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Can men and women be..."just friends"?

  • Yes!

    Votes: 71 69.6%
  • No!

    Votes: 7 6.9%
  • only in special circumstances

    Votes: 13 12.7%
  • I'm in a "just friends" relationship

    Votes: 11 10.8%
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Why on earth couldn't they? If the sexual attraction argument is brought into it, then let's assume both the man and the woman are homosexual. There, men and women can now be friends to close-minded people.
 

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Well, yeah, if my female friends are in relationship with someone else then that would work out. :D
 

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MOTM September 2012
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Why wouldn't it work out? I have male friends, but keep in mind I'm a "gamer chick" who isn't an "e-whore" who plays video games (primarily) with married men. And if the wives hear me make a snappy comment while talking during a game, I seem to win brownie points with the wife.
 

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MOTM June 2011
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To answer this question like I have many times before:

This is a heteronormative question assuming that all males and all females are heterosexual and thus being heterosexual will always be attracted to the opposite sex. It forgets to add in homosexuals, bisexuals, pansexuals, and whatever other orientations one may be. If this held any water, bisexuals would want to fuck each and every one of their friends which really wouldn't work for most groups of friends. As for pansexuals, we won't even get into that.

As I've stated before, just because someone shares the biological sex OR gender identity that you prefer does not automatically mean you are going to be sexually attracted to them. If you have a preference for red hair, it does not mean each and every person with red hair you may know is on your to-do list. Humans and their sexuality are not that easy to pinpoint. People are capable of maintaining platonic friendships with those of their preferred sex/gender identity.

I have plenty of male friends, I have plenty of female friends, even if I'm attracted to some people of their sex/gender identity, it does not mean I can't possibly maintain a platonic friendship with them. Anyone who cannot maintain non-sexual friendships with others based on their sex/gender have issues.

Unless like, they're into that kind of thing. Then just stay away from them if that's not what you like.
 

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Definitely, obviously there may or may not be that phase of attraction questioning at the start but why not, sounds too much like asking if someone would sleep with the first person they saw! Depends really, if friendship needs less emotional or intellectual compatibility at times, then again some people can have the '1 off fling' and carry on as normal depends upon the individuals involved.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
There seems to be some hostility toward this thread, an toward me for posting it, which I find very confusing.

First off...some posts are missing, but they show up in my email, so maybe you all can't see them.

If people post on this topic a lot, perhaps it's a topic that interests people and they want to learn other people's views on the subject so they can continue to grow and learn from other people who have already gained more insight into this area. Hence the reason people ask a question and a reason other people post their responses. Receiving knowledge and passing it on to others seems to be a main point of PerC.

@Fizz & @skycloud86
As I stated earlier, please feel free to remove the thread (your member status and sparkly name indicates to me that you far out rank me in ability and knowledge on how to go about this). I did not post this thread to make your life unpleasant in anyway, I had no foreknowledge that you would be in any way, even slightly annoyed by my posting this thread. I have already contacted @NekoNinja by PM and asked him to remove the thread so that it wouldn't further annoy anyone, but I have not received a reply.

Final comment...I am very well aware of my need to gain knowledge about broken personalites, healthy personalities, and how to go from broken to healthy so that I may grow to be a benefical person in this world and not an annoy drain to anyone. I have found PerC to be a place to gain much knowledge in this area and also healing. I simply wish to be allowed the opportunity to continue learning in this forum, and be given the grace I need to learn from my mistakes.

Peace
 

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The problem is that we have numerous threads about the same subjects. If people really want to discuss such a subjective and, I mean no offence here, simplistic topic, then perhaps we can have one thread in this subforum and sticky it?

The topic itself assumes that all men are the same, and all women are the same, and that any contact between the two has to be either sexual, or eventually turning sexual. It assumes that we are all heterosexual, that we are all sexual (as opposed to asexual), that we are all cisgendered, and it also assumes that human beings are prisoners of their own instincts, with no possibility that men and women can either control those instincts, or not be so influenced by them.

As for the thread, I can't remove it as I am not a moderator. I used to be, but resigned that position last year.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
The problem is that we have numerous threads about the same subjects. If people really want to discuss such a subjective and, I mean no offence here, simplistic topic, then perhaps we can have one thread in this subforum and sticky it?

The topic itself assumes that all men are the same, and all women are the same, and that any contact between the two has to be either sexual, or eventually turning sexual. It assumes that we are all heterosexual, that we are all sexual (as opposed to asexual), that we are all cisgendered, and it also assumes that human beings are prisoners of their own instincts, with no possibility that men and women can either control those instincts, or not be so influenced by them.

As for the thread, I can't remove it as I am not a moderator. I used to be, but resigned that position last year.
Well at least this is a more constructive post than the last ones you and @Fizz posted (and are now mysteriously deleted).
Again...Contact the moderators and ask them to delete this thread since it bothers you.
Ask them also to help keep all the other, more ignorant people, who have not reach your high level of understanding, to never post stupid questions/threads/polls/ or posts that force you to read and reply to them, causing you unnessasary annoyance. I've already tried to have it deleted.
 

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I don't see anything wrong with this thread, and unless the OP wants it closed there really aren't any issues here (sorry @ruth2ten but we can't delete entire threads.) I wouldn't worry much about people making repeat threads, and I'm not sure why people are making such a big fuss here. It's fine to give advice to try and check if a thread has been posted recently in the past, especially if someone is new. But there is no reason to make such a big fuss over it. It's not that big of a deal people. If it's a topic you have seen before you don't have any obligation to read it or respond.
 

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Ask them also to help keep all the other, more ignorant people, who have not reach your high level of understanding, to never post stupid questions/threads/polls/ or posts that force you to read and reply to them, causing you unnessasary annoyance. I've already tried to have it deleted.
Don't assume things I never posted. I wasn't calling anyone ignorant or stupid, but wouldn't it have been easier to search for a thread on this topic?
 

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I don't see anything wrong with this thread, and unless the OP wants it closed there really aren't any issues here (sorry @ruth2ten but we can't delete entire threads.) I wouldn't worry much about people making repeat threads, and I'm not sure why people are making such a big fuss here. It's fine to give advice to try and check if a thread has been posted recently in the past, especially if someone is new. But there is no reason to make such a big fuss over it. It's not that big of a deal people. If it's a topic you have seen before you don't have any obligation to read it or respond.
Perhaps, like I suggested, a thread on this topic can be stickied in this subforum, so that people who want to discuss the topic don't need to make another thread about it.
 

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@ruth2ten

Yes, why not?

Men and men being friends is more hard imo, its easier to be friends with gay people then with guys. Maybe its just me, other guys I have met are boring or I don't get the lingo/attitude of being competitive and I don't care much for typical guy stuff outside of the IT/PC area. (not much to base friendship on)....unless <.< you are TR on the upcoming PS2 beta and you are on my server!
 

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MOTM June 2011
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Well at least this is a more constructive post than the last ones you and @Fizz posted (and are now mysteriously deleted).
Again...Contact the moderators and ask them to delete this thread since it bothers you.
Ask them also to help keep all the other, more ignorant people, who have not reach your high level of understanding, to never post stupid questions/threads/polls/ or posts that force you to read and reply to them, causing you unnessasary annoyance. I've already tried to have it deleted.
I don't know why the posts have been deleted, we haven't been notified as to why. As it has been stated, we have these threads pop up quite frequently. If you go back a couple pages I'm sure you will find one. I don't really see the point of being passive aggressive about this. I often look to make sure I'm not re-posting the same topic in a sub-forum.

I answered your question and you didn't acknowledge that post it seems. OK, I'll save you some time

http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/94984-can-men-women-just-friends.html

That was posted in April this year, third page back. They're in different sub-forums, and plenty more in this sub-forum.
 

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If I can touch her breasts now and then and from each according to his annoyance threshold, to each according to his needs. Keeps the friendship healthy.
 

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I quote from some interesting posts I read on other forums recently on the nature of the sex drive and how to control it:

"That being said, when I've wanted my sex drive to lessen or go away, I've found being very stringent about avoiding any sexual discussion, movies, readings, talk, etc helped by not fanning the flames. I also practiced seeing everyone around me as a sister or brother - a technique I've heard monks and nuns doing. Other than that, just getting older helped."

"I suspect the combination of pressure body contact that triggers release of oxytocin, exercise that trigger endorphins, and the brain activity that triggers serotonin together with genitalia stimulation might work as an unconscious verification that sex has been accomplished. So if you can fake these things simultaneously it might work."

Now, if you're also talking about a relationship that lacks not only sex but also some amount of emotional connection? Probably not. Even many asexuals will feel some sort of emotional connection to others, and sometimes it's specific to sex - heteroasexuality isn't too uncommon. But then again, if one already has a strong connection to a specific person (and it isn't sexually motivated), it may be more unlikely for them to develop another strong connection with another.

Even for sexually active individuals, I think it's still likely for them to be just friends with various members of the preferred sex. It would depend on how strongly they feel about doing someone that already has a significant other, or maybe religious practices. Maybe they just decided themselves that it would be irresponsible to have sex with certain people. All in all, there are a variety of circumstances that could leave two individuals of mutual attraction completely celibate and possibly even emotionally/intellectually distant.
 
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