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On the odd occasion, I come across people who are very interested in hanging out/becoming close with me, despite the fact that we don't "click" as naturally as I do with other people.

Do you believe that it's common for a person to feel a one-way connection: that they might believe you vibe together really well, whereas you do not feel the same?

Or are they aware of the lack of connection, and there's likely another reason or motivation for them persisting?

Furthermore, perhaps they simply don't care about how naturally they get along with someone?
 

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I don't know what this "connection" everyone mentions everywhere is. Not seen it, not felt it, can't fathom to consider it as real.
 

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Plague Doctor
INTJ, 5w4, Ni-T type
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There's a thing I have studied called "assumed closeness". It means exactly what it sounds it means. It happens when a person assumes they're closer to another than they actually are. Some people naturally assume closeness with others and that's just the way they are. It could be misreading social cues or something else entirely.

Perhaps you put off a vibe which makes people feel comfortable, as if they won't be judged at all, and is very tolerant. I know that I have had a few people attempt to get close to me when I just needed to be on a light level with them. For example, one of my daughter's girl friends has a mom who assumes closeness a lot. I had to just tell her straight up that I was a pretty private person and that I'd be happy to talk about the girls, but I don't really do the whole socializing thing the way most people do.
 

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On the odd occasion, I come across people who are very interested in hanging out/becoming close with me, despite the fact that we don't "click" as naturally as I do with other people.

Do you believe that it's common for a person to feel a one-way connection: that they might believe you vibe together really well, whereas you do not feel the same?

Or are they aware of the lack of connection, and there's likely another reason or motivation for them persisting?

Furthermore, perhaps they simply don't care about how naturally they get along with someone?
I've come across this kind of person my whole life, including relatives--close ones, and no amount of "I'm reading" or whatever could dissuade them from trying to get me to engage.

For those types it's a boundary issue, and in my experience, their own were not respected so they don't respect anyone else's, and they're anxious, don't want to think or be alone--have to engage, so tag, you're it.

Then there are the others who have a specific goal, whatever, so many possibilities: To best you; to hook up sexually; to sell you something, and so on.

And finally, the lonely--all ages, disabilities, and usually harmless. They need to connect, period, and if you are not threatening, seem open enough, they'll reach out.

I used to get all the types, and with the last I was most patient.

I still am when I can be, e.g. a former neighbor who is 90, and about a year ago, she started having serious back problems, and medication only helps so much. She used to be very active with her plants, with sewing things, yard work, you name it.

Now, however, she can barely move, has trouble sleeping, feels mentally confused and more.

I used to visit her, sit outside and listen to her stories about growing up, and ask her questions so she could go into another area of her life as I had heard about some again and again.

Since I moved away, and I have my own health problems, when I pass her house (used to, when the weather was OK) I'd consider knocking but think, "She can't get to the door, or not for who knows how long, and she might hurt herself," and "I don't feel like listening today," so I'd just steer clear of the street, and let myself off the hook.

It's normal.

And I noticed you're an sx/so as well as enneagram 9w1: Welcoming "vibe" as some say, I imagine.

Don't lose it; just protect yourself from unwelcome intrusion. (ง︡'-'︠)ง
 

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People tend to assume that I connect with them because I share something about myself that seems personal to them - this happened more to me when I was younger - however once a person reach out to get close with me - that effort is appreciated and I will take the time to get to know them. I have many friends that I don't connect with- but I cared deeply for



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Well, I've had it work both ways. I've had friends/acquaintances that seem more interested in me than I am in them, and I've had friends/acquaintances that I attempted to get closer to where things just didn't seem to click or move forward. I assume what's happening is that the person who is more attracted is seeing some sort of need/desire as fulfilled by the other person, while the other person isn't feeling the same thing. For example:

- I've tended to attract some younger friends who I think saw me as a role model, while I tend to feel sort of childish myself and I wasn't seeking to be a role model in my down time.

- On the other hand, I was drawn to one girl who was a good coworker-friend - we were both very into being "work friends", she would text me to ask if I was working the same shifts and verbalize disappointment if I wasn't - but she never had any interest in doing anything outside of work, while I would have. I suspect this is because at the time I had moved away from my college town and had few friends in the area, while the city we worked in was where she went to college and she had many friends and family around already.

- I have definitely had men read my "kind/friendly/helpful" signals as "I'm into you" when they weren't. Understandable - I usually try to be a warm and accepting person - but never really comfortable, of course.

- I had a high school friend just disappear off the face of the earth for reasons I never understood. One week we were good friends who were going to different colleges but visited each other and regularly messaged each other - the next week she wouldn't answer me on social media - and a month later she disappeared off social media. I haven't heard a peep from her in more than 5 years. I only know she's extant because her sister occasionally mentions her in a post. Still have no idea what happened. Am not bothering asking - no worth in pursuing that.
 
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