[SilverLining]

Hello! I am new to the forum, and have been searching the net for answers to help me deal with my emotions right now. I am an ENFP, and I've been dating an INTJ for about 2 years long distance. We spend the summers together and they are very dreamy. However, during the school year he is real busy and I am just living my life so I don't feel so sad about missing him all the time (I am always missing him, but I try to hide it so that I don't appear so emotional and needy). Our communication is really choppy, and usually only via IM, email, or the occasional phone call, but when we do talk it's very loving, cute, and esoteric -- like our own language. Sometime this past December, I could feel things slip away -- our communication was not as frequent. Also, I get insecure because I feel so vulnerable and tender towards him, and I know that stuff weirds him out, so I hold in all my gushy feelings a lot. Doing that made me feel like I was keeping him interested, but eventually... the line became really blurry and I felt like when I was being "casual" and "independent" -- it actually became too much of that, and it turned into two passing ships in the sea.

In March, I found out he was trying to sleep with someone else, and I'm almost positive he was successful. It broke my heart, and when I confronted him about it -- he was shocked, and silent, speechless, and I could sense he was extremely embarrassed. I think he wanted to cry, but he didn't. I didn't yell, I just told him how sad I was and how I felt like I couldn't trust him. He asked me what would make it better -- if we saw each other more often? He wanted to fix it with a solution, and I just wanted to know answers. I was mildly insulted, and told him it wasn't about seeing each other more, it was about losing trust. And then I said I didn't want to speak to him for a while, and I wanted to disappear. He silently obliged. We cut off communication.

Fast forward 1 month, and I miss him terribly. I finally contacted him, and he refused to pick up my phone calls or answer my emails. I predicted such. All I wanted were answers as to why he did this to me? Did he want an open relationship? I would be willing to do this (maybe), if he had just spoken to me about it.. but to lie, was really painful. I felt so unimportant, and it reinforced my insecurities even more. I also couldn't help but blame myself for being so distant. Was that the reason he wanted to sleep with someone else? Was I not giving him enough attention? I am so upset with myself for holding back, it was against my nature.

I still like him so much, and I'm afraid to say I'm in love with him, but I think I am. Eventually, I told him that while I was hurt by his cheating, I understood that behavior and that it probably came from being lonely. He still didn't respond. So I let another few weeks go by, and I wrote a really funny, cute email basically saying, I wish there wasn't this weirdness between us, and that we really do have a special bond. BINGO -- he responded, and I kept the conversation AWAY from our "break-up" and solely on funny stories, or updates on my life, etc. Even though all I wanted to do was talk about our relationship and get my answers. I held off AGAIN.

So now this brings us to today. He had his last school finals on Friday, and since then he hasn't spoken to me. I have a feeling he might be seeing someone else, but part of me knows he wouldn't take anyone else too seriously right now because he really does want to focus on school. We had something special, and devoted 2 years together. I wrote an email congratulating him on the completion of his semester, and a few links to some news stories I found interesting. He never responded. And when I went to call him today, he didn't pick up my phone call. Part of me thinks he's busy because he has to move his stuff out of his apartment for the summer, but another part of me says "NO, he is avoiding me, he can take my phone call for 1 minute to say I'll call you back.."

My question is, which part seems more logical? He IS avoiding me, or he's really just busy? Are there any ways to win him back.. any things I can do to start talking to me again? I know it might be a long slow, process, but I also know that when INTJs make a decision, they stick with it. I didn't really want to break up, I just wanted to take some time to know what I wanted, and to ask myself if I could deal with this kind of relationship for any longer. My answer may seem sadistic, but it is a big YES. I don't care if the situation is not ideal, I will be patient and I want to give it another shot. And this time I won't be afraid to tell him how much I like him. I want to take care of him, and send him gifts to know I'm thinking of him. I waited so long for the summer to come so we could see each other again, and now that it's here.... I'm gutted he's not even speaking to me. It's as if all that patience, waiting, and holding back was in vain.

To add insult to injury, all my friends are dating new people ... and I'm still stuck on him. I want to know if there's anything I can do, any advice I can follow -- and if my situation seems too grim for you all, then maybe reading that will give me the swift kick in the ass to get up and move on with my life :-/

I appreciate you reading this.

xxx ENFP in love

 

[wealldie]

Yes, I think he's avoiding you. I have done this same thing. He could either be embarrassed about his behaviour, he's got another partner to which he feels more loyal, and/or he's lost interest. I have tried long distance relationships before, and they just don't work for me. They aren't physical enough, and I don't like long distance communication, nor the excess travel to keep up the physical part. At the point that I got tired of it, I just simply broke it off, and ended communication. My ex was still hung-up on me for a while, and would try to contact me, but I didn't ever respond because I just didn't want to get back into it. She finally got married, and I was happy for us both. I honestly don't envy your position, and I know it's hard to be on wanting side. I don't know what you could do to get him back, because in my case nothing would have worked next to moving to my city. All I can suggest it still send him emails and contact him.... because he's reading your emails, no doubt about it. You can say everything you want to say, and he'll probably hang on every word, and still never respond. Never hurts to tell him what you like about him. In fairness, I am usually much more willing to be friends with my exes after they have gotten into another relationship and they aren't pining over me, because the pining and desire for reciprocation leaves me cold.

Sorry for the rambling... but that's just my thought process about this.

 

[SilverLining]

THANK YOU so much for your response, and no you were not rambling. I can listen to everything you had to say, because it really helps. :wink:

<sigh>

I have sent emails telling him how I feel, and you're right -- in one way it makes me feel better because at least I get to say what I want to without leaving any grey areas to ponder over later. But what I find is I pour myself out, make myself vulnerable, and I don't get a response. It leaves me somewhere between feeling embarassed (for being so indulgent), annoyed with myself (for not being stoic enough), and satisfied (at least for saying what I want to). The end result is.. I just want more. It does not give me much closure.

One more question, though -- is it possible to ask an INTJ to just be open and free with me? He might not realize how strong I am -- I would much prefer to hear the words "I don't want to be with you... I am seeing someone else" or "I just don't think it's going to work out" than to be lingering like I am and not having much contact. If I heard those words, I know it would set me free and and I could really move on, but I just don't know how I could come about that (if it were the case). Everytime I even think about talking about our relationship, I can sense him start to wiggle and conveniently get distracted.. but at the same time, all his surrounding behavior playful and sweet. It's the worst ebb and flow ever! :frustrating:

 

[dagdraumur]

Yes, you can ask him to be more forthright about the nature of the relationship you two have at this point. He has probably been avoiding the subject because he expects to hurt you, and he would rather not be responsible for that. Tell him what you think the relationship status is, and then ask him to confirm or deny this, with complete honesty. This will make him feel less pressured to stay silent, because the problem has already been revealed, and he might as well finished what you've started for him.

I definitely suggest that you move on. For whatever reason, he obviously does not value the relationship as much as he did, as he is no longer willing to make the effort. This will not likely change, even if you are no longer separated by long distance, because he's probably been considering this for some time. The real problem though, as you said, is the lie. I wouldn't want to trust someone who starts a sexual relationship with another person before informing me of the change in status of our relationship. This kind of disregard of dating protocol can lead to even worse situations, like the unwitting transmission of STIs. It shows a lack of judgement on his part, and suggests that you should look for someone more considerate. Good luck.

 

[ariana20]

THANK YOU so much for your response, and no you were not rambling. I can listen to everything you had to say, because it really helps. I have sent emails telling him how I feel, and you're right -- in one way it makes me feel better because at least I get to say what I want to without leaving any grey areas to ponder over later. But what I find is I pour myself out, make myself vulnerable, and I don't get a response. It leaves me somewhere between feeling embarassed (for being so indulgent), annoyed with myself (for not being stoic enough), and satisfied (at least for saying what I want to). The end result is.. I just want more. It does not give me much closure. One more question, though -- is it possible to ask an INTJ to just be open and free with me? He might not realize how strong I am -- I would much prefer to hear the words "I don't want to be with you... I am seeing someone else" or "I just don't think it's going to work out" than to be lingering like I am and not having much contact. If I heard those words, I know it would set me free and and I could really move on, but I just don't know how I could come about that (if it were the case). Everytime I even think about talking about our relationship, I can sense him start to wiggle and conveniently get distracted.. but at the same time, all his surrounding behavior playful and sweet. It's the worst ebb and flow ever!

i dont think there is much wrong, if you really want to know with asking him to tell you one or the other ie "i want to continue our relationship" or "I don't want to be with you..am seeing someone else/just don't think it's going to work out"

but, and its a big but, if he said he wanted to continue...do you REALLY want to be with this man for the REST OF YOUR LIFE??? Do you want to feel like you currently are doing for the rest of your life?? he has not been treating you well from what you have written, intj or no, and is unlikely to change that much, especially if you are prepared to accept this treatment in exchange for the dubious honour of being in a relationship with him.

i know when you split up with him originally you really missed him, but dare i suggest that if you had found someone else you might not have missed him at all

believe in yourself, and your right to have a relationship where you are respected and valued, and walk away....i dont care what his personality type is, dont make excuses for him and move on

i know you can do better and be as happy as you deserve to be

 

[missred]

try not to think so much about past effort and feelings youve had together. its easy to dwell on those things and use them to try and validate staying/trying to 'make things work'. so you lost a few years of your life, in the grand scheme of things that is very little time and hardly worth molding the next few years of your life around. dont waist any more of your life chasing him than is necessary. after someone cheats like that things will never feel quite the same no matter how much effort is put in by either party and you dont want to end up in a relationship that requires constant life support. pull the plug. enfp's tend to stay in relationships long past their expiration point. no matter how much you loved him at some point you can and will do better. it's always hard when ones friends are all lovey dovey with their SO's but lonelyiness is a terrible reason to stay with someone like you described.
he may open up and share the truth but it would probably require excessive finesse or ecessive bullying.
my personal advice would be to get everything out. tell him how you feel etc, ask any of those nagging little questions you had in the back of your mind about anything regarding you two (perhaps if he feels you are trying to find closure he would be more forthcoming with info) and then high tail it out of that 'relationship'. just walk away. if he wants to be friends he'll put in the effort and if not it simply isnt worth your time.

 

[knght990]

The ENFPs i talk to always tell me they have a difficult time losing their past bonds with people. This particular bond sounds like it may be the strongest you have had.

Everything has it's inevitable end whether it be death or taxes. Let this one go. If he wanted to continue the relationship he would make an effort.

When you close a door and the light from it is gone, the room will be dark enough to see the outline of two more doors waiting for you to open them.

 

[ariana20]

When you close a door and the light from it is gone, the room will be dark enough to see the outline of two more doors waiting for you to open them.

i love this!!!! :laughing: its very true, but i think those doors are mostly invisible until you actually close the door
... and then hey presto.. you notice them and wonder why you didnt see them before
i think its because until then you were blinded by the light ..no wonder you had such a headache before :happy:

 

[SilverLining]

Woaw! Thank you for all the useful feedback. I love everything you guys have to say, and I can feel it making me stronger. I will still try to get an answer from him -- but I just need to figure out how to ease into it. He seems to respond to random things like a YouTube video I send, or a question I ask via text message, but his comments are really basic and don't require any kind of meaningful response from me. Everything just seems so meh, which is causing me to be meh, when really what I want is WHEEE! Once I get my answer, I'm going to start the distancing process, and then cut out the romance. A friendship is probably better, and I need to be happy. If it's meant to be, we'll find each other years from now.

Ariana--the reason I do want to work it out is because I feel like in the future, once he finishes school and moves to my city... this behavior will change. I feel like it's all riding on the distance. But that won't be for another 2 years, so you have a good point. It seems so desolate to wait until then, and like missred said, "it's hardly worth molding the next few years of your life around".

I think the reason it's so hard for me to give up bad relationships, and it may be the same for other ENFPs, is because putting in that much effort into a relationship becomes like a project. To just abandon it would be like abandoning a home I've built and filled with so many amazing things inside, where I feel comfortable in. We are known to start projects and never finish them -- but a person to me is worth no less than an investment I've made in a company. I feel like all the effort I've put into him is going to waste and someone else gets to enjoy it. I've exposed him to so many new things, different view points, new kinds of music, visited all kinds of art galleries, concert halls, bars, taken photos together in really romantic places, etc. basically -- things he would have never done before. And now I feel like he's just going to take all that information and use it for someone else. That's completely fine, and I HOPE he does that, but it doesn't negate how it makes me feel.. which is sad.

Thanks again for all the sweet advice. Cheers!

 

[InvisibleJim]

My warning to you would be that the announcement that you wanted to disappeae/leave has been taken to heart and he is not likely to change his behaviour to engage with you.

Often if we respect someone we follow through with exactly what they ask for even if it is not realistic or proportionate.

The general way to break this is to confront the conflict directly and redirect his view on you to something a bit different.

 

[Expat in Japan]

from personal experience

...the reason I do want to work it out is because I feel like in the future, once he finishes school and moves to my city... this behavior will change. I feel like it's all riding on the distance.

...We are known to start projects and never finish them -- but a person to me is worth no less than an investment I've made in a company. I feel like all the effort I've put into him is going to waste and someone else gets to enjoy it. I've exposed him to so many new things, different view points, new kinds of music, visited all kinds of art galleries, concert halls, bars, taken photos together in really romantic places, etc. basically -- things he would have never done before. And now I feel like he's just going to take all that information and use it for someone else.

This isn't really advice, but just from my personal experience. Please do not let this speak for all INTJs -- just this one.

Once I decided something, my behavior did not change. Distance, for example, was a convenient go-to to help point out why things did not work. It was a way to try to avoid confrontations and hurting feelings.

Any exposure I ever got from previous relationships became fond memories for me -- never utilized by me (as if I had found it myself) to aid any other relationship. I have rarely ever crossed past foot paths with present company.

I wish you the best.

 

[missred]

I think the reason it's so hard for me to give up bad relationships, and it may be the same for other ENFPs, is because putting in that much effort into a relationship becomes like a project. To just abandon it would be like abandoning a home I've built and filled with so many amazing things inside, where I feel comfortable in. We are known to start projects and never finish them -- but a person to me is worth no less than an investment I've made in a company. I feel like all the effort I've put into him is going to waste and someone else gets to enjoy it. I've exposed him to so many new things, different view points, new kinds of music, visited all kinds of art galleries, concert halls, bars, taken photos together in really romantic places, etc. basically -- things he would have never done before. And now I feel like he's just going to take all that information and use it for someone else. That's completely fine, and I HOPE he does that, but it doesn't negate how it makes me feel.. which is sad.

Thanks again for all the sweet advice. Cheers!

i think i know exactly how you feel, but just know that each time your gaining the ability to make the next one better. you teach each other everything that makes you tick, weed out the bad parts, find each others comfort zones, have new experiences, broaden horizons etc.
we'll stick with the house metaphor....
think of your first (or someone elses first) apartment. you decorate it, make the place yours and find a comfy home. you shouldnt let that comfort and effort keep you from moving on and into a beach house or a swanky new house. sure you'll have to start redecorating and replace a few drapes and the process will be uncomfortable for a bit, but in the end you will have a glorious new house and everyplace you end up will always be home (if it isnt, move on). even though your giving him new experiences and such you too are gaining the knowledge and ability recquired to make things just as amazing next time around with a different house.
i hope things brighten up for you. trust me... as soon as you find a new 'house' you'll be just as giddy and excited to start filling it up with all the things you love, and while you may have fond memories or longing for your old apartment nothing beats the possibilities of a new start.
lol im sorry my pep talk turned into a real estate convo. i dont think im very good at this >.<

 

[pinkrasputin]

My experience is no, you can't win an INTJ back. :crying:

However, in life I've also realized you can't really win anyone back. Sometimes they come back on their own accord. I had an ex just magically appear yesterday. But it was not my INTJ. I haven't seen hide nor hair of him for 1 year and 3 months. But I know in my heart he is doing well because he is an awesome and incredible person. And that's enough for me. If you really love someone, you just want them happy, right? I can love him from "afar" and respect the time we had together. I am a better person because of that relationship. However, I also now have incredibly high standards.

 

[RhoAlphaNuAlpha]

My experience is no, you can't win an INTJ back. :crying:

However, in life I've also realized you can't really win anyone back. Sometimes they come back on their own accord. I had an ex just magically appear yesterday. But it was not my INTJ. I haven't seen hide nor hair of him for 1 year and 3 months. But I know in my heart he is doing well because he is an awesome and incredible person. And that's enough for me. If you really love someone, you just want them happy, right? I can love him from "afar" and respect the time we had together. I am a better person because of that relationship. However, I also now have incredibly high standards.

I like how pink has said here you cant really win anyone back because it's true, it rarely happens and when it does it doesn't last long

My boyfriend, who if you've seen any of my previous posts, apparently is an INTJ and it's eerily creepy that he and I both had long distance for 2 years before we finally moved in together, similar to your situation.

The story (Ill make it as short as possible) was he lived on the east coast, I lived here in Washington, we visited frequently and talked on the phone constantly. It was turbulent at times because I have trust issues but for the most part everything was smooth. One December, shortly after our year anniversary, he broke up with me. The brake up was truly terrible. He basically, and very bluntly said "I dont want to do this anymore".

It was pretty awful and I was in a bad state. A week went by and finally we worked things out. He came to visit, and then went home. Two weeks after this, we broke up AGAIN. It was so long ago I dont remember the reason except the second time I moved on and did my own thing.

I was playing in a band at that time, and we were having our first show, I suppose he knew about it or remembered. He called me and I quickly silenced the call. Called a few more times and I again ignored it. A few days went by and I saw he had been writting blogs about me. They were sort of stange and cryptic but I didnt want to assume they were about me so I left it at that. Finally one day I did pick up the phone and it was basically a seven hour talk about our trust issues, but eventually we did get back together. We have another year or so of long distance and he finally moved here. We've been really happy ever since.

So, my moral is this...long distance is really hard. And I know how hurt you feel because I went through it twice. Honestly, I think most people will agree with me here, but two years is a LONG time to be dating someone across a distance. It's amazing you lasted more than a year. And trust me, BEING with the person you're with is so so much more satisfying than a phone call, an email, a text, etc.

You will definitely know when you find someone great on your side of the tracks, that you can physically be with. My story is kind of weird, and situations like that I dont think are the norm, but having someone here is a completely different story than long distance.


I also forgot to mention that in your posts where you describe that you held back for fear of being "too needy or clingy", Ive realized through so many long relationships that THAT is NOT the right thing to do. The more you supress what you want to say, the crazier you get. As a fellow ENFP I would even say this is dangerous because we process and evaluate our feelings through talking and expressing them. I really hope you meet someone amazing where you never ever feel like you need to prohibit yourself. You should always feel like you can say anything you want

 

[vel]

In March, I found out he was trying to sleep with someone else, and I'm almost positive he was successful. It broke my heart, and when I confronted him about it -- he was shocked, and silent, speechless, and I could sense he was extremely embarrassed. I think he wanted to cry, but he didn't. I didn't yell, I just told him how sad I was and how I felt like I couldn't trust him. He asked me what would make it better -- if we saw each other more often? ...

My question is, which part seems more logical? He IS avoiding me, or he's really just busy? Are there any ways to win him back.. any things I can do to start talking to me again?

xxx ENFP in love

You are preoccupying yourself with the wrong problems and focusing on wrong questions here. The question is not whether he is avoiding you or is busy or how you can get him back. The question is how can you stop idealizing this relationship with a cheater and stop preoccupying with him? How can you free yourself from this unhealthy emotional bond?

ENFPs have a lot of trouble with this, associating with people who aren't very good for them then once a bond if formed your feelings can justify anything for you. You need to learn to make you feelings correspond to reality more. The guy has tried to cheat on you. If he was not happy with you, he should have broken up or spoken up that he was unsatisfied. It was not your fault in any wy that he chose to never say anything. It was his decisions to instead keep quite and be dishonest with you. Dishonest in worst way possible by trying to sleep with somebody else behind your back. What do your values tell you about the worth of such a person? Do you really want to continue to associate with him, 'win' him back? I hope this helps you with the dissociation process.

As for whether you can win INTJs back, some you can. Not all of them are very strong on their J's and so not all of them stick solidly to their decisions and form very strong opinions. It does take more work than wining the P-types back. But trust me your feelings are failing you - you do not want this guy back.

 

[pinkrasputin]

You are preoccupying yourself with the wrong problems and focusing on wrong questions here. The question is not whether he is avoiding you or is busy or how you can get him back. The question is how can you stop idealizing this relationship with a cheater and stop preoccupying with him? How can you free yourself from this unhealthy emotional bond?

ENFPs have a lot of trouble with this, associating with people who aren't very good for them then once a bond if formed your feelings can justify anything for you. You need to learn to make you feelings correspond to reality more. The guy has tried to cheat on you. If he was not happy with you, he should have broken up or spoken up that he was unsatisfied. It was not your fault in any wy that he chose to never say anything. It was his decisions to instead keep quite and be dishonest with you. Dishonest in worst way possible by trying to sleep with somebody else behind your back. What do your values tell you about the worth of such a person? Do you really want to continue to associate with him, 'win' him back? I hope this helps you with the dissociation process.

As for whether you can win INTJs back, some you can. Not all of them are very strong on their J's and so not all of them stick solidly to their decisions and form very strong opinions. It does take more work than wining the P-types back. But trust me your feelings are failing you - you do not want this guy back.

Vel. My be friend!!!!! :crying:

 

[vel]

Vel. My be friend!!!!! :crying:

<3

whenever you NF-types need some 'tough loving' come drop by the INFJ forums - if we aren't busy spacing out, seeing symbols everywhere, and sorting out our own emotions we might even provide it - ENFJs are also good for this

 

[knght990]

I like how pink has said here you cant really win anyone back because it's true, it rarely happens and when it does it doesn't last long

My boyfriend, who if you've seen any of my previous posts, apparently is an INTJ and it's eerily creepy that he and I both had long distance for 2 years before we finally moved in together, similar to your situation.

The story (Ill make it as short as possible) was he lived on the east coast, I lived here in Washington, we visited frequently and talked on the phone constantly. It was turbulent at times because I have trust issues but for the most part everything was smooth. One December, shortly after our year anniversary, he broke up with me. The brake up was truly terrible. He basically, and very bluntly said "I dont want to do this anymore".

It was pretty awful and I was in a bad state. A week went by and finally we worked things out. He came to visit, and then went home. Two weeks after this, we broke up AGAIN. It was so long ago I dont remember the reason except the second time I moved on and did my own thing.

I was playing in a band at that time, and we were having our first show, I suppose he knew about it or remembered. He called me and I quickly silenced the call. Called a few more times and I again ignored it. A few days went by and I saw he had been writting blogs about me. They were sort of stange and cryptic but I didnt want to assume they were about me so I left it at that. Finally one day I did pick up the phone and it was basically a seven hour talk about our trust issues, but eventually we did get back together. We have another year or so of long distance and he finally moved here. We've been really happy ever since.

So, my moral is this...long distance is really hard. And I know how hurt you feel because I went through it twice. Honestly, I think most people will agree with me here, but two years is a LONG time to be dating someone across a distance. It's amazing you lasted more than a year. And trust me, BEING with the person you're with is so so much more satisfying than a phone call, an email, a text, etc.

You will definitely know when you find someone great on your side of the tracks, that you can physically be with. My story is kind of weird, and situations like that I dont think are the norm, but having someone here is a completely different story than long distance.


I also forgot to mention that in your posts where you describe that you held back for fear of being "too needy or clingy", Ive realized through so many long relationships that THAT is NOT the right thing to do. The more you supress what you want to say, the crazier you get. As a fellow ENFP I would even say this is dangerous because we process and evaluate our feelings through talking and expressing them. I really hope you meet someone amazing where you never ever feel like you need to prohibit yourself. You should always feel like you can say anything you want

This sounds so similar to what happened to me.
I was so sure we were meant to be after two years i moved to from jersey to cali. But unlike you, she dumped me and it was over. I didn't give her the opportunity to come back or even talk to her again. I didn't handle being hurt too well.

 

[RhoAlphaNuAlpha]

This sounds so similar to what happened to me.
I was so sure we were meant to be after two years i moved to from jersey to cali. But unlike you, she dumped me and it was over. I didn't give her the opportunity to come back or even talk to her again. I didn't handle being hurt too well.

You know whats even weirder? My boyfriend is from Jersey and Im originally from Cali!
Sorry to hear that, thats awful. I made sure everything between us would work out before he moved. I mean there isnt really a way to tell besides "gut" instinct, you cant really predict a break up, but I was certain after the other two stupid break ups it wouldnt happen.

 

[pinkrasputin]

This sounds so similar to what happened to me.
I was so sure we were meant to be after two years i moved to from jersey to cali. But unlike you, she dumped me and it was over. I didn't give her the opportunity to come back or even talk to her again. I didn't handle being hurt too well.

Aaaaah! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. There. This is EXACTLY how my ex INTJ behaved. So I shall consider you his proxy, since he also has never allowed me back in. :wink: Yes, I don't believe my INTJ liked me breaking up with him at all.

That being said, being on the receiving end of this behavior I can assure you that the message is loud and clear to the recipient. It tortured me. It was a shock to my body. It felt like I was like an addict going cold turkey all of a sudden. But I did learn from it. I unfortunately take quite well to discipline and apparently punishment. :sad: