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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The age old question - can women and men just be friends or will one side try to move the relationship into a more intimate one?
 

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Pretty silly. Imagine I'm friends with, say, a 60 year old woman (i.e. twice my age). Unless that woman is Madonna, it's unlikely sex will be involved. So, the answer is: at least in many circumstances, yes.
 

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Yes, I've had male friends who weren't romantically attracted/attractive to me. It works just fine.

I have also been friends with guys who were attracted/attractive to me, but usually not both at the same time. One of my male friends was so in love with me that he would literally start shaking all over if my knee accidentally brushed up against his while we were conversing. When I hugged him, he was nearly overwhelmed by it. I've felt that way before about a male friend who didn't want me, to the point where I was doing creepy, crazy sacrificial things to symbolize my desperation and desire.

Even when there was this kind of sexual/romantic tension, it didn't detract from the value of the friendships, and in some ways actually enhanced them by making us more emotionally open with each other.

I'm in one of those kinds of friendships now, where unrequited desire makes me more capable of sharing my authentic, unhidden self with him, as an act of submission. Knowing that I am not likely to judge him negatively for talking about his feelings has helped him be more open with me, as well. This has been psychologically beneficial for both of us.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Pretty silly. Imagine I'm friends with, say, a 60 year old woman (i.e. twice my age). Unless that woman is Madonna, it's unlikely sex will be involved. So, the answer is: at least in many circumstances, yes.

I see your point but intimacy doesn't need to involve sex. Can you see that an older woman might be interested in a younger man?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
The age old question - can women and men just be friends or will one side try to move the relationship into a more intimate one?
Can they be friends without one person trying to have a more intimate relationship?

I work closely with a gay man and a lesbian woman and I have never had any feelings towards them but that is just me. This question was posed to all the types not just an INTJ (me).
 

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It's hard to answer. There are many variables.
For example, if one thinks that the other is attractive either physically or in some other characteristic, then they will probably always have this niggling question in their mind of "what if". Then the appearance of a perfectly platonic friendship could be hindered by a jealous spouse/ SO. Also, perhaps some types are more prone to getting attached to others and some are more able to keep it platonic.

And the thing is people might think that they always behave appropriately with their friend, but there is the aspect of time spent which equates to intimacy. Lot's of time spent alone with a friend of the opposite sex is bound to stir some kind of intimacy up, even if it is unspoken.

Even if there is absolutely no attraction, I think you have to be careful of how much priority you give that person compared to your SO, that you don't inadvertantly show your SO that this friend is more important to you. If you can balance it out and your SO is okay with the time you spend with that friend then I guess it could work out for some people. Of course I can only see it from the viewpoint of one is married.

Just my humble opinion... that of a person who loves people! For crying out loud :confused:, how am I going to be very objective when it comes to relationships of any kind? lol.
 

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I'd go insane if I couldn't be just friends with any women. It's a relief to be able to hang out with one without feeling any kind of sexual tension.
I understand that. I find sometimes that it is easier to talk to a guy because there aren't half as many dramas and mind games usually. Women can be bitchy at times, jealousy or something maybe. Growing up with two older brothers I found I related better with guys as friends, ....until the awkward age started.

I find as a married person I have alot of male friends who are part of a couple and my husband is equally friends with them. My husband got jealous of a friendship I had a couple of years ago and the last thing I want to do is make him feel less important to me so I am careful now with how much interaction I have with single male friends.

In the past I have often had 'friends' who I have later found wanted to be more than friends with me. I lost a fabulous friend this way years ago. I was so gutted because we had the same brand of humour (sarcasm) and we just laughed so much together, but I wasn't sexually attracted to him in the least. After he announced his feelings and i said I didn't see it the same way, he left the friendship.
 

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Of course. Any two human beings, given the right circumstances and attitudes, can be friends. Why should gender interfere? It's not like we desperately need to reproduce to save our species or anything. Some instincts are hard to stifle, of course, but our minds are still mostly in control of things, which, if used the right way by both parties, can make such a friendship not only mutually beneficial, but also very loyal and true.

Most of my friends are guys, and I'm loving it. :)
 

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In the past I have often had 'friends' who I have later found wanted to be more than friends with me. I lost a fabulous friend this way years ago. I was so gutted because we had the same brand of humour (sarcasm) and we just laughed so much together, but I wasn't attracted to him in the least. After he announced his feelings and i said I didn't see it the same way, he left the friendship.

Exactly what I'm going through.

But @topic,

C'mon now really?
Sure its possible, I have some examples but I really need to sleep now..zzzzzzzz
 

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I can definitely be friends with guys and not have it go much further. Once they are in "friend zone", they pretty much remain there for me. However, some of my guy friends have had a problem staying in their box.
 
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Of course. I don't care about gender as long as we're similar in regards to interests. Hell, the thought of dating one of my opposite gender friends scares the shit out of me.
 

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The age old question - can women and men just be friends or will one side try to move the relationship into a more intimate one?
Sure, I have a very close male friend. We act as if we are brother and sister. Not long ago, his new girlfriend asked, "You two are like brother and sister, right?" I almost fell off my chair. I didn't realize just how close we were until his new girl asked me that question. I responded without hesitation while playfully slapping him on the shoulder, "Yeah, he acts just like a big brother too!" This male friend and I are intimate without any type of sexual inuendo. I know & understand him and vice versa.
 
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I can definitely be friends with guys and not have it go much further. Once they are in "friend zone", they pretty much remain there for me. However, some of my guy friends have had a problem staying in their box.
Several of you mentioned that your guy friends did try to move the friend boundary so maybe the women don't have an issue but this is mainly a guy issue.
 

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Yes, I had a good friend for a long time. Neither one of us found each other attractive in any way but we were very close for a long time. It's possible.
 

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My older sister asked me the same question a few days ago. She believes that it cannot be. I personally don't see why it could not be. I can think of dozens of examples...
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
My older sister asked me the same question a few days ago. She believes that it cannot be. I personally don't see why it could not be. I can think of dozens of examples...
If you get a chance ask your sister why she feels the way she does.
 
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