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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It's something that I have swished around my head long enough that I've decided to ask it on here. I mean, I THINK im happy, to my knowledge. I FEEL happy, in a general, everyday sense. However, the thing is that ever since I have, or at least thought, (that I) battled out of depression there has always been something that's just "there." Even if It seems that I'm having the time of my life, that there was always something in the back of my head, even if It felt microscopic, that something just wasn't really right with everything. I thought for awhile that this was normal, that It was a part of living, but after a long period of thinking I'm starting to come to a possibility that I might not really be as happy as I thought I was.

How to explain the feeling? Well, let's see if I can :p.

It's kinda like defeating some great evil a long time ago (I'm listening to Blind Guardian, so your getting a fantasy description.) And, for a long time, the land was in a state of seemingly constant happiness. Sure, it had it's bad days, but for the most part it was going great for the kingdom. Yet, the evil left some sort of...arch...where it died where the whole land could see it, even if it's so distant. It's there, and the people know it. They just didn't know what it exactly was. However, the arch always had some strange magic is felt from it. They could, hear things, when they went near it. Some even reported to have saw things, but people just thought they were crazy. The kingdom are trying for the most part to forget about the arch, but it's too hard. The sound is getting louder, the feeling is too great to be ignored and sightings are being reported constantly. People might be figuring out what that arch really is...there worst nightmare...a portal. Of course, the kingdom isn't sure of this idea, but the idea is becoming increasingly popular...with more evidence to back up for it every single day.

Well, that was an interesting way to write about my mental state as of this moment. Good job Waffle, Great job *pats on back.*

So, any thoughts?
 

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What is even more astounding, is that rather than tricking yourself to be happy, you can actually make a choice to be happy! :O

People get it backwards. They live by their feelings. Feelings are nonsense. Live by your decisions and the feelings follow along.

If you make a choice to be happy, and never let circumstances change your mind, you end up feeling happy all the time.
 

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I think I relate to this, that something is just "there".
Although I've never been diagnosed, I'm pretty sure I've had mild depression (it actually got pretty bad this semester) and I don't think it ever completely goes away. (If it's not actually depression, than it's at least the lack of happiness.) But most of the time, it's also like it's not there. Last year, in particular, I felt happy in general. This year (especially last semester), was also good. It's really hard to explain, but something being there is a good way to describe it. Maybe it's this dissatisfaction with your life but being also being satisfied enough/ okay with it (and loving yourself) too. I'm a pretty positive person in general and easy to make happy, so that helps a lot. Sooo hard to explain.
 

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Happiness is not a choice, it's a feeling and a state of being.

You can trick others into thinking you're happy, you can hide your darkest emotions behind a curtain, you can choose to disregard the way you feel but the 'happiness' you'll obtain from that behavior is just a lie, a shallow dream that will only give you more grief, anger and feelings of inadequacy. No matter what, you can't be happy if you're just pretending, it's not real.

Pain can be terrifying but pain is good for you, it feeds your essence, your creativity, your identity. Negative emotions are needed to eviscerate any kind of problem, to understand yourself and the ways you're flaws and weak in order to mover forward and turn them into a strength. Pain should never be erased as it gives you priceless opportunity for self growth and it's just a part of you, of your humanity.

Apathy however... I'd rather feel horrible than feel nothing.
I'm hitting a very apathetic stage and I hate it with every fiber of my being.

There can't be light without shadows and knowing misery only makes genuine happiness and personal victories all the more intense. But I'd also see a therapist if this depression has been lasting for a long period of time and it's tearing you apart, as much as I dislike meds and therapy myself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
What is even more astounding, is that rather than tricking yourself to be happy, you can actually make a choice to be happy! :O

People get it backwards. They live by their feelings. Feelings are nonsense. Live by your decisions and the feelings follow along.

If you make a choice to be happy, and never let circumstances change your mind, you end up feeling happy all the time.
I agree for the most part, but I don't think you can "control" your emotions just like that. You might herd them, like cattle, for sure. But if a cow wants to be free, its going to run off.

This may be the premise for cognitive behavioral therapy.
I appreciate the concern, I really do, but I don't think that I have trouble understanding what I feel exactly. Maybe it's more of questioning that if the happiness I have is at it's average niche. I appreciate it though, and will think about this.

Maybe it's this dissatisfaction with your life but being also being satisfied enough/ okay with it (and loving yourself) too. I'm a pretty positive person in general and easy to make happy, so that helps a lot. Sooo hard to explain.
I get what your saying, and I think this is actually one of the key parts of this feeling. I can see so many roads ahead of me, ones that I can grasp very easy, it would seem like. But I'm just trying to claw though the dirt trying to get them, and it's not fun for the most part. Definitely resonate with this, thank you. Reminds me of some philosopher, forgot his name, who basically said that life sucks, life can REALLY suck, but at this time, you should passively rebel against your status. Fighting against it, but being content with it at the same time. I don't know if it exactly correlates with the topic, but it connects somehow. Can't really explain it.

Happiness is not a choice, it's a feeling and a state of being.

You can trick others into thinking you're happy, you can hide your darkest emotions behind a curtain, you can choose to disregard the way you feel but the 'happiness' you'll obtain from that behavior is just a lie, a shallow dream that will only give you more grief, anger and feelings of inadequacy. No matter what, you can't be happy if you're just pretending, it's not real.

Pain can be terrifying but pain is good for you, it feeds your essence, your creativity, your identity. Negative emotions are needed to eviscerate any kind of problem, to understand yourself and the ways you're flaws and weak in order to mover forward and turn them into a strength. Pain should never be erased as it gives you priceless opportunity for self growth and it's just a part of you, of your humanity.

Apathy however... I'd rather feel horrible than feel nothing.
I'm hitting a very apathetic stage and I hate it with every fiber of my being.

There can't be light without shadows and knowing misery only makes genuine happiness and personal victories all the more intense. But I'd also see a therapist if this depression has been lasting for a long period of time and it's tearing you apart, as much as I dislike meds and therapy myself.
Thank you for the words. I have over this year found a certain "beauty" in sadness when it comes, it can really bring out the positive side of you, even more than happiness can in some cases. Definitely see what your saying.

And again, I don't think my possible depression is "severe," but it is definitely something that is just...there. I know I say that a lot, but it's really hard to describe it. It's like, there's no "force" tugging me a certain way or some sort of taking over of my being. It reminds me of when I did have mild depression, in a sense, but it's just...stationary. It just sits in the very back of my head. Seemingly not doing anything at all but it's presence is just...there.
 

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Even if It seems that I'm having the time of my life, that there was always something in the back of my head, even if It felt microscopic, that something just wasn't really right with everything.

So, any thoughts?
What if that's just your own awareness of how fragile the balance for happiness is? So, you constantly monitor to make sure you're on the happy side knowing very well what the dark side is like.

You're not fully embracing every moment because you're scared to give in and find out "oh shit, I messed up and now I'm back in depression."

But happy or happiness isn't defined by one value, is it? There's different degrees of happiness. If you're questioning whether or not you're truly happy, maybe it's just you having other desires or goals you haven't fulfilled/achieved yet.

Seems like you still have time.
 
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Happiness is not a choice, it's a feeling and a state of being.
If you choose to look at the happy side of things all the time your brain or physiological response should follow suit. It just takes time to reprogram new habits and optimize your brain for that 'frequency'.

But I think it's very unhealthy(if you're not properly dealing with serious underlying issues) because you have the potential to regress at any point and be even more screwed.

Although, at least you lived the last x amount of years in ignorant bliss and if you die before that regression... who cares?

 
Except for that part of you that is ever knowing.
 

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Although, at least you lived the last x amount of years in ignorant bliss and if you die before that regression... who cares?

 
Except for that part of you that is ever knowing.
I care. That ever knowing part of me cares a lot.

If I'm not feeling happy, there's no reason for me to lull my brain into a false sense of positivity.
I'll take the pain and I'll take the hurt, it's my own feelings and I might not express them or hang them out for the world to see but I don't suppress them. Being true to your negative feelings is vital to grow.
 

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Happiness is not a choice, it's a feeling and a state of being.
Pain can be terrifying but pain is good for you, it feeds your essence, your creativity, your identity. Negative emotions are needed to eviscerate any kind of problem, to understand yourself and the ways you're flaws and weak in order to mover forward and turn them into a strength.
I cannot agree enough with this. There is a sort of beauty and meaning in pain that you cannot discover anywhere else. It makes you feel so alive when you approach it from a positive (can't think of the right word) viewpoint, just willing to experience and grow. With each challenge, you get to discover and understand so much about yourself, experience the lesser known sides of yourself. There is some type of duality to it. You feel the negative emotions, which you just want them to go away, but there is also this beauty about discovering yourself, introspecting, finding new perspective, finding inspiration, and just living life.

Of course, there is also beauty in loving and being happy (which you should try to find), but my point is to turn that sadness and your struggles into something that can help you. Take advantage of it, to help you get closer to where you want to be. Turn something negative into something positive.

I don't know if im making much sense right now (I'm not very good at explaining things like this), and I'm very tired. But basically, it is nice to embrace pain sometimes.

I get what your saying, and I think this is actually one of the key parts of this feeling. I can see so many roads ahead of me, ones that I can grasp very easy, it would seem like. But I'm just trying to claw though the dirt trying to get them, and it's not fun for the most part. Definitely resonate with this, thank you. Reminds me of some philosopher, forgot his name, who basically said that life sucks, life can REALLY suck, but at this time, you should passively rebel against your status. Fighting against it, but being content with it at the same time. I don't know if it exactly correlates with the topic, but it connects somehow. Can't really explain it.
I agree with what you are saying too.
I can see so many roads ahead of me, ones that I can grasp very easy, it would seem like. But I'm just trying to claw though the dirt trying to get them, and it's not fun for the most par
Exactly. This is my problem too.
It's funny. You know, whatever you are dealing with can only get better from now on. But getting there is the problem, because you live in the present, not future. If you are never satisfied, then it doesn't matter how much better it can be because everything you do is for the present (even if it's a future present.) Life really does suck. No matter what age you are at, what status you have, etc., there is always going to be pain. But that is why you have to be satisfied. Be happy with the little, everyday things that bring you happiness. But since it can get better with time,"you should passively rebel against your status. Fighting against it, but being content with it at the same time". Be satisfied enough, but remember there is better. Even if it won't ever be perfect, you can get to a better state. I know, a bit contradictory, but it is about finding a balance. Don't get stuck where you are now, but don't get too caught up in the future that you neglect yourself now.
 

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The opposite of depression is not gaiety, it is the ability to recognize and express spontaneous feelings of all sorts. Suppressing so-called ‘bad’ feelings leads to depression. Let it out: tears, anger, all of it. Go slow. Good luck.

 

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Some people sort of fall in love with being sad. After I got diagnosed and treated for depression I still liked being that way. I used to be that way till I really got fed up with where it took me. Gradually (mostly because of my exposure in college) I began to be more sure of myself and stuff and things got better (nothing changed except my mentality). The experiences you have may help to mold your view into something more positive (if you''re ready to become positive). Although sometimes there is an imbalance that can only be cured with ~professional~ help. You are the only person who knows what is what. Oh and to answer your question; I don't really think you can trick yourself. You know what's up. Unless there's some trauma or repression. Either way, when in doubt; therapy.
 

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Happiness is not a choice, it's a feeling and a state of being.

You can trick others into thinking you're happy, you can hide your darkest emotions behind a curtain, you can choose to disregard the way you feel but the 'happiness' you'll obtain from that behavior is just a lie, a shallow dream that will only give you more grief, anger and feelings of inadequacy. No matter what, you can't be happy if you're just pretending, it's not real.

Pain can be terrifying but pain is good for you, it feeds your essence, your creativity, your identity. Negative emotions are needed to eviscerate any kind of problem, to understand yourself and the ways you're flaws and weak in order to mover forward and turn them into a strength. Pain should never be erased as it gives you priceless opportunity for self growth and it's just a part of you, of your humanity.

Apathy however... I'd rather feel horrible than feel nothing.
I'm hitting a very apathetic stage and I hate it with every fiber of my being.

There can't be light without shadows and knowing misery only makes genuine happiness and personal victories all the more intense. But I'd also see a therapist if this depression has been lasting for a long period of time and it's tearing you apart, as much as I dislike meds and therapy myself.
Wow. That was so thoughtful and poetic, I almost wish I was in emotional pain. Almost.


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Indeed, wise words from Hottie. You can't just "decide" to be happy. Unless you're like some Shaolin Yogi Alchemist or something. I've discovered you CAN choose peace.....IF you have some alone time AND know how to meditate. Even if all the shit in my life seems fucked, I can clear my head with some meditation, or a run, or some intense exercise. But I digress.

Reminds me of some philosopher, forgot his name, who basically said that life sucks, life can REALLY suck, but at this time, you should passively rebel against your status. Fighting against it, but being content with it at the same time. I don't know if it exactly correlates with the topic, but it connects somehow. Can't really explain it.

Probably a lot of philosophers, but that's pretty much Buddhism in a nutshell. First Noble Truth is that life blows. I won't get into it, but the idea is to stay equanimous throughout all experiences. Neither craving/clinging to good times/feelings nor being averse to bad stuff. Still embracing both (sound tricky? it is, but doable). That shit takes practice, "peace" is quite literally a skill, in my experience. Techniques. Not some abstract, "Ok 3, 2, 1 I'm at peace!!!! Serenity Now!!!!"

Anyway didn't mean to go the eastern route here, but it does sound like you're either mildly depressed, and maybe in denial of it because you got over a big round of it and were quite happy. Or perhaps slipping into apathy (depression and apathy, a lot of overlap) Most people that get clinical depression once (diagnosed or not) they need to be on guard for it to come again. Winston Churchill called his frequent bouts of depression his "Black Dog."

Happiness is also a skill, I think. And different people go about it in different ways. Everyday's a bit of a fight, don't get complacent. Being engaged, being useful, and feeling alive, whatever that is for you, work on doing that every single day. Developing good habits and routines will make life seem like less of a struggle. It definitely doesn't have to be, but sometimes it is.

Just don't get sucked back in, homie. The pit is bottomless.
 
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