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"Can people only be able to love others from first loving themselves?"

  • Yes, of course

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  • No, never

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  • Perhaps

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  • It's tough

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Discussion Starter #1
I'm conflicted about the response myself, let me know what you guys think about this problem.
 

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Well, I've been guilty of caring for people, probably "love," but I don't exactly love myself.

I mean I'm an egotist with a high opinion of myself, and I pound off whenever I feel like it, but I don't think that means I love myself.

Probably what the phrase means is that people who are more-or-less high-functioning, even retards, are able to dispense with the sort of vaseline over the camera lens view of sex partners, and are probably better able to come to like or even love them as a result.

Or, phrased another way, a poor level of self-esteem probably distorts perception and emotion in ways that make relating to people personally difficult.

I wouldn't try to solve that puzzle, if it were me -- love is like sex, it's better to do than to talk about theoretically.
 

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I don't know. I think this is one of those overthinking questions. I don't really love myself. Sometimes I can barely tolerate myself but I am able to love others and they are able to love me back. I have come to the conclusion that other people are able to see things in me that I am not able to see or accept in myself and vice versa.
 

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I believe that you can love someone else without loving yourself.

IMO the issue is that it is nearly impossible to believe that someone else can love you if you can't find any way to love yourself. So you really have to open up the door for self-love first before you can be in love together with someone else... otherwise you will only ever see them as being hurtful, of attacking you and/or abandoning you. But the wonderful thing is that as long as you have a tiny bit of self-love, just enough to allow a little bit of trust and belief that someone could value you and care for you deeply, a partner can teach you more and more ways to love yourself.
 

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No, it's a very loaded statement.

But I think the point of it is that people who "don't love themselves" will fall in "love" (or reject love) for wrong reasons, they will have expectations, their perception won't be accurate, you're more likely to hurt them and yourself.

It's a matter of being secure and aware rather than loving yourself.
 

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Christianity says "love others//your-brother as you (would) love yourself".
Some people can't love others because they don't love themselves
Some can't love others because they ONLY love themselves.

Love, what is love? that is the question.
 

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Christianity says "love others//your-brother as you (would) love yourself".
Some people can't love others because they don't love themselves
Some can't love others because they ONLY love themselves.

Love, what is love? that is the question.
Baby don't hurt memes aside, I don't think there is any concrete definition for such a subjective, abstract construct. What might be love to one person might look like codependency. What look like hate might be love.
 

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Love is truth. Love is always present. Even hate is love.

When you ask this question, you actually mean or must mean something different. Any attitude at all towards anything is love. It can be moral love or chosen as such or immorally scaled, hate and a desire for the death of the other.

There are three forms of love, compassion, passion, and preferences. Whole love is a combination of all three. We feel as if it is Gestalt, and it is. But this is not in denial of love being just those three. That is because what we do not know about the universe is that when those three are combined, the other thing we think is beyond that, 'love' is the result.

If you combine hydrogen and oxygen and carbon into things, you can get lots of different things, depending on the mix. Love and the three components are the same way. Even mixes will resonate love most clearly. But what if there is a lot more passion than there is compassion? What if there is mostly preference and neither of the other two?

Perhaps you are asking one or more of these questions:
1) Can I prefer other if I do not prefer myself?
2) Can I be passionate about others if I am not passionate about myself?
3) Can I be compassionate about others if I ... What, have no compassion?

There you see it. One clear issue to me is that compassion is different. It is different because it asserts a truth not about any 1 person or thing, but about all persons and things at the same time.

If you cannot love everyone, you are not compassionate enough. This can indeed exclude YOU.

You are a part of everyone. Even fairly low levels of compassion relate YOU to others, your value, your space, your worthiness. If you are not compassionate, you are ... immoral. This can result in you choosing not to value either yourself or others. You love becomes not a constant like the universe, but arbitrary. You do not guarantee love when love is nothing but a guarantee. You have chosen evil.
 

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Love is truth. Love is always present. Even hate is love.

When you ask this question, you actually mean or must mean something different. Any attitude at all towards anything is love. It can be moral love or chosen as such or immorally scaled, hate and a desire for the death of the other.

There are three forms of love, compassion, passion, and preferences. Whole love is a combination of all three. We feel as if it is Gestalt, and it is. But this is not in denial of love being just those three. That is because what we do not know about the universe is that when those three are combined, the other thing we think is beyond that, 'love' is the result.

If you combine hydrogen and oxygen and carbon into things, you can get lots of different things, depending on the mix. Love and the three components are the same way. Even mixes will resonate love most clearly. But what if there is a lot more passion than there is compassion? What if there is mostly preference and neither of the other two?

Perhaps you are asking one or more of these questions:
1) Can I prefer other if I do not prefer myself?
2) Can I be passionate about others if I am not passionate about myself?
3) Can I be compassionate about others if I ... What, have no compassion?

There you see it. One clear issue to me is that compassion is different. It is different because it asserts a truth not about any 1 person or thing, but about all persons and things at the same time.

If you cannot love everyone, you are not compassionate enough. This can indeed exclude YOU.

You are a part of everyone. Even fairly low levels of compassion relate YOU to others, your value, your space, your worthiness. If you are not compassionate, you are ... immoral. This can result in you choosing not to value either yourself or others. You love becomes not a constant like the universe, but arbitrary. You do not guarantee love when love is nothing but a guarantee. You have chosen evil.

So in other words...
https://youtu.be/5b3YMp8VRD0
 

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Plus, people who doesn't love themselves can be toxic to people who they choose to love.. Those people tends to be possessive. As they depend their own happiness based on how people will love them. So if they don't love themselves and love people, they will all nothing but people pleasers.

Is people pleasers attractive? No. :(
 

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Plus, people who doesn't love themselves can be toxic to people who they choose to love.. Those people tends to be possessive. As they depend their own happiness based on how people will love them. So if they don't love themselves and love people, they will all nothing but people pleasers.

Is people pleasers attractive?
No. :(
This thread makes me difficult to post, there are so many possibilities and combinations, you nailed it on people who don't love themselves can be toxic, yet some people were trained to love others, to "disappear", to be invisible, to be servants (less than servants) and they can make others very, very happy. Their motivation and goal is the same as pleasers, they are pleasers, but it's on HOW they do it the possibility of being a yes or a no (and sure, it depends on the other half, what are their expectations).

There are some people who suffered a lot but instead of becoming bitter and unable to love others, they are specialist on loving others (and yes they don't love themselves), their motor is trying to get some acceptance, some approval, but yes this is just only a possibility. When I think about it, some of the combinations (possibilities) can lead to codependence.
 

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This thread makes me difficult to post, there are so many possibilities and combinations, you nailed it on people who don't love themselves can be toxic, yet some people were trained to love others, to "disappear", to be invisible, to be servants (less than servants) and they can make others very, very happy. Their motivation and goal is the same as pleasers, they are pleasers, but it's on HOW they do it the possibility of being a yes or a no (and sure, it depends on the other half, what are their expectations).

There are some people who suffered a lot but instead of becoming bitter and unable to love others, they are specialist on loving others (and yes they don't love themselves), their motor is trying to get some acceptance, some approval, but yes this is just only a possibility. When I think about it, some of the combinations (possibilities) can lead to codependence.
I see. Make sense.. Because I'm the opposite part.. I think without these people, i would never feel loved.

I just wonder if they're okay being like that?! I guess it's okay..

Sorry guys for judging you
 

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The understanding of love grants the ability to love which is typically something you start learning in your developing years from how others love or loved you, even treated you in general as well. So, if understanding love comes from learning through observation and practice, it is not necessary for you to love yourself to love another.
 

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"Can people only be able to love others from first loving themselves?"
For whatever is worth**, Christianity says "Love your brother as you love yourself", there are several translations on love, or do, treat, etc.

** I said for what is worth because diff people = diff beliefs, and while Christianity spread over the world, it can mean to many as little as whatever other belief to others-many. Quoting a religion-book doesn't mean it's an absolute truth (while their believers will say so). So to Christians or members of the western society this can mean something (believe it or not), to Asians with diff beliefs can mean as little as "something good to think about".
 

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Discussion Starter #18
For whatever is worth**, Christianity says "Love your brother as you love yourself", there are several translations on love, or do, treat, etc.

** I said for what is worth because diff people = diff beliefs, and while Christianity spread over the world, it can mean to many as little as whatever other belief to others-many. Quoting a religion-book doesn't mean it's an absolute truth (while their believers will say so). So to Christians or members of the western society this can mean something (believe it or not), to Asians with diff beliefs can mean as little as "something good to think about".

Ok, thanks for that idea, I didn't think about that. Do you think someone can love God without loving themself?
 

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Hmm.. I think you must know yourself instead of loving (of course love yourself is allowed).
I know myself, I don't have a self love but I can love other people and vice versa, because I know what I like, what I can support, what I can afford. Simply put, for me, to know is more important than to love.
 

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Depends on what love yourself means. If it means the knowledge to put yourself first when others may not be serving your best interest I don't see why one would emphasize that in a quest to love another. It seems like that part would have to be suppressed so that you can make room for another person. That's one of the phrases I don't like, "I'm with you because I want to be with you." To me that just sounds like a flimsy foundation. People will call it more authentic or healthier compared to being possessive, but it also sounds really weak to me. I know nobody really "needs" someone else like a possessive person, but the word choice just bothers me.
 
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