).
 
  • Like
Reactions: lesley20201

·
Registered
INFP 4w5 459 sp=sx
Joined
·
419 Posts
I actually know nothing about three, I barely know anything about my own enneagram

ok this is going to be extreme, but when I hear ppl talked about being empty inside, it takes back to this time when was studying serial killers and why they Enjoy causing pain to others just to feel or get off etc……and the answer that kept coming up was they were empty inside, they didn’t really have a inner world so they seek external stimuli from others to filled the inner void, to feel alive

now I’m not trying to compare 3s with serial killers by any means but from what you wrote I would said that feeling empty inside is the same principle, tho. Looking for external/physical stimuli to fill a inner void, for whatever reason.

again I don’t know anything about what it says about 3s just going from your view and following this principle….(not saying this is true) so I picture someone who is empty inside is someone who likes to keep busy, always on the go, don’t like to sit with themselves very long, don’t l8ke to be alone bc maybe they have no inner world or don’t how to progress emotions properly or when they do finally sit still with themselves they become too overwhelmed with emotions and are overloaded or becomes insanely bored,and so they are looking for something external, like drugs, alcohol, sex, exercise, anything external/physical, bad or good to keep them going, keep them feeling alive, so they don’t have to be alone wits themselves To deal with they are inner self. Bc they don’t have much of an inner world they need others or a thrill to fill that void for them…..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,207 Posts
People that hate the world are also just as dangerous as people that are empty inside. By hate I mean, literal disgust, the strongest of feelings, and the most dangerous, the one that makes you do things pure hate won't. 3's don't seem like the type but, they get vengeful. They don't hate the world at large to become complete psychos. That's something type 7 might do.

I know people that are void inside and constantly need to keep busy to avoid being with themselves. I like to keep busy so that I can be with myself. Working on stuff is a great time for thinking about things because you measure your stuff, you cut the wood, you screw the screws and so on, but in between those actions you think about a lot of things.

Even at work, when I do my thing, I do something similar to split tunneling. I could talk to you and half of my attention is focused on something I think about. It's not ADHD, I can focus and burn through the task all the way without stopping, it's different. Think of if as the task you driving, and the other thoughts are the radio, they can both work at the same time.

So the question remains. How do you separate people that are keep busy to avoid spending time with themselves from those that keep busy to spend time with themselves? And which kind are you lesley?

What are your 3 most frequent thoughts you have during the day?
 
  • Like
Reactions: lesley20201

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,216 Posts
I tend to feel like 3's and I are generally gonna have not much interest in each other. Many of them would see that I'm schizophrenic, don't work, don't drive, not to mention I'm 43 and have virtually zero romantic experience, and they wouldn't see any value in me. They would be blind to the fact that I'm actually mostly a happy person, perhaps happier than many of them, and I'm usually gonna be much more authentic than them, and generally have a richer emotional life. Some of them simply can't acknowledge these things because it might make their pursuits of stereotypical "success" seem empty in ways.

I generally wouldn't have much interest in them either because their worldview tends to be kinda opposite of mine in many ways.
 

·
Registered
ENTJ 8w9
Joined
·
2,041 Posts
Perhaps you aren't E3 hence why it doesn't make sense to you?

You can't just "get" your type as if it is your blood test results or something.

You need to study the system and decide for yourself which type reflects your core motivations/fears most.
Don't accept anything until it starts making sense for you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,207 Posts
Many of them would see that I'm schizophrenic, don't work, don't drive, not to mention I'm 43 and have virtually zero romantic experience, and they wouldn't see any value in me.
Your value would increase more if you'd stop wearing your mental disorders or shortcomings like badges of pride. Nobody needs to know these things. Mental disorders are not strengths, they are weaknesses. You talk these things to your doctor or therapist and your extremely closest friends or relatives. Screaming such things to the world is a mistake. People can take advantage of these things. Not to mention, it is off putting to strangers, because they never get to know you if you throw such bricks on them without ever giving them a chance to see good things about you to properly put things into perspective.

Twitter is full of bios where they put a long list of mental disorders (I don't have an account but I watch videos about those accounts). Who is that meant for exactly? Acceptance is one thing, embracing is another.

You're just sabotaging yourself when you do that. That is private. It concerns you and very few other people.
 
  • Like
Reactions: lesley20201

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
People that hate the world are also just as dangerous as people that are empty inside. By hate I mean, literal disgust, the strongest of feelings, and the most dangerous, the one that makes you do things pure hate won't. 3's don't seem like the type but, they get vengeful. They don't hate the world at large to become complete psychos. That's something type 7 might do.

I know people that are void inside and constantly need to keep busy to avoid being with themselves. I like to keep busy so that I can be with myself. Working on stuff is a great time for thinking about things because you measure your stuff, you cut the wood, you screw the screws and so on, but in between those actions you think about a lot of things.

Even at work, when I do my thing, I do something similar to split tunneling. I could talk to you and half of my attention is focused on something I think about. It's not ADHD, I can focus and burn through the task all the way without stopping, it's different. Think of if as the task you driving, and the other thoughts are the radio, they can both work at the same time.

So the question remains. How do you separate people that are keep busy to avoid spending time with themselves from those that keep busy to spend time with themselves? And which kind are you lesley?

What are your 3 most frequent thoughts you have during the day?
Insightful. Lately I’ve just been trying to observe how I think and why I think the way I think . I’m not afraid of being alone . I use to be especially when I wasn’t observant of my self . I started learning about mbti and enneagram to study some of my movements and motives . I’m an artist so part of my thinking involves creativity and painting, how to make art that’ll stand out and also represent me. I know I have an inner self but it has been neglected because of how I never paid attention to my self years ago until something happened to me during covid that humbled me and made me start searching and opening up self much deeper . I don’t think I’m empty inside. Sometimes it does get a bit blurry inside me especially when I read things about 3s so I then hurt my self believing in some points . I used to hangout with people all the time years ago but now I’m mostly on my own all the time talking to one or two genuine friends. I even cut off the unhealthy ones out my life and limited the time I meet them . Ever since I started self improvement taking things easy (mentally) knowing my flaws , I’ve improved so much in my painting. I easily get ideas that never came to me before so I think I’m improving .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,207 Posts
Cleaning the friends rooster is one good approach. It needs to be done carefully. You don't throw away all the apples because they have imperfections.

Having fewer friends means you're more likely an introvert. Do you ever talk with your friends about personality stuff or thoughts of the mind? Or is it more common things that you talk about?

Someone pointed out earlier that you might feel this disconnect because you might have typed wrong. Do you know your MBTI? I found that the best combination of personalities is MBTI + Enneagram, if you want it painted, but if you're looking for raw math and numbers about your personality then I cannot encourage anything more than The Big Five, which is probably the best test out there, recognized and used by most sociologists.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,216 Posts
Your value would increase more if you'd stop wearing your mental disorders or shortcomings like badges of pride. Nobody needs to know these things. Mental disorders are not strengths, they are weaknesses. You talk these things to your doctor or therapist and your extremely closest friends or relatives. Screaming such things to the world is a mistake. People can take advantage of these things. Not to mention, it is off putting to strangers, because they never get to know you if you throw such bricks on them without ever giving them a chance to see good things about you to properly put things into perspective.

Twitter is full of bios where they put a long list of mental disorders (I don't have an account but I watch videos about those accounts). Who is that meant for exactly? Acceptance is one thing, embracing is another.

You're just sabotaging yourself when you do that. That is private. It concerns you and very few other people.
Wtf? I don't wear my disorder as a "badge of pride". I know no one needs to know these things, but perhaps you just don't understand my level of openness. I'm simply not ashamed of who I am, so I share who I am, and disorder or not, schizophrenia is still a part of who I am. But I share plenty else about myself as well.

Furthermore, I'm a big boy. I can handle the repercussions of handing people those "bricks" as you say, and if I can't, then I won't. I figure telling people I'm schizophrenic can also serve to educate people that despite being schizophrenic, I can piece together coherent sentences, I'm down to earth, I'm happy, etc. I'm basically exposing the "ugly" thing about me, my illness, right off the bat, and letting things be put "into perspective" after the fact. And as far as I'm concerned, most people who react with prejudice to the fact I have my illness are more than likely people who's opinions I'm not gonna put much value in anyways.

Oh, and btw, not trying to be an arrogant ass or pick a fight, but I don't believe my "value" is dependent on whatever you say it is. Sorry, but...........
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 · (Edited)
i feel I’m in between introverted and extroverted. Yess I talk to people of what runs through my mind (people I trust) . I’ve even met a stranger at a hangout and expressed my feelings and cried to her. I’m kind of an open person. I’ve been typed enfj more than once ,isfp and infj . I even went to take the test again today & I got an infj but I also relate to enfj too. I took the enneagram test too and I got a 3w2 again so I guess I am a 3 . I’ve also gotten an 8 , 3w4 and a 7 before but mostly 3w2 . All just confusing loll
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
i feel I’m in between introverted and extroverted. Yess I talk to people of what runs through my mind (people I trust) . I’ve even met a stranger at a hangout and expressed my feelings and cried to her. I’m kind of an open person. I’ve been typed enfj more than once(many times compared to the rest) ,isfp and infj . I even went to take the test again today & I got an infj but I also relate to enfj too. I took the enneagram test too and I got a 3w2 again so I guess I am a 3 . I’ve also gotten an 8 , 3w4 and a 7 before but mostly 3w2 . All just confusing loll
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,207 Posts
i feel I’m in between introverted and extroverted. Yess I talk to people of what runs through my mind (people I trust) . I’ve even met a stranger at a hangout and expressed my feelings and cried to her. I’m kind of an open person. I’ve been typed enfj more than once ,isfp and infj . I even went to take the test again today & I got an infj but I also relate to enfj too. I took the enneagram test too and I got a 3w2 again so I guess I am a 3 . I’ve also gotten an 8 , 3w4 and a 7 before but mostly 3w2 . All just confusing loll
Normally the results shouldn't bounce all over the place when you're in balance. I tested more than 10 times in the past years, over all sorts of sites, and always got INFJ, always got 6w5. Not because I respond the same, the questions vary on these tests, it is because I am always in the same frame of mind when I take them. I tend to shut the world out and focus in quiet to the test and I think for a few minutes for each question, thinking if I ever did what it asks, if I felt different than what the question is asking, are there exceptions, how many, and so on. I watch myself answering and if I feel like I didn't answer something right or honest I tell myself, "dude, who are you trying to bullshit". I can be very self criticizing with myself to the point of shaking the whole tree to stick to being honest about it. I hate sugarcoating.

I am not saying you don't answer honestly to the questions. I am asking what is your frame of mind when you do take these tests. Are you relating these tests to some events in your life, recent ones, or distant ones? Are you performing a precise review of everything as you do it? I found that sometimes thinking of how someone that cares about me would answer to the question about me (family doesn't count) helps guide the answers. It must be someone that knows you well. Someone that completes your sentences and knows what you are about to say before you even say it.

It's not critical to know your type. It helps a bit, because if you have the correct answer then you can look up and study the flaws and try to fight them. But if you type the wrong way, then you're looking at problems that don't actually relate to you and therefore trying to fix them will fail because you either don't relate to them, you don't do them, you don't see them. Missing the whole point of self improvement because you're not on the correct direction. Does that make sense?

It is important to test when you're well rested, fed, not depressed, moderately stressed (between stressed and carefree, like you have something to do, but not right now), not preoccupied with something in particular, not excited about something or very happy. All these factors will skew the data. You need to be in a meditative state, like a cold-ish rainy autumn day, sitting at the window and thinking, nowhere to go in particular, nothing to do but think about stuff. Unless that signals to you depression, then try to think of something else. A deserted hill with nothing around to disturb you. Phone is off and in another room. All tabs are closed but the one you take the test in. No tv, no music, no outside stimuli that are not purely natural (heat, rain, light etc).

Then you take each question. And you study it. Think about 2-3 of the things it could mean. Sort of reverse engineering it. I think as to why would this question be relevant? Why would the test ask this question? Search for the meaning and then the answers will be always the correct ones.

Having someone type you professionally is also a good option, but it is still subject to your answers, so the truth comes from you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: lesley20201

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Normally the results shouldn't bounce all over the place when you're in balance. I tested more than 10 times in the past years, over all sorts of sites, and always got INFJ, always got 6w5. Not because I respond the same, the questions vary on these tests, it is because I am always in the same frame of mind when I take them. I tend to shut the world out and focus in quiet to the test and I think for a few minutes for each question, thinking if I ever did what it asks, if I felt different than what the question is asking, are there exceptions, how many, and so on. I watch myself answering and if I feel like I didn't answer something right or honest I tell myself, "dude, who are you trying to bullshit". I can be very self criticizing with myself to the point of shaking the whole tree to stick to being honest about it. I hate sugarcoating.

I am not saying you don't answer honestly to the questions. I am asking what is your frame of mind when you do take these tests. Are you relating these tests to some events in your life, recent ones, or distant ones? Are you performing a precise review of everything as you do it? I found that sometimes thinking of how someone that cares about me would answer to the question about me (family doesn't count) helps guide the answers. It must be someone that knows you well. Someone that completes your sentences and knows what you are about to say before you even say it.

It's not critical to know your type. It helps a bit, because if you have the correct answer then you can look up and study the flaws and try to fight them. But if you type the wrong way, then you're looking at problems that don't actually relate to you and therefore trying to fix them will fail because you either don't relate to them, you don't do them, you don't see them. Missing the whole point of self improvement because you're not on the correct direction. Does that make sense?

It is important to test when you're well rested, fed, not depressed, moderately stressed (between stressed and carefree, like you have something to do, but not right now), not preoccupied with something in particular, not excited about something or very happy. All these factors will skew the data. You need to be in a meditative state, like a cold-ish rainy autumn day, sitting at the window and thinking, nowhere to go in particular, nothing to do but think about stuff. Unless that signals to you depression, then try to think of something else. A deserted hill with nothing around to disturb you. Phone is off and in another room. All tabs are closed but the one you take the test in. No tv, no music, no outside stimuli that are not purely natural (heat, rain, light etc).

Then you take each question. And you study it. Think about 2-3 of the things it could mean. Sort of reverse engineering it. I think as to why would this question be relevant? Why would the test ask this question? Search for the meaning and then the answers will be always the correct ones.

Having someone type you professionally is also a good option, but it is still subject to your answers, so the truth comes from you.
I believe I am an enfj but I’ve just gotten more introverted and have a different perspective on life . Before covid I got enfj and I still got it but when I try other website I get something different. I think I am certain I’m an enfj 3w2 but not really extroverted . I was unhealthy but everything has changed now that I’m getting healthy . That’s when I started getting different types and it made me confused. I think I’m an enfj but my values are changing now that I’m more self aware . I usually used to only be concerned about people’s opinions and feelings and was a people pleaser and insecure but now My Fi is improving. I literally had little sense of self . I was shallow then and didn’t even have deep discussion with people . I’m a bit happy covid happened because it really changed me so much mentally and I’m still growing . The old me was so close minded and shallow.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I’ll probably test my self when I’m okay but I believe I am an enfj and probably get different types when I’m overwhelmed . I’ve just gotten more introverted and have a different perspective on life . Before covid I got enfj and I still got it but when I try other website I get something different. I think I am certain I’m an enfj 3w2 but not really extroverted . I was unhealthy but everything has changed now that I’m getting healthy . That’s when I started getting different types and it made me confused. I think I’m an enfj but my values are changing now that I’m more self aware . I usually used to only be concerned about people’s opinions and feelings and was a people pleaser and insecure but now My Fi is improving. I literally had little sense of self . I was shallow then and didn’t even have deep discussion with people . I’m a bit happy covid happened because it really changed me so much mentally and I’m still growing . The old me was so close minded and shallow.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,207 Posts
Sounds to me like it is settled then. You're a non-shallow, non-serial killer, type 3. I'd say that's a win and take it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: lesley20201
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
Top