I orginally asked this question on this thread: personalitycafe.com/enfj-forum-givers/1212898-i-need-your-advice.html (sorry it's not a full link, I don't have enough posts yet to copy links here)
But I haven't had any replies there so I decided to make a new thread about this.
So, basically, if an ENFJ likes you in some way and shows some signs of attraction, but is not interested in you right now, could that change in the future? Could he develop feelings for someone over time even though he didn't have them before?
Is it more like a passionate and spontaneous flame of unbearable lust and desire for the certain person or long process that slowly develops over time for ENFJs?
I would really like to know this.
Thank you!
I have a strong ENFJ preference, here's my experience.
In general, I like everybody, everybody starts with a 100% positive, and rarely happens that I start to not like someone. There are two categories for me.
Friends:
I have a large number of friends, also with people who have
very different values from me. It's easy to become friends with me. However, most of these relationships work, because I feel that I adapt to a great degree to all sorts of people, because I'm curious, I want to give love, and in general it is fun. If I'm hurt, I am willing to recover, and get things back to normal, and enjoy the friendship again.
Actually, it's very hard to hurt me that much, that someone "gets out of the box". I can only list maybe 4-5 people in my life, who managed to do that. However, those people, they are finished for me - simply, I just don't want to invest even a tiny drop of energy to repair those relationship. I find they had the intent to harm me, were really malicious, broken, or sick. If this is the case, there is basically no way to reconcile, because I closed that door to protect myself.
Partner:
Contrary to get friends, I was was super-duper-selective, about choosing my girlfriends. Usually, I took a lot of time until I committed myself. Even if I was in love at first sight, I needed to test, and check, before I was willing to open up myself fully. Because, when I love someone, I'm fully in, and I give a lot. Much more then anybody else around me. So I was looking for partners, who were interested to receive love, a lot, and to give love, a lot. It sounds appealing to many women, and they say, "yes, I want that!", but actually I discovered many women wanted a much shallower relationship then I wanted, and my love was too much for them.
However, it also happened that the relationship has started to brake. Then, I tried to invest a lot, to make it work again. Only after repeated tries, when my rational mind (T) kicked in finally, saying, "it's not ever gonna work", then I have decided to move on. Most of the time, when I said "it's over", first they didn't understand, they thought it's a joke, because before I always wanted to repair the relationship. Then, when finally they understood I want to move on, then they started to invest, beg and want to go again. But, it was too late, I felt "you should have done this a month earlier". In this case again, there is no way that I open up again. I rather looked for a new partner, with a fresh start.
If you consider being a partner to an ENFJ, the most important for me was authenticity. A tiny bit of pretending, playing games, cheating, was a no go. But this is me, I have high ethical standards, maybe not ENFJ are like me.